revelation
[Complete] Who: Viara Tremaine, Thren Canondais Where: Abandoned fishing shack, Rivain When: 9:45 Dragon; days before A Tangled Web Summary: Eagerly taking advantage of shore leave, Thren and Viara prepare to settle in for a weekend away from the eyes and ears of the crew. However, once at the small fishing shack, and despite the short time the two have known each other, feelings start getting in the way, as does Thren's guilt. He reveals that he is an apostate, and it... doesn't go well. Rating: M- strong language (angry pirate, watch out!), and partial nudity (but not the smutty kind).
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[A few references to jokes in earlier threads, such as Hamish (the farmer who's barn the two trespassed in) and the joke that they are married, which was part of the same thread]
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A few weeks earlier, Thren had been tired and eagerly returning to the small home he kept in Redcliffe. Glad for the chance to rest after a hard winter, happier still for the opportunity for respite in the warm house that had ever meant only stability and peace for him. Even if he had been gifted with foresight, Thren wouldn't have been able to guess the twist in his life path, and certainly would have had no way to easily describe how he had adapted to it. If circumstance had not intervened, likely Thren would have returned to his life of semi solitude, but instead he had given up normalcy- choosing to move forward. It just happened that forward happened to be at the whim of a small whirlwind of a pirate Captain.
The city of Darismund was bursting with life, bustling around him even as Viara melded seamlessly with it. Thren himself felt awkward, uncomfortable and tall in a sea of tanned faces, but she was more alive and as relaxed as Thren had ever seen her, despite sticking out like a sore thumb with her red hair and comparatively pale skin. She tugged, and pulled, and flirted as light and carefree as any woman he'd ever known or seen.
The situation rapidly developing between them was nothing less than reckless, and despite how quickly things were happening, he had come to care for Viara a great deal, something he had warned himself about on their first meeting.
Whatever warning thoughts Thren about the nature of their association, however, surrendered quickly under the assault of the unrelenting Rivaini sun. He was tired, the heat something that he'd been entirely unaccustomed to, especially in the wake of Ferelden winter. The air was humid, thick with moisture, and each step had only reminded him how there had been no quarter from it.
It was the hot air that made them sluggish; searing their bodies after a morning spent unloading the cargo at the docks, and then an indulgent shopping trip at the market. They'd spent the remainder of their energy finding a seasonally abandoned, cozy fishing shack outside of the south end of the city, mercifully finding reprieve from both the sun and the ever-present stares and whispers of Viara's crew. After a meal of spicy meat pies, they'd found themselves laying together on the floor. There was a bundle of sheets, blankets and pillows left behind by the very helpful, absent owner of the hut but neither of them had had the strength, energy or will to actually make use of them. However, now seemed as appropriate a time as any."Should we...should we set up a bed?" He was tired, not hopelessly so... just lazy... feeling full and indulgent.
"....Probably. Maybe we should undress, too." Viara wrinkled her nose at the thought of getting up. "We'll appreciate it later, right? Be proud of ourselves, we'll say 'weren't we smart.'"
Thren groaned in the heavy air, moisture clinging the fabric of his tunic to his shoulders. "I was hoping you'd say that you didn't mind... but-" He sighed, pushing himself onto his elbows. "It would be smart."
Vi pouted quickly as he got up, it made her lift and uncurl herself a little from his side, though she echoed his sigh and nodded. "Well I don't. I just know me, and I'll complain later. We'll probably just get more tired as the day goes on." She started to unhook her leg and turned to look at the bundle that was tied by the shack's owner. "I guess we should see what he has?"
"Stay there, I'll get it." He offered, taking a few steps to the bundled blankets. Thren pulled at the tie briefly, imagining that it would unfurl easily into a perfect bed. It didn't, however, there were a few pillows, a fur (for which the weather would not accommodate), and a few lighter sheets. He playfully balled up the lighter sheets, tossing them at Viara, before grabbing the pillows and making his way back to her.
Vi smiled and remained where she was, leaning on her elbows and watching him as he grabbed the bundle - she giggled when he threw the sheets at her and caught them awkwardly, one unballing halfway and flopping back over her head and hair. She grabbed it and pulled it off, though her damp hair moving reminded her that she was clad in sweaty, clinging clothing, and she didn't want to get that in the sheets. She stood with a little grunting sound and bent to start to spread out the sheets on the cleanest portion of the floor.
