Rick, she's come to symbolize everything right I've had in my life that I lost when I stupidly thought I knew what I was going. She's everything I've fucked up, everything I can't have. Have you ever had to look into a mirror like that? It's soul shattering. I almost feel like I'd rather face Thanos again.
I don't hate her Rick, far from it. She's more like my Holy Grail, and I'm the Fisher King.