WHO: Eliot Waugh & Fray WHEN: April 16th & April 22nd WHERE: The Cottage WHAT: Three small segments of Eliot and Fray learning how to function as Father and Daughter. WARNINGS: Spoilers for season 3 of the Magicians, swearing, and discussion of Fray's bear boyfriend.
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April 16th. Morning. The Kitchen.
Eliot came bounding down the steps, hands up near the collar of his neck, as fingertips methodically worked at the tie that was hanging undone around his neck. Eyes didn't need to be latched to a mirror as he went through this process, so he was free to move around the Cottage while he finished up the final process of his routine. Once he pulled the fabric through the knot and tightened it, his hands dropped down by his sides, pulling at the vest to straighten it up.
He glanced around the Cottage. There wasn't a likelihood of seeing many of the inhabitants up this early. None were exactly morning people. He could hear the distant movement of Petunia but otherwise everything looked to be still. Frowning lightly, he glanced to his phone and flicked on the time. He'd told Fray what time she'd need to be ready by and he'd shown her how to set the alarm. While there was still time to spare, he sighed heavily and pocketed his phone once again.
He slipped into the kitchen and rubbed the heel of his hand at his eyes, wishing for a moment that Kylo was around to make him a real cup of coffee. But he was not so Eliot went about managing it himself, first by bounding down the steps into the basement level of the house where the kitchen resided. A few minutes later, he was pouring himself a cup and leaning back against the counter tops, hoping the caffeine would kick in soon.
Fray hadn’t been enthused about the concept of school. The testing that she’d gone through had left her with a headache and more confusion than anything else. She didn’t feel like she was prepared and she didn’t want to go. She just wanted to stay home. Instead, she was staring at her bed with her small selection of clothes. It was only small because she refused to wear the things that were easily bought in stores. She didn’t want to wear jeans. They were too constricting. She didn’t like the way it felt. It was like her legs were being suffocated.
She was uncertain about the whole affair and it seemed like a lot. She knew a few people at school, but she didn’t really know anyone well enough to feel comfortable going into a new situation where she was going to feel behind. No matter what anyone said, she wasn’t sure she’d ever really get to the point where she would enjoy herself. She wanted to spend the day with Ronan instead. At least he wouldn’t give her strange looks. Eliot at least had tried, but she didn’t know what to do with that. She was waiting for something to change even if he assured her it wouldn’t.
Sighing, she carefully selected something and sighed before making her way downstairs. The smell of coffee made her nose scrunch up a little and she peeked down into the basement. “Eliot?” She walked quietly down the stairs, pausing when she saw him. “Are you sure I have to go?” It seemed pointless considering she knew next to nothing that she had to do placement tests on. “Couldn’t I just help Ronan with his farm instead?”
He was in the process of lifting the mug to his lips when he heard his name. The mug was held in mid air but his head lifted and he glanced in the direction of Fray, giving her the lightest smile in greeting. "Sorry, Fray. I'm sure," he told her as he shifted to stand up properly. He took a quick drink from the edge of the mug before he sat it down behind him.
"Ronan?" He repeated and took in a breath. He'd have easily taken school over helping on a farm any day when he was her age. Or even his present age. He shook his head in response. "You can visit him after school. If you really want."
"Do you want something to eat before we go?"
Fray sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. She hadn’t really expected that he would allow her to stay home since he’d talked about it so much already. Still, she’d hoped that maybe he’d change his mind and she would be able to get out of it. “But I don’t want to go,” she said quietly. She didn’t want to make friends with people who would probably give her looks when she didn’t understand something simple that they did and she didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to help her. She just wanted to know what she was supposed to know already and be able to do what she actually wanted to do.
“I’d rather be there during school.” She liked the animals and the plants and the strange bugs that lit up the sky at night. Most of all she liked Ronan, who didn’t care when she said things out of turn or didn’t know something simple. He made her feel less out of sorts and uncertain about where to step or what to say. She didn’t have to watch herself with Ronan. She felt like she had to watch herself everywhere else, but with Ronan and Opal, it didn’t really matter. Even when Opal talked in strange languages she didn’t understand, she didn’t feel like she was missing something. She just asked for a translation. “But fine. I’ll wait till after.”
As for the food, she considered it. “Like what?”
"Doesn't he have a farm to tend to when you are in school?" Eliot commented with an eyebrow raising. He didn't suspect that Fray would want to go and work on the farm instead. "School will be out in two months. Then you can spend the Summer doing whatever you want," he tacked on, though he did think it might be beneficial to her for her to enroll in summer school. He wondered if that was even an option at EPS. He'd ask Rogue later.
