InsaneJournal

Steve had a lot on his mind lately. First he was in Wakanda, watching his best friend go back into cryogenic sleep. He was losing Bucky again-- then he was in Tumbleweed and Bucky was fine. It was a bit of a shock to him, but a good one. To know Bucky was feeling human again, enough to have a relationship with Natasha, well, that was wonderful. He had his best friend back. There were speed bumps along the way, it wasn’t that simple. Apparently he had a son with Natasha in another world. Steve had a whole new responsibility. On top of that, he was spending time HYDRA Sam. It was difficult, like when he first got Bucky back. Trying to remind the man of his personhood. Trying to coax memories out of him, trying to regulate him to society. Trying to protect him.

He pulled a jacket on, despite not really being bothered by the cold. As he went for the stairs, he spotted Bucky in the hall. “Going to explore, want to come with me, Buck?”

Bucky hadn’t been able to help being a bit tentative upon Steve’s return. Having him leave, only to return for such a short time, leave again and then reappear without ever knowing what had previously happened in the year or so Bucky had been in Tumbleweed was a bit of whiplash. He’d not been sure his friend would actually stick around this time either, but each day passed and Steve was there, getting himself involved like he had before, though in different ways. It was nice to see, almost comforting considering all the crazy that could happen in the town. And he was happy to have Steve back. As much as he loved Natasha, nothing quite felt right without Steve being in the world.

“I could go for a walk.” Bucky offered up a smile, not quite as carefree as his younger days, but a lot less guarded than it had been in months. He was becoming certain of who he was again, even if there were hiccups along the way.

Steve knew he was one of many versions of himself to come through and it was probably jarring to his friends. Hearing from Sam (not HIS Sam, but A Sam) that Peggy had come through, and even Dum Dum, made him a little sad. That must be what the others felt like when he reappeared. Not wanting to get too involved. That was no way to live a life, though, was it? He couldn’t guarantee he’d stay, it was up to the universe. But he wished that he could. Steve wished he could make it all okay again.

Steve went down the stairs and waited for Bucky. He spoke loudly as the other man got his jacket, “I’ve never been to Texas. Not a lot of buildings, it’s a little weird.” Everything was a little weird here. He thought the world after waking up was strange, this place was ten times more unusual.

In some ways Texas reminded Bucky of Russia. Though instead of snow as far as the eye could see there was desert, excruciating heat instead of the bitterest cold. “Not in this part of it. You’d see more if you went to one of the big cities.” While Tumbleweed had grown since the fiasco into the past, it still wasn’t anywhere near as big as Austin or Dallas. Bucky doubted that it ever would be. But that was okay. It was better this way considering all that happened in the town.

He glanced over at his friend once his feet hit the sidewalk. “Do you want desert or street?” There were different things to see depending on the answer Steve gave him.

“Street,” Steve answered immediately. Desert didn’t sit well with him. Too much nothingness, too much to think about. He’d prefer to have distractions along the way, in case he said something he shouldn’t.

He balled up his fists and shoved them into his jacket. It wasn’t that cold out, but enough that a normal person would want some sort of coat. “So Natasha told me you two knew each other a long time ago, back when I was in the ice.” It was the first thing he could think of to say. Something about Bucky he didn’t know-- it was unusual. Reminded him that a lot happened to Bucky while Steve was gone. Bucky always protected him, Steve took it upon himself to protect Bucky. Until the train. And again, when they spotted him as the Winter Soldier.

Bucky nodded and for a moment that was all he did before remembering that talking was the preferred method of communication for most people. It used to be so easy to do, especially with Steve, but years of manipulation and abuse had stripped a lot of that ease away from him. “Similar programs. They had me training her until they didn’t.” He shrugged, not sure how much he should go into all of that. Was it something Steve would want to hear about? And even if it was….was it something he could actually talk about? He wasn’t too sure, but it was probably best to try.

