WHO: Clarke & Lexa WHERE: Out and about WHEN: Bendy WHAT: Just hanging out WARNINGS: Some fluff but that’s it STATUS: Complete
Clarke was doing everything she could to stay out of the apartment lately.
It wasn’t like anything had happened. Even after Bellamy had revealed that Raven was back and being possessed by an angel, nothing had really happened. She still lived with them as far as Clarke knew, but she hadn’t caused any problems. She’d posted up on the net announcing herself and calling herself Jophiel. Clarke had exchanged some words with her there, and Clarke could proudly say she had gotten the last word.
They would find a way to get her back, to kick the angel out and put it back where it belonged. That was the plan. They just had to find a way to work it out, but no matter what, it was going to take time. They needed to research and get this just right. She needed to reach out to Ivy. She’d helped her in the past, maybe she’d be willing to help again. Clarke knew she racking up favors, but she had to. She couldn’t just let her people suffer.
Until then, she kept on guard but didn’t press the issue. It was best that way right now. Antagonizing an angel wasn’t going to do her any good. It hadn’t for Raven.
So when she wasn’t working or sleeping, she was out a lot more often. She’d slept most of the day asleep today after a sixteen-hour shift the day before, but once she’d gotten up and gotten moving, she’d decided to take Lottau out. Maybe she’d walk over to Trigeda and hang out or stop and grab a taco at Hector’s. She liked days like this, when she could do anything, when she didn’t have to make a decision.
Lottau was a sweet, docile little dog. She thankfully wasn’t much trouble around the apartment, and when they were out, they’d leave her in Clarke’s room so she didn’t disturb anyone. She was very devoted to Lexa, who spent quite a lot of time cooing at her and brushing her. Clarke was glad her Christmas gift had worked out so well. Lexa deserved a little companion and Lottau had proved to be just the ticket.
As it happened, she did end up at Trigeda just as Lexa should be wrapping up her day. She scooped up Lottau and waved at the front desk worker, making her way down the hallway to Lexa’s office. She tapped on the door before opening it and setting the puppy back down to spring into the office and into Lexa’s lap.
“Hey,” she said with a small smile. “I was out. Maybe we can go for a walk and pick up some takeout?”
The angels had been sending people away again for challenges. Thankfully, this time Lexa had not been called to do one. Though, she would have been happy to have gone in Aden’s place. She knew he was strong and could take care of himself, he was no longer a yongon but a hef. He had grown and he had kept up on his training after her death. But to her, he was still that yongon, her prized Novitiate, that she had felt would succeed her as Heda. But he did not have that chance. Ontari had killed them all. Except for Aden. Lexa knew he still struggled with his decision that night, but if he had not made that decision, he would not have lived. He was not the bushhada he felt he was. He had made a decision in a moment and it had saved his life. Just as she had told him, sometimes you had to make those kinds of decisions. Sometimes they would be at the cost of others, but in that moment he had thought like a Commander. Lexa was very proud of him.
He had, of course, survived his strik won, as she had when she was a yongon herself, Lexa still thought of Aden as her strik won.
Today, she was working on the mountain of paperwork she had let pile up. Sometimes some of the things in this world were still difficult for her and paperwork was one of those things. She had been given her own business and it had been trial by fire at learning things. She still had not learned everything, but she was trying.
When the door opened, Lexa looked up to see Clarke coming into her office and she smiled. That smile gave way to a soft laugh as Lottau jumped up into her lap and started licking her face. She loved her fecha. Clarke had picked a very good gift for Christmas. She was a very sweet little dog and followed Lexa wherever she went.
“That sounds good, niron.” Lexa smiled, giving her girlfriend a nod. “I could use a break from this paperwork.”
“Take-out it is.” Clarke smiled in return. “Now go wash your face and I’ll kiss you.” She grinned playfully. She loved Lexa, but she wasn’t kissing her with dog slobber all over her face. War paint was one thing; that was hot. She had to have some standards here, and dog drool didn’t meet those standards.
The timing for a little outing on their own was excellent. With her work schedule so back-and-forth, there were times they missed each other by mere moments. It hadn’t had much of an effect on their relationship, beyond missing each other a little bit, but the quality time was very much needed. They’d both taken Valentine’s Day and the day after off to have their special time together, but it was little nights like this that mattered just as much.
When Lexa returned from the bathroom attached to her office, Clarke slid her hands across her shoulders, leaned in, and looked at her. She was very, very lucky. She knew that. Lexa had died not once but twice now and gone through a near-death scare, and somehow, they were still together. She was still alive. A lot of people weren’t so lucky. This place, horrible as it can be, was a miracle for them.
