Kylo Ren couldn't be certain if he'd woken on his own, or if it had been Millicent, who seemed to have taken up residence on his side and was laying there purring loudly enough that probably the entire deck could hear her. He shifted, stretching, and she protested the movement with claws lightly into his skin. He reached a hand up to steady her as he shifted in order to look at the man next to him.
It had been a long night and Kylo hadn't slept. After Eliot had left for Margo's, even though Kylo kept telling himself that Eliot wasn't really mad at him, it was easy for his brain to slip him every worst case scenario that he could think of. Eliot wanted Margo, Eliot would rather be with Margo, he was tired of Kylo's whining (if Kylo were be honest, he was well aware that he was likely about to run into the ground the patience of everyone who spent much time around him about the situation with Han), and he was never coming back.
The fact that all of these notions clashed with the conversation he and Eliot had had not so many nights before, the conversations where El had flat out told him that he wanted an entire lifetime with him, didn't matter. Reason wasn't invited when Kylo was in an emotional spiral. It didn't help that most of his life he'd felt as if people had tired of him, and either given him up, or sent him away, and so the thoughts and emotions had colluded, swirling together and building on each other until finally, sleep deprived and half-panicked, he'd texted his mother: something that would have felt unthinkable a year ago.
'Sometimes a night away clears the head,' she'd told him 'and renews the spark'.
Kylo reached over, playing with curls against Eliot's forehead, a smile playing at his lips. And not just because of Eliot being back where everything felt right, but because there was almost something comforting in his mother having been right also. Strange words to think, stranger still to mull around and discover they were true, and yet Kylo found them less unwelcome than he might have thought previously. Maybe he'd always wanted to trust his parents, the cracks in being able to do so had just gotten so deep.
He was weary.
It was an exhaustion that couldn't be solved with sleep. It was the exhaustion that came from trying to hide from Han, from whatever that future would bring. In order to live a future life, he would have to actually face it eventually. Perhaps part of the comfort in his mother having been right about one thing, was maybe she would be right about the other - about Han. Right now though, he needed to deal with what was right in front of him, which meant sorting through the situation they currently found themselves in regarding the room. He breathed out, sliding a curl around his index finger and twirling it. "You know he slept last night, I didn't," he glanced to Millicent, raising an eyebrow, but keeping the volume in his voice low. "If you were going to wake up one of us…?"
She looked back at him through green eyes and blinked slowly. Kylo half chuckled, and rolled his in return.
"She knows I need beauty sleep," Eliot murmured against his pillow, though his eyes didn't open and he didn't shift just yet. He was laying on his stomach, with his cheek pressed against the pillow, having taken advantage of the notion of a nap himself. While he had been able to sleep the night before, with Margo curled against him, it wasn't with ease. He'd stepped away from their argument. He'd wanted to keep it from getting worse and further away from the intended discussion they'd started with. But just because he'd stepped away from it with Kylo didn't mean it had been pushed from his mind. Margo had given him the opportunity to vocalize his frustrations and he had. And even once she was asleep, pressed against him in slumber in a way she hadn't been in over a year, his mind was still turning over the varying points. Eventually he had fallen asleep himself, but it had taken a while, and when he'd woken there had been the messages from Kylo.
And it hadn't taken him long to come 'home.'
Of course, when he'd arrived in the suite and shut them both in the bedroom, he'd gone about warding the room to a T. No one would be able to enter the bedroom without using magic or some other possible supernatural force. It was enough to keep out an Android, at the very least. Hopefully it was enough to keep out a Xenomorph as well; though with sleep and a rational mind, Eliot was willing to admit that it was highly unlikely one of those were going to come bursting through his bedroom door anytime in the near future. Being on guard was still a necessity but it wasn't an immediate threat. And, hopefully, it wasn't a threat at all. Perhaps David didn't have any stray 'luggage' on his person. That would be divine, actually.
He exhaled into his pillow, turning his head so he could plant his face against the cushion, and groan lightly against it. "Five more minutes?" He then said with a half chuckle, as his arms shifted, swooping out to scoop underneath the pillow and pull it closer, while his head turned now to press the opposite cheek against the coolness of the pillow case.
