WHO: Johanna Mason and John Murphy WHEN: April 27th WHERE: Johanna's house and the gas station WHAT: Johanna thought she might be pregnant, they go for a walk, "off screen" sexy things happen, then they come back and go to sleep. Johanna wakes Murphy up in the middle of the night demanding morphling. He calms her down. That's been a theme. WARNINGS: Language, implication of sexual situations, drug addiction talk, and a side of fluff. STATUS: gdoc, finished
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Johanna walked idly through the town, watching people go about their lives. It was something she did in Seven when she was bored of everything. She liked to pick out certain people and make up stories about them. Their were usually sordid or morbid. Her eyes flipped from her phone to a woman unloading groceries. The baby sitting in the front of her shopping cart made Johanna roll her eyes and turn around, walking back to where she came from.
She felt stupid for being careless, for not getting all the information about her health before carrying on with Murphy. Then she felt even worse for not telling him sooner she was worried. Johanna thought she knew Murphy pretty well in the short but intense time they were together-- and she thought for the most part, this wasn’t that awful. On the other hand, Murphy was unpredictable and moody sometimes.
The house was easily seen from yards away, and she could vaguely make out Murphy’s shape. He was stooped onto the steps, looking up into the night sky. The porch was big enough for someone to pace around on if they felt the need. She walked up to the house with the soft click-clack sounds of the ends of her shoelaces of her boots, untied and swaying. When she was in hearing distance, she spoke up, “Hey there, slim, you lookin’ for a good time?” Delivered in a deadpan voice, with eyes relaxed and on his.
The sound of her voice brought him to stand up on his feet. Hands brushing out the wrinkles in his pants before shifting his attention to Johanna. “Hey, little lady.” Murphy smirked, slowly closing the space between them. He rested his hands on either side of her hips. That’s where their home was, on the curve of these hips. “Let’s go for a walk?”
Johanna smiled softly at him as he came near and felt the weight of his hands on her hips. It was a steadying, calm feeling. She wanted to kiss him but he mentioned walking, so she clasped one of his hands. Lacing her fingers with his, she gripped and gently swayed her hand between them. With her fingers between his, Murphy subtly squeezed her hand.
She didn’t care if anyone saw her walking around hand-in-hand with Murphy, or if she looked like a big dope doing so. It was soothing, walking in step with him. “Do you want to talk about it, or should we just pretend like nothing’s happening?”
“I’ll talk about it, if you want to talk about it.” He hopped off the last step, tugging her a little in his direction in doing so. Murphy tugged her again, guiding her away from the porch and back towards the sidewalk. He let go of her hand, draping his arm loosely around the back of her shoulders when she was close enough. “If you’d rather pretend everything is fine then I can do that too.” He nudged her closer to him.
His arm fit perfectly over her shoulders and she fit nicely into his side. Johanna leaned her head on his shoulder and looped her arm around his waist. “I’d like to pretend if you don’t mind.” She looked down at their feet and watched their corresponding beat-up boots move in unison.
“Nah.” Murphy shook his head. “I don’t mind at all.” It was something he was good at doing already, pushing things to the back of his mind. They had time, right? They could think about it later.
“I don’t like doctors, is all. I don’t want to have any tests done or take anymore drugs. It’s why I had Annie come with me to get the shot. I was in the hospital for a long time after … when that shit happened to me.”
There was a little pang of guilt that struck him in the heart. He dropped his chin closer to his chest, eyes following their footsteps. “Maybe I should have went with you? I just figured it was a girl thing and Annie knew what she was doing.” The hand that was on her shoulder gave it a gently squeeze. “Maybe the doctor wasn’t clear on what to do?”
Maybe she should have asked Murphy, maybe she thought she needed Annie. She remembered that she went with him, along with several others, for him to get his shot on the boat. “It doesn’t matter now. Already over with, no use in saying should have.” Her reply fit both sets of his words, maybe he should have come, maybe she should have listened better. Murphy knew she was right, talking about the past would just be on wasted breath. “You’re right,” he pointed out, verbally.