Eliot looked to her as he reached back to take hold of his cup again and lift it to his lips. "I don't eat this early. You don't have to but you won't be able to eat for five hours or so if you don't," he commented with a shrug. "I could make you an egg. Or there are some bananas still," he suggested. "Or we can swing by Espresso Pump and grab a pastry."
“Yes, but he’s showing me how to help out. So he wouldn’t be doing it alone.” Not that he was doing it alone. He had Opal. Opal was very good at helping and finding things to eat. There was also Bae. But she liked being there. It was the one place that she didn’t feel out of place. She wanted to feel that way at the Cottage and with Eliot, but it was hard to. She knew he wanted her and she wanted to be wanted, but it just hadn’t settled into something where she felt like a part of everything yet. Margo was here and she didn’t have any strong feelings toward Kylo or the kittens or anyone else in the house. She didn’t feel like she was trying so hard with Ronan. “I wish it was already summer,” she said quietly, letting out a sigh.
Espresso Pump. That was where Kylo was. Her nose scrunched up and she grabbed a banana. Even if she didn’t eat it now, she could eat it later. “This is fine.”
"And you can help after school," he said as he glanced over his mug. It was near finished now so he set it back down. Elot didn't agree on that second statement. He'd been idle for far too long as they'd been on the cruise and he liked having something to focus his attention to. The Summer was going to feel more like a burden this year than most. "It isn't far away," he decided to say simply.
His brows came together when he noticed the look but he didn't comment on it. Pushing himself from the counter, he moved for the fridge and pulled out a small bag. He held it out for her. "Here."
She sighed. She just wanted to be somewhere that wasn’t school and wasn’t the Cottage. But she knew there wasn’t a way out of school. She was going to be stuck there whether or not she wanted to be. At least she could leave afterwards. And she would. She already had permission for it. Summer for her probably wouldn’t be idle. It would be days spent helping Ronan if he didn’t mind or anything.
Staring at the bag, Fray took it. She peered into it, noting something in the bottom before peeking inside. It was food. She looked up at him for a moment, quiet. She wasn’t sure what to say about it or if she was supposed to say something. She felt the urge to hug him, but she didn’t. Instead she carefully put it down and considered something for a moment. “Thank you, Eliot.” That seemed the appropriate response.
He watched her carefully as she reached for the bag. He didn't know really what he was doing in this regard. His experience with Rupert, in the other life, hadn't involved sending the boy off to school every day. Rupert had been taught by Arielle, Quentin and himself. It was a completely different life than what was to happen here. In that scenario, they taught him because it was what was the norm in Fillory, and because they lived their entire lives based around the mosaic. Here? Eliot perhaps could have considered homeschool for Fray but he didn't have time. And he wasn't anywhere near that point in his life, here, either.
"EPS does leaps and bounds better at the school lunch situation than public school, but I figured what the hell," he said, giving her a smile. That was a partial truth. The more accurate truth was that he was trying to do something special for her since he knew she wasn't thrilled about going. "I hope you like it," he then said before nodding his head, "You're welcome."
And then he brought in a breath. "Best get going," he said, motioning his head towards the door that lead to the stairs.
April 22nd. Morning. The Kitchen After this & this
Until this moment, he had been avoiding the discussion. He assumed it was clear he was unhappy though he was trying not to come off as angry. If anything, his anger was directed inwards, solely at himself. His assumptions were largely what he deemed to be the issue as to why Fray had felt it alright to just leave the night before. And there was a minor pang of guilt that he hadn't noted out loud. Asking Kylo, and admitting he didn't know where she was, had been humbling and he had gone to bed once Fray was home in a depressive, intoxicated mood where he had tried to not talk about it anymore now that she was home and safe.
But he had asked her to come with him down into the kitchen. He needed to get things prepared for brunch that afternoon. Time didn't stop just because he was upset. He had been mostly quiet since they got down into the kitchen, just asking her to help cut up some fruit, but now he set his own knife down and moved to wipe his hands on a towel to get rid of the peach juice.
"I need you to tell someone where you are going from now on," he began, hands turning so his fingertips could grip the counter and hold it tight. He felt like he was doing well on sounding calm. He hoped, at least, because he was largely taking this on as his own shortcoming. He made the mistake not Fray. A moment later, clarification sprung from his lips. "Someone who lives here. Me, Kylo, Petunia, Margo. Hell, even fucking Kady or Penny. Okay?"
