As she spoke he dropped his gaze as his eyes closed. There was a subtle pain in the mostly neutral lines of his expression. Something that he could hide from almost anyone else in the world, except for Bethen. He listened though, he couldn’t help but listen to the halting words from the woman. How could he tell her though, how could he explain. He knew all of that, he encouraged all of that. Did she think he didn’t know? She needed a friend that wasn’t a Templar. She needed a friend that wasn’t going to move on. She needed a friend that could be stable and there for her. He slowly opened his eyes as he looked back towards the woman with a soft smile on his face. “I know.” His words were slow but steady. “I know all that Beth. You don’t need to apologize to me for it. I wanted you to move on, even if it was with him.”
How did he tell her he had spent nights on the road praying that she could simply be happy. That he had worked at getting missions that sent him abroad simply to give her time to find someone. How that when he found that someone just happened to be the man that gave him so much hell as a child. “I don’t hate you for it, I don’t dislike you for it, I don’t blame you for it. I hope you don’t blame me for it. I hope you don’t hate me for not being able to be there. I always worried about that. As for Constans and I, what happened when we were younger…well it was younger. That isn’t the reason I hate him.” He doesn’t speak of the reason that he does hate the man. The expression in his eyes and the slight frown that tugged down the corners of his mouth says without a doubt that he did hate him. He hated him for a simple reason, and one that he couldn’t ever forgive.
The fact that he could never forgive him for hurting her. For betraying her trust. He was supposed to be her friend, he was supposed to be there so she could be happy without him. Instead he was a fool, and just seeing what he had become hurt her.
“I know you aren’t.” He murmured as he glanced back up towards her eyes. He wouldn’t look away or make a joke this time. He wouldn’t look away. He wanted this for her. “There isn’t anything I want more. I want you to make your own stories. I want to see your own adventures. I want to hear about your gleeful exploits. I would have taken you on them myself if I could.” His own words rang with a quiet truth as he spoke. This wasn’t like him at all, to speak the honest truth without even attempting to wriggle its way out of it all. “I think you deserve to have your own story.”
At that request though he freezes. His eyes search her face for a moment, his own sapphire orbs bright before he lets a soft sigh escape past his lips. He can’t say no, not to her. Even in something like this. “I promise. I’ll keep them safe if I can.” He glances up though as she squeezes his hand. “I want you to be safe, Bethen. Its one of my few wishes in this world.” Not that he wants to keep the world safe from her, he wants to keep her safe from the world. He can’t though, he knew it for years. There wasn’t a way to keep her safe forever, no matter how hard he tried. “Just promise me something in return?” He asked quietly as he fixed her eyes with his.
“After the Joining, and all of your thrilling heroics, just come back to me. In one piece. Alright?” He flashed her a slightly lopsided smirk. “I gave you the same promise before, its only fair.”