"If one of us needs beauty sleep," Kylo mused, his lips turning up into a smile, as he pulled his hand out from underneath Millicent and rerouted it over towards Eliot's head, letting it rest lightly against his hair, and he breathed out, relaxing, again. Eliot was here, back where he was intended to be, in Kylo's opinion, and so things were as they were intended to be. "I don't think we're on a clock," he added fondly.
There wasn't any reason to get up now or in five hours, really, because the ships schedule being what it was, nobody was going to yell at them if they didn't get up. And so he kept his fingers tangled in Eliot's curls, and fell silent, thinking through the events of the past twenty-four hours. He and Eliot had never fought before, even if Kylo had multiple memories of his parents fighting, but he and Eliot had always gotten each other, somehow one always compensating for the other it felt like, and life had more or less allowed for that, never throwing them both too many things at once. Somehow it seemed that Eliot didn't mind putting up with Kylo.
Of course, if Kylo were being super honest with himself, he knew he'd been difficult to live with the past two weeks. He'd been quiet, holed up, not wanting to leave the room, even when he could feel Eliot's frustration on that point. Eliot was good at covering, he was very good, even, but Kylo knew him well and the Force made it more difficult to hide, maybe particularly for Eliot, and particularly with Kylo. Probably it had all just bubbled up with this particular thing, because Eliot had been concerned, and maybe he should be and maybe he shouldn't be - the morning after all of it, and with several hours of sleep behind him, Kylo couldn't quite remember why he'd felt as strongly as he did. He could, but surely there was a better way to handle it?
The thing was, when he thought back to his parents arguments, he couldn't entirely come up with a better way. A lot of times they'd been playful, but sometimes Han had left, and much of the time, Kylo had wished they wouldn't - particularly when he'd been the topic of the argument, as it felt like as he grew older, he increasingly was.
He breathed in again and then out: Millicent rising and falling on his chest with his breath. "I'm pretty certain she keeps digging her claws in every other purr. She might be mad at me," he said softly.
His lips turned up into a smile with Kylo's statement but he didn't add anything as a comeback. While he didn't doze back off again, he let himself savor the silence, and the feel of Kylo's fingers tangled in his hair. They didn't necessarily have anywhere to be, which was becoming an increasing problem in Eliot's eyes as odd as that may seem, but he knew that there was lingering discussions to be had. Even if the request was spoken in jest.
With the statement that was spoken a few minutes later, Eliot groaned some and brought the heel of his hand up to rub at his eyes. Once he had, there was a shift, where he allowed himself to roll over onto his back. With some effort, he opened his eyes, and scooted enough to be considered sitting up, leaning back against the headboard. "Or she's staking a claim," he offered as an alternative.
His eyes flashed past Kylo and Millicent, towards the doorway, and his mind lingered to the small kitchenette they had in the suite. There was coffee readily available in that space, only need for one of them to get up and make it. Prior to David's arrival, and even when Jean-Paul had been there, Eliot hadn't hesitated to move about the rest of the suite freely. He wasn't as comfortable here as he was the Cottage but he didn't feel like he had to hide as he did now. He didn't feel on edge. And even with a more rational mind, that feeling remained. His desire for caffeine was now at war with his desire to remain safe behind wards. His face scrunched up and he rubbed his hand across his face, before glancing to the bedside table, looking at his hand rolled cigarettes.
In general, he tried to refrain from smoking so intimately close to Kylo and their bed. Tried was an operative word, of course. No caffeine. No cigarettes. At least, not for now. Sighing, he shifted to put his feet on the ground. He stood, slowly, and moved off for the corner where they'd left a few pilfered bottles of water throughout the time spent on the cruise. Snatching up one, he cracked it open and took a quick drink, before moving back for the bed.
"We don't have to leave," he began, holding the bottle out in offering for Kylo.
Kylo's lips turned up in a smile at that notion. Millicent had long ago staked her claim in his opinion. She'd done it when, despite every attempt he'd made to make certain the outcome was otherwise, she'd followed him onboard the ship back in Coruscant. He'd had no interest in a cat, or at that point, any other living thing. He'd been angry at being on the cruise, angry at being disrupted from his work in his own galaxy, and angry at being faced with his parents - even younger versions of themselves that had turned out to be not his parents- and the only decent thing in his opinion had been that he could meet his grandfather, which in retrospect had been more complicated than he would have imagined it to be.
