WHO: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes (2) WHEN: When Bucky got out of quarantine. WHERE: Quarantine and then JJ's WHAT: Steve goes to pick up Bucky and make sure he gets some pancakes in him. WARNINGS: None, maybe slight language. STATUS: complete
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Steve was a little off from this other Bucky. It was nearly the same Bucky he shared a walk with no too long ago. The same man he grew up with. The same man who was taken by HYDRA. The same man he found again after so many years.
But this Bucky and his Steve had a romantic relationship together.
Steve was by all means no homophobic but it felt strange to think that he could be with… well… no, maybe he could see it. His last true love was Peggy, and it wasn’t love at first sight. It took him awhile to become entangled in her. Maybe That Steve and This Bucky had more time.
He pushed it out of his mind, not wanting to focus on that. Just wanted to focus on getting his best friend out of quarantine. He went through the checkpoints and up to Bucky’s holding room. Steve wore a baseball cap and a leather jacket, hands shoved deep in the pockets. “Buck, you ready to go? I figure you can stay at the compound tonight until you find a place…” He stopped talking, unsure if Bucky had even heard him yet.
Bucky didn't know how he felt about Steve coming to get him. He was being let out of quarantine today and there was a level of anxiety there that he hadn't realized had been building until the moment it was confirmed that Steve was the one going to meet him when he was freed today. For the past two days, he had raged, had cried, had stared at the walls for hours, all coming to terms with the fact that this place and this situation might be his new reality. There was a bit of hope that it was a temporary portal event from his own home world - the world of Blackpoint, not the one all of the Marvel superheroes came from - but the hope was growing slimmer as time passed and none of his own people showed up and recognized him. At least, recognized him beyond the name.
Because, apparently, plenty of people knew him here, just not this version of him. No, they knew him because they knew Bucky Barnes 1. Because there was more than just one of him running around. And no, he wasn't talking about the comic book version, like the Bucky he knew back in Blackpoint. This was a movie version, a version just like him. It was all too confusing and, also, not really, because this wasn't out of the realms of his imagination anymore. Not since Blackpoint and all the batshit craziness it threw at him.
Still, he would have been able to handle it all if the love of his life had been there. And he was, in a sense, but this Steve...he wasn't the one that shared his memories of how they got together, how they had grown together, and started a fond family that they would kill for if it came to that. And that was where his anxiety stemmed from. When he saw this Steve, what would he do? Would he break down? Would he become awkward? Bucky had no clue, but whatever happened, he just hoped that he didn't freak out the other guy. At the end of the day, he was still a Steve and any kind of negative reaction from him would suck.
As Bucky gathered his meager belongings and took one last look at the room he had been trapped in for the past two days, he turned around and walked out of the door, not looking back. And there he was: Steve Rogers and his self-proclaimed depression beard. Bucky paused at the sight of him, swallowing the sudden lump that came at the mental reminder that this wasn't his life partner. After a few tense seconds, he released the breath he had found himself holding, in a rush. "Yeah, I'm ready to go." Wanda had invited him out to live with them, but he still wasn't sure about this compound. Unfortunately, he had nowhere else to go, so he would take a beat and figure out the rest later. Putting on a vaguely neutral expression, he nodded toward what looked like the exit. "Lead the way, Rogers."
Steve had been told he was fictional. That there were different universes and versions of certain ‘characters.’ That’s how he got Sam. Sam wasn’t HIS Sam, but A Sam, and he was just as good as the other one. He tried not to think about it too much. His friends were his friends, no matter what. He’d stand by them through thick and thin. It didn’t matter where they came from. He just didn’t think about it.
Having two Buckys around was going to be complicated for Steve. He wouldn’t know who to spend time with. He worried he’d spend too much time with one and miss out on the other. He worried this new Bucky would resent him for not being the one whom he dated. He felt bad, like he needed to fix it. Be the one for him, change his point of view for him. And... Dating. Steve always thought that if he and Bucky got together (and yes, he had thought about it), it would be a secret thing. Between the two of them. Leave the world out of it. Just the two of them against everyone else. It was always like that. They kept secrets as kids, shared beds, protected one another (Bucky did most of the protecting, though, to be honest). Steve went into this quarantine area with a lot of his mind. He almost chickened out until he reminded himself he used to be Captain Goddamn America.
