WHO: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes (MCU) WHEN: A few days before Christmas WHERE: Avengers House WHAT: Bucky and Steve talk about the state of things, a little bit about the past, and the other Bucky (and Steve's predicament). They also drink in the afternoon, jesus who raised these people WARNINGS: Nothing really bad STATUS: gdoc, finished!
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After Steve had his conversation with the second Bucky to appear in Tumbleweed, he was off kilter a bit. He wasn’t sure of who anyone was to him anymore. The timelines of this place crossed and twisted, made it hard to tell who was from your home and who wasn’t. It gave him a son, gave him a different Sam, and two Buckys.
Which is what was upsetting him. Was the Bucky residing at the Avengers home his Bucky? How could he be sure? Maybe his Bucky was still in Wakanda, in stasis. Putting his feelings aside for the second Bucky, he focused on what was real to him. Bucky was his best friend, nearly his brother. When he had nothing, he had Bucky. He fought for the other man, put aside his friendship with Tony Stark for him, nearly killed Tony Stark for him.
So this was what was on his mind when he woke up a few mornings before Christmas day. Falke said that Steve never slept, but sometimes Steve slept too much. It scared him a little bit when he did that, as if he might not awake. It was the afternoon by the time he crawled out of bed. Still in pajamas, Steve went looking for Bucky. He tried the room Bucky shared with Natasha first.
Something was off with Steve; it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out, and considering Bucky had known the guy for as long as he did, it was obvious to him. He simply wasn’t certain what was troubling his friend. Nor did he quite know how to broach the subject. While it’d been a lot easier to joke around and have everyday conversations in his past, all of that was still so new to him. It made him uneasy, and the fact that it did, that words tended to grow cold in his throat now was a reminder of all that had been stripped from him and he was still getting back.
It didn’t surprise him though to have Steve seeking him out and he nodded from the chair he’d been lounging in while reading a book on how to play soccer. “You look like shit.”
Probably not the best greeting but it was the truth and there was no point in lying about anything.
“Thanks, Buck, can always count on you to tell the truth.” Steve rubbed his beard and it made a scratchy sound that was audible to anyone in the room. He did kind of look like shit, in striped pajama pants and a white t-shirt. At least the shirt wasn’t stained. He rubbed his hands together, and was sockless. “It’s cold in here?” It was formed as a question for some strange reason, because Steve was being Weird.
He took a seat on the couch near the chair Bucky was occupying. “Soccer?” Easier to talk about than what he needed to talk about.
Bucky didn’t really notice the cold. After all those months off and on in some lab in Russia, the cold that Texas could offer up was nothing compared to Siberia. “You can use the throw if you need it.” He nodded toward the blanket draped on the back of the couch. Bucky didn’t know why they even had it, considering neither Natasha or him used it, but it looked nice, he guessed.
“Prep for next semester. It’s part of the PE curriculum.” And it was one of those sports he didn’t know well, but it was something he was going to need to know inside and out before January. Bucky set the book down, giving Steve his full attention. “You’re not here to talk about sports though.”
That much was obvious to him, even if he wasn’t sure what it was that Steve needed to discuss.
Steve yanked on the blanket and pulled it over his head and shoulders. He looked like a very large Russian grandma, but he felt better. Something about it was comforting, as well. Made him feel small again.
“No, I’m not. It’s about the other Bucky.” He paused, trying to find the words. “Are you my Bucky?” It was a strange question and he hoped he wouldn’t have to explain it further. Realizing that he would, he raised his chin and tried again, “From my universe. The one I grew up with.” Steve wasn’t sure how it all worked, the Other Bucky had been through the same stuff this Bucky went through, but was different. And had a different Steve. They were changed by their lives away from their timelines. The existence of another Steve proved it was another timeline all together.
“Far as I know I am.” The alternate timelines thing was a lot to wrap his head around, even more so with the other Bucky being in the picture now. He still wasn’t quite sure what to make of it or how to handle having another him around that seemed to have most of the experiences that he did. “Before here I was being put under in Wakanda.” And then he’d been in Tumbleweed, over a year now, and his path had no doubt altered from what it would have been back home.
“I think he’s me too though. Just...lived a different life after he got pulled from the timeline?” Somewhere else in some other world. Bucky leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs as he looked at his friend.
Steve pulled the blanket down so it wasn’t covering his head anymore. He looked at Bucky’s eyes and tried to find the words. “The last thing I remember is that, too.” Steve figured Bucky and Steve would have the same past, but he couldn’t help but ask, “Do you remember the apartment we lived in before the war?” A small smile was on his face, tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Do you remember me asking you if you were sure? Before you went under in Wakanda? Because that was me trying to give you an out. I’d rather my best friend not be frozen in a hidden country.”
“Of course I remember all of that.” Bucky rubbed at the back of his head. It wasn’t too surprising to be getting asked these questions, and while he did remember most things that Hydra had messed with, there were still bits that weren’t as clear as others. The big events were easier to remember, the ones with some sort of emotional connection, but the little things were all still coming back to him, making him feel whole again.
“And yeah, I know you were. But we both know I wasn’t going to be any help with my head so easily messed with.” He was a ticking time bomb until that got squared away. Thankfully it had been in Tumbleweed.
Steve watched Bucky, his brow furrowed and his eyes worried. The other Bucky would probably say the same things, that he remembered those small bits of memories.
