WHO: Lance & Keith WHEN: February 3 WHERE: Voltron Suite common room to their bedroom WHAT: Lance helps Keith to their room after being released from the medbay and they deal with the awkward misunderstanding that happened before the whole battle thing WARNINGS: A roller coaster of feels. Seriously, they have a lot of stuff they’re dealing with. It goes all over the place. They just have problems communicating sometimes. Also Keith still dealing with the amputee thing as a general warning.
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It wasn’t a long walk from the medbay, but they had been taking it at a slower pace. Keith, understandably, was off his usual balance. Lance kept near, but did his best to respect that Keith needed to figure out how to maneuver -- and that Keith had a fiercely independent spirit that was likely to prickle by hovering and too much assistance.
So they walked along, slower than usual, but eventually the Voltron team’s suite was ahead and that prompted Lance to break the silence. “Nothing like leaving a small bed area to end up in another one, huh?”
Lance frowned mildly. It felt like there was a pause on all the awkwardness that had sparked from that one day out at sea, but now that some bit of normalcy -- or whatever passed for it out here -- was restored, that uncertain ground started to break apart beneath Lance’s feet. What if Keith didn’t want to stay in the same room? What if he was actually still upset?
Keith had been more than happy to leave the medbay behind. While the location hadn’t been bad, the lack of freedom had grated. At least it had felt that way while he was confined to his area with approved exercises to do. But now that he was walking through the ship, he started to realize how much of the sanctuary the medbay had been. Even with near constant visitors, the area felt secluded. Not out in the open to prying eyes. Not that he’d let on at all, but he felt grateful for Lance’s coat, the long sleeves providing good cover as he focused on striding down the hall like this was any other day.
Because that was the next part, right? Moving forward and getting by. Which again made the medbay feel like this limbo between the battle and life on the ship. A safe zone. This acceptance that things were just left undiscussed or unmentioned because recovery needed to happen. Sure, as the shock and drugs had started to wear off, his mind had wandered, but nothing came to the surface. But now that space was gone and he became less and less sure of where he stood. Whether to just keep with that unspoken agreement to ignore the mess before the battle or now that he had a relatively clean bill of health, if it’d go back to avoiding each other. He hoped it wasn’t the latter, even if that caused a ping of guilt to go through him. Maybe he’d taken too much advantage of his circumstance and Lance’s compassion for his teammates. That’s not what he intended, but he could understand how it could be seen that way.
“Could always lounge by the pool instead,” he pointed out with a shrug, trying to fight back those thoughts. “I’d need to change for that though.”
Lance raised his brows at the response. He figured after everything that Keith would steal a chance to be alone, if not to really contend with Life After and how a routine might go without two hands at his disposal. The worst part, Lance felt, was that he didn't know how to help with that. If help would be wanted. Pidge and Matt -- maybe even Hunk -- only had so much to work with onboard. It could be days or weeks before they had any sort of prosthetic.
“Do you wanna?” Lance peered over, trying to gauge Keith's expression. “I mean, you're the one who just got cut loose. If you need the room, man, just say the word. I know things… uh… you know. Things were, ah -- weird... uhm. Before everything…” He didn't know why his mouth veered in that direction, but maybe it had something to do with being behind the entry door to the suite, away from prying eyes and ears.
Well, that answered that question… Keith’s brow furrowed as his head ducked to the side and his arms crossed over his chest. Or well, started to cross. The gesture ended with his right arm across his torso with his hand clasping the loose sleeve of Lance’s coat.
He wasn’t sure how to answer, actually, wasn’t even exactly sure what Lance was offering. It wasn’t like he hadn’t gotten used to someone hovering around in the medbay. Maybe that’s what this was about? Except why bring up how weird things were before the battle if that was just it? What he wanted to do was an easier question, although swimming in the pool would be more his speed, but that wasn’t in the cards quite yet. Heading up to the gym and seeing how much of the climbing area he could still manage would be his first choice, but he doubted that’s what they had in mind with the ‘rest and careful exercise’. That’d be better than trying to figure out what to say here without messing everything up. He didn’t want to mess things up. Even if the circumstances hadn’t been great, he’d liked those moments in the medbay.
