WHO: Lance & Keith WHEN: Last night. WHERE: In the Voltron suite WHAT: Keith can't sleep, so the boys get to talking. WARNINGS: None!
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Keith regretted ever thinking that swapping universes would be a good thing. Sure, Tumbleweed wasn’t on his list of favorite places, but he’d gotten some semblance of used to it. He had a job. He had a routine. Wake up, train, get Lance to work and grab a coffee, work, pick up Lance (which maybe meant hanging out a bit depending on work times). Group dinners and training sessions sprinkled between. It was something. Some sort of purpose and… a feeling of home, he guessed? Something.
But a week hadn’t even passed and he could feel that same tension from when he first landed in Tumbleweed building. Except this time he couldn’t just hop on a bus to try and find some answers. Nope, just water, water, and more water all around a giant boat that felt like living in a space mall where everything was free. True, it was better having everything taken care of as opposed to having to fend for themselves in general, but it felt like too much. Too many food possibilities to even consider for one meal. Stores and shows and activities. Too much, but also not enough. He’d already explored what they had for a ‘fitness center’ and it was lacking compared to what they had in the castle. At least everyone he knew seemed to make the jump and they’d ended up in the same room, even if that didn’t help the itch along his nerves.
Or helped with getting to sleep at night. He’d spent far too much time laying on his side staring at the wall, hoping that exhaustion might take over. Why he thought staring at the wall would help when curled on his other side so he could look out the window leading to the suite’s balcony hadn’t worked, he didn’t know. He sighed as he rolled onto his back. Maybe the ceiling would work… Stare at the ceiling and weigh his options. There was wandering the ship, except they were well past the time when a lot of places closed. There was stargazing from the balcony or watching TV in the living area, but that risked waking someone up… He blew out another sigh, this one softer and longer, as if to make sure he’d actually pushed all the air out of his lungs.
True, Lance could have passed out by now. He’d been taking advantage of everything on the ship -- everything -- with the sort of glee that comes with realizing that everything is free. Spa appointments, food, the sundeck and the pools…
He’d sampled just about everything at this point, and that really only left him eager for the next day to do it all over again. Still, there was a looming something in the air with Keith. Usually there was, to be far, but it had been even more present and nearly tangible when they were both turned in for the night. Restless became frustration, Lance supposed. This wasn’t Keith’s ideal setting. Nothing about this boat seemed to be a Keith Thing. And that concern was what was making Lance lay equally awake in his own bed, albeit without flipping about every few minutes.
Finally, with that barely audible sigh prompting him, Lance risked a question. “Buddy?”
Keith started at the sound. Just a small twitch of muscles at the silence of the room being broken followed by a frown. He wasn’t doing anything wrong at all, but at the same time he felt like he’d been caught. Because he should be asleep. He really should be. And even if this question could just be Lance checking to see if he was asleep or sleep talking or whatever, it felt more like his attempts at staring himself into slumber weren’t as unnoticable as he thought.
For a brief moment, he considered not answering. Pretend he actually was asleep. Except where would that get him? Just staring. Staring, staring, staring…. He finally puffed out a short breath. “Yeah?”
The sound of waves outside was faint, but it was a rhythmic pat against the side of the ship. It kept the room from otherwise silence as Lance wondered where to go with this conversation next. It was a little intrusive by nature, wasn’t it? If you start a chat because someone is clearly thinking themselves into restlessness, then you were probably likely to ask what they had on their mind. Except Lance knew that Keith wouldn’t share just because he was asked. Most of the confessions just sort of… happened. The moment made them work.
“Ever been on a boat before?” Lance asked, knowing it was pretty innocent as a follow-up.
Whatever Keith’d been expecting to follow that first question, it hadn’t been that. The most likely possibilities had been either no answer because Lance was actually asleep and hadn’t meant to say something or something along the lines of ‘can you just leave so I can sleep’. Neither was… His brow furrowed. The most random and yet not random question ever.
Which meant he actually paused a moment to think it over because, well, ok, straight forward. He’d been on plenty of ships. Speeders, spaceships, giant lions, but… He shook his head. “No. Not like this.” Another pause. “You?”
