who: Kylo Ren & Leia Organa (Legends) when: (backdated) sometime before or during Pokemon cruise where: The Ship Buffet What: Kylo and Leia have breakfast drinks on board the ship: there is awkward discussion of family stuff, and their relationship, and thank goodness for pets tbh. warnings: Major social awkwardness, and discussion of Solo family issues. status: COMPLETE.
Leia enjoyed the time she got to spend with Kylo Ren, though she had been more hesitant and distant in the weeks since the General - since his mother arrived, even moreso recently after the other Han arrived. She didn't want to interfere, worrying about how she might feel if the situation were reversed with her double and her own children. But she was still worried about him, wanted to know how he was doing and what he was doing, so she ventured a text message to see if he wanted to get a cup of caf with her one morning.
She arrived before their agreed upon time, found an open seat and held the hot mug of caf between both hands as she waited. She stretched the sides of her neck and then stilled when she felt him approach from behind her. She turned to greet him, smiling. "I wasn't sure what you wanted to drink, so I didn't order for you. They were quick with mine though, and there's hardly a line this morning."
"I'll get something," he greeted her, although it wasn't so much of a greeting as a simple acknowledgement that he was here and she was here. It took only a few moments for him to get a tea, the latte he really wanted being out of commission due to the dumb robots or whatever nonsense excuse that Kylo wasn't a fan of. When he returned, it was to offer a genuine smile to the woman who was his mother, but not his mother.
"This'll do," he slid into the chair across from her. The thing was that she might look like his mother, but she didn't always feel like his mother, and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. If she hadn't been here, would he have so easily tried to talk to his own mother? That was a What If that he didn't know if he could answer. "How have you been?"
She ran her finger along the edge of her cup of caf, a creamy caramel color because of how much milk and sugar she had put in. Too many years of drinking it straight and black while with the Rebellion (and there were no other options) to ignore the availability of add-ins now when they were available. "I'm fine," she said. "You probably saw that Jacen left." At least, she assumed he had been paying somewhat attention, even if they weren't really brothers. "And of course we had the attacks and the stops and such - how are you doing? All healed up?"
"Yeah, I saw," Ren wrapped his fingers around the edge of his cup eyes flickering up and wondering. He'd not really had the opportunity to get to know Jacen well - either of the times that he had been here. And he hadn't really even tried to get to know Anakin. But those were her children and maybe he was a little jealous of them, or maybe he wanted to pretend they didn't exist, or maybe it was complicated - but what else was new? "I'm sorry," he added, softly. And he was. Even if he didn't know them, she might miss them, and he was sorry for that.
"I'm," a beat. "I think I'm healed. I've got some scarring on my arm, they say it probably won't heal, but at least I can move again, normal like. You were fine, right? No major injuries?" His mother hadn't had any either.
"Thank you," she said quietly. She sipped her caf, even though it was still too hot, and thought for a moment. Leia glanced over at him, nodding a little. "Yes, I'm fine. I stayed back to help with some of those who couldn't help themselves." Was that too much self-preservation? She didn't think so, but she also didn't see a need, here, to run right into a fight. That wasn't who she was anymore.
"That's good," Kylo sipped his own tea. And it was. He'd taken a deck to protect anyone on it, and to, of course, fight, but he'd known there were others at the school and other places also helping. He looked up, dark eyes searching her face. They hadn't talked much since Tumbleweed, and maybe that was his fault. For a cruise that was intended to be relaxing - so to speak - he didn't feel much as if he'd relaxed on it.
"It's been a strange voyage," he ventured finally, cautiously even.
Leia was surprised at the comment, that he was turning the conversation on his own rather than being prompted by her. She nodded, sipped her caf again. "It has. It reminds me in some ways of the trip on the Prettiest Star, though on the sea rather in space. I would much rather not be continually pulled places and worrying about what unexpected attack might come on us." If she couldn't go home, where her husband and future children were waiting for her, she would prefer to return to Tumbleweed. "For a cruise that's meant to be relaxing, it certainly hasn't been that," she added.