He nodded slowly. “Yeah… it was… it was weird…” he said softly. “Before…” He pressed his lips together. He should say something else. Right? Say he’s sorry? Except he wasn’t sure what he should be sorry for other than being bad at talking to people. Maybe that’s what the whole needing the room alone thing meant? With things being weird, maybe Lance didn’t want to be in the same room? Or maybe with Hunk here…
Lance sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly. There was a point-of-no-return that he’d blasted through without even stopping to think, and now…
And now this.
Keith looked pretty uncomfortable with the turn of conversation, which somehow just made Lance want to fill the silence he’d created with anything. He just hoped he wasn’t about to make it worse.
“It’s cool. You like mermen. I just… I thought you were bringing it up because --” Lance slowed himself down. He was careening down the path, still unchecked and filtered. “I had this talk with Allura, and I… you know, she was bummed out about Shiro, and I was trying to be like, ‘Hey, feelings are crazy.’ And then the next day, that happens, and I just thought maybe she told you something or…” Lance waved his hands. This had to sound like nonsense.
His brow stayed pinched as Lance talked, but his expression went from discomfort and thoughtful to just plain confused. Keith had been following the conversation find. At least the first two sentences, but then… the words stopped making sense. Lance had talked to Allura about something… that he thought Allura had told him… that would have something to do with… him being gay? Ok, no, that really didn’t make sense at all…
He shook his head slowly as his stance relaxed, his arm dropping back down to his side. “Lance… I didn’t even know what exactly happened with Shiro and Allura until that night… She didn’t tell me anything…”
Lance’s eyes were focused on one of the chairs of the sitting area, his brows knitted as Keith seemed totally thrown by the jumble of words that had just toppled out of his mouth. His heart rate started to pick up some speed. He assumed wrong?
“She didn’t tell you anything that I said at all?” Lance asked, his voice shrinking slightly. “Oh god.”
Confused melted into concern and worry as Keith shook his head slowly again. “No…” he said, voice soft and maybe with an edge of soothing. “She didn’t say anything to me about your conversations…” He took a step closer to the other Paladin. Just enough to be within arm length but not enough to crowd. Things still weren’t quite making sense. He felt like the pieces were trying to fall into order, but he was still missing a key few clues. It involved relationships. That he could get, so whatever Lance had told Allura couldn’t have been that bad in the large scheme of things… except her talking about Shiro had to hurt with all the flirting he’d done with her, right? Was that it? “You ok?”
Lance had been so out of it in that moment that the movement of Keith into his peripheral made him whipped his attention up. He only caught that his expression fell into surprise after a second or two and closed his mouth from where it was gaping.
Why was Keith trying to be comforting?
“Just wishing I could take back some stuff I said,” Lance admitted. He lifted a hand to rub at the back of his neck, not quite meeting Keith’s eyes as his focus drifted again. “But why wouldn’t I be okay? I kinda feel like that’s the question I should be asking you.”
Keith shrugged as he stuffed his hand in the pocket of Lance’s coat. “I don’t know… Just… Allura?” he pointed out as he kept studying Lance, something still seeming a little off. “That’s got to be tough, talking to her about the thing with Shiro, yeah?” Maybe that’s what had thrown the other boy off. Lance’d always been vocal whenever he and Allura were stuck alone somewhere. Maybe it had sounded like he was trying to give Lance reassurance that there was no other competition around for Allura when he’d gone on about liking mermen…
Puffing out a breath, his shoulders sank a bit as he rolled his eyes. “I’m set on people asking me if I’m ok for at least a year now. You don’t need to ask it.”
“What?” For a few short seconds, Lance narrowed his eyes in confusion, but then he realized that Keith was implying that it had to be hard finding out Allura’s feeling were towards Shiro. Truthfully, he hadn’t thought on it for some time now, and it just felt like finding an old shirt in the bottom of the drawer. You just forgot it was there until someone dug it out for you.
“Oh? Oh…” It had been one thing telling Allura he was fine, but admitting it to Keith was opening up a whole new door. He didn’t know what would be on the other side, but maybe it was time to stop running on assumptions?
