WHO: Johanna Mason & John Murphy WHEN: the 15th WHERE: Fangorn Forest WHAT: Murphy and Johanna go camping. They have a conversation that is a prelude to their stupid public fight a few days later. WARNINGS: Language, k-i-s-s-i-n-g STATUS: gdoc, done
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Johanna was happy to be distracted. The boat porting when it did was good timing. Both Johanna and Murphy were feeling terrible together, fucking up in different areas of their lives (though Johanna felt Murphy could solve both issues easily, groveling to Raven and dumping Johanna herself). So a change of scenery and a place to explore were antidotes to actually dealing with feelings.
While Murphy was off talking with Raven, Johanna got together some stuff for camping. A tent made of thick canvas, two bedrolls, little cakes wrapped up in a cloth napkin, and big bottles of beer. There was also a lantern and matches, but she wasn’t sure if the sentient trees would like fire very much.
They split up the gear and had Penny drop them off near the edge of the forest (he was pissy, in a hurry and left without saying goodbye). Murphy jerked his thumb to where Penny was before he vanished. “That guy is such an ass.”
By the time it was getting dark, Johanna had had a conversation with a smaller Enting and was watching Murphy try to make a fire. She decided to not mention she had matches. Johanna’s an asshole.
Murphy was crouched down, rolling a wooden (and whittled) stick to catch the kindling on fire. Before that, he had set up logs of wood to lean against the other as if it was a wooden tent. Inside the logs were much smaller and thinner sticks and twigs. All of this, this camping adventure, reminded him of that Earth Skills class so long ago. All the delinquents were stuffed in a little room, none of them giving a damn what the hell was coming out of Pike’s mouth. Murphy cared even less. He hated it, the class, the people in the class and especially Pike. Pike was long gone now and Murphy smirked to himself.
Fuck you, Pike.
“I’ll get it,” Murphy said without looking at her. There was a already a little bit of smoke, and he leaned closer to the kindling and gently blew on it through his puckered lips until a spark of fire caught his eyes. The smirk turned into a smile, more out of relief than anything else. “Told you!” And he gently picked up the burning mass, and put it with the sticks and twigs. He continued to blow, trying to spread the little embers to the sticks and the twigs.
Johanna’s gaze went from Murphy to one of the walking trees, just minding its own business. His own business, apparently the female trees were gone. She snapped back to him when he shouted and clapped a couple of times. Johanna then popped up from her bedroll and went into the tent. She was only in there a moment before bringing out the matches and lantern.
Her lips curled into a smirk as she lit the lantern and set it beside her. “Good job, boy.” She brought her knees up to her chest and pulled the cloak around her tightly. Murphy gave her a sidelong look and then his gaze fell down to the lantern. “You had matches this whole time,” he asked, falling back onto his ass a second later. He sat next to her, legs drawn up to that his knees were bent and pressing to his chest.
“I can’t see anything. What if one of them steps on us?” The conversation she had with the young Ent consisted of her asking about his bark. He claimed it was so tough not even an axe could get through it. Johanna took that as a challenge.
“They better see us.” Murphy squinted his eyes, lifting his head up towards the tall and looming trees. Most of them were still and firmly rooted into the earth. There were some, called Ents, that traipsed freely through the forest. They were old and wise. Luckily the two had stumbled upon a younger one, he was much more patient. That’s what he mentioned anyway when he let them camp.
“You look really cute in your little outfit, by the way.”
Murphy looked back down at her, tipping his head back so the heavy hood could fall back off his head. “I don’t like dashing or handsome? I look cute?”
Johanna reached over and pulled his hood back up over his head. “I was making fun of you.” If she was going to be honest, he did look really good. It was interesting to see him out of the clothes she normally saw him in. Their versions of the future were apparently pretty similar, because he didn’t seem to dress any differently than the people in her district.
“Well, that’s not nice at all.” Another smirk crossed his face, pulling his arm behind his back to yank the hood back over his face. The hood was long and loose enough to cover his eyes, needing to tilt his head back to look at her.