He shook his head, eyes on the tea. "It's been a long way from relaxing." And he didn't even mean the attacks, which certainly had not been relaxing. He meant everything else - the memory updates, his father's arrival, it had all added up to him spending as much time worrying about things, maybe things he shouldn't have even worried about, as spending time doing anything relaxing. "It has been nice to be back with El though," because he'd missed that. "I suppose it's always possible an unexpected attack might happen in Tumbleweed too, but it does take some of the relaxing aspects out when we are worried about where the next attack might come from."
"Yes, it has," she echoed, because she knew he didn't mean only the attacks. Nothing felt normal or relaxing for her either, not with Jacen gone and the other Han here and - everything else. "I'm glad the two of you have worked everything out. You're both good together." Leia wished she had thought to order a muffin or something else to take the bitter edge away from the caf. "I guess we can feel fortunate that we've been through this enough by now that we do expect the upheaval, even if we don't want it."
Kylo supposed that was true. He and Eliot had talked about things like keeping extra rations in their room from the very beginning. It was part of the reason the Jerky from Middle Earth had been there for Millicent to get into while they'd been in the medbay. "You can't say we don't go in completely unprepared," he responded with a nod. He hesitated. "Have you found out anything about this next stop? All I seem to be able to gather is animals, and trying to find them." Sometimes he hated that his cultural knowledge lacked basically everything of Eliot's and people who came from Earth like places.
Leia shook her head. "No, I'm unfamiliar with it as well. I've seen a few posts on the network about it, but nothing besides the brochure and some excited explanations. Nothing much to shed any more light on it." She was in much that same place as Kylo was in this respect - in the minority of beings around that knew little about many of these references and places that others seemed very familiar with. "If anything, I plan to enjoy the beach and the sunshine for a while."
"You should," he encouraged, smiling. "That sounds like a good way to spend your time. I suppose it will depend on what Eliot is feeling up to, but it seems likely that we may be doing something similar." They were both healing still after all, and Kylo couldn't say that he cared terribly about finding strange animals at all. "I hope it's relaxing," he lifted the tea cup part way and paused it. He felt awkwardly as if he hadn't said very much this whole time - but he found himself uncertain what to say about some things, even to the people they were with, so perhaps there wasn't anything surprising about that really.
"I'm thinking about getting one of the muffins," he added. "Would you like one?"
"I hope it's relaxing as well," Leia said. She glanced over towards the bakery case at Kylo's offer and smiled. "I would. If they have one with nuts, I'd prefer that kind. Thank you."
Kylo nodded, and he went after the muffin, his mind swirling around everything that had happened since the last time he and Leia had had coffee together. It had been proper espresso, for starters, and he rather wished his espresso machine was there with him. In all honesty he missed baking and making coffee - something he wouldn't have really thought that he'd do. If and when they got back to Tumbleweed, he was going to maybe do nothing else for a week.
"Here," he offered a plate with the nut muffin as he returned back to the table. He still didn't know how to broach things about what had happened to him over the past few months. Leia had been supportive, which he appreciated, but there were so many things. But then, maybe that was all he needed to say, really, if he could figure out how. He broke off a piece of his own muffin, and nibbled it. "You haven't had to -" He stopped. This maybe wasn't the right track. "I'm glad that you were here, at first." That was maybe closer, even if he wasn't certain it said everything he wanted.
Leia moved her caf to the side and focused instead on the muffin he had brought her, breaking pieces off to pop into her mouth rather than biting directly into it. When Kylo began, stopped, and then said what he said, Leia started to shake her head, uncertain what it was exactly that he was saying. She sat up a little, rubbed the side of her neck. "That I was here at first for what?" she asked, choosing to go with the direct approach, something she had learned over years in politics, rather than assuming she knew what he was saying. She suspected she did, but she couldn't be certain.