“Allura’s great, but I don’t… I mean, I haven’t thought about her like that in… in a while.” Lance felt his voice starting to give up as nerves started to take over. He cleared his throat. “I was talking to her about someone else.”
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. Not that either were all that surprising if Keith thought about it. He’d noticed plenty of opportunities that Lance had passed up. Good date opportunities with Allura. Good chances to just be alone with her in what he could only assume would’ve been romantic ways. He’d just figured maybe Lance was taking advice and trying a different approach. Dropping that flirty ladies man act he’d pull out whenever there was a pretty face.
Like now… Maybe that was the most surprising part. That Lance wasn’t pumping this out of proportion. No waving off of Allura not being on the table or her coming around eventually. No boasting of how she had lost her chance because he had a new lady on the side. No bragging about how awesome and hot this new someone was or jabs about his skills being better than his own. Just… shy? Was this shy?
“Oh,” he said softly before his brow furrowed in confusion again. This being about Allura made sense. This being about some other girl though… He wasn’t sure who it could be. There were possibilities. Considering the subject matter, maybe Lance felt more for Alice than he let on, but that still didn’t make the rest of the situation make sense… “Why would she talk to me about that?”
Maybe it was a stupid hope that Keith could decipher that mess and just know. Then Lance wouldn't have to say it. Everything might blow up, but at least the band aid would be torn off, and… maybe they'd still be friends after?
But Keith had held his hand back. It felt like the odds could be kinder than he had thought they were.
Lance took a breath. His voice didn't come, but he rode an impulse and reached for Keith's hand. If Keith jerked it away, then that was that.
Lance was quiet again. It was bad when Lance was quiet, right? The last time he’d been this quiet had been horrible and awkward and ended in them avoiding each other until a battle and his injury intervened. Except Lance wasn’t moving away at all. Instead… His brow just furrowed more in confusion as Keith felt the other boy’s fingers against his own. Like in the medbay when he’d needed comfort, except that wasn’t the case here. Why would he…
His eyes went wide. Oh…
Did this mean… He had to be reading this right, yeah? Was there any other way to read this? He asked Lance why Allura would talk to him about this someone that Lance liked and the other Paladin took his hand in answer could only mean one thing, right? And if Lance had told Allura that, maybe she gave a hint… she knew he liked boys, even if he’d never mentioned exactly which ones… and… and then that’d make sense. To admit something like that and then the next day that someone says they’re available… it’d be a shock to the system, right? Like this… That’s what it all had to mean, right?
But he’d read signals wrong before. At least he thought he had read them wrong before… Hope wanted him to look back and rethink that fact. Maybe he hadn’t been wrong… Another part of his mind tried to chip away at that. Hissing to pull away and protect himself. It had to be some joke. It was a bad idea. Lance would leave. There was no way he could really be interested. Someone prettier and better who actually liked the things Lance liked would come along and that’d be it. Better to just push those feelings down, right?
Except…
His fingers squeezed Lance’s hand reassuringly before untangling as he took a step forward. His hand reached up to cup Lance’s neck, although whether it was to keep the other boy steady or himself or to just stop his fingers from trembling he wasn’t sure. He leaned in and brushed his lips against Lance’s, the kiss both firm and tentative, his body tense in anticipation of a rebuke and need for escape if he’d read this horribly wrong.
It felt ridiculous to be shocked by the turn of events -- especially since Lance himself had initiated this -- but the step closer, the pulse of their hands before Keith let go… Before Lance could really process it all, there was a gentle touch at his neck and then one at his lips. He’d watched Keith close in, but the fact that this was happening at all locked Lance’s movements up for a few seconds before he eased into the touch. Some inner voice was urging him to let it happen. That this was okay.
And then it clicked. Lance raised one hand to where the shorter hair of Keith’s former undercut was growing back, his fingers combing through the silken black strands. His other hand found Keith’s at his neck, which Lance covered before Keith could think to pull it away. Finally, he leaned in. It was a short kiss, but once it ended, Lance kept his forehead pressed against Keith’s. Keith’s long bangs tickled at his nose.
“I… I didn’t really know how to…” Lance stopped himself, taking a breath and trying to refocus. “I didn’t think you felt the same. We kinda suck at talking.”