She pulled her own hood down, her hair fluffing up as she did so. She hadn’t been able to, nor cared to, straighten it in a while. “What about me, how do I look?” Johanna then leaned against Murphy, resting her head on his shoulder. She liked the way she fit perfectly into his side. She was okay with not talking, just having a comfortable fucking silence with someone. Not needing to fill it up with nothing words.
“You look like one of those elf rangers,” he said, draping an arm across her shoulder. Murphy tugged her closer to him, huddling together to feed of each other’s warmth.
But then she cracked, “I’m still sorry.”
“Stop. It’s done and over with.” He leaned against her and made their bodies sway from side to side. “Just don’t to shit to make me mad. You still haven’t told me what I do that gets you upset.” His voice had gotten a little quiet, unsure if this was a time to bring that up, to talk about it. He peeked over at her before turning his attention to the fire that was growing right in front of them. “Think they’d be pissed we’re using wood?”
Johanna kept them swaying, leaning back against him. It was a comforting motion. Her eyes drifted to the fire and she tried to find the words. They were gently swaying, but Murphy stopped when words started to tumble out of her mouth.
“I don’t know, when you flirt with other people. I get jealous. I know you don’t mean anything by it, but some part of my brain tells me you do mean it. And I acted shocked that you were thinking of me when you’re alone... when there’s so many other people to think of. But I liked that. I like the idea of being the only one.”
He was watching her, craning his neck so he could try to catch the expression on her face. Murphy had a feeling his flirting may have been the reason why she wanted to upset him, as a way of getting him back. He just wanted to hear her say that, forcing her to talk about her feelings. “I’ll stop flirting then,” his tone was even. Shoulders lifted and fell for a quick and lazy shrug. “The flirting isn’t important to me. Half the time, I do it because I like to watch people be uncomfortable and the other half, I do it because people think it’s funny.” Johanna glanced away from where he was leaning to see her. She quickly changed the subject.
Her jaw tightened and it occurred to her that the fire was in fact fed by wood. “Uh, the fire? Probably not. The little one…” he was actually pretty tall, but for a tree, not that tall. Murphy’s attention drifted away from her face, tipping his head back to look at the trees blanketed by darkness.Johanna had seen bigger trees. “I forgot his name, but he said they not actually trees, but just like trees?” She turned her head a little bit to look at him. “Does that make sense? They’re shepherds. I guess trees are like sheep to them?” She shrugged and made a face at him, one that said ‘I don’t fucking know.’
“Yeah, I get it. My mom she used to read me this old book called Little Bo Peep. You ever heard of it? Anyway, she was a shepherd. A really shitty one, but --” He let the thought drift away, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders again.
“Never heard of it. But we had sheep. Goats mostly… we didn’t but the nearest neighbors did.” She was still thinking about what he said. Silently hating herself for admitting to jealousy
He twisted his body around until he was facing the tent and before getting up, Murphy looked over his shoulder. “You hungry?”
“I could eat,” she replied softly. The arm, that was around her, fell away as he stood up onto the soles of his boots. “It’s really not a big deal? You’ll just stop like that?” She didn’t want anyone to change for her. “I can get over it.” She was pleading and it was upsetting her. He treated her so well, she should do something for him, she thought. “I just want to be the only one. I’ve never been the only one in anything.” Except when she became the last living in the arena, but she was trying not to think about that anymore.
He shook his head as he traipsed closer to the tent, Murphy only needed to lean in to grab whatever wrapped meats that Johanna packed for their little camping trip. The meats were a mystery to him, he hadn’t bothered asking because Murphy wasn’t picky. Food was food and he would eat it. Johanna pushed herself up off the ground and followed Murphy to the pack of gear.
“It’s not a big deal. It’s not like I’m addicted or anything,” he said, looking over his shoulder at her. “I don’t want you to feel less than. That would be shitty of me, you know?” Murphy turned around on the heels of his boots to face her, holding out the wrapped meats. “Well, you’re my only one,” gently reminding her.
Johanna’s eyes darted off to the side. Why did he use the word addicted? “What’s that supposed to mean?” She appreciated his words, but shrugged them away. He looked at her, eyes apologetic. He opened his mouth to explain his meaning, but she had spoke up first. “Maybe we should wait until we’re actually hungry, not just bored.” She shot him a dirty look. “Is that it, Murphy, I’m boring you?” Her lips twitched a little, trying to hide a smile.