Leaving the shield for Tony meant he was done with it. He took Bucky away from the scene and protected him for once. In Wakanda. And watched him disappear again. He talked to the first Bucky on the scene since then, and it was sort of a comfortable silence between them. Anything they would talk about would be painful memories or sad anecdotes. He wondered how far along in recuperating this Bucky was. He seemed well adjusted. Time to test that out.
“You do remember my first name, don’t you, Buck?” Steve said a little sarcastically, as he waved for Bucky to follow. As soon as the November air hit them, Steve looked back at Bucky. “Nice to not be cooped up anymore, right?”
"Stefan, right? Like that guy from that vampire show? Yeah, that sounds right," Bucky bit back, hint of a smirk playing at his lips as he pulled his hat on tighter and followed Steve outside. It was cool, though not as cool as New York had been when he had been brought through. He was quiet as he took in his first good look at Tumbleweed. He wasn't too impressed with what he saw of the actual city, but the mountains they were at the base at were something to behold.
Sighing, putting his hands into his jacket pocket, he shrugged at Steve. "It's better than being locked up." Nodding toward the city, he added, "Lead the way, Cap."
“Yeah, Stefan…” He looked back at Bucky and shook his head. Once outside, “It gets colder at night-- and I’m not Captain America anymore,” said absently, like it wasn’t really believed, just said out of reflex. Steve figured they’d just walk to the Avengers house because his bike was gone (thanks, other Bucky), and it was a good kind of cool out anyway.
There was a bit of silence while Steve tried to think about what to say. It was the same problem he had with his Bucky. “What kind of stuff happened in the last place you were at?” Besides the dating another Steve part…
"You might not carry the shield, you might not play the role anymore, but you're always going to be Cap, Steve."
Bucky didn't think Steve was turning back on the mantle, but he suspected that a lot of the events that conspired because of him, because of the Accords, had soured Steve's take on the whole situation. He hadn't had to deal with this with his own Steve, this upgrade of memories was new for him on arrival, but he felt a bit of guilt for his role in this and only wanted to help. Peering over at Steve, he added, "Anyway, the shield never made you who you are, your willingness to do the right thing made you Captain America."
Looking away, he adjusted his backpack strap and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "Back in Blackpoint, the place I come from, we'd be making dinner right now. The portal we dealt with, the one that had brought us to that place, did all sorts of random things. Sometimes it made us switch bodies or change genders. Other times, we would deage or a temporary future version of us would replace us. Sometimes we'd get sent to other worlds, temporarily. We dealt with zombies, dinosaurs, and fairy tale creatures. Sometimes aliens attacked. It was never boring."
Steve smiled slowly and watched the ground move under his feet as they walked. James said the same thing-- the shield doesn’t make you the man. “Have it your way, Bucky. But I’ll have you know there’s another Captain America in the Avengers house. Sam Wilson?” It was a question, because even if Bucky had the memories, did he have the time to get to know Sam beyond the airport battle?
“That’s what I heard this place does. I turned into Tony Stark,” he admitted shyly. “I dressed as him for Halloween because someone dared me to.” Steve shook his head, “And we had gremlins, and in the past, I was told people turned into Legos.” He lifted his eyebrows and glanced over at Bucky. “So you’ll be right at home here.” Steve reached over and clapped a hand down on Bucky’s shoulder and squeezed.
“I never really got to know Sam in any of my worlds. Not enough time.” Bucky tensed under Steve’s hand. He had been reluctant to see the other man so soon, not knowing how he would feel or react to seeing Steve-Not-Steve. But touch? It was too much, too soon, but he bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to relax. Steve was touchy, always had been. He didn’t mean any harm by it and probably didn’t realize it wasn’t exactly welcomed so quickly. They had been friends forever, had gone through hell and back multiple times. Of course he would think casual touches like this would be okay. He wouldn’t realize that this would remind this Bucky of everything he had lost because his Steve Rogers had been his world. They had grown as people, matured and had started a family. James Rogers had been like a son to him. Bucky had even bought engagement rings awhile back, waiting for the right moment.
And now here he was, in Tumbleweed, with a Steve that had no memories of Blackpoint, of them, touching him so casually like it was normal. And it was normal, under normal circumstances, but they hadn’t had normal circumstances in over 70 years. After a too long pause, he mumbled, “Yeah. Just like home.” Except not. The familiar faces all around him somehow made everything that much worse. Despite that, he couldn’t find himself to be angry at anyone for it. This Steve hadn’t done this to him. It was just bad circumstances.
So Bucky pulled his shit together, stowed it, and asked, “What’s good to eat? I’m starving.”