“Nah, never,” Lance answered. He reached his hands behind his head, interlocking the fingers as he stared at the ceiling in thought. “Been on small boats back home, but nothing with a casino. Or a kitchen. Or a tennis court…”
The moon wasn’t full, but it was casting enough light in to see Keith’s form in his peripheral vision. He could see the covers shifting a little with each breath Keith took. They rarely had these kinds of quiet moments, Lance reflected. It was always training, going out into town.
“My family never had the kind of money that could afford cruises, anyway, but to be fair… the beach was always within walking distance. I used to think there wasn’t any better place than home, you know?”
Keith relaxed as he listened because, well, Lance talking was kind of nice. At least when it was stuff like this and not just bragging or lines or whatever dramatics he was going after. He liked hearing about the other boy’s family and home, even more so now that he actually had an idea of what everything looked like thanks to their trip to Cuba. He could picture it easily now. Lance and his siblings running (because he doubted they ever would just walk) to the beach. Finding some row boat and taking it out on the water. Someone inevitably getting pushed into the water. Which means there was a high likelihood that the boat got flipped at some point with someone trying to climb back in, right? That seemed highly possible…
His brow furrowed. Even if he knew those events were so easy to picture because it’s what everyone expected of a family, Lance just talking about it like it was nothing out of the ordinary still felt weird. The question might be rhetorical, but everyone thought home was the best place, right? Of course everyone did, right? Everyone had one, right? Except that when he thought back, ‘there’s no better place’ never crossed his mind. ‘This’ll do for now’ was more like it. A roof to keep him dry and walls to keep him safe and warm. That’ll do…
“Yeah, I guess?” he finally said. “You used to?”
A soft smile lit on Lance’s face, although he knew it was lost in the dimness of the room. Maybe that was best. He couldn’t see Keith’s expression, either.
“Well, yeah. Being out in space? Seeing all those worlds?” They had been to planets with mermaids. Some with lush tropical forests. Technology out beyond Earth was way more advanced. It just felt like… “I don’t know, but maybe it feels like there could be somewhere out there that’s cooler or more exciting. It wouldn’t have my family, but… you know. For the sake of argument, just thinking about how big the universe is. And then there are other realities, and… suddenly home is this microscopic thing you can’t even see from a flying castle in space.”
Keith couldn’t really argue with that. He missed that the most about this new situation they found themselves in. Just flying out into space. Stars and planets and endless possibilities. He could keep flying on and on and there’d still be something new. Another adventure. More people to help. Just more… He had to be the weird one that the bigger the universe got the less small he felt. Less alone?
But Lance… yeah, space and other worlds and adventure, but… “Just because it’s cooler and more exciting doesn’t always mean it’s better,” he pointed out, his words slow as if he pondered each one before he said it. “It’s still your home, right?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s still home,” Lance answered. He tilted his head a bit to glimpse a bit more of Keith across the span between their beds.
He paused for a moment. “It’s your home too,” was quietly added. Whatever Keith felt about his Galra heritage, he was from Earth. Surely he still thought of it as home, right?
His breath caught in his throat and his body went tense. Because there it was. Lance hitting the nail on the head whether he meant to or not. That nagging feeling that’d been bothering him since they’d landed in Tumbleweed and, well, even before that. All of them standing around, ready for that final battle and then… so this is it... Zarkon about to be defeated. Supposedly the battle done (boy were they naive). What would come next? And he felt that first tug. Time to go home. Sure, Pidge still had to find her brother and father, but tagging after that was still going home to the rest of her family. Earth where all their families were. Earth where rest could happen. But he thought of Earth and all he could see is an empty shack in the middle of nowhere. Alone. Yeah, the rest of them would be there too, but they’d have lives to get back to. Things to catch up on. They’d be busy. It wouldn’t be like here where they were still all technically stranded together even if the surroundings were more familiar.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he shook his head before his focus went from the ceiling to the wall next to his bed. “There’s nothing left on Earth for me, Lance…” he finally said, his voice small and quiet.
It was weird how even though Keith barely made a sound, Lance could swear he heard a small note of alarm. Maybe it was because he was paying attention -- really paying attention. Clearly the notion of home struck a chord that lack harmony in Keith’s mind. And something about that broke Lance’s heart a bit.
Lance pushed his elbow down into his mattress, leveraging his upper body on it until he was propped up and facing Keith’s bed.
“You wouldn’t come back with us after we’re done with Voltron? Like… assuming we win, and there comes a day where we aren’t needed out in space all the time?” Lance asked. It was hard to mask the note of disappointment in his voice. He assumed they would all go back to Earth. It seemed like a good conclusion until just now.
