InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Have a seat right over there."

Clary Fairchild (keepscomingback) wrote in thecityof,
@ 2017-10-02 18:08:00

Entry tags:

clary fray, isabelle lightwood

WHO: Clary & Izzy
WHEN: The night Clary arrived
WHERE: Clary's place
WHAT: Getting her bearings
WARNINGS: NKA
RATING: TBD

"Breathe, Clary." The petite shadowhunter instructed herself aloud. "Just...breathe."

The truth was, even that hurt. Right now, everything hurt. The news that her friends were here should have been a comfort but the more it sunk in that they weren't the same ones from her world, the more sick inside and totally adrift she felt. After everything she'd literally just been through, Clary had desperately needed time to process it all. Watching Jace die, even though he'd been brought back, was the worst moment of her entire life. If she lived as long as Magnus had, she still wouldn't be able to forget it. The way his voice sounded when he told her he loved her, the smell of blood permeating the air between them, how helpless she felt when she knew she couldn't save him, that last tremble of his body before he was really and truly gone.

It was enough to break her permanently. No matter how they moved on from here, or how much she healed emotionally, there was always going to be a heavy scar on her soul. And her mind would remain haunted by that small span of time in which the love of her life was gone from her forever. However briefly, she'd felt that loss for what it was at the time and it still hurt like Hell to remember.

What she wouldn't give for a memory wipe right now.

The rage that had consumed her as she'd stabbed Valentine over and over again was still there too. All she had to was think of him and her jaw became rigid, her teeth and fists automatically clenching and she wanted to kill him all over again. One fairly quick death for him wasn't nearly enough for all the pain he had caused her and all of the people that she loved. But it was all she was going to get and somehow, she was going to have to find a way to live with it.

It occurred to Clary that she was getting herself worked up over nothing since this version of Jace was still Jace. Way much moreso than he had been the other time she'd traveled interdimensionally. But what she really needed was to talk to her Jace. The one who had lived through everything she had, not gotten to somehow skip the actual worst part of it. This Jace still thought she was his sister which was truly going to throw a wrench into her you-came-back-from-the-dead-and-I'm-ready-to-have-relief-sex plans. Because that had totally been her plan.

A familiar knocking pattern at her door pulled her out of her reverie and she was opening it within a second.

"Izzy!" She exclaimed, nearly knocking the brunette over as she launched herself in for a ridiculously needful hug. "Izzy, thank God."

Save me from me.

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itsourcalling
2017-10-02 10:57 pm UTC (link)

Things weren't exactly rainbows and sunshine for Isabelle, but she was putting aside all her problems to seek Clary out. All she really wanted to do was fall into Julian's arms and let him take her pain away for a bit. There was the oncoming storm that would break as soon as Alec found out exactly what she was up to and she was not looking forward to that conversation. He was going to be livid to learn she had unknowingly taken a deadly drug and traded it out for a less evil one.

Raziel, then there was Alec's problems. She was going to have to seek him out to make sure he wasn't about to do something stupid. Jace needed time and the last thing Alec needed to do was overload his parabatai with text messages or conversation.

Why was this all happening now?

Izzy felt like she was having to put her own problems on hold to make sure the ones she cared about didn't fall apart. She always put her family first and that family now included Clary, whether the redhead wanted it or not. Clary was like a sister to her and she would hurt anyone that even dared to make Clary cry.

Why did Alec have to confess his feelings now of all times? She had known her big brother loved Jace, only a blind person would miss that, and she was proud of him. Honest. It was just really bad timing. Plus it seemed the boys knew that Jace wasn't actually related to Valentine or Clary, something she had no idea how they found out, and now everything was just a tangled mess.

Killing demons would have been so much easier than being the shoulder everyone cried on. At least Jace hadn't reached out to her yet?

Izzy knocked on the apartment door and wasn't surprised when it opened that a tiny blur of a Shadowhunter tackled her. She quickly wrapped her arms around Clary and began murmuring comforting words. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here now, hermana." She finally pulled back from the hug, but didn't let go of Clary entirely. There was so much pain in her friend's face and it broke Izzy's heart.

How was she supposed to fix any of this?

"Why don't I spend the night? We can have a girl's night," the words just tumbled out of her mouth easily because she meant them. "I'll need to go back to my place and pack a few things, but I think we both could use the company tonight."

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keepscomingback
2017-10-03 02:20 am UTC (link)

The longer she held tightly to her friend, breathing in the familiar scent of Isabelle's exotic perfume, the less Clary cared about the fact that these weren't 'her' versions of her friends. She was just as much flesh and blood in this universe as she was in the other and everything about her felt comfortable and worn in just right. Like a human security blanket.

And God, did she ever need that right now.