But what made this Steve and this Bucky connected was they were from that time. The same time. They were as close to each other in the timeline as possible. So… this man was his Bucky. Steve was quiet for a little bit as he worked this out in his mind. He never really was into sci-fi as a kid, and all this technology the future held was confusing to him. “All right, then. I guess … that makes sense.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
Bucky’s brow furrowed as he watched his friend, trying to figure out what was going on in his head. He could tell that something was bothering Steve, that he was worrying over some bit of information, trying to figure something out. Bucky had done his own bit of soul searching, especially after the other version of him had shown up. It had been difficult to wrap his head around any of it, and he knew it had to be hard for Steve and Natasha to do as well.
“Alright, why the questions? What’s going on in that head of yours?” He rose and headed toward the mini fridge. “I feel like this conversation is going to require beer.”
Steve smirked and let out a small huff of a laugh, his whole body jerking when he did so. He could laugh out loud but usually kept it inside, because he was a nice, polite, repressed boy. “You and Bucky are different. And it’s confusing to me. It makes me feel like I don’t know where I belong in either of your lives. If I’m really anything to either of you anymore. I’m not his Steve-- which hurts. I don’t … I don’t want-- I want to be... I want you both.” He was stumbling over his words and had to take a second to close his eyes to try and find what he wanted to say. “In different ways, though.”
He eyed the minifridge. “Yeah, beer will be needed.”
Bucky turned back, tossing Steve one of the beers before heading back to the chair to sit on. It wouldn’t do much for either of them, but the normalcy of it was needed sometimes. Even if there wouldn’t be any sort of buzz accompanying the drinking. He nodded along with what Steve was saying, working through the words in his head before finally catching the meaning. He’d heard about the other Bucky and the other Steve in his world and now was trying to wrap his head around what exactly Steve was wanting with the guy. It wasn’t too hard to figure out.
“Well. For me, you’re my best friend. Even Hydra messing with me couldn’t change that forever.” Might have skewed it for awhile, but Steve’s friendship, that link to him, had been enough to be the chip to Hydra’s hold that Bucky had needed to free himself.
Steve slumped down into the couch, letting it swallow him whole if need be, and caught the beer. No, it wouldn’t do anything but it was nice to pretend it might. Or feel a little normal for a bit, having a beer with your friend. The normalcy was definitely needed.
Steve’s realization of feelings for Bucky were certainly getting around. First a hint to Sam, a whole conversation with Bucky about it, and now this Bucky was getting it. Natasha would know soon, if she didn’t already. She could read people. “Then that’s all the matters.” He shrugged. Steve could leave it at that. “I got you.” He gnawed at his lip, “How I feel about … Bucky doesn’t mean I feel the same about you. So don’t worry about that,” he said with a forced chuckle.
“I’m not,” he assured Steve, knowing the fact that he might be was probably worrying his friend some. “And not just because Natasha would most likely kill you.” Maybe not kill but she could definitely maim him good. That thought really shouldn’t have been as amusing as it was. “It’s got to be hard though, with the other Bucky. Especially since I’m sure he’s mostly focused on the guy he left behind.”
Steve fidgeted a little and took a long pull of his beer. “Yeah, it is rough on him, which is why we’re not going to talk about it. None of us. It’s like it didn’t happen. Yeah?” His tone wasn’t stern or angry, just plain and simple. Like he was telling Bucky the weather outside. “This is some room you and Natasha got.” Changing the subject always helped.
Bucky nodded, willing to let it go for now. But eventually he knew it might be something Steve would need to talk about. He would make himself available whenever that did happen. “You should see the shit behind all the compartments in the walls.” The amount of weaponry was mind boggling and comforting all at once.
“You guys are frightening, just so you know,” he said with a small laugh. “So… you helped train her? Geez. That’s like Peggy teaching me to fight. You know, what you didn’t already teach me.” He slouched a little more into the couch. It was especially comfortable. Bucky and Natasha had good taste.
“I did. I’m not as fuzzy on it as I used to be, but I remember training her and a few others.” Natasha had been special though, stood out more to him, reminded him of himself more than the others had. They had connected in ways Hydra hadn’t anticipated and had worked tirelessly at blocking out. “You talked much to Peg?”
Steve was happy they had each other, even if they met one another in a terrible place. They were similar, and he found it perfect that his two best friends were together. It made sense.
“Not really. I picked her up from quarantine, then she posted that picture on the network. I don’t know what she’s up to…” He didn’t know what to think.
“I don’t think anyone ever knows what Peggy Carter is up to.” That was half her charm. “She was here awhile back but it doesn’t look like she remembered it.” Which happened far more than Bucky liked.
Steve made a small sound, “Mhm.” He had been here before and didn’t remember it. He saw the toll it took on some people. It wasn’t ideal. “Before she came here, I was thinking how wonderful it would be to see her again. And now she’s here and… she’s just here.”
Bucky shrugged before taking another sip of his beer. “Things change when circumstances change, Steve.” Feelings did, dreams did, a lot did. It didn’t surprise him at all that being here had changed some things for his friend. “Doesn’t hurt to hang out with her though.” The last thing he wanted was for Steve to regret not doing so if Peggy did leave.
“No, it wouldn’t hurt.” Steve saw people disappear and their loved ones stay for years. And that was only in his few months here. Steve didn’t like living like there was no tomorrow, but he might have to.
He started to peel the label off his beer. “Hey, have you eaten yet? Because I’m starving.” Steve code for Feed Me Please.
Bucky shook his head as he tossed his empty bottle into the trashcan. “No, but I’m not in the mood for cooking either.” Not with how picky some of the others were about the damn kitchen. “JJ’s work for you?”
“JJ’s always works for me,” he said with a laugh. “Let me get some clothes on, I can’t go out like this. I look like shit, remember?”