Fray cut fruit as instructed for another social interaction she wasn’t interested in. She knew she should probably give it a chance, but she just couldn’t find a reason to. She didn’t know Rogue or Hope or whatever other children were coming over and Kylo of all people had come to collect her the night before. She’d sighed and gone home, but she’d seriously considered staying with Ronan instead, but he didn’t really need her annoying him all the time. Even if they were friends. He had Adam and Opal and Chainsaw to look after. Plus, she had a bed at the Cottage.
When Eliot spoke, Fray looked up. Her expression shifted to something a little more petulant than it had been moments before. “I’m not telling Margo anything.” The words came out before she could stop them, but she didn’t look sorry for having said them and she wasn’t. She didn’t view Margo as an authority figure no matter what she did or said. And she didn’t know Kady or Penny enough to really talk to them. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone. “And I don’t even know the last two.”
"Why the fuck not?" flew from Eliot's mouth before he had chance to think better of it. Then a breath was pulled in and his gaze shifted up the to ceiling, counting for a moment, and when his gaze dropped again he looked back to her. "They live here. The point is someone here should know where you are."
Then he turned back to the initial statement. "Why won't you tell Margo?"
Her eyes widened just a little at the swear word. It wasn’t the first time that she’d heard the word fuck before. Ronan said it all the time. He also said shit and ass and asshole and everything else that Earth people considered swear words. Her arms crossed over her chest and she stepped away from the fruit, walking over to the sink. She carefully started to wash her hands. “I know they live here, but that doesn’t mean I know them. But fine.”
She put her hands on the sink, fingers clenching the edge. Her posture was rod straight and she tried to think of a polite thing to say, but she couldn’t think of anything polite. “Because I don’t fucking like her is why.” She turned around to look at Eliot then, arms crossing over her chest again. “I don’t care if I have the bleeds and she’s the only woman in the house. I won’t go to her for anything and you can’t make me.”
There was a reflex to point out that it wasn't completely Penny or Kady's fault that Fray felt as though she didn't know them. Fray had been in the Cottage since they'd returned to Tumbleweed and all three had been invited to the Wakandan dinner. She could have given more of an effort to feel as though she knew them, but she hadn't. Eliot held this feeling back for now. "You don't need to know them to get the message relayed to me," he explained.
His eyes had followed her movements and he noted the shift. "You don't know her," he pointed out. If she was going to use that logic for Penny and Kady, it was virtually the same for Margo. Then his hand let go of the counter and fell to his side, momentarily silent. "Is that a concern at the moment?"
He hadn't even considered this. "And lucky for you, she's never the only woman in this house."
She knew she could have gotten to know people, but she wasn’t exactly keen on it. Mostly because she didn’t know why she had to. She wanted to go home. Home where Humbledrum was and where she felt like she actually belonged. Not that she felt like she didn’t belong here, but she was homesick for someone who’d probably never show up and she was mad at Eliot and mad at Margo and mad at everyone. “Fine.”
Fray’s expression hardened just a little. “I know her well enough to know I don’t like her and I don’t want to know her more than I already do.” She lowered her gaze, frowning slightly. “No. It’s not a concern at this exact moment.” She knew it would be eventually, but at this moment, she didn’t have to worry about it. She just wanted to express the point that she didn’t trust Margo and she didn’t want to go to her for anything.
“I’ll deal with it on my own.”
"Fine you'll not leave without telling me or someone else?" He stated, feeling that the need for clarification was definitely necessary in regard to this. He didn't want to go about this as a fight. He'd been intending to take the blame on himself with an explanation as to why he'd been upset, but it wasn't quite going that route. He thought back to Rupert for a moment and tried to recall if there had ever been similar arguments. There weren't any that he could recall but Rupert had been raised to know this was an expectation from childhood.
He and Fray were coming at this with no real groundwork and no certainty as to how to talk to one another. And there was still the issue of not knowing how she wished for his role to be in her life. Was he just here until she turned eighteen; or did she want to be a family? He knew what he wanted. Sighing, his hand swept up to push back some of his curls. "I know I didn't tell you not to and that's on me. I just... people disappear here without a word. All we get is a beep and if you aren't around the tablet when it happens..." he trailed off, wondering if it was understand that this had been a fear. He'd gone through that before and while he'd hoped it wasn't the case last night, the thought had crept into his mind.
His hand dropped and he looked to her and examined the expression. "Why?" There had to be a reason. An eyebrow raised and he was prepared to wait but she'd answered his other question now. "Earth has ways to deal with it far better than Fillory. I'll take you to the store and we'll get everything you could need, so you're ready when it happens." He then backtracked, "Now why do you not want to know Margo more than you already do?"