“We grew close. They didn’t like that. Erased what they could of her. Or shifted it. I don’t know exactly. Just another memory lost to time.” Like most of his past until it wasn’t lost anymore. There were bits he was still regaining, repurposing and making sense of every day he woke up. “But I remembered her here. I remember a lot more now than I did.”

Steve realized then that he might have made a mistake in bringing up the past. Anything HYDRA related should be tossed in the trash before speaking to Bucky. At least in Steve’s eyes. “Do you remember when we visited my mom in the hospital and we found the cigarette machine and my mom actually got out of bed to slap us silly?” Steve tried to bring up something that was funny, or something that stuck out to him. His mom was in the hospital for a short time, the TB took her pretty quickly. Maybe he should have left out the dying mother part of the story.

“Or how you’d always make me play outfield in neighborhood games? Thought that was the safest place for me.”

“It was the safest place for you.” He cracked a smile at the memory of that, trying not to remember how heartbroken Steve had been after his mother’s passing, how much harder things had been from that point on. And yet his friend had remained hopeful, optimistic, always trying to do more. It was never surprising to Bucky that Steve had been chosen for the special project that had brought about Captain America, not with how good he’d always been, not with how much he cared. It didn’t surprise him much either that he’d been the one Hydra had worked so hard to use a perverted version of it on either, turning him into something darker.

“Still probably is considering what I’ve seen some of these kids manage to pull off in PE around here.” Super powered kids were something else when it came to sports.

Steve snickered and buried his fists deeper into his jacket. “A lot of those games turned into brawls and you always busted them up. I tried to, but ... “ Steve just shook his head. Between the two of them, they knew Steve was scrawny and sick. He probably shouldn’t have even been out playing baseball. He glanced over at Bucky and breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing Bucky go back under in Wakanda really depressed him. How long would it be until he saw him again? When he just got him back? This place was good-- Bucky was acting like himself again, mostly.

“Maybe we’ll have a game on Thanksgiving. Then I’ll see about these kids you’re talking up.” They turned a corner and Steve was quiet for a moment. “There’s not much to talk about between us except for what once was or painful things.” A beat. “Or you can tell me about what’s been going on in Tumbleweed while I’ve been in the past.”

“Pretty sure the kids are all going to their respective group’s meals.” There might be one or two around, but Bucky doubted many of them would show up at the Avenger’s place for the holiday. But Steve was right, there was only so much that could be said between the two that didn’t fall into either category, and while Bucky was more than fine with quietly walking next to one another, it was obvious that Steve wanted to chat. So. He could chat. Or at least make an attempt at it, which was better than it had been a year ago. “I’m not too sure what to tell you. Life is what’s been going on really. People coming and going, making friendships, moving forward with their lives as best they can.”

Talking about the past year in Tumbleweed was odd because Steve had been there for most of those months and yet didn’t remember them. Bucky was unsure how to broach all the things they had previously done when his friend didn’t remember it. “Maybe we should talk about what we want to do moving forward now?”

Steve could walk along side Bucky in silence, but he felt like he needed to talk. Like if he didn’t now, he might not get another chance to. Call it an abandonment issue if you want. “Oh… right. Not everyone is coming to the compound. I’m sure there’ll be enough there to form a team at least,” he said with a grin. “If it’s not too cold for them.” Steve could imagine Wanda shivering in 30 degree weather, wearing a baseball mitt.

“Moving forward… yeah. Well, I’m working in the military. Not sure if I want to continue. Just went there because it’s what I’m used to. I don’t know what else I could do, which is a little sad. I mentioned art teacher, and not only is there one of those, but I don’t know if I’m good enough to teach. -- How’s PE? Do you make them climb the rope?”

“You really gonna try to get a game of baseball going this late in the year? I think we’re supposed to have moved onto football by now.” Bucky shook his head, grinning. It was nice to see that baseball was still a running theme considering how much shit Sam and him had given Steve over it when he’d previously been in Tumbleweed. He nodded along to the rest though, understanding that the military might have been familiar but not felt quite right anymore. It’d been his life for a long time as well, long before Hydra had controlled him.

