Noah Czerny (chair_knee) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2017-12-31 01:14:00 |
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The minute he was able to get out of quarantine, Noah did. It was easy to find people. Harder to find the workings of time. Time here did not move so circularly as he was used to. He could feel the ley line, the spread of energy. It was strange to be in a different place, strange to be so far from where he was. His body was in another universe. He wondered if Gansey or Ronan had considered that. He wondered if Adam had. He meant to ask them, but sometimes his focus got away from him and Blue wasn’t there to refocus him.
He reached out for anything, finding something to hold onto, and then he appeared. Looking around, he wasn’t in Monmouth. He took a moment before exploring. All of the energy felt like Ronan, which probably meant he’d found The Barns. “Ronan?” His voice was small, a whisper. He wasn’t formed, at least not right away. It took a few minutes for him to fully form. He had to pull on the energy of the ley line beneath him, the energy of the Barns around him, somewhere nearby, Ronan. It was a lot of energy to draw into himself.
“Hello?”
--
Ronan had meant to go and get Noah out of quarantine, but he’d lost track of time, because he was sleeping. His dreams had gotten more interesting again now that Gansey was here. Part of it was because his recurring nightmares (which weren’t really nightmares) had finally ended - the dreams of familiar places, Monmouth and the Pig, sometimes Nino’s or a classroom, where Gansey rightfully should have been, but wasn’t. Gansey’s absence were what all of those dreams had in common. He missed Blue, too, but it wasn’t the same. And Noah - even in his dreams he didn’t expect to get Noah back. Yet somehow, they had.
He woke with a start, and for a moment he wasn’t sure what had woken him up. He thought he had heard something. He got up from the couch and looked around.
“Holy shit,” he said, when he spotted the ghost. “Noah.”
He started to smile, even though his throat felt a little tight. There had been so much to deal with when Noah had disappeared that Ronan had been on emotional overload and had not processed any of it. He was being reminded of that now. “I was gonna come get you.”
--
Noah had known before coming here that he was leaving, he was going away. It was an inevitable. Time for him was circular in nature. He was going back. He was going to see Gansey one last time and then the circle would stop, he would stop. It had been a lot to think about, a lot to process. He’d been living on seven years of borrowed time. Eventually time ran out and there was nothing left to borrow. Noah understood that. Only now time was his again. How many years would he have here? Would it be harder or easier to say goodbye a second time? Was this a means of hurting his friends? Of adding one more thing to their collection of losses? Noah hoped that here, circular timing wouldn’t affect things. Maybe he’d get a chance to stay. He would find out in time.
There was that word again. Everything was time. Time is money.
“Sorry.” It was a gut reaction. “Don’t push me out the window.”
There was a slight shrug of his shoulders at Ronan’s next words. “I didn’t wait. I was tired of the room.” He wanted to find Gansey or Ronan or Adam. He wanted to find anyone. He’d found Ronan, though, which wasn’t surprising. “I came to get you instead.”
--
Ronan chuckled, but his heart wasn’t entirely in it. “I won’t make any promises.”
He hesitated, but then moved forward and pulled Noah into a hug. He was half-expecting that it wouldn’t work, that Noah wasn’t really as corporeal as he seemed, but he was relatively solid. Ronan was glad for that, because this was a much easier way to communicate than to try to use words. “It’s really good to have you back, man.”
--
The thing about using someone’s energy was that it made it easier to know when things were different. Ronan was different, sadder but happier at the same time. Noah gave him a small smile.
He hadn’t expected the hug. Blue hugged and he petted her hair. He couldn’t pet Ronan’s hair. At least he was pretty sure that would get him pushed out a window. Noah just stood there, allowing the hug to happen for a few, very confused seconds before he hugged him back. “Maybe this is where I was going all along.” Back to them. He was pretty sure that wasn’t true, but he was also pretty sure that it would be nice if it was true. If everything would just bring him back to the beginning. Over and over. The circle continued.
“I missed you, too.” This last part was said quietly as if he thought voicing it would break the spell of whatever it was that was happening here.
--
Ronan had almost forgotten Noah’s way of answering what he actually meant, instead of what he actually said. He had never quite figured out if it was some kind of telepathy, or omnipotence, or just that Noah had learned how to read him and didn’t give a shit about Ronan’s pretense. Being faced with his own truth hadn’t always been welcome, but now it just made him feel nostalgic.
He pulled back and looked at Noah. “Did you know to miss me? Were you in some kind of… afterlife?”
--
Noah smiled. It wasn’t exactly a cheerful sort of smile. It was half knowing, half sad. “I knew I was leaving and I knew I wasn’t coming back. I just had something to do first. I don’t know what would happen past that.” He focused his gaze on Ronan for a moment. “I had to see Gansey. Not Gansey as you knew him, but the Gansey before. I was the one that whispered to him.” Gansey hadn’t known, so he didn’t think that Ronan had.
