takashi shirogane (spacedad) wrote in thedisplaced, @ 2017-10-31 21:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | alice quinn |
WHO: Shiro and Alice
WHAT: They accidentally have a sleepover
WHEN: Backdated to Oct. 22
WHERE: Alice's room
WARNINGS: None
Shiro hadn’t meant to fall asleep at Alice’s place.
But in the end, he had. Shiro didn’t often sleep well, because Shiro rarely felt safe. Months of being unsafe in a Galra cell had taught him to sleep lightly and as little as possible so that he could protect himself. Even though he had been out of there for some time now, he struggled to fall asleep, stay asleep, and dream without being plagued by nightmares.
So, even though Shiro didn’t explicitly realize it, he had likely been able to fall asleep in Alice’s room because he felt safe.
When he woke up, he was momentarily disorientated and surprised not to find himself back in his own room. He would have panicked, except there was no mistake Alice’s room for a Galra cell.
He sleepily looked around, taking in the light colors and glass figurines everywhere. And then looked down in surprise to realize how close Alice was to him.
…
Alice didn't sleep much. At the beginning, it was because she was refusing to. She was stubborn and she'd refused to do much of what a human body really needed it's occupant to do. Sleep had been one of her ways of rebelling against her returned status of mortality. The much larger rebellion had been against food. However, time passed, and memories began to seep back in, and she began to remember how amazing a Sunday morning in bed was. She began to let herself indulge in basic comforts.
But, even still, it wasn't often. Most nights, she was up until the early morning, books in her lap and candles lit. Hand movements were practiced and languages were recited. She was a woman on a mission and that mission was a return to power.
She was getting there.
When Shiro had come over, she'd took him to her room. It felt more private than being out in the living room where Max might venture. She didn't have space for them to sit other than on the bed so she'd apologized about this but sat with her back against the headboard and space between herself and Shiro. She didn't remember when he'd fallen asleep or when she had either. She just knew that, as she woke, the space that she'd placed between them when they'd both been awake was now gone.
She'd slid down to actually lay on the bed and had curled up close to his side. Her dress from the night before was still on but now looked rumpled and hitched up too high on her figure. And her glasses had been haphazardly pushed into the palm of her hand, with her fingertips curled around them.
She shifted, nudging closer to him, without even realizing it. She was cold and he was warm.
…
Shiro’s human hand was lightly curled against her hip. His prosthetic was still tucked underneath him, which was a relief. It was hard enough to wake up this close to someone else, much less with some Galra tech touching her.
If he was being honest, he couldn’t even remember the last time that he had been this physically close to someone in this quiet sort of way. He had gotten used to the sort of way that the team was constantly on top of one another in the castle, but that … wasn’t quite like this. He had shared cells when he had been held captive by the Galra, but that definitely wasn’t like this, which put his last moment of intimacy when he was still in the Garrison. That was a lifetime ago. He had been a completely different person then.
He had never taken anyone for granted, but he had taken for granted that he would always have someone that he felt close to. He had never been without friends, especially at the Garrison where he had risen quickly and amicably through the ranks.
He didn’t take that for granted anymore, and part of him delighted at being this close to someone again, but part of him was very scared, because he didn’t know if he was capable of everything this moment required him to be capable of any longer.
He remained still for the time being.
…
She'd slid her free hand up underneath of the pillow at some point during the night, yanking it down so it was between her cheek and her arm. And, it was the pillow she shifted, as she began to stir awake. Soft murmurs of dispute rose from inside of her, as though she were arguing with herself about waking. Her fingertips curled tighter around her glasses and she groaned.
When her eyes did open, her vision was hazy, as it always was before she put her glasses on. But even in the soft morning light, and with her impaired vision, she could make out the figure by her side. And it made her breath catch in her throat.
Shiro.
She quickly shifted, hand moving to yank at the hem of her dress to pull it further down, as her body slid up into a sitting position. "Oh, I'm sorry," she began apologizing, as though this were his bed instead of her own, and she was shifting to put her glasses on, though she immediately pulled them off because it was impossible to see through them at the moment due to the smudge marks. Looking to Shiro, her cheeks flushed.
It'd been a long time since she'd been comfortable with anyone in her bed. In fact, Quentin had been one of the only people she'd ever felt that comfortable with. This thought was not lost on her but she didn't know how to process it. For the time being, she pushed it away and looked to him. She could make him out alright. He was close enough that she could see him. "What time is it?" She found herself asking even though apologies were still on the tip of her tongue. And part of her just wanted to slink back down under the covers and sleep some more.