“Both.” She didn’t really care which one it was. She just didn’t want to argue about it anymore. She didn’t want to be part of this conversation anymore. She just wanted to go back to her room and stay there until the brunch was over. She had a feeling that wasn’t an option, however. Especially not after everything he’d said about how he wanted her to try to talk to Hope. There was a sigh at the thought.
Staring at Eliot for a moment, she frowned. It was one thing to hear that he was worried, but it was another to see it for herself. It was difficult to hear it in his voice and see it on his face. But she wasn’t really the sort to know the correct way to go about this. She tried to think back to her conversation with Anakin and see if she could remember what she should say. “...” She frowned again. “I’m sorry.”
There was a nod at his comments about Earth having better ways to deal with the bleeds. She didn’t know what that meant, but she guessed that she would later. “Because I don’t like her and she’s annoying and her eye socket is empty.” It wasn’t the truth. At least not fully. It left out parts of it. She didn’t know if Eliot wanted to know why. Not really. “It doesn’t matter.”
His head quirked to the side with the apology and the frustration that had been clear, whether in the way he was holding himself or the minute expressions on his face, seemed to dissipate. He hadn't recalled Fray ever apologizing. "I'm sorry I didn't make it clear that's what I expected," he countered, because in the end, he wasn't upset with her for that. She hadn't known.
Of course, while the frustration had gone away moments before, his gaze shifted back to her and sharpened with her statement. The first two aspects of it were barely informative and dismissive in the way that teenagers were prone to. He'd often used the same type of retirect against his own parents. But the third statement was neither of those and he brought his brows together. "That's unkind and I don't think you mean it," he said, sharply. Or at least he hoped it wasn't true.
"It does matter."
“Maybe I did mean it.” She didn’t really care that Margo didn’t have an eye. She was the one that gave it up in a fairy deal. But it wasn’t that that made Fray dislike her. It was the general annoyance that came with interacting with her. She admittedly didn’t talk to Margo much after her threat. She didn’t apologize to her for her behavior at the party. She’d only apologized to the people of Wakanda and their friends. Because they weren’t the people she disliked. It wasn’t their fault.
“I’m not sorry,” she said after a moment. “I won’t say it again, but I’m not sorry.” She looked down at the floor, toeing it a little. “She said she’d take my toes and eye if I hurt you or Fen.” Her voice was quiet, but it wasn’t because she was afraid. She wasn’t afraid of Margo. She didn’t care if she could do what she said, she also knew Eliot wouldn’t let her. Even if she was difficult and didn’t listen and didn’t care that she didn’t listen.
But her threats are as empty as her eye socket, so it doesn’t matter. Okay, so maybe she shouldn’t actually say that. “So I don’t want to be her friend and you can’t make me. Because even if I know it’s an empty threat and I’m not afraid of her, I don’t like her. So I’m not telling her anything.”
"She lost that eye trying to save Fen." His tone was still level but there was a hint of disappointment laced with his words. He couldn't come out and say he was disappointed though. Fray hadn't been raised by him. They had just a few weeks together back in Fillory. Still, when she tacked on that she wasn't sorry, he raised an eyebrow in her direction. "It doesn't matter if you like her or not, you don't point out their handicaps. It's cruel and I don't want to hear say anything similar. That's not just for Margo," he said before bringing his hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose.
And it was in that pose that he glanced up, looking to her as she spoke. Her eyes were down and she was speaking quietly, but the words registered clear as a bell to him. An impatient breath was brought in. Eliot understood Margo better than anyone so this revelation didn't necessarily surprise him, especially if it had happened near Fray's arrival. He didn't think Margo would have said that recently, not when it was becoming clear that Eliot was trying to make Fray feel like she was wanted. He let his hand slip back down from his face and he crossed his arms, shifting his posture. "I promised you no one would hurt you, didn't I? That includes Margo."
He hesitated for a moment. He didn't want to say that Margo didn't mean it. Fray would reject that and it wasn't as though he could really counter any rejection. "Margo's trying to protect me, just like I'd protect you. People say things they shouldn't when it comes to people they love." He hesitated before uncrossing his arms and moving towards Fray. He reached out, gently bringing a curled index finger up underneath her chin to get her to look up at him. "I'm sorry she said that," he said quietly, looking down into her eyes.
"You don't have to be her friend. And if there's someone else here, you don't have to tell her. But if it is just you and Margo, and you need me to find out something, Margo will tell me. That's the only time I'll ever ask you to talk to her, okay?"