Thren dropped the pillows, before clearing the pie trays from the floor, stacking them in his hands, fingers separating the bottom of the top tray from the remnants of food. He placed them on the table before digging beneath it for his pack. There was a lighter blanket, and he tugged it out. "So, we don't sweat over our host's." He offered weakly.
She smiled softly up towards Thren as he picked up, got out a blanket, and otherwise took care; she wasn't used to it at all - she always did everything herself - and her appreciation was on her face. "Thanks." She nodded towards the table. "I didn't even think of it. Ill-prepared pirate." She fluffed the pillows up a little bit and spread them out at one end of the sheets.
"I always have this in my pack... no more prepared then usual." Thren smiled, before flaring out the sheet, letting it flutter to rest, over the others. He pulled off his tunic, casting it toward the table, and settled over the sheets. "You're welcome." He tapped the underside of her chin, and returned to his back, maneuvering the pillow beneath his head.
Viara grinned cheekily at Thren and watched as he pulled off his top, lifting a brow at him as he settled down over the blanket and sheets before she grabbed her own top and peeled it off, throwing it after his before she dropped down again next to him, sliding her palm appreciatively over the bare skin of his chest. While it was warm, their sweat had largely dried, and it felt good to be without the clingy chafing of half of her clothing. She settled her head on his shoulder and smiled. "That wasn't too bad."
Thren's blood sped up, skin trembling with anticipation as she removed her top, only to slide over his chest. The contact was smooth, and despite the humidty, welcome. He took in a few breaths, settling his neck against the pillow and she melted into him, breath lightly blowing on the drying sweat. His stomach contracted lightly under the pimpling flesh. "We are so smart."
Her laugh blew across his neck. "Yes we are." She played her fingers over Thren's navel; for some reason she liked it, though she didn't know why - it drew her eye, and she didn't question her own preferences. "Now we don't have to get up excepting emergencies."
"This is probably Hamish's vacation home..."
She laughed again and pressed a kiss into the side of his neck, hooking her leg back over him - where it belonged. "We're keeping up appearances at least for him should he come in. He should be flattered; we obviously have good taste in shacks and barns, and we've chosen his twice."
"Yes, but this time we will do more then sleep... soooo." Thren grinned, breath stilling when her lips grazed his neck. He reached down to her thigh, cupping it, aiding her in the silent claiming of his body.
"Well you are my 'husband.' " She chuckled. "I'm dedicated to helping you work on our marital issues. What kind of wife would I be otherwise?" She slipped her hand up from his navel towards his jaw, stroking her thumb along the underside of it affectionately.
The joke hit him at an odd moment, her voice not free of mirth, but far more sultry than she had probably intended. Paired with the feather light touch at his jaw, it was almost more then he could emotionally handle. They were always at play, but something in her tone made his heart skip just a beat. It was hard to rationalize his feelings, even harder on land than it had been in the close quarters of the ship. "The average one?"
"I refuse to be average." Her joke had hit her directly in the stomach - it hadn't come out clean, and was tinged with those rolling emotions that were swimming in her chest cavity, at times powerful enough to push through all of her mental checks. She couldn't name everything she was feeling - perhaps didn't want to - and was simply trying to ride them out without question, at least for each moment that came across them. She was too happy and content to let herself ruin it with too much thinking. Not right now. She only hoped she wouldn't betray too much. She tucked some of his hair behind his ear and smiled. "And you certainly aren't."
"Then we'll have to settle for above average, this is a mediocrity free zone." His hair was tucked behind his ear, a simple gesture of affection that he really had no experience with. He swallowed as the hair ghosted over his cheek as it was brushed backward, fingers whispering over the shell. It wasn't erotic, but every touch hit him in his confusion, and he felt hyper aware.
"Poor us, settling only for the best." She saw his throat bob as he swallowed a little harder when she brushed at his hair and smiled; somehow it still touched her that he reacted to the most basic of affection so much - and that it was honest, not at all contrived. She brushed her thumb over the curve of his ear and slid her hand forward to cup Thren's cheek.