…
Shiro pulled back as soon as she pulled away. He tried not to move too quickly, because he didn’t want to startle her further, but he felt bad as he watched her move. He had forgotten how complicated these things could be, and he really didn’t want this to be complicated. He had enjoyed the ease of how well they had gotten along, and he was afraid that was going to be all gone now.
He swallowed a little unevenly. He was about to apologize, but then she was already doing it and then plowing onto another subject.
“Um,” he said, clearing his throat, “a little after seven.”
…
She watched him shift on the bed, too. Part of her wanted to frown but instead her cheeks just got darker. Her hand moved, reaching behind her, so she could grip hold of one of the decorative pillows she'd had discarded near the edge of the bed. With it in hand, she brought it round to rest against her chest, arms moving to wrap around it, as she nodded. "Seven," she repeated.
Even though she didn't sleep much that still felt too early.
She didn't know what to say now. She was silent for a moment before she tilted her head. "Did I wake you? I didn't mean to if I did," she asked.
…
He moved to stand off to the side of the bed when she grabbed the pillow. He tried to make the movement as smooth and natural as he could, given the situation. He just didn’t want to draw further attention to his body at this point.
He’d had a strange relationship with himself since returning from the Galra. As a cadet in the Garrison, he’d never really thought much about his physicality. He’d been able to keep up with training, and so he’d maintained an easy sort of neutrality. But he’d changed so much in his time fighting in the arena. He’d lost his arm, of course, but he was scarred practically from head to toe, and he had put on so much muscle. He’d weaponized his body, because that’s what he needed to do to survive.
So, it made hard to be in more normal situations again. On the one hand, he knew that he could depend on himself to fight and defend. But in moments like this, all he could remember was that his body was a weapon now, and he didn’t trust it. And he was sorry for making Alice so blatantly uncomfortable.
“No,” Shiro answered, awake enough now to work on smoothing over the moment. “Thanks for letting me come over. Sorry for falling asleep on you.” He offered up a small smile.
...
She watched as he moved to stand and it surprised her the way a rush of slight disappointment came to her. It didn't last long but it hadn't been something she had expected. Her eyes cast back down to the rumpled comforter and she tried to think over everything that had occurred just now. Had she given some indication that she wanted him to leave?
Or, perhaps even more important, did she want him to stay?
Shiro had been one of the first friends she'd gained in Texas. When she'd been full of rage, spitting venom towards her fellow Brakebills alumni, it had been Shiro whom had shown her kindness. Whom she'd tried to reel in her emotions for so that she could return that emotion. She'd tried to be human for Shiro before anyone else.
She didn't mind him being here. But who was she to ask why he was leaving?
She tilted her head back up. "It's alright. I didn't..." she wasn't sure where she was going with that train of thought. Instead, she allowed the pause and the awkward moment of silence, before looking up at him again. "...You don't have to leave."
…
Shiro paused. He didn’t know if that meant getting back into the bed with her or actually just staying here. It had to meant the latter, he figured.
The former increased the thrill of uncertainty in him. He hadn’t even considered what it would mean to be close to someone in that way again. He didn’t know if he could. (Did he want to? And he had to admit there he wasn’t sure.)
“I can go make breakfast?” Shiro half suggested, gesturing awkwardly over his shoulder at the door.
…
When he glanced towards the door, she followed his gaze and let it linger there for a moment. Max might be up by now herself. If they went out there, Max might very well be around. It wasn't that she would have minded her roommates presence but she wasn't sure she wanted to see her just yet. And then she heard the question and her cheeks flushed some.
She shifted, moving to climb off her bed, if only because Shiro standing made her feel as though she needed to stand too. "We don't have much," she replied.
"Were...you hungry? We could...go get something," she counter offered. Food wasn't usually something she thought of readily. It was still a work in progress on that front. But she was looking forward to the Thanksgiving plans and she nearly always went out for bacon at JJ's.
…
“Okay,” Shiro answered. He wasn’t sure what else to say, and, to be fair, he was hungry. And he also very much wanted to make sure things were okay between him and Alice. The sustained contact was admittedly a little awkward, but he was afraid that if they parted quickly because of that, it would make things even harder in the future.