When Izzy pulled away finally but not all the way, Clary gratefully kept her hold on the brunette's slender forearms against her own. An unbelievable sense of relief flooded her when she actually suggested staying the night. The last thing in the world she wanted was to spend her first night in this place alone. But she hesitated to impose unless offered because if she knew anything that would remain static from any world to another is that trouble would always follow a shadowhunter. There was no telling what they all had going on in their lives and babysitting her was probably the last thing they needed to be worried about.

But if any of them felt so inclined, she'd definitely take it.

"That would be amazing," Clary gushed. "Thank you." She clung to her friend just a moment longer, squeezing both of her hands as she finally let go so that Isabelle could actually come in farther. Closing the main door to the apartment, she turned and led.her friend into the living room, offering her any spot in the room.

"What about you?" She asked, noting the fact that Izzy herself was admittedly in need of company. "Is everything okay?" Clary asked, studying Isabelle's face for answers that no words would give away.

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itsourcalling
2017-10-04 10:45 pm UTC (link)

"Of course," Izzy smiled at her and almost reached out to pull her into a hug again. It felt great to have Clary in LA, it really did, but she also wished her friend didn't have to put up with this place. The earthquake had been horrible, the demons taking the faces of people from the past was also awful, and now her friend was going to have to deal with whatever the angels threw at them next.

Also, how dare the angels! Who did they think they were to mess with Shadowhunters that way? She had been raised to fight their war and she excelled at it, and yet she was dragged to this supposed training ground to learn to fight how they wanted. That was nonsense!

Isabelle Lightwood was among the top Shadowhunters and no angel was going to hone her craft!

Once Clary moved she strolled into the apartment like she owned the place. There were no artistic touches yet, no splashes of the girl who was once a mundane. There was time for Clary to make this place another home, but it did bother Izzy that they were getting spread out like this. She was with Alec, Jace, and Tiberius. Julian had his own apartment and now Clary was on her own as well. She didn't like it one bit because she wanted them all close by, on the same floor, or in an Institute together.

Izzy sank down onto a chair and raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at Clary. "My problems can wait, Clary. The things you said on the network..." The mere thought of Jace dying was overwhelming. How did Clary exactly bring the golden Shadowhunter back to life? "The things you went through, I'm so sorry, but I haven't experienced any of that. Time is different here, Tiberius explained something about alternate dimensions and time rifts, but it was a little out of my wheelhouse."

She wanted to know how bad things got, but she also didn't want to know. Ty had suggested something about breaking time. That wasn't exactly something she wanted to risk.

"You need to be prepared for anything to happen here as well. Alec and Jace have been here longer than me, but supposedly I was here once before." She flicked imaginary dust off the arm of the chair she was sitting in. "You and I both missed a death match."

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keepscomingback
2017-10-11 01:09 am UTC (link)

Clary looked away when Isabelle mentioned the things she'd brought up on the network. She knew without her friend even saying the words that she was referring to Jace's death. The death that only she had lived through, apparently. In a way, she was glad for them. No one should have ever been through it in the first place. And to that end, they'd all been spared the actual visual. The literal blood that had been on her hands.

She tried to wrap her mind around the concept of time rifts. Alternate dimensions, she got. She'd been to one. And it was weird but it wasn't...bad like this. It was just different. Truly an alternate reality. This was more like Hell than just another version of her life.

"That all sounds really awful," Clary acknowledged softly, turning her eyes back to meet the dark, stunning ones set in Izzy's beautiful face. "But believe me when I say, I've already lived through the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me."

Her eyes clouded over, memories infiltrating her field of vision and overtaking it entirely. Pain unfurled in her chest like shortness of breath and she felt angry too, all at the same time.

"He was dead, Izzy." Clary said firmly. "Jace was dead. His blood was on my skin and his life was just...gone. One minute, I was holding him and the next, he was just a body."

She felt like crying but the tears didn't come for once. Instead, she just felt completely drained. Of emotion, of life, of everything that made up the mundane side of her. She'd just been at the top of the world and had everything. Now she'd been shifted into reverse and everything she'd ever wanted was in the rearview.

It felt like the worst kind of defeat she'd ever known.

"I can't unsee it. Even though he was back. Even though he's here now. It's like I'm stuck in that moment, all the air knocked out of my lungs and the worst pain I've ever felt."

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itsourcalling
2017-10-13 12:21 am UTC (link)

Izzy sat, watching the petite Shadowhunter, and just let her speak. The words had started out almost normal and Clary seemed a tad mechanical. Then, almost out of nowhere, Clary was changing in front of her. It was like the light was leaving her and it hurt to watch.

She moved from the chair and did the only thing she could think of in that exact moment. Isabelle put her arms around Clary and rested her head on her friend's shoulder.

Raziel, she didn't even want to imagine Jace dead. The Golden Shadowhunter always burned so brightly and the idea of him falling, well, it scared her. She knew it would happen now because she believed Clary. This wasn't some trick, some illusion created by Valentine. No, this was pure and raw pain from witnessing a loved one die.