He shifted slightly, Millicent protesting with claws, and he watched Eliot get up, look at the cigarettes, and then walk across the room to get the water. His eyes stayed on his lover until the bottle was offered back to him, and he dropped his eyes to it, before reaching out to take it. He didn't take a drink immediately though, instead switching his attention back up to Eliot, and to his words: we don't have to leave.
For a moment Kylo ran his thumb around the top edge of the bottle, and then he patted the bed next to him, once again moving, and this time thoroughly dislodging Millicent, who meowed a protest before resettling to the end of the bed, as he sat up, leaning back against the headboard. "I want you to feel comfortable," he said simply. It wasn't that Kylo had changed his mind on what he'd said. He knew how it had felt to be the person judged by actions in media and not by who he was in person, but his conversation with his mother had made him consider some perspectives he hadn't before. Eliot might have good reasons, and at any rate, was being right - which Kylo thoroughly believed he was - worth damaging his relationship with Eliot? The answer to that question was easy: no.
He kept his eyes on his lover for a moment, with his bare knees pressed against the edge of the mattress, but the pat against the space next to Kylo felt like an invitation. And he didn't necessarily feel a need to put space between them just yet. Not after there had been the intermission of this discussion from the night before and time to really think. So, he shifted, climbing back onto the bed and shifting to get comfortable on side. He pressed pillows back against the headboard and moved to pull a portion of the covers back up over his frame.
And then he nodded his head in response to the words. "That is likewise," Eliot offered. He knew that even bringing up the idea of moving in with Margo was something that was going to receive pushback. It would be different in the Cottage. The Cottage was vast for what it was and had many shared living spaces. There could easily be space put between the often at odds pair of Kylo and Margo. This wouldn't be accomplished in the small Suites of the Cruise. But that was something Eliot had known, even as he mentioned it to Kylo, and had been willing to push for out of the more pressing issue of downright anxiety that was not quelled but met with agreement and even stoked by his oldest friend.
Still, there was a lot to unpack, and beginning at any point seemed tricky. He sighed, reaching out to take up Kylo's hand and curl his fingers around it. "Bambi was afraid for us, you know." He didn't look at Kylo when he said this.
Kylo glanced down at their fingers wrapped together, and tried to push away the anxiety that managed to push up with thinking about Margo.
Margo was complicated, and had not gotten less so during the time that he and Eliot had been together. For the large part, when Kylo and Eliot had become friends, Eliot's friends had come along with him. Some maybe more so than others - Quentin and Kylo had spoken about things that were more serious,for instance, while Penny and Kylo had not, but more or less Kylo had felt as if he at least could interact with most of them without much trouble. Margo had been hostile almost since arrival, and learning that she and Eliot had been intimate in the past might have made that snippiness on her part make more sense, but it didn't mean that Kylo was more readily interested in dealing with her. After all, he'd offered a peace branch, something he almost never did, shortly after Margo's arrival - trying to come to a truce before he'd moved out of the Cottage - and Margo had rejected it completely.
Plus, perhaps Kylo hadn't entirely forgiven her for simply dumping information on the network - not that said information wasn't readily available, and largely known by most, but it still had meant he'd felt the need to talk to Leia about it, and that Leia had known didn't erase the fact that it had complicated his life, or that it had offered the potential of complicating it even further.
But Margo was also Eliot's best friend, and Kylo knew that.
He sighed, his fingers tightening around Eliot's for a moment. "Yeah, I know," he offered aloud. It didn't mean that it wasn't likely that snide comments over the coffeemaker wouldn't start up again, and part of Kylo couldn't help but wonder if moving in with Margo would mean constantly wondering. He trusted Eliot - largely. He wasn't certain he trusted Margo. "It doesn't mean she wouldn't constantly make snide remarks to me over coffee," he added, but there was no vehemence in the statement, no real emotion behind it - he wasn't as frustrated as he'd been last night.
