who: Finn & Poe Dameron when: This morning where: The Dameron Ranch Kitchen. What: Finn & Poe finally catch-up with everyone else and get a dump load of memories overnight. warnings: Nothing that I can think of? status: complete.
When Finn woke up that morning, he hadn’t been expecting to wake up with new memories. He was pretty sure that no one expected it, though. He’d seen how it happened to other people, how it happened back in Chicago. One day you just woke up with new memories and there wasn’t really a backspace button to fix it. Not that he felt that he wanted to go back, exactly. The memories weren’t all bad. There was definitely some bad, but there was some good, too. It was just that the memories came with as many questions as answers. Especially regarding things with Rose. He felt like he didn’t really know her, but suddenly they were kissing? After that, waking up next to Poe made him feel slightly awkward. More because his brain was still readjusting to the information. So he’d gotten up and taken Pilot out for a morning run.
When he got back, he didn’t immediately return to their room. Instead, he started making coffee, smiling a little to himself each time that Pilot pressed his nose against his hand. There were at least some things that never changed. Pilot still was unreasonably good at making him feel better. He started to make breakfast, just simple eggs and bacon, but he figured this way when Poe woke up, there’d be food.
There'd been that sick feeling in his throat when he woke up. The same feeling he'd gotten when he'd talked to Leia, and to Amilyn. It wasn't that Poe was completely unaware of where his actions had led them, but being aware of it, and living it was something completely different. When he turned over, he realized that Finn wasn't there.
He frowned, turned over, and then pulled himself out of bed.
For a moment he stared into space and then he shook his head, reached for a t-shirt, and headed towards the kitchen He could smell bacon - or he thought he could - and when he stepped into the kitchen, there was Finn standing at the stove making food.
"Hey," he stepped forward and reached for Finn's hand. "You're cooking."
Finn was lost in his thoughts when he heard the sound of Poe’s voice. It took him a moment to react, but the feeling of the hand on his made him pause and look over. “Yeah,” he said after a moment. He figured that wasn’t exactly very...helpful, so he added, “I woke up early. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I took Pilot out for a run and decided to start breakfast.” It still didn’t really explain everything, but he was trying to figure out exactly how to explain himself.
“Did you - Have you - Hoth’s cold.” He figured that if Poe knew what he was talking about, he’d figure out what he meant. Maybe it was the stupidest comment ever, but he wanted to see how Poe reacted before he got further. He could still think of everything that had happened. “Also probably I should thank Rose for stopping me from killing myself. Or I would, but she’s not here.”
Poe glanced up at that, how did Finn know Rose? But then it hit him, almost as quickly as he had the thought. The early morning run, the now fixing breakfast, it all felt like a distraction - the sort of distraction that Poe could really use himself.
He stepped forward and shook his head, heading towards the coffee maker. "Is it too early to start drinking?" He asked Finn. "Cause I think I could use one."
Everything that had happened - it hadn't been good. He'd made some definite errors of judgement and people had died. In all reality he wondered that Leia hadn't smacked him when she'd first seen him.
Finn felt the hint of a smile, but then it slipped away. “I remember there being breakfast drinks. Mimosas and things. Do we even have anything? I guess you could mix something in your coffee.” He didn’t really drink a lot, but he was wondering if it wouldn’t at least make things a little less stressful. He sighed, continuing to cook.
Once he was done, he put the food onto plates and put everything on the table. “I’ve never had one of these things. I haven’t even gotten older and come back from the future back in Chicago. It’s happened to other people. They would wake up and be from the future and sometimes they remembered it and sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes people’s future kids showed up.” A pause. “It’s definitely a lot more exhausting than I imagined it would be.”
"I don't think I have champagne," Poe shook his head with a chuckle. "But there might be something we could slide in the coffee." He rarely drank after noon, really, and it felt as if honestly, the destruction of so much of the resistance fleet, which was at least partially his fault, Amilyn's death, drinking before noon was warranted.