Fray shrugged. She still wasn’t sorry. Mostly because she just didn’t like Margo. She understood what he was saying. She wouldn’t have pointed anything out to the animals in Fillory. She would have just accepted them for any and all of their flaws because they did the same for her. But this wasn’t Fillory and the animals weren’t there. Humbledrum wasn’t there. She wasn’t being nice, but Ronan had said he didn’t apologize for being an asshole to anyone, so she wasn’t apologizing for this.
“I know that.” She knew Eliot wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. That wasn’t the point. The point was that it happened. Everyone wanted to reassure her that she wasn’t actually in danger, but she wasn’t afraid of Margo and she didn’t think that Eliot would let her be hurt. No one seemed to care that it happened.
“I don’t want to hear excuses. I don’t need to hear them.” She didn’t care why Margo did it. She didn’t care if it was something that people did when they loved someone. It wasn’t why she told him. She didn’t know why she told him, really, but she was wishing that she hadn’t now. “I don’t care why she said what she said. I know she said it to make herself appear to have some power over me, but she’s nothing.” She moved away from Eliot’s touch even though she didn’t really want to. She knew herself and she knew she would say things she couldn’t take back if she stayed.
“I don’t care if she’s the only person in a room. I’m not going to talk to her.” She let out a small breath. “I think I need to go upstairs. I’m tired. You can tell me when your friend is here. I’m going to Ronan’s after.”
Whether she wanted excuses or not, it needed to be said. There wasn't much else of an option for Eliot. It wasn't as though he was going to just shrug off the information without addressing it, but he also wasn't going to go into a rage directed at Margo. He was stuck in between them both, with no real fore knowledge of this, other than the previous discussion where Fray had mentioned threats. He'd assumed, wrongly, that perhaps she'd misunderstood someone's manner of speech as a threat but had reassured her that he wouldn't let people hurt her.
Eliot didn't know precisely why Margo had said it but his assumptions were what he'd already stated to Fray. His hand remained in the air, where her chin had just been, frozen for a moment, with a flash of a rejected look on his face that was quickly masked and pushed away, just as his hand lowered back down by his side. He let her continue to talk but didn't argue further on the point. He was fine with Fray keeping distance from Margo, and had intents to talk to Margo about what the actual incident was later, but he needed her to understand the concept of emergencies and how you didn't always have a choice about who you sought help from.
"Alright," he exhaled. He wasn't going to stop her from retreating. "You don't have to come down when Rogue is here but you're not going to Ronan's today." He watched closely, having a pretty good idea what was going to be coming next.
Fray felt herself bristle at Eliot’s words. Her eyes narrowed and she glared at Eliot. “Fine. I won’t come down and you can stay by yourself with your stupid friends. I didn’t want to go anyway. I should have stayed in Fillory. At least there I don’t have to deal with people pretending to care.” She turned quickly and stormed off, biting back more comments that she wouldn’t mean later. Once she got upstairs, she picked up the stuffed animal version of Humbledrum and curled up on her bed.
April 22nd. Evening. Fray's Room.
It'd been awhile since Rogue had left and the sun was just near done setting. He'd not gone up to see Fray after she'd stormed off. He'd figured that it was better to give her some time to cool down before he approached her and he did have a set time table. So he'd moved along with his brunch with Rogue and discussed his plans for advancing the magic curriculum. He'd enjoyed her company, drank mimosas, and made plenty of faces at Anka Irene in an attempt to get a smile from her. And though he'd been his usual social exterior, the conversations from the morning were still swirling in his mind, and he knew he was going to need to come back to them.
He moved along the hallway of the Cottage and came to a stop at the door of Fray's room. In one hand, he gripped a plate tight. It had crepes set in the center with a healthy serving of fruit on top. He hadn't seen Fray come down at all. That didn't mean she hadn't but he was operating on an assumption that she'd spent the entire afternoon in her room. He didn't know if she was going to be interested in the food but he figured it was as good of a peace offering as any.
Shifting, he leaned in and knocked on the door with his free hand. "Fray? Can I come in?"
Fray hadn’t left. She’d just stayed in her room with Humbledrum. For a while, she’d just laid on top of the covers, glaring. Then she’d eventually gotten tired of that and just laid there. After a while, she’d climbed under her covers. At some point, she eventually drifted off for a while. The sound of Eliot’s voice startled her from her sleep.
