The question was simple, but just not innocent. Aurin knew as soon as the words were out of his mouth that he shouldn’t have said them. He shouldn’t have even hinted at what he felt. It wasn’t right for him to do that to her. His confession might have cost him his most precious friendship and inwardly he cursed his loose tongue. It was the truth, he couldn’t deny that in the least. It was the entire and utter truth, but he had tried to keep that from her. He had succeeded for so long in part because he had stayed away from her. He could feel that temptation even now. A delicious impulse to take her in his arms and kiss her, to keep her there with him until the world called on them once again. It was a temptation that grew stronger every time he saw her. She was a temptation, but sin? He could never even think of her as such. She was his greatest strength. She was why he kept returning from missions that by all rights should have seen him dead and gone. She gave him a reason to keep on, when his faith in the Order faltered.
He had no idea how to tell her all that. When she gave him that half-hearted smile he simply nodded once towards her in slow acceptance. He saw the pain in her eyes, the hesitation in her words. He once again cursed himself for a fool for saying anything. She didn’t deserve the hurt that confession might have caused. She deserved someone stable, someone who could actually be there for her. Not a womanizing, lying, killer like himself. She deserved better. Something who could stay with her and not be sent off at a moments notice on some damn fool crusade. Even though she was in the same lot now. The best thing to be was her friend, if he could even remain that. “Good,” he finally replied. His voice was still quiet but at least it was steady. “I’d hate to have to sneak it into your pack. I’m not all that good at sneaking.”
He watched her as his smile slowly faded. She was so tense. It seemed she was drawn taunt as a bowstring. He didn’t know if he had frightened her, or insulted her. His intention wasn’t to do either of them. Cruelty was the furthest thing from his mind. He couldn’t take the words back though once they had escaped. Instead he glanced down towards the gift as well, so plainly wrapped. “…I should have done a better job at wrapping. I was always hopeless at that.” His words held a faint tinge of amusement to them before he looked back towards her as she spoke. “Well you coming back alive would be enough. If you want to get me something else though I won’t say no to a gift.”
As she rose he looked up in surprise. At the touch of her soft fingers against his cheek he went still. He could feel her fingers in his hair and his head slowly turned to rest his cheek more fully on her palm. He drew in a deep breath of her particular scent as he locked this moment in his memory. Her warmth, her voice, her touch, her lips. He wanted to remember this. His head slowly turned in those few breaths of contact to place a light kiss against the palm of her hand. He raised his own hand to reach for her face, a tentative touch of his calloused fingertips against her cheek. “Beth,” he whispered back. “I…”
He clamped down on the words before they could come. A heartbeat later she pulled away from him, putting distance between them. Removing that temptation from arms reach. He wanted to kiss her properly, to use all the tricks he knew on her. He couldn’t though, not to Beth. She deserved more than that. It took him a breath to tame his own desires before he looked up back towards her. “You’re welcome.” He managed the words and a smile as he looked back towards her.
He sat back on the stool just slightly. It was hard, so very hard to pretend that nothing just happened. “If you don’t know what to get, then ask Dee or Alderic for advice on it.” He latched onto the subject as well as he could. “They know me better than almost anyone. If you are still intent on getting me something that is. Though trust me, I won’t forget the girl that used to help me sneak cookies from the kitchens.”