He fixed the coffee, added a bit of whiskey, a tablespoon of sugar, and some cream, and put two mugs on the table as Finn finished up the food. "I feel like I've lived all of it, which is a lot to have worked through in one night," he added. Especially under the circumstances. He sat down and reached for the coffee. "I really managed to fuck things up."
Finn looked over at Poe quietly for a moment. “Well, I was kind of in a coma for most of it until I wasn’t. But I was also part of whatever happened. I could have told you no, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I was just thinking about Rey and me.” And how he wanted to make sure she was safe and that he was safe. He hadn’t meant to be part of the Resistance. He wanted to keep himself safe and keep Rey safe. He’d known it meant leaving Poe behind, but Poe was part of the Resistance and Finn knew he’d never leave.
But things changed. He’d changed. The Resistance, for all he kept trying to be free of it, was the reason he’d changed. He’d stood up to Phasma, he’d beat Phasma. He looked down. “But we’ve probably both fucked up a bit. A lot.” He reached over to take Poe’s hand. “At least we can do better from here.” He smiled a little
"Well, some of it you were," Poe looked over at Finn, but then he looked down at the hands between them. He supposed Finn was right, and it wasn't as if he could change any of it, even if he wanted to. Even if… it was heavy weight. He reached for the coffee with his free hand and took a sip. "I wish I knew if I'll be a better leader in the future than I was then."
“I really hope so. Otherwise we’ll have to overthrow you and get some other hot shot pilot to lead us to victory.” Finn gave him a small smile. “I’m sorry it’s a lot of heavy stuff, though.” He wasn’t sure what there was to say. They were in the middle of a war. There was so much going on. “There’s a lot of stuff going on. Like that asshole that betrayed us. And fucking Phasma.” He made a face at that. “Do you think we’ll be okay? I mean, I guess we can’t really know, but...I just hope we’ll make it out okay. I mean, we’ve made it out of a lot of scrapes and I almost died twice at least and that’s after waking up from a coma where I almost died. So three times?”
Poe managed a smile at Finn's words, even though it was definitely no laughing matter. He squeezed Finn's hand as he considered the questions. They couldn't really know could they? There was no way of knowing what would come and so far as he could tell Leia was about the same place they all were. He wondered if there was anything behind that? Some sort of giant clock that said 'here, but no further' for every person from a certain galaxy.
"I think we've got hope, and we've got Leia," he said quietly. "She's done a lot with very little, and there are a lot of people out there in the galaxy who have different ideas - who want something that's better than what the First Order could offer."
The smile, small at it was, was enough to make him feel like he’d helped maybe a little. Not entirely, but in some small way. That was really all he could do in the end. Just be there and try a little. He wished he could know what would happen all the same. Would more time pass and more information be revealed again? Would he wake up with new memories? He’d been quite a while without any update and now this.
“Yeah. You’re right.” If nothing else, they had Leia and the show of Skywalker’s had helped. Maybe they could get word out, maybe people he’d known would see and come to their side. He’d understand if they never chose a side, though. After everything he wasn’t sure he’d have chosen a side. “I hope that we manage something and that people will be willing to help us.” He let out a sigh. “Do you want to do anything after breakfast? We could watch movies or get out of the house and do something. If you need something else to focus on.”
One of the strangest bits of being in this place was not having any control over home at all. Poe felt like he wanted to move forward to try to rebuild the Resistance, but more importantly to help the galaxy move towards freedom - which they had to want. It couldn't be something that only a few of them wanted - could it? It was a question he couldn't answer here, or at least, he couldn't solve here.
He reached for Finn's hand. "Let's go up for a while, take Pilot with us maybe, see if he can handle it." Flying was about the best thing he could think of for the moment.
Finn nodded at the suggestion. They’d been talking about it for a while, but it hadn’t happened so far. “I think it would be good.” He took a few sips of his coffee and tried not to think too hard about everything with Rose. “Plus, getting up in the air always helps. Unless it’s like the air you’re trying to escape.” He looked at Poe then and offered him another small smile, but it bordered on apologetic. “Let’s finish breakfast and then we can get Pilot and go flying.”
"It's a plan," Poe said softly. There would be time to talk to Rey and Leia later.