Steve’s hand didn’t stay on Bucky’s shoulder for long. Soon it dropped to the side between them and swayed as he walked. He didn’t think anything of the touch. He had no idea-- and would be horrified to know it made Bucky uncomfortable. Horrified because he did something to Bucky that Bucky didn’t like. They were familiar. Steve hugged. Steve slapped people’s knees when they were sitting and telling jokes. And Bucky used to touch Steve, rubbing his shoulder, yanking him by the arm out of a potential beatdown, shoving him towards a girl he thought Steve would like.
He had no idea what he was doing. Both to Bucky and in general. He was just living each moment as carefully as possible.
Despite Natasha, Bucky, Sam, and even Falke, Steve felt a little lonely in Tumbleweed. He was the kind of person who needed constant attention, constant affection. He could be left alone but then he got maudlin. Thankfully, Bucky said something normal.
“JJ’s Diner. They have great waffles. Want to head over there now?”
Something about breakfast did something to Bucky, something that made him forget all of his thoughts and worries for a few minutes at a time. A lot of good and important events in his life happened over breakfast food and it brought a comfort to him to stuff his face with waffles and pancakes, creams and berries. So he didn't hesitate very long when Steve made his suggestion.
"Yeah, that sounds good. Or you could direct me over. I have cash. Whatever works." A part of him wanted Steve to leave, so that Bucky could get that alone time to process and mourn everything he had left behind. A larger part wanted Steve to stay with him because even though he wasn't his Steve, he was still Steve Rogers and still a version of his best friend. It was enough to make everything both terrible and a little less terrible.
Those words made Steve falter. Everything he knew felt wrong suddenly. He hated HYDRA for what they did to Bucky. The two of them were inseparable once. Then they turned him into someone he wasn’t. It was like the Bucky he knew died and was replaced with another.
“Uh, it’s up to you, really,” he said while rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Steve stopped walking and reached out to Bucky to get him to stop as well. “I’m dealing with this all over again. But I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Tell me.”
Bucky knew he wasn’t the same as the man that had fought alongside Steve during the war. He knew he had changed and while he wasn’t the same unstable machine that HYDRA had made him into, he wasn’t exactly the carefree guy that Steve was used to and remembered. His own Steve had plenty of time to come to terms with that and accept the new him. This Steve didn’t have the same luxury.
And he could tell that it was affecting the other man and he felt terrible all over again for being the one to cause this pain. Mirroring Steve by rubbing the back of his neck, he sighed. “Pal, I know I’m not what you’re used to. I’m sorry about that. And I’m sorry that you have to do this all over again with some random version of your best friend. I want you around, but it’s going to be weird. And awkward. If you can bear it, then, yeah, I want you to come along. If you can’t, I can understand that too.” He breathed deep and let out the breath after a moment. “I don’t know what I’m doing either, y’know? I just want to make sure you know you’re not under any obligation to babysit me. I’m not unstable anymore.”
Steve started to speak and then stopped. Then he started again, “I mean, you’re not … you’re not fresh out of the HYDRA program, but you’ve been through stuff with me that I haven’t been through with you. So I’m just a little … hesitant. I don’t want to make you feel lonely when you’re with me.” He breathed a sigh of relief from getting that off his chest in the words he wanted, in the correct order. He began walking again, leading the way to the diner. “I’m not babysitting you. I’m here because I want to be. I can bear it.”
It made him wonder if Falke felt patronized the way Steve treated him. Almost like a child. Or if his own Bucky felt that way but didn’t want to hurt his feelings. This Bucky had years to get comfortable around his best friend again. Steve suddenly felt very tiny again, unsure of himself. It was uncomfortable and wrong. He was Captain Goddamn America.
He could read Steve like a book. No matter what world they were in, what versions they were, he knew exactly what Steve's body language was projecting. And it wasn't good. Bucky knew it was his fault and, like always, he wanted to fix it and make Steve feel better. It was this want that had gotten him into a lot of heartache at the beginning of his relationship with his version of Steve, this desire to make Steve feel better despite however it made Bucky feel, even if it was detrimental to his own mental well being. Because Steve was good and Bucky didn't want to see him hurt, especially because of him.
"Hey, wait up a second, Rogers," Bucky said, catching up with the other man walking ahead. When he got him to stop, he planted himself in front of the blond and said, "Forget about what we haven't experienced together. As far as you're concerned, that was with some other guy and that doesn't matter between you and me. He's not here and it sucks. Big time. But you and me? The last time we saw each other was before I went to sleep in Wakanda. What have you been up to since then? Other than turning into Tony Stark."