“I didn’t say I was bored.” He drew his arm back towards his body. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t hungry.” Casually he tossed one of the packaged meats into the air and let it fall back onto his palm before turning around to stuff the food back where he took them out from.
She trusted Murphy, she did, but sometimes she wondered about the two of them. Their first meeting was sex. They had sex a lot. Was that all there was to them? Was there supposed to be more or…? When Murphy turned back around, instead of asking that question, she grabbed him in a bear hug. The hug took him by surprise, nearly tipping them both over, but Murphy managed to keep them both upright. After the initial shock, he wrapped his arm around her for a close embrace.
Johanna spoke into his clothing than to his ears. “Are you sure I’m not boring you?” She nuzzled his chest, almost like she was trying to burrow into him. Maybe asking him that was boring him. She was an insecure asshole, like Eliot said. It figures behind her irritable, nasty demeanor was someone stuck in swamp of self loathing.
His chin tipped down, resting his lips into her mess of curls. Slowly Murphy drew in a breath through his nose, taking in her smell. The shampoo and conditioner she used still lingering in her hair. “No, you’re not bothering me.” His words muffled onto the top of her head. “What do you want to do?”
Still hugging him, she moved her shoulders up and down. “I dunno. Climb a tree?” It was kind of a silly thing to request, but she missed being able to do that. Murphy was going to suggest that, but Johanna plucked it right from his thoughts. He only smirked at her, nodding his head. “Yeah. Show me how to climb a tree.”
They’d been on the ship for a month now. Johanna squeezed him around his chest for a second before releasing him and walking slowly towards the fire. She looked around for a tree with branches low enough to the ground. His arms fell at his sides when she parted from him. Johanna was obviously looking for the right tree to climb and Murphy was right behind her. His glance fell to the branches, trying to decide which ones would even hold his weight. Johanna found one and put her foot against the tree, pulling herself up with a branch overhead. Her other leg hung down and she easily was climbing the tree like a ladder. “Just sit tight, I’ll only be a second.”
There was a fat branch that she straddled and looked down on Murphy from. “That feels better.”
“Make room because I am coming up,” he announced through a grunt, pulling himself up by a branch thick and sturdy enough to not snap under his weight. The branches and leaves rustled as he took his time to reach her. She made climbing trees look so easy, but Murphy was struggling. Johanna leaned forward on the branch and watched him like a cat with a bird. She didn’t chirp at him, though a few times she almost gave him a hint on where to step next. He let out a huff, taking a spot on another branch that was next to her. “Two years later --” Murphy smirked, looking over at her. “-- and I finally made it.”
She smiled over at him. “Good job. You didn’t fall.” Johanna hugged the branch, it was big enough to hold her but not big enough she couldn’t get her arms around it. “Not yet anyway,” Murphy said, his attention drifting to the ground below them. If he fell from this spot, it would be one nasty fall.
“I fell out of a tree when I was really little. Broke my wrist. I never fell after that.” She pushed herself to sit up again, eyeing the ground. “Don’t fall, Murphy.” Did she sound worried? Maybe a little? “I don’t plan on falling.” Slowly his gaze went back over to her, watching her hug the tree branch.
“Do you think…” she trailed off from that, pretending to be distracted by a leaf. “That maybe… I dunno, that this happened too fast?” She pulled a skinny branch over and examined the leaves, asking the question like it was beneath her.
His eyes squinted, giving her a scrutinizing gaze. Slowly Murphy positioned himself a little differently on the branch he sat himself on, careful not to tip himself over. “You keep asking that.” And each time it made him feel like she wanted to say something more, that maybe she wanted to take a step back. He was waiting for it. “Hey, if you want to back off and give yourself some space, just let me know.” The heart in his chest rattled against his chest. He knew it was something that had to be said, but Murphy wasn’t wanting to hear the answer.
Maybe falling out of a tree was better. He thought about it.
Johanna let go of the branch and finally looked at him. The branch snapped back into place and made more noise than she intended. “No… I just…” Her shoulders slumped and she bowed her head a little. “I feel weird. I don’t know how to explain it. You know like-- when I broke my wrist. I went into shock. So it was one big fall and then suddenly I was feeling something different. It was because of the fall.” She was rambling now, she realised.