She wanted to say no and pull the covers over her head. Instead, she said nothing and slowly sat up, holding her stuffed bear to her. She may not have had a lot of things that meant something to her, but the bear did. It was the first thing that she’d ever gotten and she’d gotten it from Ronan. Well, he said Opal had made it for her, so she guessed it was from Opal, but Ronan was the one that gave it to her.
After a long moment, she said, “If you want.”
He turned the handle and pushed the door open with the motion, stepping through with ease, and shutting it almost completely behind him. He kept a small gap open. Eyes shifted to the bed and took in the sight. Cautiously, he moved towards the nightstand and set the plate down on it, before standing by the edge of her bed. A hand moved to begin twisting and turning the rings upon his hand, fiddling with his wedding ring specifically.
Gods, Fen would be so much better at this.
"Do you really feel like people don't care about you?
When he put the food down, she stared at it for a moment, crossing her legs and hugging Humbledrum closer to her. She knew it wouldn’t bring him to her, but it made him feel a little less far away. She glanced up at Eliot in that moment, noting the way he fidgeted with his rings. He wasn’t very good at hiding when he was anxious about something. He was anxious around her. He always seemed to be a little. She sighed at the thought of that. She made him anxious. The part of her that was still angry with him said she shouldn’t care, but there was a part of her that noted that wasn’t the way she’d meant for him to feel even if she was generally uncertain of herself around him.
“I didn’t say that.”
"You said you didn't have to worry about people pretending to care in Fillory," he referred back to. Even though he had let her go, and hadn't said anymore after she stormed off, he had heard her words. They didn't go ignored.
She frowned a little. “I just miss my friends. I miss Humbledrum.” Her fingers curled around the stuffed bear in her arms at that point. “And I was angry.” She didn’t like being barred from things or people she got along with. She didn’t say that she knew Ronan cared because she knew that Eliot probably wouldn’t want to hear that. She knew Eliot cared. She wasn’t sure that Kylo cared because of her or just because of Eliot. Everyone else? Well, she didn’t know how they felt mostly. “It feels like I’m competing with other people sometimes. I didn’t feel like that in Fillory. I don’t know why it feels like that, but it…” She sighed. “I…” There was a frown. “I don’t know.”
He was still turning the ring between his fingertips but the motion came to a slow down with her first explanation. He took in a breath before stepping forward. Cautiously, he sat on the edge of the bed next to her. "I was without my friends when I first came here," he told her, thinking back to over a year ago. "Margo was with me for a week, maybe two, but then she was sent away and I had no one here for months," he continued on. His gaze was away from her, laid out on a patch of carpet. "It gets lonely," he offered quietly, before turning his head and gazing back to her.
"We are going to get angry at each other a lot, you know. But today? I wasn't angry with you at first. I was angry at me." This was true. He'd been upset with himself for not making sure clarification was given on his expectations. And he had expectations that she had no way of knowing. That was his fault. "I only got really angry because I feel like you weren't hearing my point. Sometimes...we have to do things we don't want to, or talk to people we don't want to, because it is necessary. Does that make sense?"
He frowned now, gaze still on her. "Competing with other people? For what?" A pause. "For my attention? Or something else?"
Fray felt annoyance bubbling up again. “I left my Queen because I was doing something I didn’t want to do anymore and because I didn’t want to be around her anymore. She’d hurt me. She would have hurt more people. I don’t want to have to talk to someone who thinks about hurting me like she did. I don’t care what reasons they have. I will go to gatherings I don’t feel like going to or going to school when I don’t want to. If you want me to meet everyone in the entire world and try to be their friend, I won’t like it, but I’ll do it. But I don’t feel like putting myself into a situation with someone I already don’t like. It feels unfair of you to ask. I know I can’t help it since we’re all in the same house, but I can easily remove myself from a room.”
Her gaze dropped and she looked off to the side. “I don’t hold any real…” She tried to think of the words she wanted. “I’m not yours. I don’t have magic. I’m not really…special. I’m just a girl that betrayed you and didn’t get what she wanted out of it anyway.”
He brought his hands up and steepled them together, his head leaning forward to let his chin rest against his outstretched thumbs, and lips press against his finger tips. His gaze was upon her, however, giving her his full attention as she spoke. His gaze did drop, for a brief moment, when she spoke of how she'd been doing something she didn't want to do any longer. He couldn't say if he was correct in his assumption but the assumption was that this meant her ruse with himself and Fen. Margo had told him she'd confessed, after all, and that had been something the Queen had forced her to do. It was the most obvious assumption. His gaze shifted back to her and he took in a long breath before exhaling.