Steve froze up a bit when the other Steve was mentioned. The idea of being with Bucky crossed his mind as a teen but floated away with age and Bucky’s badgering to find a girl to take dancing. Double dates and other tricks. There was a wave of relief when Bucky cut the crap and just asked a question Steve could answer.
“You went to sleep. I went to The Raft and broke out Barton, Wilson, Maximoff, and Lang. Sent a phone to Tony telling him we’d be around if needed. I guess we’re secret Avengers now. But I left the SHIELD with Tony, and I’m working for the military with Natasha here. I don’t know how else to be.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, “Found out I have a son.” He thought that’d be big news for Bucky, not knowing there was a James where he came from.
“Military with Nat, huh? That sounds about right. You like it? Are they transparent?” He had a deep distrust of most governments, but he trusted Nat and Steve and took them at their word. At the mention of James, Bucky smiled. “Yeah, the kid’s something else, yeah? I knew a version of him in Blackpoint too. He was a piece of work, definitely took after both you and Nat.”
Steve started walking again, the diner finally in eyesight. He just wanted to sit down and eat his feelings. “They’re not bad, if that’s what you’re asking. Small town, dealing with all of this? They need us.” At the mention of James, Steve grinned. He still wasn’t sure what to do with the kid, but there was a swell of pride knowing what he did know about him. “He’s got a good head on his shoulders. Don’t know how I ended up with Natasha though. Different lives.”
“I could see how you and Nat ended up together. I actually met a version of his parents back in Blackpoint. They were good together. It was complicated, but you could see they loved each other,” Bucky explained, remembering how well that Nat and Steve got along. There had been a lightness to them that he wouldn’t have believed if he hadn’t seen it. And Steve had got sent back and their world’s Bucky had come along and it was Very Complicated. But James had been well loved and cared for by all of them, as strange as it had all had become. “I still think I’m going to steer clear of the military, but I’m glad you found a place. What do you do for downtime?”
Steve listened intently, to the story of Steve and Natasha. “She is one of my best friends, maybe it isn’t so far fetched…” he added in before Bucky was finished. When asked about his downtime, Steve shrugged. “I ...go to Starbucks and sketch the customers. Put together puzzles with Falke. Jog.” His lips made a tight line. “I don’t really have much of a life, Bucky,” he laughed a little awkwardly at that. Forced.
It was unnerving, that laugh. He knew that laugh. It was from a man who didn’t know his place in the world yet. He had laughed that laugh himself. Piercing eyes pinned Steve with a Look. “You need to find something that makes you happy and you need to do it. Volunteer at the hospital, work with kids, build houses for the less fortunate. Something. You stop making good happen in the world, you lose yourself.”
Steve took the words to heart, already thinking about how he could maybe go to the hospital tomorrow in the uniform. Maybe borrow Sam’s shield for it. But he looked down at the ground again and changed the subject. Thankfully, when he looked up again, he realized they reached their destination. Thank goodness. “This is it. You can stay in my room tonight, I’ll take the couch. It’s a nice couch, so don’t try and stop me. That or there’s probably an extra room. Place is huge.”
“Nat mentioned a room showing up. Gotta see if it's mine, but if it's not, I'm happy to kick you out of your bed.” Bucky smiled, opening the door for JJ’s and gesturing for Steve to enter. He was just so in the habit of holding the door open for his own Steve when they went out on dates that it didn't occur for him to just walk in first.
Steve gave Bucky a goofy smile, one that said, what is this?? as he walked into JJ’s. “My room’s pretty bare. Haven’t got a chance to use that good good military money.” He navigated the two of them to a booth and carefully sat down-- plopping down into a seat breaks things with a super soldier body. “I’m paying for this, don’t try and stop me.” He was repeating himself, he knew, but he also knew Bucky would try.
Rolling his eyes and throwing his backpack into the booth, before sitting down across from Steve, Bucky gave in relatively easy. He knew exactly how annoying and stubborn Steve could get when he got on something. “Hey, I’m not going to complain. Go and get your Richard Gere on. I just need to get some pancakes in me, immediately. I don’t care how it happens.”
The waitress dropped off menus and Steve peeked over his at Bucky. “I don’t know who Richard Gere is, Buck.” Then he hid his grin with the menu. He felt really lucky right now.