“Doctors suck. Always untying your gown, pushing on you, asking what exactly hurts and then telling you it shouldn’t be hurting. Like I’m doing it on purpose.” She wanted to shift the conversation from the now and maybe focus on something she knew the end result of. Something that already happened.
“Some doctors are okay. The kind that care about actually treating you. I can’t say that about all of them. Some are good, some are bad. It’s all subjective.” He shrugged, tipping his chin up so his gaze could peer at the direction they were heading. “Do you want to go to the gas station and get chips or something?”
“They couldn’t do much for me anyway, besides pump me full of painkillers and suture up a few things.” She squeezed his side but lifted her head off his shoulder. “It’s good that I didn’t get hurt since I got here, I don’t want any of these randos taking care of me.” The doctors in Thirteen she knew were at least trained in some sort of way. The displaced of Tumbleweed were a little all over the place.
“Well that’s why I let pirates beat the shit out of me so you don’t have to deal with randos trying to take care of you,” Murphy pointed out, a half smirk curling the edges of his lips.
Johanna let out a soft chuckle, “Yeah, chips and a big can of beer.” As they were walking, she slid her foot in front of his, trying to make him trip.
“I could go for a big can of beer too.” His glance had fell at just the right time, catching her foot cut across his stride. Instead of tripping, he knocked his hip onto hers “I see what you’re doing, asshole.” His smirk had only grown bigger, stepping a foot into her path so she’d trip over it.
She was focusing on trying to trip him again when he turned on her. She stumbled and grabbed Murphy like a drowning cat. Johanna steadied herself on him and then shoved him in the shoulder and Murphy let out a triumphant chuckle. “Quit it, I’ll wrestle you right here in the street.”
Jo pushed him a few more times, patting him on the chest and stomach quickly. “Stop being a bully,” he teased, hitting her again with his hip.
Then she took off running.
“What are you going to do when I catch you,” Murphy shouted and he too was running off. It didn’t take too long before he was hot on her heels, slouched over just slightly. When he was close enough Murphy tossed his arms around her waist, yanking her up into the air. “Gotcha!”
Johanna didn’t run fast, a steady jog while looking over her shoulder. When he grabbed her, she doubled over and grabbed his arms. “We’re playing a deadly game of cat and also cat.” She held onto him, laughing and happy and not thinking of doctors. Murphy was good for distractions of all kinds, Johanna thought.
Murphy couldn’t see her face, but he heard the smile in her laughter and that made him beam with a comforting warmth. “I’m the bigger cat,” he whispered, setting her back down onto the ground.
The gas station was in view from where they stood, tangled in each other. Johanna leaned back against him and asked, “You got any money, String Bean?”
He held her close still, arms around arms. “I got money for chips and beer,” Murphy said, resting his chin atop her head. Slowly Murphy untangled himself, letting his arm slip down her arm until fingers loosely curled around a dainty wrist.
When there was no incoming traffic, Murphy led them across the street to the gas station. The door chimed loudly when Murphy opened it, holding it open for Johanna to slide in first.
Johanna gave him a look, something mixed between confusion and amusement. She noticed every little thing Murphy did for her. It always made her feel so loved and she didn’t know when she started to realize he was for real. Johanna always assumed people wanted something in return.
She walked to the back of the shop with Murphy following in tow and swung open one of the glass doors. She popped back out from behind it and handed a tall can to Murphy. Disappearing again, only to pop back out with another. Johanna started to wander away towards the chips, “They’re going to ID you for this, you have a baby face when you shave.”
He was inspecting the tall boy can of beers. They had them before and Murphy enjoyed the taste. He tucked them carefully under one arm, following Johanna down the snack aisle. “They ID me either way.” He shrugged, plucking a bag of Cheetos from the shelf.
Johanna was scanning the shelf for the orange bag when Murphy grabbed it for her. She wiggled her fingers as she went to take it from his hands. “We can share.” Johanna didn’t normally share food, but Murphy was an exception. She also didn’t want him spending more money on overpriced snacks.