"Margo makes snide comments to everyone," Eliot pointed out, with his gaze still directed down. His eyes had shifted over to their hands, with the tightening of Kylo's grip, and he exhaled a little bit. There was just so much to touch on. Margo and Kylo didn't get along. That was established from the beginning of her most recent tenure. Kylo had tried. Margo had tried. And they both hadn't been in receptive positions when the other had made the attempts, making it so the other wasn't really willing to keep trying. Eliot knew this and he largely kept out of it. He wasn't certain how to fix it other than time. He'd spoke up on occasion when it had felt necessary. Last night had felt necessary, to point out that Margo was trying.
And then there was the points thrown out that had been largely irrelevant to the living situation. Yes. Margo did want to sleep with him. This point was something that did not actually upset Eliot. It was something he was used to being a norm in his relationship with Margo back home. The fact he hadn't slept with Margo, actually, was against the norm. His desire to remain committed to one individual (Kylo) was new to him; and if anything Eliot felt guilty about the shift in his and Margo's dynamic. He hadn't taken into consideration how Margo might have had hopes they'd pick up their old dynamic now that Fillorian bullshit wasn't in their way. But Margo was accepting of Eliot's stance when he told her it wasn't possible. Margo even went as far as to reference their new boundaries last night and spoke about not wanting to make things more difficult for Kylo.
Not that Kylo knew this.
Even worse was the fact that now Eliot had firm memories of his life with Fen. When they'd last discussed Eliot's openness in his sexual relationships, Eliot had been almost belligerent about how he didn't want to have a relationship with his wife. Now, he knew, if Fen were to ever arrive that he wouldn't be against it. But this was a topic he hadn't dived into with Kylo since his memory upgrades. There'd been more important matters. But when put under a light? Eliot still would rather take Margo to bed than Fen. But he knew it would be more accepted, and likely, that he'd pull Fen into his arms if she ever showed up. Fen felt almost allowed so long as there was discussion. Margo didn't. And it was complicated and messy in his head and a thing he didn't want to really think about at present.
He swallowed some and ran his tongue across his bottom lip. "Do we want to focus on talking about Margo or David?" He asked, quietly, because they needed to do both.
For a heartbeat Kylo was quiet, not responding to the comment about Margo, because yes, Margo did with everyone, but Kylo couldn't help but feel that his were particularly pointed, and he didn't think that it was irrational. David felt like the simpler conversation in many ways. While Kylo would make his points, and he did feel somewhat strongly about them, after the conversation with his mother, he realized he might move, if Eliot really wanted to. It didn't mean he couldn't continue to reach out to the new roommate from another location. He had no relationship with David, whereas Margo he had to have one with, even if only by proxy.
He took the bottle of water and lifted it to his lips, taking a drink and setting it back down on his leg. "David is the immediate issue," he frowned, slightly, although there was no frustration in his tone. "We should start there."
Eliot took in a heavy breath as his hand moved up to brush his hair back. He didn't mind which topic they dived into first. As he dropped his hand back down, he shifted, sliding back down the bed so he could stretch out. His arm moved to recline behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling.
"Whether we move or not won't change my concerns about him. If we're here, we can keep a closer eye," he said, with eyes still focus above. "And we can act sooner if we know what he's doing."
Kylo shifted, this time thoroughly dislodging Millicent who allowed them to know his she felt about this before hopping to the floor and retreating to her bed in Kylo’s closet. He turned on his side, propping his head up with his arm as he looked at Eliot.
“What is it that you’re so afraid he will do?” Kylo queried. The logic was reasonable and Kylo wasn’t going to argue with it, but he still wasn’t certain he completely understood the threat the android offered.
He shut his eyes for a moment. His memories of the film David was from were hazy at best. Margo, however, had been just as concerned as Eliot had been. Her concern had only increased his and he'd gone from weariness to actual fear the night before. Now? Now he just felt on edge and he didn't care for that.
"I'm afraid he's got a pathogen somehow in his possession and he'll infect someone on board with it," he began. That didn't feel too off base from his memories of Prometheus and the warnings Margo had given. "And that it'll grow inside that person and eventually rip itself out of them. And then spread through the ship."
He tried not to think about the early weeks of his time on the Space Cruise but it was hard not to remember what the actual alien looked like when he'd seen it with his own two eyes, in real life, as opposed to on a television screen.
"A living thing?" Kylo raised an eyebrow. But of course a pathogen was likely a living thing, albeit a small one, microscopic potentially even. He considered options to allay Eliot's suspicions, not certain that any of them would be absolute. In theory, though, he could use the Force to look… although intentions with a mechanic - a non-sentient being - were more difficult to suss out, and even with a sentient one, the Force might not tell everything.