“I just worry already, I can’t just enjoy this. This feels really important and I don’t want to fuck it up.” Johanna’s eyes rolled up to gaze at the ceiling of leaves above them. “We said forever. We’ve known each other a month. I feel stupid.”
He felt relief when she spoke, the tightness in his chest loosened and he could feel his heart not want to beat directly out of his chest. “ You’re right, this is important. We are important.”
Murphy was moving from his branch. He was moving closer to her, branches making faint cracking sounds beneath the weight of him, but he managed to sit on a branch closest to her. He leaned over to her, taking her hand into his own. “I don’t think you’re stupid, Johanna.”
Her arm reached out to his, her hand clasping his. Johanna looked over at him with a hint of melancholy and a forced smile. “Do you think we’re strangers?” Her eyebrows knit, “Let’s get out of the tree, I don’t …” She didn’t want to associate this feeling with the feeling of being in a tree. Being in trees made her happy. And right now, she wasn’t happy. Even if there was a warmth emanating from him and his hand.
“What?” His eyes squinted, and eyebrows knitted together. “I don’t feel like we’re strangers. It’s like we’ve known each other for awhile. That’s why...when you came over to my place…” Murphy let the thought drift away because Johanna wanted to get out of the tree. “Yeah, I know.”
“I’m just waiting for something to go wrong.” She dropped her hand away from his and slipped off the branch in one movement. Murphy sighed, dropping his hand down onto a branch. She hung from it for a second before finding footing on a lower one and then jumped to the ground. Silently Murphy watched her, feeling more lost the further down the tree she climbed.
“Do you need help getting down?” She called it up to him, realizing maybe she should have asked him that before she was out of the tree. It was a pretty good way to describe how Johanna dealt with feelings, the way she hopped out of that tree.
He shook his head, “No. I got it,” calling back down. Getting up was a lot easier than getting down. The soles on his boots were old and worn so trying to steady himself on the lower branches became a slight difficulty. Branches cracked and strained under his weight because he wasn’t really looking to see how strong they were. A near slip later, Johanna gasped, and he hopped off the last branch to land back onto the ground. “Made it.”
Murphy stepped around her. “It’s getting late and I’m a little tired,” he started to say, heading towards the entrance of the tent.
Johanna reached out for him as he walked around her towards the tent. Her hands only went up a little, his pace was enough for her that she didn’t try to hard. “Murphy,” she said in a raised voice. She moved quickly and grabbed up the bedroll outside of the tent and joined him inside, laying hers close to his.
She sat down inside the tent, legs crossed under her. She let out a deep sigh, “What were you saying? When I came over to your place, what?” There was concern on her face, and her bottom lip jutted out ever so slightly. “I don’t think we’re strangers. It feels like I’ve known you my whole life, but … we’ve only known each other for a little bit. I was just speaking realistically.”
His own bedroll was already inside the tent, he was messing with the straps that kept it from unrolling when she ducked inside. “ I uh --” He looked at her, dropping his hands down onto the bedroll. “-- I was just going to say when you came over it didn’t feel like I was meeting you for the first time. And even before you showed up at quarantine. It was like I met you before. Just --” Murphy paused, his gaze dropping to the bedroll and started to fiddle with the straps again, slowly untying them. “-- everything about you is familiar to me and I can’t really explain why.”
A soft sigh slipped past his parted lips, the bedroll slowly coming undone beneath his hands. “I know it’s not realistic and I sound stupid, but it’s the truth.”
“Murphy, you’re--” Johanna leaned forward onto her knees and put her hands over his, moving her fingers past his to try and untie the straps for him. She pulled her hands away when he seemed to be getting it, holding them up almost in defense.
“No, I feel it too. It’s not stupid.” She smacked her hands down onto her thighs in a small fit of frustration. “You’re like… Boy Johanna.” Her eyebrows were crinkled together but she had a small smile, just like before. “Why are we scared of each other?” Johanna let herself fall back onto the bed roll and waited for him to spread his out. The bedroll unraveled, the palms of his hands flattening it out next to Johanna’s. A moment later and he was laying down on his side, his face to her. “Love is scary,” he answered a question with a question of his own.