“I love you,” she whispered. A smile slid across her face as she leaned in for a kiss. She’d finally broken down and said it for the first time on Valentine’s Day. Of course, her love had been returned, and ever since, she’d been a little bit addicted to saying it.
Lexa did as requested and went into her bathroom to wash her face. Lottau licking her face was sweet, but she wanted to kiss her very beautiful girlfriend more.
When she came back out of the bathroom and Clarke put her arms over her shoulders, Lexa smiled tenderly. The last week had been very happy for them. Their relationship, somehow, had deepened even more. It was the two of them finally speaking the love they felt out loud. Lexa had wanted to say it so many times in Polis. She had even almost said it to Clarke the very day she had arrived here.
Don’t be. You have to go back to your people. That’s why I--That’s why you’re you.
It had been close. Lexa had really wanted to say it. But she couldn’t. She was Heda. She had to put her people first. She had to separate her feelings from her duty. She had not said those words to anyone since Costia. They were a big deal for her. She had loved Clarke, though. Deeply.
Here, Lexa did not have to worry about separating her feelings from duty. Here, she was not Heda. She was Lexa. And Lexa loved Clarke very much. They had finally said those words on Valentine’s Day. Another holiday she found she very much liked.
Tears filled Lexa’s eyes as they did every time Clarke whispered those words to her. Happy tears.
“Ai hod yu in seintaim, Klark.” Lexa whispered, in return, using her own language. Since they had spoken their love, they had said it many times, in many different ways. Lexa would never get tired of saying it. Maybe there were a lot of things here that made it dangerous and intolerable, but to Lexa, it was all worth it to be able to have the ‘maybe, someday’ she never thought they would have.
Clarke smiled and cupped Lexa’s freshly scrubbed face in her hands for a few more moments. It had been a big deal for her when she’d told Lexa she loved her. It had been on the tip of her tongue for what felt like forever, but she’d been afraid for so long. She could remember saying it to her mom, only a few days after Lexa’s death, that she loved her. But a part of her had been scared when she’d come here to find Lexa alive. Like maybe it was too good to be true.
But it had been months now, and Clarke couldn’t resist anymore. She was in love with Lexa, everyone knew it, and it was time she gave in and said it. And it had worked out spectacularly. She felt happier than she had in ages.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.” She whistled for Lottau. Of course now that she was with Lexa, the dog refused to obey, so Clarke stepped forward, clipping the leash to her collar again, and handing the loop over to Lexa. “Walk your fecha.”
Lexa watched as Clarke put the leash on Lottau and she took it as it was handed to her. She looked at her fecha and arched a brow as she refused to budge.
“Miya, Lottau.” She commanded and gave the little dog a look. Lottau obeyed and they started out of the office. Lexa had been teaching her tricks, and she was doing well with them. She didn’t listen to Clarke much and she clearly favored Lexa, but she was her dog, after all.
“I have taught Lottau some tricks.” Lexa said, as they walked down the sidewalk. She had lots of free time, with their different schedules. She hung out with Jasper sometimes, but not as much as they used to, since he had a girlfriend now. The game system Clarke got her was fun, too, but Lexa could only play so long. She’d been doing a lot of reading and walking Lottau, along with teaching the fecha some tricks.
“Lottau, hod up.” Lexa said and the dog stopped. She smiled. “Sin daun.” Lottau sat and wagged her tail. Looking up at Clarke she grinned, proudly. Not only had she taught Lottau some tricks, but she had taught her in Trigedasleng. “Beja daun.”
When she stood on her hind legs and held her paws up, begging, Lexa laughed and bent down to pet the dog and give her some treats she kept in her jacket pocket.
Clarke was surprised to hear that Lexa had been teaching Lottau tricks, but she stopped off to the side of the walkway when Lexa did, watching as the little dog followed all of the commands Lexa issued to her in Trigedasleng. She clapped and laughed at the end, when she stood up on her hind legs to beg, then reached down to ruffle Lottau’s furry head.
“Impressive. She listens to you far better than she listens to me.” She smiled at Lexa and reached out to hold her free hand, leading her back down the sidewalk. “I’m sorry my work schedule’s been so sporadic, babe. My supervisor said I might be able to start doing a four-to-four consistently next month. It’s still a long shift, but at least I can be home in the evenings.”
She really loved being a paramedic. She knew she was helping people, even saving them pretty often. The hours at the art store had definitely been better for her relationship, but she knew Lexa understood she was doing something that made her feel useful. She had Anya, Octavia, Aden, and Jasper to keep her company some nights, but she knew it wasn’t the same. That was why she’d been begging her supervisor for the past few weeks to give her a better shift.