“Yeah, Maya’s the art teacher at EPS now, but you never know. Talk to the headmasters and they may be able to fill you in somewhere related to that. Or you could coach? Not sure how that works nowadays really though.” It’d be nice if Steve was at the school too. Something familiar again for the two of them. “PE’s good. Thor was teaching it with me before he up and vanished. The kids are competitive as hell so long as I make it a competition it seems to go over well with them. It’s tied in with the gym in town that belongs to the Wolverines. You’ve met them by now, yeah?”

Steve shrugged and gave a cheesey smile. “If they bundle up, getting hit by the ball won’t hurt as much.” He wasn’t sure of his place here and he was trying to put his familiar things into the gaps of Tumbleweed. Steve only worked with the military because Natasha was there and he trusted her with his life.

“The Wolverines…” Steve tapped his fingers on his leg, “I’ve seen them around the network. What’s their deal? Claws? Is that a ….” He didn’t want to say Government Experiment Program thing, but that’s where he was headed. “I don’t know how I’d do as an art teacher, all I do is doodle.”

The bundling up comment got a soft chuckle out of Bucky. He didn’t doubt for a moment that Steve could get a game going if he really wanted. He had a way of asking that had everyone willing to follow. “Sam knows more about it than I do. But yeah, government agency fucking around with people. Their world is more messed up than ours.” And that was seriously saying something. “Good people though.”

“You don’t have to decide on what you’re doing right away. It took me 10 months before I had a job around here.” And it probably would have taken even longer if Thor hadn’t goaded him into it during one of their drinking sessions. “And that wasn’t just because we were in space for four months.” Bucky was well aware that it would have still taken him that long. “You thought about going to college?”

“They fuck around with people but they’re good?” He asked with a thick layer of confusion in his voice. He did notice some weird goings on around the military. He just helped process newbies and restrain them if necessary. Help them into their cubicles.

Steve looked down at his feet, the question taking him off guard. “No.” He wanted to leave it at that, but Bucky deserved an explanation. “Don’t know what I’d study, and I don’t want to end up like Tony or Banner. I take things too far” Shifting the conversation off himself, “What about you?”

“Not the government here,” Bucky explained. “The one back in their world. Though I don’t know how much I trust this one either.” They were able to neutralize everyone and while there were definite benefits to that in case undesirables showed up through the portal, it also put a lot of power into the military’s hands. It just didn’t sit right with Bucky that much.

He frowned at the ‘take things too far’ comment, but didn’t quite want to push Steve on it yet. Some things could only be worked out with time. “I like where I’m at now. It's better than what I was doing when I first got here.” Then he’d been living on his own, hiding away from everyone, living on spam and generally trying to avoid everything so he didn’t hurt someone without meaning to again. “I don’t really know what’s gonna happen moving forward but at least its forward.”

Steve shook his head, understanding what Bucky meant now. “Right, The Wolverines.” He looked up at the sky and then quickly turned to Bucky. “Natasha and I are in there. We’ll keep it clean.”

He could understand the idea of just moving forward. After getting out of the ice and not having any Avengers business, Steve kept busy in small ways. He was relearning to live. Not on the same level Bucky had to, but he had a lot to catch up on. “Maybe once I get settled. We’ll see.” Another glance up at the sky. “Want to head back now? The stars are moving, it’s getting late.”

“You’ll figure it out.” He knew Steve would. Partly because that was all any of them could do, but mostly because Bucky believed in Steve Rogers. He always would. With a nod, he steered the two toward the crosswalk so they could head back. “And yeah, I’m sure Natasha’s wondering where the hell we are by now.”

“I’m glad you two found each other,” Steve’s smile was genuine. His best friend and his… best friend.

They walked in comfortable silence back to the Avenger’s house, and Steve felt better after having a private conversation with Bucky, even if it wasn’t the most indepth kind.