It was just a surge of emotion, more than he felt he could bear. Thren resisted the urge to pull away from her, reveling in the contact as much as he feared it. He blew out a quick sigh when her hand settled over his face, and he squeezed his eyes shut, focused only on breathing for a moment, and not pulling away. This all suddenly felt like more then he could handle. This was supposed to be... easier- a quick dalliance, a small trip to Cumberland with the intentions of maintaining a burgeoning friendship. He hadn't intended to be here, weeks later with no end in sight. He hadn't intended on fearing the inevitable end.
Vi furrowed her brow a little bit as Thren squeezed his eyes shut, watching his features, and slipped her fingers down from his face to put her hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright...?" She lifted her head up off of him to look at him more clearly. She wasn't quite frowning, but she was confused, and she was sure it was evident. The only thing she could figure was that he was uncomfortable with the backhanded compliment, calling him 'the best'- Thren didn't do well with compliments, and tended to simply throw them back once they'd been cast.
Her voice was unsure, but her tone was still laced with the sultry easiness that he normally adored. He threaded his fingers through her hair, cupping her behind the ear. "I am... don't worry about me." Thren stroked behind her ear, brushing his thumb over the silky strands.
His fingers across her ear, even in brushing back her hair, sparked the inevitable physical reaction that laced under her skin and down her spine and caused a soft reactive shiver. It was distracting, and she thought it might be a tactic to do just that. She didn't seem entirely convinced of his words, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. "I worry more than you'd think. Did I say something wrong? Bad compliment?" Her head tilted towards his hand even as he stroked - finding herself almost disturbingly attached to the way he touched her.
"No, you didn't say anything wrong at all." He continued the mindless touching, suddenly feeling, once again, stupid. "I feel close to you, and sometimes it catches me by surprise. It's... a month ago Viara, I went four days without talking to a single person. And I don't want to say anything that could frighten you off."
Vi turned her head to kiss his palm before looking back towards Thren, her face soft. "I get caught by...surprise, sometimes, too. Certain moments..." she swallowed, glancing down at the pillows and deciding to abandon that train of thought, shaking her head with a little chuckle. "I don't scare so easy. Well...normally. What do you think you could say that would scare me?"
Thren sighed. He knew of two large somethings... would now be a good time to be honest with her? If he planned on staying with her, and feeling as deeply for her as he did, he'd need to reveal he was an Apostate. If he waited too much longer- he didn't know what would happen, but he doubted it would ease the revelation. "I don't know you as well as I like- but... I think that there are some things that I shouldn't say."
Vi's curiosity started to war with her caution; his face was serious, and it was obvious he was struggling with something. It was something he considered important and thus she immediately wanted to know - but it seemed plain that it was something he was worried would drive her away entirely, or at the very least drive a wedge through the day or for a longer period of time. They'd promised each other not to push, but Vi had a nagging, deep suspicion settling in her stomach that what was between them was going to get complicated...soon. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth as a rush of cold shivers inched through the rolling warm wave that had dominated her mood the entire day. "...I guess we still have secrets, don't we?" She put her hand over his and squeezed a little.
Thren took a deep breath, pushing himself up onto his elbows. "Vi, it's not an easy secret... like I stole a bottle of ink from the Wonders of Thedas when I was seven years old, and I want to tell you- but I don't want to dump it on you to assuage the guilt that I feel from keeping it from you." If he was going to tell her, it was better to do it on land. He could disappear here. Rivain was big. He just couldn't rationalize away the nagging voice that begged him not to tell her. It was guilt, his guilt. Would he even be telling her because he wanted to, or because he didn't want to feel this black, creeping nausea?
He took his hand back and Vi felt like she'd lost a small anchor and was adrift, her brow furrowing. She thought he might have taken the easy out she offered if he recognized it as such, but he hadn't. Instead he was agitated, and the cold prickles under her skin intensified. She crossed her arms over her chest for a moment before realizing it probably looked like a defensive posture, and she forced herself to lower them. "I-" Her lips tugged in a frown. "I don't want you to be upset. I want to know about you, but I don't want anything between us to feel like guilt. That's too close to it being false or forced. Really, you don't- Don't do anything that doesn't feel right or natural. Please."