He reached his free hand over to slide over one of Eliot's. "You mentioned something about the space cruise."
"Yes," Eliot answered. He opened his eyes and tilted his head so he could gaze at Kylo now, as he turned his hand underneath of Kylo's to press palm against palm. "In the movies, the person who gets infected essentially becomes a host body until the creature grows to capacity and bursts free."
He sucked in a breath and nodded his head, "Yeah." He paused for a moment before moving his arm out from underneath his head so it could lay across his chest. "Some members on the Cruise went off in a shuttle and they came across the pathogen when they were away? It killed almost every single person who went off. The girl who returned was infected and it brought the alien on board the Cruise," he recounted for him.
"And the creature adapts to the DNA of the host. The girl? She had accelerated healing and senses. I'm pretty sure it also had some crazy powers from all those who were killed on the shuttle."
Kylo frowned, his fingers wrapping gently around Eliot's as he listened. This was a little different from the poisoning scenario - perhaps even worse. It wasn't an unheard of thing of course, the galaxy was large, and there were all sorts of strange things in it, but he'd missed this. Or… no, he must not have been there when it happened. It must have been before he arrived, because he didn't think - even as self-focused as he'd been when he first arrived on the cruise, that he could have overlooked the sort of thing that Eliot was talking about.
His fingers curled around Eliot's, gentle. "I can see why you were - are - concerned."
The idea that Eliot might get infected like that and be taken from him pressed a cold weight of fear against him that he hadn't really felt like this for a while. But he reminded himself that what he'd said last night seemed no less important than it had when he'd said it before. They didn't know that David had the pathogen or any intention of doing this sort of thing. "Intentions in the Force are difficult to track, and even more so with droids, or things where the programing is… well it's programing, but if we're here, we probably are more likely to catch something early. If you're alright with that," he added softly. He bit his lip and then added. "I talked to mother some, and I still think it's unfair to treat him as if he may do something when we don't know that he will, and yet, I want you to be comfortable, El. You're more important to me."
"It took the entire ship coming together to get rid of it," he added, as his eyes dropped to look at their hands. It was a concern and he didn't think it was likely going to go away anytime soon. But it was a concern over the Xenomorph, and rooted because of it; not really a concern of David. It was just the memory of David's tie to it. He couldn't remember specifics but sinister Michael Fassbender and a Xenomorph were married together in memory.
"I'm more alright with it now than I was last night," he admitted, as he glanced up to look at Kylo now, listening to him speak. He sighed a little once more. "No, you're right," he offered as a weak smile formed. He knew he was important to Kylo but the reminder was welcome. "Margo panicking didn't really help me keep calm about the matter," he willfully stated, before he dropped his gaze again. "And I didn't explain well. I was trying not to say anything that wasn't true. It's not one of the franchises I was invested in."
"But they are meant to frighten you. The movies didn't but being on the Cruise that night with the creature did. It --- didn't help my feelings last night."
Those memories, of fighting off something that potentially came from a pathogen from their new roommate, certainly went a long way towards explaining Eliot's reaction. Kylo pulled a breath in and closed his eyes, chiding himself at getting snippy and not actually listening to Eliot. He'd been tired. They'd both been tired, but it really was no excuse. Even if it seemed probable that at some point they would have argued over something.
He opened his eyes again and turned his gaze to Eliot, taking in the lines of his face and jaw, the mussed curls, and everything that Kylo never wanted to lose and there had been those moments during the night when he'd been afraid he'd finally run him off. There was still a seed of the fear that Eliot was only putting up with him and that one day he would prove too much for him. Kylo pulled his hand from Eliot's to reach up and slide it down his lover's jaw. "I wasn't at my best last night," he admitted. "I'm sorry I didn't listen." He moistened his lips and his gaze dropped to the pillow, trying to sort through words with a bit of distance from the emotion of watching Eliot.
"There has been a lot," he pushed his lips together, considering. That wasn't an excuse. But it was certainly still true. Han, Eliot's memories with everything they had brought, and now a new roommate that might be out to kill them all. But even if it wasn't intended as an excuse it likely sounded like one although really it was for both of them. Kylo leaned forward, pressed his lips to Eliot's shoulder, and held them there for several heartbeats before he pulled back.