Done with Voltron. Keith didn’t like that phrase. He knew there’d come a time. The universe would eventually be safe, right? The fight couldn’t go on forever, not when the game changer was finally on the field. They’d win. The Galra would be defeated and then… and then…
But then, he might be done with Voltron already, right? He still hadn’t asked for details on that. What exactly with the Blades meant. How long he was away, although it sounded like a long time with how often Pidge went on about how nice it was to have him back. He wondered again why his future self chose that path, but with the current topic, his thoughts wandered more towards the self preservation option. They had replacements for him. Voltron could go on without him. Best to make a back-up plan and get some distance while leaving was still his choice instead of the other way around.
That tone in Lance’s voice though… He understood that considering that if all of them were on Earth, well, that’d be one thing there worth going for. The team… Except there was no telling if they’d all stay in one spot. If they’d just be scattered across the globe, doing their own thing. What would be his thing? He blew out a sigh as he looked back up at the ceiling.
“And do what?” The question was half snark, half serious. All he could see was an empty shack, but he’d learned well enough that Lance could have good ideas. See something he had missed in his narrow focus. Maybe… there was a small bubble of hope that maybe Lance had some idea that was more appealing than just sitting around waiting for the chance his friends might have time for him.
Lance nearly flinched at the response. Did Keith really feel like that much of an outsider that he couldn’t even see a place for himself on Earth anymore? Maybe Hunk would go back to Shay on Balmera, and they wouldn’t see as much of him. Maybe Pidge would stay out in space with her family -- assuming she found her father. It was hard to say with Shiro, but Lance couldn’t picture any other end to things than going back to Cuba in the end. And maybe wherever Shiro went, Keith would follow? They had some history, after all. It was easy to tell they both would go to lengths for each other…
Most of the team felt partnered off like that. Maybe that was Lance’s problem. Allura probably wasn’t going to realize she had some feelings for him hidden away all this time. Funny thing about Keith thinking he was the one who was alone -- sometimes Lance could swear he had that backwards.
“I guess I figured you would follow Shiro,” Lance admitted after a second thought.
A look of disappointment flashed across Keith’s face. Not because Lance was far off the mark with his suggestion, but he’d just been expecting… more… Some ridiculous, exaggerated idea based on one of his quirks that he could roll his eyes at and say was a stupid idea. His lips pressed into a tight line. Instead he got something very logical guess that made his stomach twist a bit with that lingering dread that he had to admit had been hanging around since he and Shiro had gotten stranded away from the others. That Shiro really wasn’t counting on making it out the other side of the war.
“Yeah, I guess…?” he conceded, even if his brow was furrowed in thought. “Someone has to look out for him, right?”
Lance leaned back against the headboard, his lung deflating with an exhale. There was just something that bothered him about this. All of this. That maybe by some dumb chance Keith would say no. Maybe Keith would say that he instead thought he’d stop by Cuba for a visit.
It was hard to see a life without the other paladins around, to be honest. They had been together for so long now, through so much. Keith especially -- that road trip together. Living together. He wouldn’t say it outloud, but even finding out that Keith was his roommate was a relief.
But that was all in Lance’s head, and Lance knew that. Sure Keith would go with Shiro. It made the most sense.
“Just make sure you find a day or two in between all those space adventures to come see me back on Earth, huh?” It was an attempt to sound chipper, but there was that lingering note of melancholy. Which was stupid. They were a world away from the fight against Zarkon, and this was all hypotheticals in the end. If they won. If they all survived. It shouldn’t matter if Keith found his own path after it all, and it went in another direction.
Keith’s brow furrowed more as he turned his head to look over at Lance. The request seemed simple, but the other Paladin didn’t sound quite right… He didn’t know exactly what was wrong, but his voice was… off? Not the usual tone. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe this was too heavy a conversation for the middle of the night when he’d probably been keeping Lance awake with his inability to fall asleep. Right now, all he felt like was either burrowing as deep as he could into the covers or maybe banging his head against the wall because he was doing horribly at this again, wasn’t he? Lance starting to talk… wanting to talk?... and it felt like whatever had been on the other Paladin’s mind had just been made worse.
