bethen avilla ; the circle mage (bethe) wrote in thedas,
A sigh escaped the woman's lips; no, Deidre hadn't understood what she was trying to say. Once again, Bethen felt emotionally isolated, even while standing in the company of someone so open-minded and willing to listen to her lament. The sister meant to be encouraging, but her words only served to remind her how different their experiences had been to shape their perspectives. "Whether it actually matters to him or to me isn't exactly the point, is it? You've never lived in the Tower, I suppose you can't really imagine... Even having an innocent talk with Alderic in the library over a new book is cause for scrutiny within those walls." Quickly, Beth shook her head, realizing that her unclear phrasing may have had other implications. She corrected herself, "Not that Aurin and I do anything inappropriate, mind you, just... It's different." There was no need to elaborate; even without other factors coming into it, their long history together had forged a unique bond, and with it came a reputation. It was no secret in the Tower that they were friends, and that was where the problem laid.
Beth turned a curious glance over to Dee, "Do you know of Knight-Commander Cullen? He's relatively new to the position, but he firmly discourages fraternization, and he certainly has good reason to do so." Most people within the Chantry knew the story of the caged Templar who withstood the mental torture of many demons and maleficar. He was even heralded as a hero to some, a symbol of the fortitude of the order in the face of evil. She was not unsympathetic to what he had been through, but Cullen was not a tolerant or patient man. He was not Greagoir -- harsh and stern in his own right, but never so distrustful, callous and spiteful toward his charges as his successor. Time wasn't the dictator in the state of her friendship with Aurin; it was duty. There was a cold edge to her tone now, as she repeated words that had once been said to her, "To make it into rhetoric, what we are supersedes who we are." Irving was always the dispenser of sound logic and reason; when they were young, he hadn't discouraged her from being kind to Aurin, but he did warn her not to get too attached. Beth wished now that she had heeded it.
"It should matter to Aurin, by virtue of his status as a templar, that I am a mage, even if he'd rather it not. It certainly matters to the Chantry. They might not have authority over me now, but he is still their warrior. And the last thing I would ever wish to do is cause him any harm or trouble just by being part of his life. He makes enough of it for himself." At that, a wry smile flickered across her face, but disappeared as her mouth pressed into a line of concern. There were worse things in the world than death. Sometimes survival was punishment enough.