He shrugged again, shoulders slouching as they always had. “I don’t know if there was anything after that.” He paused. He thought maybe it was just that the search for Glendower brought them all together. Maybe he was going back to the beginning. He had in a manner of speaking. Things had always been circular, but this felt more...permanent. He didn’t think going back to the beginning would make them go back in a circle.
“I knew to miss you then.”
--
Ronan hadn’t known that. It wasn’t as much of a surprise as he might have expected it would be. It actually made a lot of sense, in a circular kind of a way. He did not need to be reminded of Gansey dying, though, especially not when Gansey was here for him to worry about. He didn’t need any of his black hole nightmares coming back - or any new ones, for that matter. “No more dying, alright? For either of you.”
He changed the subject then, because that was a train of thought he really didn’t want to linger on. “You haven’t been to the Barns yet, have you? I’ll show you around, come on.”
--
Noah laughed at that. “I think I’m stuck where I am. Pretty sure I’m not going to get any more dead than I already am.” He would try not to disappear for good, though. He hoped he could keep from going away, from being the snowman. “I think we’ll probably try not to, though.”
Looking around again, Noah shook his head. He couldn’t remember The Barns as something he’d experienced. The others spoke about it and he knew about the stuff with his Mom and brother. He knew a lot of things. He followed after Ronan, studying everything as they went. It seemed like the sort of place that Ronan would have grown up in. Everything was unusual. He wondered how much of it came from Ronan’s head and how much of it had been there from before.
--
“Time for the grand tour, then,” Ronan said. It was nice to feel pleased about showing off his home again; when he’d shown it to the rest of the group, it had been really painful, because he’d wanted so badly to stay, but it was against his father’s will and he’d known the whole time he would have to leave. Now the Barns was his, and he only had to worry about being taken away from it to another world, which would inevitably happen sooner or later.
He gestured around him. “Front room.” And then, as he turned and passed the next doorway, “Sitting room.” He headed into the kitchen. “I’d offer you something to eat or drink, but that’d just go right through you, wouldn’t it?”
He grabbed an apple for himself off the table, and tossed it in the air, then caught it again. “Let’s go outside, that’s the best part.”
--
Noah studied everything as if he was in the middle of something sacred. Would he be able to come in like this again? He had a feeling he’d turn up even if he tried to do the polite thing like Gansey suggested. He didn’t always have control over it. Sometimes he just had to deal with what he had. Gansey wasn’t the same as Ronan when it came to energy. It wasn’t Gansey’s fault. It was just...Ronan had energy to borrow and Gansey didn’t.
“Ha ha.” Not that he was really insulted. He hadn’t needed to eat in seven years...or was it eight now? He wanted to ask Ronan, but he wasn’t sure if he’d know. His mind focused for a moment on time instead of Ronan. He followed him out, but his attention wasn’t on what was around him, but time. It had to be closer to eight than seven now.
When he was pulled back out of his thoughts, he blinked a few times. What had Ronan been saying? “Is this all your stuff or?”
--
“Some of it, but a lot if it is my dad’s old stuff,” Ronan said. He glanced around at it, seeing the clutter of dream object as it must look through Noah’s eyes. It didn’t feel quite as new again as it had when he’d brought the others here. He was a little more used to that feeling now. “I dreamed up some stuff outside. I’ll show you.”
He headed outside, stopping only to put on his boots and coat. It was early evening, but because it was winter, it was getting dark. Most bugs wouldn’t be out in this cold weather, but Ronan’s fireflies didn’t mind. They were basically just little balls of light anyway.
Ronan pointed at them. “Those are mine.”
--
Noah nodded as he looked around. He wasn’t sure which stuff looked like his and which was not. He didn’t know Ronan’s dad. He wished he’d met him like Gansey had. Maybe he’d understand things a little better than he did. But he felt like he understood Ronan pretty well anyway. He was always somewhat connected to him because he was the main person who’s energy he used for a long time.
When they got outside, Noah’s eyes widened slightly and he looked around. “Oh.” His voice was soft. The fireflies were amazing. They were small things, but they were such happy things. Though, it might have been that he felt happy looking at them, so that made them happy. He was pretty sure that didn’t stop them from being happy, however. “How many of them are there?” He hoped a lot. He wished that he could have them, but reaching out, he couldn’t touch any.
--
“Dunno,” Ronan said. “A hundred? Two hundred?”
He’d honestly never counted. He had dreamed them when he was young, and they had looked just like this in his dreams, in swarms, floating around the Barns, little balls of light as far as the eye could see.
He leaned against the side of the porch, watching them. A movement out in the dark caught his eye; he suspected it was Opal out playing in the snow. Maybe collecting fireflies.
Another movement, right beside him this time: Noah reaching out towards the fireflies. “We can put some in a jar and you can take them back to your room.”
--
Noah stilled for a moment, turning to peer at Ronan for a moment before the excitement of the offer bubbled up to the surface and he smiled. “You mean it?” Because the concept of having dream fireflies in a jar in his room was probably better than having real fireflies in a jar in his room. They would probably die and then he’d feel bad about it. It wasn’t like he’d be able to save them. Maybe Gansey could.