"Oh, Clary," she breathed out as she rubbed a hand soothingly on Clary's back. The problem with yin fen seemed so small now. Her own issues just didn't compare when it came to the things that were going to happen in the future. She was standing behind her statement of not telling Jace, but she wasn't sure how knowing this was going to weigh her down. She was already keeping secrets from her brother and his parabatai.

Alec was going to be so upset when he realized just how much his little sister had been lying to him. Honestly, though, most of it was for his own good. He didn't need to worry about things he couldn't control.

"I wish I could take your pain, but all I can offer is what comfort you'll take from me. I'll spend the night and I won't leave you." She pressed a kiss to Clary's temple as she tried not to let her own mind focus on the fact Jace died. It was so hard not to let that phrase play over and over in her head, like some sick chorus to a song she wanted so badly to forget the lyrics of. Had Julian known?

By the Angel, this was a complicated mess.

"Have you had anything to eat? Taken a shower?" Izzy was already shifting into her taking care of everyone mode. She pulled from Clary just enough so she could smooth some hair out of the other girl's face. "How about I go see if your kitchen came stocked with hot chocolate? I think we both could use some of those little marshmallows."

Jace died. Jace died and he came back because of something Clary did.

The secrets were like chains twining up her limbs now. How many more could she keep before she fell under the weight?

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keepscomingback
2017-10-14 01:50 am UTC (link)

Clary smiled wistfully as Izzy said that she wished she could take her pain. That was the thing about Isabelle; whereas most people said things like that just to be of comfort, the brunette shadowhunter actually meant them. Clary knew that if she could whip up a rune right now that allowed her to transfer everything she felt directly over to her friend, Izzy would take it in a heartbeat.

"It is comforting to know that no matter what's different here, you're still the same." Clary replied, her voice full of genuine gratitude for this one small bone the angels had thrown her. "That we're still the same. I know you don't remember it, but we had this moment together right before I got here. We talked about how both of us had always wanted a sister and we just seemed to understand that we had found that in each other."

Impulsively, she hugged Isabelle again tightly. "It meant everything to me. And it still does."

Upon being asked, Clary realized that she actually hadn't eaten anything. Or showered. Or really done anything but feel her sanity slip slightly at all of the strangeness she was immediately faced with.

"That sounds great, actually." She murmured. "I don't think I could eat anything just yet. My stomach's still kind of a mess. But little marshmallows are always an exception."

Kind of like Isabelle herself. Clary had had volatile relationships with just about everyone else she'd called friend, mostly because they were boys and romantic entanglements always threw a wrench into things.

Life had taken so much from her but it had also given her something: a sister. She prayed it wouldn't eventually take her away too.

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itsourcalling
2017-10-14 04:45 pm UTC (link)

Sisters.

Izzy loved the sound of that and she couldn't help smiling at Clary. "We will never change, Clary. I may be from slightly farther back than you, but I still feel you are a sister to me." She returned the hug with enthusiasm. The fiery little redhead that had entered her life had been a slight turning point. Up until Clary, well, Izzy only had her brothers. She hadn't had many friends, just people she flirted with. Clary was an actual sister to her, part of her now, and she'd do whatever it took to protect her. Clary may not have bore the Lightwood name, but it didn't matter.

"Of course it sounds great, I suggested it," she teased lightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Go take a shower, Clary. I'll run back to my apartment, pack some things, and then work on getting hot chocolate for the both of us. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Isabelle slipped off the couch and motioned for Clary to go take that shower. Some hot water would help and she knew from experience that showers were a great place to let some of the thoughts plaguing you wash away. "There should be clothes in your size in the bedroom you woke up in," she flicked some perfect waves of hair over her shoulder. "But I'll bring back a hoodie or something for you. Tonight, we drink hot chocolate, and you can show me some sappy movies. I think we both could use that."

With that, Izzy strolled out of the apartment as if she was the Queen of the World. It didn't take her long to get back to her own apartment. She wasted no time when it came to packing an overnight bag. Her normal attire was pushed aside for hoodies and yoga pants. Clary needed comfort right now, not Izzy's ready to go clubbing at any minute look. She changed her own clothes into a sports bra, yoga pants, and then zipped up a hoodie halfway. She pulled her mass of black hair up into a loose bun before heading back out with her overnight bag over her shoulder. She had made sure to leave a note for her brothers and Ty. Soon enough she was pushing open the door to Clary's apartment and dropping her bag on the couch.

She moved to the kitchen and had no trouble finding the packets of hot chocolate in a cupboard. The angels sure did know how to stock a kitchen! She busied herself heating up water in the microwave but cast a glance at the stove.

She was really going to need to talk with Julian soon.

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