“We are sharing,” Murphy corrected her.
She looped her arm through his-- the one that wasn’t holding the beers, and walked up to the counter. She sat her stuff down and waited for Murphy to pay, watching the little CCTV in the corner. It creeped her out to be on television. From his back pocket, Murphy produced a black leather wallet. Fingers plucked crumpled bills and slid it over to the cashier.
Johanna was right and Murphy got asked to show him his ID.
Once they were out in the parking lot, Johanna took a can and popped it open, spilling a little on her hands. “Goddammit.” She then drank it down fast, walking towards the side of the building, “Mhmm,” she motioned for him to follow.
“Oh, we’re drinking these now?” He popped the top to his canned beer, making a faint fizzing sound. Murphy followed her as he gulped his own beer down, having no clue why they had just slammed their beers in one sitting. With the back of his hand, Murphy wiped his wet lips. “Why aren’t we walking back home.” It was a fair question to ask.
Johanna walked with her head tilted back, one arm lazily hanging at her side, while the other held the beer can to her lips. “Mm,” she motioned to him. Beer dribbled down her arm onto her t-shirt. She went behind the store and tossed her now-empty can into the dumpster a few feet away, actually making it into the bin. “Ha!”
Murphy continued to follow her, gulping down his beer with each step. He only paused or a moment, watching her the empty can into the dumpster. “Aye!” His arms outstretched over his head, one hand still clutched his beer.
She turned on Murphy and took his can from him, sitting it down on the ground, empty or not.
“Hey.” His face scrunched in disapproval. “I wasn’t done with that.”
The bag of snacks were daintily taken as well. Johanna grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shoved him up against the wall, hard enough to make a thud sound. He was taken by surprised of course, it made it easy for Johanna to effortlessly push him in any which way she had wanted; the wall. She kissed him soundly, her mouth still wet from the beer. He kissed her back with no hesitation, both of their lips still wet from the beer they chugged.
“I love you. Thank you for not being weird to me.”
“I love you too.” He smirked, their lips mere inches apart from the other. Now that his arms were free, they snaked around her body to pull her closer to him. “You said not to make it weird so I’m not going to make it weird.” Murphy kissed the corner of her mouth.
“You know what would make it even less weird?” Johanna wasn’t the best at dealing with emotions. She was anxious right now, of possibly screwing up. It could be fixed, but it still made her fearful. And fear? Fear was especially was hard to deal with. Anger was easy. Anger was punching things, anger was crying, anger was saying things she didn’t mean. Fear was a survival tactic for a long time. Fear kept her alive, fear kept her going. But fear also made her freak out and do stupid things. Which is exactly what she was doing.
She slipped her hand between them and went for the fly of his pants. Murphy felt her hand snake between their bodies, fingers teasingly close to the zipper of his pants. She was making eye contact with Murphy when she did, and gave him a mischievous smile. “Just real quick, in the alley, wouldn’t that be hot?” To be fair-- happiness made her stupid too. Happiness made her act out of the ordinary for sure, melting down and reforming as something completely different. Murphy made her happy and scared at the same time.
He offered either end of alleyway a sidelong glance. It was dimly lit, each lamp flickering and making an audible buzzing sound. “Yeah, it would be hot,” Murphy agreed, tongue swiping across his lower lip as he turned his attention back to Johanna.
Isn’t this what got them in their current situation. Was it even a situation? Murphy didn’t want to believe it was one. Johanna may have just been psyching herself up. He couldn’t blame her. They both lived hard lives, nothing good ever came to them much and when it did something bad always had to weasel its way into their lives.
It wasn’t like she could get any more pregnant (if she even was). Murphy nodded his head when he came to a decision. Quickly and smoothly he flipped positions, pinning her against the wall.
---
She quickly yanked her pants back on, her hands at her waist and hopping to get them completely up. Johanna let him do his own clothing adjustments as she walked over to where his beer was sat down. She picked it up and drained the rest of it.