Thren groaned, flopping back down, unable to meet her eyes. It was an ugly emotion, swirling quickly over every trace of the contentment and joy that they'd been basking in. If he decided not to tell her, could they dissolve back into that, or was that too far gone? She'd given him an out, but she internalized fear and concern as much as he did. Had he talked himself into telling her? "I'm sorry... I'm an idiot- you told me I didn't have to, but here I am- still worried and thinking." Why did they always break intimacy and happiness like this? One of them always brought them to this feeling of helplessness.
Vi let out a long sigh. She didn't know if she started this or he did, but she didn't want it. She was starting to taste fear and vulnerability, like acid on the back of her tongue that slipped down her throat to burn a hole at the base of her heart. What just happened? She felt lost and very small, and like she should be understanding something that she wasn't, or couldn't. She ran her hands back through her hair and then shook her head, ducking down and shifting over to lay on top of Thren, putting her arms around his shoulders and squeezing, her forehead against his collar. The worst that could happen would be that he pushed her off, but she suddenly felt alone, and that was the worst feeling of them all. "You're not an idiot. It's okay. I'm...scared too."
It was bile, heat building in the center of his chest. Her arms suddenly wrapped around him, a swift embrace that'd taken him by surprise. He immediately returned it, arms wrapping over her back. Viara was never a particularly vulnerable person, and he hated that he seemed to make her feel that way. He squeezed her, drawing her closer to his body. "What are you afraid of?"
He hugged her and she shut her eyes. Panic had risen quickly, and was very slow to abate. She didn't even know how to describe her fear to herself; articulating it seemed impossible. She squeezed with her arms, she bolted her eyelids tight together, pressed her lips together before she let out breath and words all in a rush "I'm scared that I care, and that you might...And that I won't- I won't know the right thing to do, and that if there's something really wrong, you'll go, and I'm scared that I won't be...hell, you stopped touching me and I suddenly didn't feel alright, and that's really scary."
He squeezed her tighter, feeling her breasts firm against him. It was a flurry of words, and he listened to each one. "That I might feel the same?" Thren thought about it, not wanting to put words into her mouth. "You are doing the right thing, and I do feel the same, and... I don't want to go. I don't want you to ask me to go."
Her laughter was more in slight relief than mirth. "Doing the right thing by throwing myself upon you? I- I don't think I'd ask you to go unless something truly bad happened. Or you had to. And...you do? Care, I mean. I-I do care. And I want to know you. Good and bad, you can't be a person and not have some bad things, but...if you're feeling bad about something bad, then that's too much bad, maybe, right now. Or something." She knew she sounded stupid. She was making no sense, the words were coming out as the end of her panic and the fear she was tasting. It made her feel ridiculous and she felt a blush rushing to her face.
"We shouldn't feel bad, not now." He felt the heated blush against his chest. "I get it." His chest continued to rise and fall, and he took comfort in it, unable to believe how much he'd mucked this up. "Vi... I do care, very much. Otherwise this wouldn't be happening."
"I know I sound like an idiot. I just want to be happy right now." She took in a deep, shaky breath, trying to listen to his breathing and his heart, his voice rumbling around under one ear and drifting in his normal tone to the other. "If you're feeling guilty about something then...I wish I could help you not be, but I don't know how. I have guilty secrets too. But I- Tell me when it feels right, if you want to. That's all I want." She drifted her hands up to squeeze around his neck when he said he cared - very much - the words settling down deep at her core. They both soothed and heightened her mood. She realized right that that she wanted him to care, and she didn't know if that was selfish of her. It seemed his caring brought about his guilt, but she still wanted it. And that was scary too. Her head buzzed. "Hopefully you still care even though I'm being reallypathetic right now."She tried to joke, but the laughing tone caught in her throat.
"Vi, you aren't being pathetic... I care about you more right now-" His breath was coming rapidly and his stomach would not stop jerking. "Vi, I'm an Apostate." The words were out and his face was burning. Searing around his nose, as his chest heaved with the realization that he'd actually said it. What was he doing? She was on his chest, and he couldn't run, but his skin was screaming for him to move. "Shit."