“They won’t die, will they?” Because he didn’t want them to die. He figured it wouldn’t be very good to accept something from Ronan only to accidentally let it die. He tried again to reach out, but he still couldn’t touch them. It was probably for the best.
“Can there be a glitter tree in the jar? So they have a tree in case they like it better than not having a tree. We can always paint glitter on later.” But it wasn’t like Ronan couldn’t make it. He just didn’t know if it was good manners to ask him to.
--
“Yeah,” Ronan said, a slow smile creeping over his face. He looked back up at the fireflies, considering them. “As long as you poke holes in the jar, they’ll be fine. They might be fine anyway - they’re really just little balls of light - but I’ve always poked holes for them. And then I usually set them free after a while and caught some new ones.”
He reached up and caught one between his cupped palms, and held it out, still enclosed in his hands, towards Noah. If they transferred it carefully, and if Noah’s hands were solid enough, he’d be able to hold it.
Before answering Noah’s question, he asked, “Like an arts and crafts glitter tree or a real tree that grows glitter?” Because the answer really depended on whether he was going to need to dream up something else in order to make it happen. He had already dreamed a lot of living plants here - orchards full of them - and he knew he should be careful about dreaming more. But another part of his mind reasoned that a small one wouldn’t take that much energy, and it would be hard to say no to making something for Noah.
--
Noah very carefully took the firefly from Ronan, holding breath that he didn’t actually need. He couldn’t say if moving too much or even fake breathing would make his hands turn less solid. But he managed to get it. He brought it up to his face, staring at the light in his hand with a mixture of awe and delight. “It’s so little,” he whispered. “Can you help me poke holes? I can ask Gansey to let them out.” They weren’t bees.
He considered it for a moment, wondering if he could ask Ronan for something, but he felt guilty about it a moment later. “We could get one of those fake ones...or just a cactus with glitter sprinkled on it.” He felt himself dim just a little for a moment, but he smiled until the firefly escaped. “Oh.”
He stared at his cupped hands for a moment before looking at Ronan. “I like your fireflies.”
--
“Sure,” Ronan said. He watched Noah with the firefly, touched by how much Noah seemed to like it. Ronan loved his fireflies, but he didn’t expect anyone else to care about them quite as much. His gaze followed the firefly as it escaped, and then he looked back at Noah, giving him a small smile when Noah spoke again. “C’mon. Let’s find you a jar.”
He went back into the house, into the kitchen, and looked through the cabinets until he found his mother’s collection of mason jars. He took one that had a metal, screw-on top and set it down. With a knife, he carefully poked a lot of small holes in the top - big enough to let air in, small enough that they wouldn’t let the fireflies escape.
Then he put the top loosely back on the jar and gestured for Noah to follow him back outside. He set the jar down in the snow and knelt beside it. “Okay,” he said to Noah, “This is your job. When I grab a firefly, you open up the jar for me, and then close it quick as soon as it’s inside. Once there’s fireflies in there, you’ll have to wait til the very last moment to open it so that the ones inside don’t escape. I’ll tell you when.” Ronan looked up at him. “Think you can handle that?”
Usually, this had been Ronan and Matthew working together. The older Matthew got, the more he liked being the one to catch the fireflies instead of the one holding the jar, so it had been a little while since Ronan had done this part. Remembering that made Ronan feel a pang of nostalgia and longing to see his little brother again. But he had missed Noah, too, and it was good to be out here with him.
--
Things that sparkled and shone were kind of Noah’s department. It was the happiest of things to him. It’s why he loved glitter so much. It sparkled and it made him feel happy. It’s why he’d never care if it got everywhere. Of course, not everyone was the same as him when it came to that.
He followed after Ronan, looking around at the mason jars. He felt a bubbling sense of joy as he watched Ronan choose one and punch holes in the top. It was a happy sort of thing. There were a few moments when they weren’t going back and forth with barbs, when they were just boys that liked fireflies and spending time together.
“Yes,” he replied, carefully taking the jar and drawing a little more on Ronan’s energy. Yes. He could do this. He waited for Ronan to catch one of the fireflies, excitedly waiting to open the jar when his friend told him to.
--
Ronan caught five fireflies for Noah, transferring each of them carefully to the jar. The first one nearly escaped as he put the second one in, but he clapped his hands over the opening and kept it there until Noah could close the top. And then, finally, Noah was holding a softly glowing glass jar, with five little balls of light moving around inside it.
“There you go,” Ronan said, sitting back on his heels in the snow to look at their handiwork. “That’s your housewarming present. Welcome to Tumbleweed.”
--
Noah smiled happily at his jar of glowing fireflies. He hugged it close to himself, sitting down in the snow. If he’d been alive, this would have been cold, but he wasn’t. “Thank you, Ronan,” he said, looking up to him. “Best housewarming present ever.”