His hands released Kylo's when the other man pulled it away and the motion was enough to bring his gaze back up to watch Kylo. He breathed out slowly as Kylo's hand brushed along his jaw, though he focused on the words that Kylo was offering. His own hand moved up to rest on top of Kylo's for a moment, holding it in place, as he gave a small smile of understanding. "I admittedly stopped listening, too," he stated. There'd been a point when they'd both really shut off and stopped being receptive to what the other had been trying to say. Or, at least, that was how Eliot felt about the incident when he'd pulled back far enough to review the conversation.
He nodded his head in agreement to that second statement. There had been a lot going on and Eliot just wished that there would be a let up. There hadn't been thus far, but he supposed that they had to be at a breaking point. Or so he hoped. He let his hand fall back down to the bed and he gave a half smirk as Kylo leaned forward to kiss his shoulder. "I know there has," he agreed.
Kylo pulled back, looking up to Eliot with a small smile. There had been so many things, and it had been enough that he knew they'd both gotten over tired. There still were things that hadn't really dealt with. Kylo knew that eventually he'd have to deal with Han, and Eliot had asked about Margo. His smile faded slightly, a seriousness settling.
He knew that he'd gotten upset when Margo had been mentioned, and probably he shouldn't have. It just seemed as if Eliot ought to have known that he wouldn't want to pretend a relationship with Margo, and that living with her - while he'd considered it for the Physical Cottage once again, the Physical Cottage had more space in it than any of these rooms. He breathed out and glanced down, quiet. "Things have been better with Margo, but not that much better, El."
"I wouldn't have asked under normal circumstances," Eliot offered up, with the air of an apology in doing so. It wasn't quite one, because he had felt as though it had been a necessity the night before, but it didn't feel so much like one now. He glanced up, towards the ceiling, in an effort to summon up a proper explanation. "With how little they seem to care about room assignments, unless you're with someone, it seemed like the only safe option."
There was a logic underneath Eliot's words, and Kylo could see it. The room assignments had been so random and it felt as if only those who were in relationships or in some cases were family, had gotten any sort of preferential assignment. And it wasn't the pretense of it that had bothered Kylo. If he needed to pretend something or lie or manipulate the boat in order to get what he wanted, he had no issue doing so. The discomfort had come from somewhere else. He sighed. "I know that, El."
He wasn't certain how to begin to explain, wasn't certain if it even needed it. He didn't know what, precisely, Eliot had wanted to talk about with Margo anyway. "That's not something I'm comfortable even pretending to pretend with her."
Eliot was silent as he mulled over that statement. It didn't surprise him. When the conversation had shifted to being about Margo the night before, there was a lot coming forth of how Kylo still felt about Margo. Much of it Eliot had already known, or suspected, was still the case but it did present a few problems. He didn't know how to vocalize all of them, either. He took in a breath and moved his hand to cover his eyes, his thumb and forefinger rubbing at his temples. "That was made clear," Eliot spoke, trying not to let any tone sneak into the statement. "And I won't try to force you to do that. I just didn't appreciate that we couldn't discuss it," he explained further.
He pulled in a breath and let his hand drop back to his chest. "I know you two don't like one another. And I don't really blame either of you for that," he began. He knew that this word choice, potentially, could get him back into an argument but he wasn't going to place the sole blame on Margo. Margo had reasons not to like Kylo and Kylo had reasons not to like Margo. "I don't..." He wasn't sure how to really articulate what needed to be said and what was cycling through his mind.
"...I'm the one who fucked up. I didn't think about her. I get it makes you uncomfortable what we had, because I didn't make it clear when I should have, but...it isn't fair to be upset with her for asking for what we used to have." He paused for a moment before he turned his head and looked to him. "I don't know if you are but it felt like you were. And...she's not tried anything. She asked, I said 'no,' and she's respected that."
Kylo couldn't bring himself to pull his gaze back to Eliot, mostly because the idea that there were things they couldn't discuss further, wasn't one that was really palatable to him. He knew that there were topics that had been difficult before, but he wanted to think that if Eliot could handle some of the things that Kylo had thrown at him that Kylo could handle the same in return. The night previous had not demonstrated that well. He reached his hand up to massage his temple briefly.