“Hey,” Murphy whined in the background, hastily pulling his boxers and pants up and over his ass. He was walking towards her while zipping up his fly, fingers buttoning his pants without skipping a beat. “I wanted to finish that.” The can was swiped right out of her hand, but there was nothing left for him to drink and so he tossed it into the open lid of the dumpster they passed.
“I hope Rocky and John Jr didn’t set the house on fire,” he whispered into the back of her neck before walking around her with a little beat to his step.
She let out a laugh, even though she went on to tell him, “You’re so stupid.” Johanna shook her head fondly, and reached out for his elbow. “Rocky doesn’t even have hands.” Her face felt hot and the night breeze felt good on her face. “And it’s not like we have candles lighting the place, I don’t know where they’d even get fire.” She was overthinking it, trying to fill the silence. It was intense between them a few moments ago and that had dissipated. It felt strange.
“I was just joking, Johanna,” Murphy murmured, pulling her along by his elbow.
Johanna didn’t talk much on the way back to the house and took off her pants upon entering. She mentioned something about a shower and disappeared for a bit. The night crawled on and eventually, Johanna tucked herself into bed next to Murphy.
Murphy was down to his boxers and comfortably asleep by the time Johanna slipped herself between the blankets. He groaned softly in his sleep, slowly rolling onto his other side so his back faced her.
The night felt so long and there was so much more of it left still. She tried to sleep, rolling away from Murphy as well. She closed her eyes and could feel the heft of an axe in her hands. How heads split open so easily when enough pressure was applied, like logs at first, but then wet and soft.
She fell asleep long enough to have a dream. Murphy was the other boy in District Seven with her. He was killed early in the Games, and Johanna couldn’t protect him. She was too worried about herself. Johanna woke up with tears in her eyes and muscle memory had her getting up out of bed and hitting the floor. Looking under the bed. No, wait, other room. She walked slowly like the living dead to the other bedroom and looked under that bed. Annie and Murphy took it, she forgot.
The sound of her bare feet hitting the floor lured him briefly out of his peaceful slumber. “Johanna, what are yo--” He mumbled, sleep was trying to pull him under again. She left the room and a sleepy Murphy assumed she had just went to the bathroom. He went back to sleep a passing second later.
Johanna was suddenly at Murphy’s side of the bed, shaking him awake. “Murphy. Murphy. Murphy.”
He groaned, letting out an exhale through his nose. “What. What. What.” Murphy looked at her through tired and squinted eyes. “What’s going on?” Tired was leaving him with each passing second and becoming more alert. Soon he was using his elbows to pull himself into a sitting position. “Are you okay?”
“Some of the morphling was missing. Where did you put it? Did you hide any? Did you find all of it?” She knew she had other stashes around the house, but since Murphy moved in, she had changed their places a few times. It took him a moment for his brain to comprehend the words that was firing out of her mouth. Her fingers were still clutching his shoulder even when he sat up. Her fingers pinched enough to hurt, but she didn’t notice.
Her fingers started to pinch a nerve in his shoulder. “Stop squeezing so hard,” he hissed, jerking his shoulder away from her vice grip. Johanna leaned in towards him, still standing but at a slightly off angle. She shook him by the shoulder she still grasped, “C’mon, answer me.”
Murphy gritted his teeth, looking at her with a sharpened gaze. “There is no morphling left in the house, Johanna. Annie and I took it all out of the house.” If there was more than only Johanna would know where she stashed it away. “Give me some room.” He leaned away from her.
Johanna’s face twisted into such contempt for Murphy’s answer. He started back at her, scrutinizing the soured expression on her face. “You were there, Johanna,” he reminded her, annoyance clear in his tone. She fought the urge to shove him, and that brought her back a little bit. The fact that she had that urge scared her, she was supposed to only touch Murphy lovingly. What if he had the same feeling for her when he was mad? That would be pretty fucked up.
She took a step away from the bedside, pulling her arms behind her. Johanna stood there in the early morning hours, early enough that birds were started to chirp outside. She was just in a tank top and underwear, her hair wild from twisting in her little bit of sleep. “You didn’t put any aside for me?” Accusingly, like he should have been in on a secret with her.