"I'm not asking you to put yourself into any situation with Margo under normal circumstances," he began, "and you are correct. If I was, after what you told me, that would be unfair. You don't have to talk to her at all normally. But, think about this for a second. If you got hurt and you needed help but she was the only one around? You'd have to call for her in that situation. That's all I'm asking of you, Fray. That you not shut her off completely, because there may be a time when she's the only one you can turn to. Any time else? You don't have to talk to her at all."
He lifted his head now, watching as her gaze shifted. "I've forgiven you for that, remember?" He thought he'd made that clear. Or was it that she hadn't forgiven herself? He knew that emotion far too well. "What did you want out of it, Fray? I don't want to guess."
She nodded quietly at his words. She had exactly no intention of getting herself mixed up in a situation in which she was going to be hurt, but then she knew sometimes with Eliot and his friends, that wasn’t always possible. She didn’t like it, though. She didn’t like even the idea of being in a situation where she might have to think about it. “Fine. But only if there’s no other option.”
She knew he’d forgiven her for it and she hated that it still mattered. Somehow it still mattered. She frowned at the question put to her. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what she wanted. It was that she didn’t know how to say it without considering what it meant to say it. She stood carefully after a moment, very gently putting Humbledrum on the bed, fingers lightly touching the head as she did before she shuffled closer to Eliot. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to do. She just knew Eliot tended to communicate just as much through touch as he did with words. Before it had annoyed her, but now she wasn’t sure. She wanted to be sure of everything and Ronan had said it was stupid to worry about needing people, but she didn’t like the feeling of vulnerability. She didn’t like to worry about it. But she did. She worried about Eliot and if he liked her enough to overlook all the parts of her that weren’t normal. She glanced up at Eliot’s face, trying to judge whether or not to move closer, but he’d already told her what he wanted and not just once. Lips pursing, Fray stepped closer and allowed herself to lean against Eliot for a moment.
“It’s not easy to want things,” she said quietly. “And I do. I’ve spent my whole life aware that I wasn’t wanted or at least that something else was more important than me.” She hadn’t ever expressed that it was something she wished was different. “I want to be wanted. I wish I hadn’t been lying to you and Fen the whole time. I wish I was yours. Not just in name. No one’s ever given up anything for me and you wanted to. But I miss Fillory, too. I miss the animals and the animal bar and not feeling so out of sorts.” She glanced up at Eliot again. “I...Anakin says to be close friends with someone you have to tell them things that are important to you. And I want to tell you things that are important to me but I don’t know how to tell some things because I don’t know if you’ll approve of certain things. And I don’t want you to change your mind.”
There was a nod from Eliot with her agreement. That was all that he wanted and feeling confident now that she wasn't going to let her own stubbornness perhaps one day endanger herself, he was willing to let the subject drop and be moved on from. There was still the matter of how he was going to manage the information she'd given him about Margo, and needing to find a way to explain to Fray how she needed to earn back the trust of others and not just himself, but that could be managed at a later point.
When she rose from the bed, his hands slipped away from his face and he found himself moving to his feet as well. He watched as she set the bear down, the way she gave it a delicate touch of affection, and he felt a moment of consideration to how she'd spoken about his real life equivalent in the past. Humbledrum evidently had done a spectacular job of making an impression on the girl. He wondered if Fray had ever really had friends to speak of in the fairy realm or not. If Humbledrum was the first individual to really treat her as a friend, Eliot could understand the ache that she most likely felt from his absence.
Casting his eyes back to her, he felt his back straighten when she leaned into his form, but only for a fleeting moment. A second later, his arms had moved, enveloping around her in a hug. He'd been withholding of many physical displays of affection for Fray because he hadn't been positive of what she wanted from their relationship any longer. She wasn't pretending to be his child anymore. They had to redefine everything. But he'd found himself fond of her back home, even if he'd tried to hold her at arms length. That fondness hadn't gone away with the truth. It just made there be a question of what they wanted to call their relationship now. With his arms around her now, he gave a tighter hug than he'd actually expected of himself, because the memories of missing her and Fen in those early months at the mosaic came flooding back to memory.
She wasn't his, but she could be. If she wanted.
He loosened his grip as she spoke, but he kept his arms loose around her, and gaze cast down in her direction. "Fen wanted you to be ours," he began before taking in a slow breath. "And you and I both know it was more difficult for me. But...you know that changed, don't you?" He sighed after a moment. "You can be you know. My daughter." A pause. "I'd like you to be, if that's what you want. And I know Fen would feel the same."