Even though the kiss was short, Keith felt short of breath and like his heart was trying to beat right out of his chest. The tension from that simmering fight or flight instinct warred with just wanting to melt into the touches. Because, ok, Lance was kissing back. There was definitely no way to misinterpret that which was part of the reason of just giving into the impulse. If he’d totally gotten all the signals wrong, well, the other boy’s reaction would’ve made it obvious. But instead of some loud outburst and flailing away, here they were, still close together.
He let out a soft puff of a laugh as his fingers lightly traced over the back of Lance’s neck and his hair. “I don’t talk much for a reason,” he pointed out. Partly because who knew what’d end up coming out once he got going. At least when it was more than just some snappy comment. Which made him all the more wary at opening his mouth now and ruining this moment. Ok. Maybe keep it simple. To the point. “I like you. In case that wasn’t obvious…”
Lance closed his eyes for a moment. There were a lot of firsts in the last few seconds, but the soft contact at the base of his neck soothed him. His nerves had been bunch up after taking that initial leap, but in a way, he’d ended up safe, hadn’t he? No mocking. No flinching. This was like the first moment after the fray subsided, finding solace in seeing his teammates were fine.
“I…”
But Lance jolted upright. A noise just outside the main entry door drew the boundaries of the world back into focus. Anyone could walk in right now. Lance grabbed Keith’s hand and darted for their bedroom door, opening it and shutting it with them on the other side in quick succession.
Lance’s cheeks pinked beneath his tan and freckles. “Uhm. I… what was the question?”
The sudden noise and Lance’s jolt had Keith stepping back and turning towards the door. Or he had started to, except then a hand was on his and tugging him off balance. Before he could fully process what had happened or get out more than a surprised yelp, they were in their bedroom and…
Keith couldn’t help the soft laugh. For all of the lines and all of the pumped up flirting and proclaiming how suave he was, here was Lance, dragging them into their room and looking like a flustered mess. It was kind of cute. He shook his head. “There wasn’t one,” he pointed out. Then he ducked his head as he wondered if he should repeat himself or just leave it at that. His nerves wanted to say no because it’d just open up the chance of rejection or some other bad thing again. His limb swung back and forth, itching to do something since his other hand was occupied, causing the empty sleeve of the jacket to swish in the quiet. Finally he shrugged. “I just said that… that I like you…”
Lance’s eyes were on their door for another few seconds until he was satisfied that whoever it was, they weren’t in pursuit. Which was paranoid. But there was only so much Lance felt he could digest right now. A kiss, Keith making a confession… actually, for all their clashing and arguing over stupid details, Lance realized that he’d never heard any arrangement of those words from Keith. Not directed at him. It was always sarcasm or sighing or bickering. Even the calm moments where they were hanging out -- those moments where Lance could swear that maybe Keith didn’t hate him -- didn’t come with any outright admissions.
So much had changed since they were pulled from their world. It changed perspective, and Lance felt stupid for not letting himself adjust to it sooner. It would’ve been way less grief for both of them if he’d let his instinct guide him a little more.
“Oh.” Lance blinked as he pulled his focus back to Keith. “I mean, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.” He swallowed, sure that this wasn’t much a reply considering what Keith had just confessed.
“I don’t know when it started. I just remember -- like you went out of your way on that road trip so I could see the beach, didn’t you? You started showing up almost every day at my job…” Lance took a breath, and let it out slowly. It started to gel the more he thought about it. “The shells that kept popping up on the mantle.”
That feeling from earlier was rising again. To start looking for an escape route. That maybe Keith had been wrong and the whole kissing thing wasn’t as simple to figure out as he’d thought. Because he hadn’t been lying. No question has been asked. But after what he’d just said he wasn’t sure where Lance was heading. Whether the other Paladin meant when his feelings had started or when his own feelings had started. Considering all the situations Lance was bringing it, maybe it was the latter, which just left him feeling exposed. He hadn’t expected anything from any of those actions. Nothing special. He’d just wanted to be around the other boy and maybe make him smile or happy.