The space allowed him to actually sit up now, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed so that the flats of his feet could press against the floor. It was cold and sent a bite up through the heel of his feet. “No, Johanna.” Murphy was sounding more put off but the second. “I did not put any aside for you. Didn’t put any aside for anyone.” His face softened as he continued to watch her and he let out a soft sigh. “Can you just come back into bed. I’ll sing to you or something.”
Her bottom lip quivered, her eyes welled up. Johanna’s arms were twisted behind her back and her elbows jutted out from her tiny frame. “How do you … don’t you have nightmares? Do you ever think about the people you killed? Do you worry about losing me? Isn’t everything a fucking ordeal?” Johanna’s shoulders slumped and she gave in.
Murphy’s expression softened, slowly pulling himself into a sitting position.“I have them still.” He spoke softly, reaching out so his hands rested on the outside of her thighs. “You know I worry about losing you, Johanna. I don’t want everything to be a fucking ordeal. It’s exhausting.”
She climbed onto the bed and curled up behind Murphy’s sitting body. “I’m so tired.”
And she climbed back onto the bed, he felt the rapid beating of his heart calm itself. Murphy lowered himself so he was laying back down, Johanna curled up against him; two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together. He put an around arm her, keeping her secured against him. “How can I help you go to sleep, babe?”
Any other day she would have twisted beside him, hooking her leg over his. But in this case, Johanna pressed her head against his arm. “Sing to me, tell me a story, recite poetry?” She felt a little hateful for a second, thinking none of those things could help them. She sighed, “Make love to me? Knock my head in? Talk about nothing?” She wiggled in his arms, “I don’t know, something, I just like you.” She wish she could make him know that he was one of few people she liked. Everyone else made her sick. Know it, really understand that.
“I’ll do whatever you want,” he murmured, slowly rolling his body so that he could face her while he spoke. Murphy watched her for a moment, considering his options before speaking again. “I won’t knock your head in.” He let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head.
He was moving again, moving to hover over her body. Elbows pressed at either side of her body, keeping himself lowered close to her. “I can do something else, though,” his voice rumbled in his throat. Slowly Murphy tilted his head, pressing a kiss just beneath the line of her jaw.
Johanna raised her arms up over his shoulders and angled to allow Murphy access to her neck. “All of it in order?” She pulled him closer and spread her legs for him to sink down onto her. He was the only thing that got her through the days sometimes, she was needy like that. She wouldn’t apologize for it, either.
“Too good to be good for me. Too bad that’s all that I need.” Murphy’s soft singsong voice muffled against her neck.
“Do you know what I want?” She whispered, voice dropped much lower than before.
His teeth snagged the sensitive skin of her neck, pulling slightly before letting go. “Tell me what you want, Johanna.” Murphy spoke just as low, dragging the tip of his nose along her jaw.
She grinned stupidly at his singing, and let out a small sound when he nipped at her. Johanna laced her fingers into his hair. It was getting long, but she didn’t mind, gave her something to grab onto. His head rolled around beneath her fingers, letting her nails drag along his scalp.
“You had no idea when you fucked me on that couch in that apartment you’d still be doing it months later.”
“Not a single damn clue.” Murphy shifted a little, wrapping her arms loosely around her. “I’m glad we did, though. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me while I’ve been here. Best thing to happen to me in the last year.”
Johanna shifted further, so her ass was on the bed and the rest of her, stomach and chest, draped over Murphy’s chest. She laid her head on his shoulder and looked at his face close up. “I knew it. It’s why I came over.” Maybe she didn’t know it, but something drew her to him on a cosmic level. Not that Johanna believed in any of that business.
“You’re the smarter one of the two of us,” He murmured, resting his head on a pillow. Murphy smiled sleepily, closing his eyes, but not going to sleep. Not just yet. “You totally knew it.”
Johanna lowered her head until her ear was pressed against the left side. Until she could hear his heart beating. She was going say something else, but forgot about it, and slipped into a comfortable sleep.