…
Alright. They'd go eat. She let herself relax some more and nodded her head. "JJ's?" She asked, her mind already flashing to the thought of bacon and a cup of coffee. Then she reached out, snatching up her glasses, and began to wipe them against her dress. Once the smudges were gone, she put them on, smiling to him. "They shouldn't be crowded this early," she then added.
…
“Sounds good,” Shiro agreed. Being back on Earth, there were few things he wouldn’t eat. The food he’d be given as a Galra fighter had meant to maximize energy, but it had been disgusting, and there had been plenty of times when he’d been starved. The miracles that Hunk had been able to make with goo-based food on the castle had been far better, but still not much compared to warm or fresh food here.
He paused at the sight of her cleaning her glasses and despite being afraid of the answer, Shiro asked, “Alice, are we okay?”
...
She'd moved to adjusting her glasses, so that they fit more comfortably on the bridge of her nose, when he'd asked the question. Now she looked at him and was able to actually see him well. She didn't particularly love the forced amount of space between them that was all thanks to her bed. It felt like a division line.
She didn't want to brush off the question. "I hope we are," she admitted quietly. She let her fingertips fall down to rest against the edge of the bed, where she was pressing her knees against. "I didn't mean to make you worry."
…
“I hope we are too,” Shiro answered, matching her tone.
“I just don’t want to have made you uncomfortable,” Shiro said. He faltered a little, worried that the emotion in his voice might contain its own source of guilt. But he rarely knew any other way to handle things other than sincerity and honesty.
“You’re important to me,” Shiro told her.
…
"You didn't," she quickly said, which was followed by a lull of silence on her part. She didn't want him to feel guilty and the truth was that she hadn't been uncomfortable. If she'd have been uncomfortable, she wouldn't have even fallen asleep in his presence. She would have been hyper aware of him being there the entire night. She wouldn't have slept at all. For years, she had refused to sleep over with men or have them sleep over with her. "I was surprised," she added after a moment.
She pulled her finger tips together against the comforter and held some of the fabric between them. Her stomach gave a turned in response of nervousness but only a few seconds later, she found herself saying, "You're important to me, too."
…
Shiro couldn’t help a half smile when she said that she was surprised.
“I was too,” he answered. Sleeping was difficult for him and he hadn’t imagined that he would be able to share close quarters with anyone anytime soon.
Something in him relaxed a little bit when she answered him though. He was fairly certain she would be straight with him -- and also fairly certain that she wouldn’t have let anything happen last night if she hadn’t been comfortable. And that reminder helped too.
…
She reached up and brushed a piece of her hair back behind her ear, giving him a small smile in return. "But not in a bad way?" She asked. She wasn't sure if she was hopeful in regard to the answer or not but she knew that at least, in her corner, it wasn't a bad thing. Surprising, yes. Bad? No.
…
“No,” Shiro confirmed, “Not a bad thing.”
He felt like they were teasing at something more here, and it still made him a little nervous. This wasn’t really a script he knew any longer, and he was afraid of overcomplicating things. He realized that he needed her as a friend here.
Keith and Lance were here now, but Shiro was wary of putting too much on them with everything that had happened after the fight with Zarkon. He had always been a bit wary of sharing too much of his time with the Galra with them, but luckily, he had been limited in how much he could remember too.
But Alice, strange as it was and unlikely as it seemed meeting the two of them, seemed to have demons that were closely related to his own. He didn’t feel the need to hide as much.
…
Good.
She relaxed now and her fingertips unbunched the comforter from their hold. Shifting, she moved, pushing back from the bed so that it wasn't going to be between them any longer. She came around to the other side, where he was, and smiled up at him.
"I'm glad of that," she told him in earnest. Her hands rested by her sides and for a moment she was unsure if she should keep them there, or cross them over her chest as she so often did. Or, perhaps, to reach out and give him a reassuring hug. But she kept them where they were.
She looked down at the rug for a moment, thinking about allowing for another truth, before she looked back up. "I don't sleep much," she offered, "So, honestly, it was kind of nice."
…
It was a relief when she moved toward him. It closed much more than the physical distance between them.
“Surprisingly,” Shiro answered, “I don’t sleep much either.”
With his human hand, he tentatively reached out and touched his fingertips to the side of her wrist. He wasn’t sure if she would feel shy about being touched now, but she had made a gesture to come toward him, so he tried to do the same -- leaving her plenty of room to pull away if she wanted it.
...