bethen avilla ; the circle mage (bethe) wrote in thedas,
Bethen watched the other woman's expression change with each subject in dull fascination; fifteen years weren't long enough to erase the vivid memory of violence and bloodshed, but it was enough time to develop a strange shell of detachment from the event. The woman who hadn't been there appeared more sensitive to the subject than the one who had been. And she'd even left out the gory details this time, too. The subtle shift in the curve of Dee's mouth, the movement of her brow, was of greater intrigue than the words of sympathy that followed. She meant well by it, but the more times that Beth spoke about the insurgency, the less the experience felt like her own and the less she wanted to hear other people tell her they were glad she survived. If there was a reason that the mage was hesitant to speak of the subject, it was primarily because of the discomfort it caused others when she did. Beth nodded, though, to acknowledge the words of kindness and allow the conversation to shift. It was a part of her past that had been dwelled upon enough before not to warrant further discussion now.
If Deidre looked untamed, then Bethen was her opposite; only a few strands of hair had come undone from where they were bound up out of her face, and her own plain dress still looked pressed and new. She was composed in both outfit and in expression, half-smiling out of courtesy rather than real pleasure, not allowing her face to betray any genuine emotion. Though at this point, she wasn't even certain what she was feeling. Indifference over her trauma had been replaced by the frustration and confusion that had plagued her when she was actually in Aurin's presence. It has to be something else. Dee was more correct than she knew, but acknowledging the complete truth made Beth feel uneasy and uncertain. He hadn't said anything direct, but there were implications in what he said, in how he looked at her, how he held her... Bethen closed her eyes, as if to shut the memory out, before glancing back up at her companion.
"We've...talked. A little, over the last few days. In fact, it was probably the most sincere discussion we've had in years. Since he took his vows, and since I became a full mage, we've had very little time to spend together, as you can imagine, and little time to speak to one another privately," she admitted, sadness creeping into her expression. The corners of her mouth dipped and her brow was brought together, and she wound up staring at her hands instead of looking at Dee. "The dilapidation of our friendship was never any surprise. It was...inevitable, all things considered. I just didn't think I would ever need to confront it, really." The distance between them was supposed to get easier with time. He wouldn't need her when he had his missions and the Chantry, and she would have the Circle and her apprentices. Their lives would be filled with other things, their own adventures, duties, responsibilities, other people and other friendships to replace what they had, until they'd forgotten that anything was ever there. But that plan had failed, and she found herself needing Aurin once again, when she shouldn't have.