His nerves back on high alert, he studied Lance’s face, trying to figure out what he was supposed to say. Should he be adding to the list? Or would that just make it awkward to admit there were times before that road trip, before they’d even gotten to this universe. Little moments of trying to figure out what was going on except there were more important things to worry about. He wasn’t sure if that would help or not, but… but ok that last part… that last sentence he could latch onto because…
He nodded before stepping back and heading around the beds to where he’d tossed his clothes before the battle. Digging through the pile with one hand until he found his belt pouches, he managed to wiggle his hand into the right one and grab the purchase he’d made at the market that night before the battle. Walking back over to Lance, he held his hand out, the carved shell in the palm of his hand. He thought there’d been something similar at some stand in Cuba, but, well, the market and shell being from Atlantis, the shaved away background was a more vibrant shimmering blue and purple and the carved merlion and words a more glittery gold than he remembered any shell he’d seen being. Shifting his weight awkwardly, he cleared his throat. “Since you… um… for the… there’s no mantle here, but… if we get back…”
Lance’s brows rose at the initial retreat. He felt like he’d said something wrong, something that made Keith seek some space. It was easier to cast his gaze out at the open waters that were just beyond the window and balcony outside their room. Maybe Keith just wanted to move away…
Except something caught Lance’s eye, and he turned back to find Keith with his hand outstretched. The shell was catching the light and nearly sparkling with vibrant color. It tugged at Lance’s heart, though he knew it wasn’t really because of the shell itself. It was just Keith, likely coming across this shell and thinking to buy it for a gift. A little thoughtful gesture. Lance took the shell and placed it on his bed. Then he stepped in again.
“You scared the crap out of me, you know,” he quietly told Keith, whom he’d lassoed with his arms. It had been a pent-up emotion that Lance hadn’t really dealt with. When Keith had gone down on the battlefield, it could have gone so much worse… Lance tightened his hold. “The team needs you, Keith. I need you.”
The building anxiety seeped out of his muscles as soon as Lance leaned in for the hug. He circled his arms around the other boy as best he could as he rested his forehead against his shoulder. His grip was firmer than usual because even if the contact and words brought relief, he understood. “Now you know how it feels,” he joked softly, even if he was sure Lance had felt the feeling plenty over their time with Voltron. It was a rare fight that actually went smoothly without some worry that they might not make it out in a good way. But he also didn’t quite know how to deal with the feeling other than gently poking fun to try and alleviate it. Especially considering...
His hand moved soothingly over Lance’s back as he shook his head. “The team doesn’t need me, Lance,” he said softly. He’d gotten that much from the bits and pieces he’d heard about the future from those parts of the team. They might miss him, yes, and want him around, but that wasn’t the same as needing him. It was far too obvious that the team and Voltron got along fine without him around and that was ok.
“I don’t care,” Lance replied. His fingers were clutching at the fabric of his jacket, which Keith was still wearing. “I want you around, okay?”
His chest felt tight. Weeks of trying to sort through feelings, and then having to contend with Keith getting seriously hurt -- Lance had stuffed it all down. Sure, his mind was jumping around now, trying to relieve some of the pressure by venting what might have seemed like unrelated thoughts, but it was all part of a bigger picture. He’d stayed at Keith’s side for most of the last week for a reason. Keith had to realize that.
“I know I’m not great at -- at talking about stuff, and I know we argue about things all the time, but I want you around.”
His hand on Lance’s back found a steady circuit, rubbing up and down Lance’s spine in a comforting pet. It was strange that it took until now to really feel the absence of his lower arm. Now he felt the ache when he really wished he had two arms at his disposal to try and reassure the other boy.
“I want you around, too,” he echoed, because that might not be so clear. In his own head, it felt clear, but he knew his reputation of running off alone. He’d tried to do just that a few months ago and after the fight that day before the battle… it might not have been the most obvious thing… “And you’re good at talking. I just stink at it…” Which is how they’d get to arguing. Lance just had a talent at hitting sore spots, whether he knew it or not, and then… anger was easier. Anger was safer. He didn’t always understand why the fuse would go off or why he was that way, but he did get that the anger could protect himself when other feelings were threatening to overflow.
But that wasn’t the point right now. Lifting his head to glance back, he squeezed his arm around Lance before taking a step back and giving him a nudge to follow towards the bed. “I want you around. C’mon.”