Kylo quietly broke off another piece of muffin. "Just -" he paused again, and finally brought his gaze back up, and straightened his shoulders. "Interacting with you wasn't something I wanted to do. And it was hard, but it... was good."
"And it's helped you know how to and want to interact with -" She paused, the words caught in her throat. Leia cleared it and continued as though nothing were amiss at all. "- your mother?"
Kylo rolled the muffin piece around in his finger making it look almost unpalatable before he stuck it in his mouth. It was something he hadn't done since he was a boy, and it felt ridiculous to do it right now. He looked up. "Yes. I mean a bit. Or… not even how to, but - maybe that I can. I don't know that sounds silly. You're not her, and she's not you." Even if they did look very the same. But it was clear to Kylo that they were not the same person, even if they were. They had been shaped in different ways, and whatever that meant it did mean that he was in no danger of mistaking them for each other - even without the easy tell of age difference.
Leia tenses a little bit, squared her shoulders and set what was left of her muffin down. She didn't like, nor did she need, the reminder that she wasn't his mother. That was selfish, she knew. She had Anakin. She knew she had Jaina and Jacen waiting for her in her future. But she still didn't need to hear it said out loud from him like that. Though it did sober her up, so to say. "No, I can see now that I've had a chance to know her that I'm definitely not her."
He looked up, his gaze suddenly uncertain. He might sometimes choose to not pay attention, but it felt as if it hadn't been the right thing to say, and he hadn't intended to hurt her feelings. In his mind, that hadn't been a bad thing. It had maybe been one of those things that had made it easier to deal with everything.
Kylo sighed, and looked back down. "I didn't mean that badly," he frowned. "There probably is no good way to say it. Except that I'm glad that you were here."
She nodded, just a little. "I'm glad I was here too then," Leia said, "for you."
Kylo wasn't certain what to say to that, the pinch of worry that he'd somehow made this about himself, or that he'd been inconsiderate, flared. For so long he hadn't worried about this at all - and in some sense that was easier than constantly worrying. Perhaps not worrying had felt freedom after trying so long to do things right, and feeling as if he constantly had failed, but then he was making this about himself again. He pulled in a breath, swallowed, and looked up to look at her face and expression. He still was left as uncertain as he'd been before.
"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. And then felt awkward again, because it had come out of nowhere, and he hadn't really intended to say it. "I just mean, that I took things out on you that you haven't lived." And won't - but he didn't say that. Instead he shrugged. "And it was unfair of me," he finished. And probably he should just finish, he realized. He wasn't certain he was improving anything.
"How's Wuitho?" He asked, anxious for any sort of subject change. "Has he been taking to the closed quarters all right?"
Leia thought more that it was unfair that she couldn't be his mother and Anakin's mother. Though she supposed it was unfair to even think that, to discount her counterpart, and most of those feelings stemmed from a feeling of jealousy that she tried to keep at bay. She followed his change of subject after accepting his apology with a slight nod. "He's fine. I take him on a walk at least twice a day, and he seems to appreciate that. And he has a window view. I'm sure he'd prefer to be in Tumbleweed, but he doesn't hate it. MIllicent is doing well?"
"I've never really walked a dog," Kylo admitted. "But there is enough deck space for it, isn't there?" He lifted the tea to his lips and offered a smile at the thought of Millicent. "She's fine. Fatter than ever, and more smug than I think I've ever seen her, which is saying something, but she's doing well."
"You're welcome to join me," Leia said. "I usually go out just before sunrise with him." She smiled warmly at him. "You sound like you have a handful with her. I'm glad you have her around."
Millicent was a handful, and who would have thought a cat would be, but right now the only thing she was really good for was lying about being rather more plump than normal and so Kylo smiled, thinking of Eliot's protest at him getting up before sunrise, but it didn't sound all bad to Kylo. He nodded. "I might, if you don't mind. Maybe day after tomorrow?"
Leia smiled. "The day after tomorrow sounds perfect," she said. "I'd like that very much."