Lexa smiled. It was true, Lottau did listen to her much more than she did Clarke. But, she was Lexa’s dog and she spent more time with her. Clarke’s work schedule had been very inconsistent, but it wasn’t as if Lexa minded. A job, especially Clarke’s, was a form of duty and that was something she understood very well.
“Clarke, I understand,” Lexa said, as they made their way, hand in hand, down the sidewalk. She was careful to keep Lottau close as they navigated through the people. She was a small dog and Lexa didn’t want her to get hurt. But she couldn’t always pick her up and carry her, she had to allow her to walk, too. “Maybe it is not the same as being Heda, but I do understand that it is your duty.”
She knew Clarke worried about her being on her own so much, but Lexa enjoyed solitude. It was not something that bothered her. Lottau was also great company, which she suspected was one of the reasons Clarke got her a fecha.
“But, I wouldn’t mind having you home more often and spending time with you.” Lexa gave her girlfriend’s hand a squeeze. It was such a different world here, where they could have this sort of relationship. Sometimes it was still hard for Lexa to believe they could actually have it.
Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand back and smiled softly. She knew no one understood duty better than Lexa, but she also didn’t want her girlfriend to feel neglected. She wanted to take care of her and give her all the love in the world. Because, here, she had that chance. She had that opportunity. There was no war here -- at least no Skaikru/Trikru war.
“Tacos tonight?” she asked, leading Lexa off in the direction of Tito’s Tacos. Tacos weren’t her favorite, but they were nice, easy, and not too greasy. Plus they could give Lottau a little treat, and there was an outdoor space to sit and eat for a few minutes.
“Sha, tacos sound good.” Lexa nodded. She had grown easily accustomed to all the different food choices here in this world. It was much different than the feasts they would have for celebrations at home. So much variety. And she could give Lottau a soft taco, too. She would like it.
They made their way to Tito’s, a place they had been to many times, and Lexa took a seat outside while Clarke went inside to order. She had given her instructions on getting Lottau some tacos as well. While Clarke was gone, Lexa pulled her fecha up into her lap and petted the small animal as she looked around at everyone with their families and friends. It was still so strange to her, to have a life like this. Something she had never even known existed. Somewhere she was just a normal girl. Which was something she had never been. From the moment she was born, she had been special. With her sheidjus, she was revered. One day she might be Heda. But, Lexa had known she was born for it. She would be Heda and just as she had predicted, the spirit of the previous Heda had chosen her as successor.
It was a little under ten minutes before Clarke returned to Lexa and Lottau with the requested tacos and drinks, including a small paper bowl full of water for Lottau, on a tray. She smiled as she took a seat across from them and Lexa placed Lottau on the ground to enjoy the feast Clarke had unwrapped for her. She was a spoiled dog, but Clarke was glad for it. Lexa deserved someone completely devoted to her -- other than Clarke, of course.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, unwrapping a straw and poking it through her cup’s opening. “You looked very deep in thought just now.”
She knew things were different here. This life was pretty easy compared to what Lexa had grown up with back home. Even compared to what Clarke had grown up with on the Ark. She could gorge herself here if that was what she wanted. There were no rations, no limits. She didn’t have to be careful not to waste oxygen. There were no wars. There was no excess of radiation in the air -- at least not yet. They were free here in a way they never had been and, Clarke felt safe in saying so, had never expected to be.
Lexa smiled when Clarke returned and asked her question. “I was just thinking of how different things are here.” She reached out and unwrapped a soft taco and sat it on the bench next to her, putting Lottau down in front of it. She started eagerly devouring it.
“I am not Heda here.” Lexa explained as she pushed a straw through the opening of her own drink cup. “I am...just Lexa. Sometimes I don’t know how to be just Lexa. It is difficult for me, Clarke. I have always been...special and now I am just normal.”
“You’re still special,” Clarke told her. She knew what Lexa meant. Nightbloods were a treasure in the Grounder culture. They were rare and in line to become commander. Lexa had been commander. While she did have her own business to run here, it wasn’t the same as ruling over the entire coalition, Clarke knew that. Lexa was a leader, and she was damn good at it.
“I know you miss being Heda. But you will always be Heda, Lexa. You’re alive here. Anya’s alive, Aden, Jasper. It’s not the same as back home, but you’re getting another chance here.”
Lexa nodded. “I know, niron.” She did know, too. This place, despite having dangers of its own, still provided her with a second chance. Not only her, but also Anya, Aden, Jasper and even Finn. Many of them had died back home and here, they were alive. They had chances to be happy here and lead lives they never would have experienced where they came from before. They also had a chance at love. Not that the others could not have that back home.