"I don't want there to be things we can't discuss," he said finally, and he dropped his hand, and pulled his gaze up to find Eliot looking at him. For a moment words failed him and he swallowed, looking into his eyes. "I don't want you to feel like you can't ask me things, and obviously I didn't do that well last night."
Kylo didn't know if he'd ever be comfortable with Margo. But he didn't want to say that to Eliot. He tried to search for some words to say, because yes, everything he'd learned about the type of relationship that Eliot and Margo had, far more intimate than he'd believed that it was, had made him anxious. But the seeds of that anxiety had been sewn long before. "I'm not upset at her for asking," he said finally. This seemed true. "But she came in and disapproved of me from the beginning. Knowing what you had, in some ways this makes more sense, but it doesn't mean that I don't feel that she would be happy to have me disappear out of your life at any moment."
Eliot felt a twinge of guilt when Kylo caught his gaze and the there was a lull of silence following his words. He didn't doubt what Kylo had said and it was met with a resound, tired sigh, as Eliot shifted, rolling back onto his side. His hand moved and placed itself against Kylo's hip, as he kept his sight upon the man. "I believe you," Eliot offered up, giving the weakest of reassuring smiles. And while he had felt that way last night, in the heat of the conversation, he'd never really felt like he couldn't approach Kylo about topics. He probably tossed more curveballs at Kylo than the other way around, when he really thought about it, and yet Kylo was still here. He swallowed now himself as the twinge of guilt grew just a portion larger. "I probably shouldn't have gotten defensive. I'm sorry I wasn't as receptive to how you were feeling at that point."
The large concern Eliot had was whether or not Margo's request was being held against her. While, logically, he wouldn't have blamed Kylo, it was a concern for Eliot because he felt if anyone deserved to have it held against them, it was himself and not Margo. Thus, hearing him state that he wasn't actually upset with the inquiry gave Eliot a minor sense of relief, though he knew the conversation wasn't over. The reassuring smile that he'd tried to maintain from earlier faded.
Eliot hated how that had all begun. It was a frustration in that it had hurt Kylo, and Eliot knew it hurt him, but he also could see why Margo had acted as she had; especially with the weight of being newly arrived (again) on her shoulders. He sighed again and his gaze dropped down momentarily, while his finger tips twitched against Kylo's skin. "What we had probably influenced that, but I don't think she wants you to disappear."
He was fairly certain that Margo knew they'd never go back to the way things were and that if Kylo were to leave? Eliot would be beyond heartbroken. Margo wasn't cruel enough to wish that on them, even if she didn't like Kylo much more now than she did before.
Kylo reached for Eliot's hand, weaving his fingers between his lovers, but he let the silence linger while he tried to sort out words. There was some recognition that even the way he was approaching things like this had shifted. That a few months ago, he would have just blundered on even if he didn't know what to say, but right now he was waiting. If anything, the night previous had been the result of him just talking - reacting - not really listening, or thinking about what the end result might be.
"A fight doesn't have to be forever," he said finally, a smile playing at his lips, and some wonder at the fact that he was taking his mother's words into account at all, but he was, and it didn't feel so much of a fight to do so as it once had been. "Neither of us were at our best last night El. I'll forgive you that if you'll forgive me."
It didn't entirely solve the problem of Margo though, and Kylo didn't know how to solve that one. He lifted his gaze to Eliot's, serious. "Maybe Margo doesn't want me to disappear, I couldn't say, but I feel like I tried to reach out before, and it didn't go anywhere, and," he hesitated, realizing that to be fair he hadn't tried since before Christmas, before he'd moved out even. "I suppose I haven't tried again - but… I don't feel as if she wants us, you and I. I don't feel that she really respects what you and I have." He swallowed, worry that he was saying too much telling him either to pull back or to take the offensive. He pushed back both extremes, and instead tightened his fingers around Eliot's, feeling some guilt that he couldn't just work with her for Eliot's sake. Why couldn't it have been as simple as Quentin had been? "I'm sorry."