Her face was out of his sight when she mumbled, “Maybe that’s a sign it’s real.” She turned her head further into the fabric, “I just know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. I love you more than I love myself. I love you more than you love yourself.”
Murphy scooted closer, slowly closing the space between them. There had always been something about Johanna, he just couldn’t keep himself away. Some part of him always needed to touch hers. He wanted to hold her always and he knew it was such a silly thing to want. He knew he couldn’t hold her always; it was just a very nice thought.
“You love yourself just as much as I love myself, which isn’t really saying a lot. But, I think --” He slipped one arm under her and the other over her, pulling her to him. “-- we love each other enough to compensate for how much we hate ourselves, maybe? I think that’s okay.”
Johanna was on the small side and she was used to people picking her up and putting her down wherever they wanted. Her brothers did it, Finnick did it, some of her lovers did it. But when Murphy pulled her close, she didn’t fight it. She never wanted to fight it. Instantly Murphy buried his face into her hair. Her curls were always soft, always tickled his jawline. The smell of her shampoo and conditioner had become familiar to him. It kept him grounded, made him feel safe. He could hide in her hair all day if he could.
She didn’t want to think about it, or even say it, especially since things were going in a good direction-- “I just know that if something happens between us, I’ll be fucking… shattered.” Johanna’s arms were pinned to her chest, pressed up against Murphy. She pulled them free and wrapped them around his neck, breathing him in. The clothes weren’t his, so he didn’t have his own smell. He smelled earthy and a little bit like the tree bark he was just scraping up against, so it wasn’t too bad. It reminded her of home. It wasn’t any different than normal, in that case.
“I know,” he spoke into her hair, his warm breath seeping down to her scalp. Murphy held her tight, protectively. He never wanted anything to hurt her. Murphy was more scared that it would be him that hurt her. “I like you whole, not shattered.”
Johanna rolled her eyes, even if he couldn’t see it. “Do you really want to go to sleep?” She started to toe her boots off, no laces to bother with. “No, I don’t really want to sleep,” he admitted, but it really wasn’t much of a confession. Johanna probably already knew he wasn’t tired and didn’t want to go to sleep.
She never did her laces up tight anyway, her shoes would probably fall off one of these days. She rubbed her nose against his neck, nuzzling him. She wasn’t trying to start anything, but it was evident she didn’t have to really try with him. “You’re not tired either, are you,” he asked, tone dropped to a whisper
“You really would do anything for me, wouldn’t you.” It wasn’t even really a question, but a statement. “That’s… fucking mystifying.” When she spoke, she tilted her face up towards his ear. “You asked me about the map, you brought me to the woods. We’re not strangers.” She suddenly felt a little sad, realizing he did all this stuff for her-- the camping, the swimming... but what did she do for him?
Her whispered words tickled his ear, sending little electrical pulses down each column of his spin. He moved his head, bringing his face mere centimeters from hers. “I would.” Puffs of warm breath trickled over her lips, but it was soon replaced with a kiss.
She was about to ask what she could do for him, her mouth ready to move and form the words. But then his lips were so close to hers. Murphy knew she was going to say sorry. He didn’t want her to be because she hadn’t done anything wrong. Johanna kissed him soundly, a physical apology for moments before in the tree. Her arms around his shoulders sunk back down to grip his arms. The fabric was balled up in her hands and she grabbed for him. His own arms were settling under hers as if he knew they were going to be shifting around.
Johanna didn’t break the kiss, instead slipping her tongue against his. Gently he sucked on it, pressing himself onto her. She hitched a leg up over his hip and tried to roll him onto his back. A soft noise of approval rumbled in his throat, his hips grinding against her to fill the space she had given him. Yeah, he was bigger than her, but she was strong, maybe stronger. Both of his arm held onto her, rolling with her so that she was on top of him. A soft breath left his lips, his eyes slowly roved over every inch of her body before they settled on her face.
Once she was above him, she sat up, “What can I do for you, Jonathan?”
“Anything but go to sleep,” he murmured, a smirk curling on his lips. His hands settled on her hips, fingers slipping beneath the fabric so he could touch her bare skin.