Or maybe he was reading things wrong again. He also seemed to be horrible about that where Lance was concerned. It always seemed like he was either reading too much or not enough into what the other boy did. Like the fact that it sounded like Lance was upset about the idea of being in space and that meant that they wouldn’t see each other which…
“Why wouldn’t I come and visit?” he asked in confusion before shaking his head. “‘Adventures’ sounds like an exaggeration.” Because that wouldn’t be the reason to be in space. Staying in space would just be moving forward. Searching for… for answers… Seeing if they were even out there other than just the nebulous confirmation that his suspicions of being part alien had been right. He wouldn’t really call that an adventure.
And maybe he had those answers already and didn’t even know it. Future him was with the Blade. Maybe… maybe… He shook his head. “It’s all just what ifs, Lance. None of us can know what’ll happen. Maybe by the time Voltron isn’t needed, there won’t be anything left in space for me.” He shrugged. “It’ll work itself out.”
Keith had a point. Things would shake out as they would, if they got back home. Odds are that it would be clear who was needed where in the end, and… somehow that didn’t provide much in the way of comfort. What was he really after? Lance found the end of his bedsheet and fiddled with it between his fingers as the question chewed through his mind. It wasn’t like Keith could promise anything more than Lance himself could.
“Yeah, guess so,” Lance answered. Whatever just happened, he was sure it wasn’t helping matters any as far as helping either of them get to sleep. Way to go, Lance. ‘It’ll work itself out.’ Last time Keith said that, he apparently removed himself from Team Voltron instead of forcing another Paladin out.
“Maybe I’m just getting used to having you around all the time. What would my life be without having someone to argue with, right?” Back to safety, then. Lance offered a smile, though he knew it likely went unseen in the dark.
Keith raised an eyebrow as he rolled onto his side and propped himself up slightly to get a better look at Lance. The first part was almost… sweet? Yeah, round-about and easily brushed off, completely undermined by that question, but then the other Paladin had to throw in that smile. Faint in the dark of the room but still there, warming the words, and Keith couldn’t help smiling back, soft and fond. Even if this was ridiculous. Just Lance being Lance and friendly and supportive or whatever. Just that. Except…
He shook his head to dislodge wherever that train of thought wanted to go. “I’d say quiet, but you’d find someone else to argue with real quick I bet. You seem to have a knack for that,” he pointed out, but his tone wasn’t critical or insulting. If anything the same fondness from the smile had melted into the words. Lance had a way of speaking his mind after all. Even if it could be annoying when it got in his way, it wasn’t such a bad trait to have.
Something in the pit of Lance’s stomach fluttered ever so slightly. When Keith had these little moments, it changed the room. It changed everything. For all Lance could insist that Keith was his rival and that he was some hothead that needed to be kept close… each day seemed to erode that whole stance. The truth was that Lance didn’t want to find anyone else to argue with. Maybe he hadn’t admitted that outloud, but in those quiet seconds that ticked by in their room, it was an obvious decision that Lance didn’t even recall making.
“It wouldn’t be the same,” Lance merely offered, safeguarding the rest of his thoughts from wandering out into the open. “Hey, you sleepy at all yet?”
That wasn’t helping with trying to dislodge Keith’s thoughts. Ok, ok, Lance was just trying to brush aside the conversation or reassure him or something. It was really stupid for his stomach to twist in a good way over that. Right? Even so, the words made him feel good. He didn’t necessarily fully believe them, but it felt good.
Which wasn’t helping at all with the whole not sleeping thing… Puffing out a sigh, he shook his head as he sat up in bed. “No… not at all…” he admitted.
“Yeah, me neither,” Lance answered. Whatever shreds of exhaustion had been present before, they were gone now. His mind was buzzing with too many thoughts to really consider sleep now, and… the room suddenly felt even smaller. He could see the faint outline of Keith sitting up in his bed, the longer hair that usually framed his face catching some of the moonlight from outside. It wasn’t like Lance wasn’t aware that Keith was attractive, but it seemed like that kept springing to mind now. The bridge of his nose prickled with heat. No, no. Not venturing down that line of thinking. Nope. No.
Lance kicked his blankets off, swiveling around on his bed and dropping his feet to the ground. “Take a walk? It’s better than tossing around in bed for another few hours, right?”
A wave of tension left Keith’s body at the suggestion. True, the ship wasn’t the same as going for a walk in Tumbleweed or out for a drive or even just wandering the castleship, but it was, well, Lance had it right, didn’t he? It was better than just laying in bed with the quiet and thoughts eating away at his mind.