"No, it doesn't," he agreed with a similar expression upon his face. It was his hope that they would continue to be able to do as they were now. To give themselves time to cool down and to come together once they'd had some space to think on things. It felt like the best way to navigate any further incursions, though it was his hope that they would be few and far between. He leaned forward just enough to plant a quick kiss to his lips. "There was never a question about forgiving you," he whispered against his lips, before he pulled back.
Noting the look, he held Kylo's gaze, even though his instinct was to look away. He owed Kylo his full attention though and he listened. He didn't want to counter any of Kylo's statements, because it wasn't right to negate how Kylo was feeling about the subject, even if Eliot felt as though he had some insight on parts of the statement. He pulled in his lip for a moment and let Kylo's words hang in the air. "You don't have to apologize for how you feel about Margo," he offered up, first, because it was the easiest part to tackle. Eliot understand why Kylo felt the way he did, just as he understood the way Margo felt.
He pulled in a deep breath and squeezed Kylo's hand with his own. "I don't want to make you feel like you have to try again," he began, slowly, as he tried to find his footing on this subject, now allowing himself to glance down. "But...I asked you last night if you had noticed that she's been trying, and you said you had." He paused.
"I don't think you got anywhere back then because she didn't want you to. I'm not sure that is still the case." He sighed and moved his free hand through his hair again, before glancing back up to catch his gaze. "I can see why it doesn't feel like she respects us but...I think she's trying to. She might not be there yet but she's trying. She even made a point last night to say how she didn't want to upset you."
Kylo couldn't help but smile. There'd been anxiety when Eliot had left, maybe more than there ought to have been under the circumstances but he frequently felt he still wasn't entirely certain how his parents had navigated their arguments, only that there had been some, and he'd been the subject of at least a few. People tended to reject him, ultimately, and while Eliot never had, and the longer they stayed together, the more evidence he had to say that Eliot wasn't going to, the less optimistic part of him wondered if he wasn't running down an hourglass on the relationship and eventually i t would run out.
He'd felt as if he initially got along fine with Margo when she'd first been there. They weren't best friends - but he'd been friends with so few people back then, really only Eliot, that this hadn't felt strange. And then she'd left and when she'd returned, she'd been so much more adamantly disdainful. Perhaps, he supposed, she'd seen the film in the interim between, and it wasn't as if she'd remembered being there before. Whatever the reason, she'd relegated him to the category of bad decision on Eliot's part, which had been painful. Perhaps because he already doubted whether or not he deserved Eliot, such a snap judgement had only pushed against his own fears about the relationship.
Still, Eliot had stayed.
"I know she matters to you," Kylo finally said aloud. He might not like it, and he might prefer to ignore her completely, but it felt as if that was unwise. But there was, buried in all of this something that felt, possibly reasonable to bring up right in this moment. He took a breath and he moved his head forward to press his forehead to Eliot's and for a moment he rested there. "I do want to move back to the Cottage, El. And I know that means… trying again with Margo. I'm going to. But we have our own space there, and the common spaces are larger. It's different. I think I can do that, but I couldn't have moved into the same suite with her," he hesitated, and pulled back, searching Eliot's eyes. "Maybe someday? But not right now."
Eliot would have doubted it if Kylo hadn't been aware of how important Margo was to his life. It had been something that Eliot had made fairly clear from the beginning, even if it he hadn't done well in defining what their relationship was. The importance of it was always clear. And it was Margo's disappearance that had pushed Eliot closest to slipping back into a spiral. Kylo had grounded him, along with Quentin and Petunia, but it'd been dangerously close. If there was anyone from home that Eliot didn't want to try to live without, it was Margo.
Instinctively, Eliot's eyes closed when Kylo learned forward and rested his forehead against his. And he gave a subtle nod of his head in understanding along with the words that Kylo was offering. They'd spoken about Kylo returning to the Cottage before, and Eliot knew in his heart that it would eventually happen, but he was grateful for the reminder. He wanted Kylo back home. And Kylo, admittedly, had some valid points. There was a lot more space in the Cottage than there was in the luxury cruise suite. They'd not have to cross paths as often. Eliot knew this was perfectly reasonable and if it wouldn't have been for the situation with David, he wouldn't have really even dared to suggest it.
He opened his eyes when Kylo pulled back and caught his gaze. And then he gave a small nod in acceptance and understanding. "Someday," he repeated, before offering the small smile.