But Lexa couldn’t.
“It is still a lot to adjust to. But I’m trying.” Lexa said, unwrapping her own taco and looking over at Lottau, who was nearly finished with hers. “But, I am very happy here. With you, Clarke. Even with all the throudons we must face.”
“I think those have only made us stronger,” Clarke said. She remembered her least favorite challenge where she had turned male overnight and been that way for a week. It had really messed with their relationship. Luna had trivialized it, but it had mattered to Clarke. It still mattered to her and still bothered her. Lexa had been so unaccepting even though she was still Clarke just… not female. She just tried to put all that out of her mind now. They were on track again.
She looked down at Lottau, who had finished up her taco, and reached down to pet her as she moved to the little water bowl Clarke had brought her.
“You can always apply for a position in the mayor’s office if you think your leadership skills could be put to better use there,” she told Lexa as she unwrapped another taco. “But it’s not like being commander. There’s a lot of paperwork and more politics than even your ambassadors put you through. It won’t be the same.”
Lexa had put that challenge out of her mind too. It had been difficult for her and while she was typically accepting, she hadn’t been when Clarke had suddenly turned into the opposite sex. She hadn’t meant to react in that manner, but she had and there was no changing that now. Lexa wanted to believe she would love Clarke no matter who or what she was and while that was true, it had been difficult for her when Clarke was a male. She loved Clarke still, but it had really thrown her. She hadn’t been able to process and accept it easily. By the time she felt that maybe she could learn to accept it, Clarke was finally returned to the correct body. The body Lexa was accustomed to. The body Lexa had spent many, many hours memorizing and learning every single inch of.
But that was in the past. They couldn’t dwell on it. Lexa knew it had hurt Clarke and she didn’t like to think of that. She had hurt her girlfriend enough. She didn’t want to think of how she’d hurt her once again.
“I don’t think that is something I want to do.” Lexa shook her head, reaching for her drink and sipping from the straw. “I will remain at my company and continue to provide security services for those in need.” It wasn’t quite what she’d hoped for. But she had grown to like working there. She liked those who worked for her. The paperwork and computer things she was still learning, but she was doing much better than she had when she had first arrived. It wasn’t as easy for Lexa here as it had been for those from Skaikru. They were more used to technology and things of this modern world. Lexa still had so much to learn.
Clarke reached across the table to give Lexa’s hand a reassuring squeeze. She wished they could go back home for Lexa sometimes -- it was her element and she could be completely in control there. But she was dead there and alive here. That was what mattered to Clarke. After years of missing her, she’d gotten another chance to be with her.
“Trigeda’s doing really well,” she commented. “And they wouldn’t be doing this well if it wasn’t for you.” She didn’t know if that was true or not, but it didn’t really matter. She was just trying to flatter her girlfriend and help her feel a little better. She had her down moments like this, and while Clarke knew she would recover, she liked to do what she could to help.
Lexa met her girlfriend’s blue eyes and she could see the concern there as Clarke squeezed her hand. She had moments like this, where she felt very down. It wasn’t anything uncommon. It was just difficult for her sometimes, trying to adjust to this world. To not being Heda. But she truly was trying and Clarke helped her more than she even realized.
“Mochof, Klark.” Lexa said, giving the blonde a grateful smile and squeezing her hand back. Leaning across the table, Lexa pressed a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips. Then Lottau jumped up on the table and tried to lick their faces. This made Lexa laugh. Even as she tried to scold the little fecha. “Set daun, Lottau!”
Clarke couldn’t help letting out a laugh of her own when Lottau bounced up onto the table and tried to join in on the kiss they were sharing. She picked up the little dog and set her back on the ground. She whined a little but stayed put when Clarke put down another taco for her to eat. She reached out and grabbed a few napkins to clean off her face and hands.
“Should we pack up the rest and head home?” she suggested, reaching for the white paper bag to pack up her leftovers tacos. “We can put Lucky in my room for a little while and I’ll play a video game with you. One video game.”
Lexa laughed as Clarke put Lottau on the ground and gave her a taco to keep her from whining. She had accused Lexa of spoiling the little dog, but she was just as guilty herself. It was amusing.
“Sha.” She nodded in agreement at the suggestion to take the rest of their food home. Lexa was a little surprised that Clarke had even agreed to play a game with her on the game system she had bought for her. She usually didn’t play. Lexa played alone or sometimes with Jasper. “Or we can watch something on Netflix.” It didn’t matter what they did, Lexa was just happy to spend time with her girlfriend.
Maybe the normal thing wasn’t so bad all the time.