Throwing the blanket back with one hand, his other grabbed his knife belt. He strapped the knife to the small of his back as he swung his feet off the bed and stood. “Good idea. Especially since I don’t have to worry about waking you up.” He frowned considering the whole tossing around in bed thing that might’ve been why Lance had started the talk. “Again…?”
Lance was already fishing his sneakers from beside his bed, cramming them on as best he could in the dark. A little fresh air out around the ship was feeling more and more necessary.
“What?” He asked before realizing what Keith meant. “Oh, no. Nah, I wasn’t asleep yet. I was having really deep thoughts about if I wanted to go poolside in the morning after working out or if I wanted to do that later in the day. I take cruise schedules seriously.” It wasn’t really the truth, but Keith didn’t need to know that.
“You go first. I’m kinda convinced you have some weird Galra night vision. I’ll follow.”
Keith paused in grabbing his boots to raise a skeptical eyebrow at Lance. Not for the topic of Lance’s deep thoughts but more because- “You mean you weren’t just planning to spend all day poolside?” he supplied with a snort before his brow furrowed.
He pulled his boots on and took a few steps towards the door. His frown grew with each step before he finally succumbed to what Lance said. “What do you mean Galra night vision?”
“You can’t spend all day at the pool, come on,” Lance answered with a mild sigh. “There’s the spa, too, don’t be ridiculous.” He added a snort of his own, but stopped in his tracks, sensing Keith had stopped somewhere close ahead by the sound of his voice.
“Uh… I can’t really see right now. I’m assuming you can?” Lance asked.
Even though Keith was pretty sure Lance would be stubborn enough to stay at the pool all day, he let that topic drop as he stared at Lance. He wasn’t sure if he’d call it seeing or not. It wasn’t as sharp as he saw things in the daylight, but he could still at least tell where Lance and the furniture in the room was despite whatever moonlight coming in not helping much to highlight things. But he hadn’t really considered… “You can’t see?” he repeated in confusion.
Lance reached out a hand, guessing where Keith’s shoulder might be based on the origin of the voice. He swatted air at first, then brushed what he assumed was a nose before finding the shoulder he was seeking. From this angle, all the moonlight was behind him towards the window. Not enough was reaching this far in to tell anything about what was where. It was mostly memory that stopped Lance from tripping on anything.
“Not looking this way, no. That’s your shoulder, right? Because if it’s not yours, this is about to take a horror movie twist.”
Keith was so wrapped up in watching Lance flail around that he barely managed to move back to avoid getting hit fully in the face by a searching hand. The contact still was enough to elicit a startled ‘hey!’ before he settled into a full on scowl at the other boy. There’s no way he could be serious about this. No way at all. He had to be playing it up just to annoy him. Which made him really want to lie about the answer to Lance’s question, but instead-
“Left,” he countered. “You’re joking, right? You have to be joking with all that…” He waved his arms around.
Lance’s brow furrowed, unsure of why this -- of all things -- was getting Keith’s irritation back up. He dropped his hand from Keith’s shoulder and stood there for a few seconds, silent.
“I… don’t get what the punchline would be if I was actually joking?” There was a faint breeze tickling Lance’s nose. He had to assume Keith was flapping his arms around, but there was nothing in the blanket of dark that could be made out. “Seriously, are we going? I have no idea what you’re doing right now, but if you slap me in the face…”
Keith’s lip stuck out a little in disappointment at Lance’s hand dropping from his shoulder. The contact wasn’t big or anything, but it was still nice. Maybe. He shrugged as he blew out a breath. “I don’t know. Oooooo, I can’t see at all, now I can bump into whatever I want? Oh, sorry my elbow went into your face, I definitely didn’t mean that, it’s just that I can’t see?” he offered. Not that he’d actually be able to prove that was the intention if that was what Lance was going for. Or anyone for that matter. Because the whole point would be playing off the fact you couldn’t see…
He blew out another breath as he shook his head. “Yeah. Yeah… ok. Let’s…” He frowned because even if Lance said to lead and he’d follow, if he really couldn’t see, there wouldn’t be much point in going first, would there? He reached down to lightly grasp Lance’s hand and guide it back up to his shoulder as he turned towards the door, resting it on his back so the other boy had some idea of where they were going. “C’mon. Let’s go.”