Then there was a nod from him. "I'm sorry that we aren't there. I know it doesn't feel that way now but maybe one day you won't feel so out of place." He unraveled his arms and placed hands on either side of her shoulders, looking into her eyes now.
"Fray, I'm not going to turn you away because of who you are or what you care about." He had no intent on following a path similar to that of his own Father. He intended to support Fray, even if she didn't end up deciding she wanted their relationship to be that of a family. He gave her a small, encouraging smile. "You can tell me."
Fray felt an odd sort of warmth at the feeling of Eliot’s arms wrapping around her. She remembered hating this before. It had seemed nothing besides ridiculous and annoying. But now, somehow, it felt comforting. Like she was somewhat okay. She still wasn’t sure she felt like she fit in here, but she at least felt a little less like she didn’t fit at all.
“I know,” she said quietly. Because she had. What he’d done before she told them...or tried. Before she’d wanted to. There was a strange feeling that she couldn’t quite place inside her that made her feel both sad and happy at the same time. She wanted to hide her face against Eliot, but she didn’t understand the impulse, so she didn’t do it. Instead, she just stood there quietly, trying to figure out how to use her words. It was easier when she had the distance that came with technology. It was more difficult now. Especially knowing that her voice might not be as together as it would have been before. “I…” Her brow furrowed. “I didn’t mean to want to be part of your family.” Her voice wasn’t steady, but she felt it was perhaps good that she managed to say it at all. “I don’t know how to be someone’s daughter, but I’d like to try.”
The hands on her shoulder and Eliot’s words made her squirm a little. She didn’t really know if she wanted him looking at her in that moment. It was easier if she didn’t have to worry about him seeing her face. It was difficult to look directly at him in that moment, so she looked off to the side. “Humbledrum…” She paused, a pang of sadness coming over her. “I…” It was difficult to say it. “He’s not…” Sighing, she let her gaze drop. “He’s my friend, but he’s more than my friend too.” The sadness crept up again and she corrected herself. “Was. He’s not here so we’re not anything here.”
He offered her the smallest smile of encouragement. He had memories of what it had been like to be a Father, but that was in another life, and had been a completely different type of situation. He was starting in the middle with Fray and they were going to have to learn how to do this together. "We'll figure it out," he reassured her.
He tilted his head as she glanced away from him. He could sense the fear of rejection that was coming from her. He didn't like that she was concerned about this. He had a flash of his own memory back to when his role had been reversed and he had been the one fearing rejection. His hand moved up and down against her upper arm, soothingly, hoping that it would reassure her. And then she began.
This was about the bear.
He blinked. His mind leapt to his Kingdom and the societal structure. There were a multitude of talking animals under his rule. Thousands? Millions? It was impossible to say but they were active members of society. They were interwoven into every aspect of life.
But it hadn't even occurred to him that this sadness she felt for the lack of Humbledrum's presence had ever been more than missing her friend. "He's...oh, okay, alright."
He didn't let go of her shoulders at first, as his mind rushed to catch up, but soon he was moving one hand to guide her gaze back. "Fray, did he make you happy?" He asked quietly, looking at her.
For a while, she felt like it was a mistake to say anything at all. She hadn’t told anyone yet about Humbledrum, about who he was to her. And now that she had, she was concerned that Eliot would think of her differently. After what felt like a ridiculously long time, Eliot spoke and she felt herself tense up just a little. She was waiting for him to say something that didn’t mean he was supportive, but then she felt his hand pulling her chin up and her gaze shifted from the floor to Eliot’s face.
“Yes. He did.” But now she was here and he was there and none of it mattered. At least it didn’t matter to her life here. It meant everything to her in her life back home. But while that version of her got to continue living that life, she was here where she didn’t know that many people and Humbledrum was just a stuffed bear that couldn’t talk or reassure her or make very terrible jokes that made absolutely no sense to her or anyone else as far as she could tell.
"That's what matters. Doesn't matter if anyone else approves." He let his hand retract from her cheek, still offering the smile.
"And, for what it is worth, I've not changed my mind about you."
She looked down for a moment. “Maybe not, but…” But Eliot was somehow different. She probably wouldn’t have cared if someone else didn’t approve. Even if Ronan didn’t approve, she’d probably have shrugged it off. But then she hadn’t really told him yet either. It wasn’t really something that seemed to be talked about a lot.
Eliot’s last words made her heart do something funny. She felt like something lifted and she gave him a small smile. She didn’t smile too often, but this warranted a smile. “Thanks, Dad.” That was probably a serious thanks for Eliot, she thought. She might not always call him that, but for now, she did.