InsaneJournal

WHO: Simon & Clary
WHAT: Reuniting
WHEN: Bendy to his arrival
WHERE: His apartment
WARNINGS: N/A
STATUS: Complete



Clary’s heart was racing, steadily thrumming in her throat as she took the stairs two at a time. It was that urgent; she had bypassed the elevator completely, not even wanting to waste the seconds it would take for it to arrive. Not when she could use every moment to her advantage so she wouldn't lose even one moment more.

Although things were mostly okay since she'd gotten her soul back and made peace with pretty much everyone, there was still a huge piece missing that kept her from having any real peace. And she'd just started to realize what that piece was when just like that, the angels gave it back to her.

Simon.

Clary had woken up to see that Simon was back. And not just any Simon but her Simon. The still a vampire, not in love with Isabelle version.

The still in love with her version.

All this time, she'd been spinning her wheels thinking it was all because of Jace, that she didn't know how to suddenly be without Jace’s love. And while incredibly passionate and worth going to Hell and back for, it was ultimately short-lived. And in the hollow space there behind it was someone who had loved her more. Someone who would probably always love her more. Her best friend, and for a time, her lover.

She wasn't the one who had wanted that to end. Simon did, after the Seelie Queen's stupid game. And sure, the kiss Clary had most desired then was Jace’s. But maybe that was just because it had all been unfinished and she'd never gotten her closure. She'd needed time to figure out what it all meant but the hurt had been too much for Simon and he shut her out. That was it. They were done.

But were they?

Four months in Los Angeles with everything she'd been through and Clary had learned a lot about herself. A lot about who she was and a lot about who she wasn't. And as much as it often felt like it was about Jace, at the end of the day, when everything was falling apart, it was Simon she actually missed. Simon whose comfort she'd craved.

With the last version of him, it hadn't felt fair to put that on him. He was from the future, and he was a Shadowhunter, and he'd moved on. Sure, Izzy didn't return his feelings but he had still moved past Clary and it didn't feel right to suck him back in. She wasn't his problem anymore, just like she wasn't Jace's. And while she felt like she'd been right in her approach, she just didn't think she could do it again. Not with a Simon that still actually loved her the way she'd been desperately searching for someone here to love her.

Of course, the truth was still between them. She was going to have to tell him everything; the things that happened back at home, the things that had happened here…

Clary just had to get to him first. Everything else would fall into place however it was meant to but she needed to see him before he could disappear on her again.

She rounded the corner, past her old apartment and she tried to swallow down the memories that instantly began to haunt her. So many things had happened there. So many…

It didn't matter.

Simon was at the door before she could even knock and Clary launched herself into his arms so hard, he'd have probably been knocked over if not for the whole vampire thing.

“You're here,” She whispered, holding to him as tightly as if death were the consequence of letting go.

Even though it wasn’t, she was never letting him go again.

To say Simon was confused was probably the biggest understatement he’d heard in a really long time. He’d seen a lot of new things since Clary’s world had totally changed, dragging him along with her. He was a new thing. A vampire, something he’d only ever read about or seen in movies. A daylighter vampire. Sometimes he felt like he was still trying wrap his mind around it all. The Shadow World was so expansive and huge that he felt like he was always stumbling onto new things.

It was kind of amazing how many people he knew were here. Alec, Izzy, Jace, even some people who claimed to know him in the future who he’d never met before. He was nice because that was just him -- he was a nice guy. The weirdest part was that they said he’d been here before and that he was a Shadowhunter in the future. He really couldn’t wrap his mind around that. How could a vampire become a Shadowhunter?! Maybe some of these future people had their facts wrong. It was hard to tell.

The last thing he remembered before coming here was performing onstage at Hunter’s Moon last night. And he’d kind of crushed it. He couldn’t deny he’d been super nervous, but it had all faded away when he’d gotten up on stage. People had actually come to hear him sing. All by himself, no band needed. Now, yeah, a lot of the audience were the vampires who wanted him to be their clan leader because they thought he was, like, some prophesied great leader because he was a Daylighter. But they had still come to hear him and stayed and even seemed to like it. That was what really mattered.

He had Clary to thank for pushing him to go up there and perform. He had Clary to thank for a lot of things in his life, some bad but most of them overwhelmingly good. He had been in love with her since they were little kids, and while he treasured the years of friendship they had, he’d been overjoyed ever since he’d finally confessed and she’d become his. She was everything in the world to him, and he didn’t see that ever, ever stopping.

As soon as Clary told him she was coming to him, he was on his feet and zipping through the doors. The apartment seemed empty, but he could tell by the scent that he wasn’t living her alone; he had roommates, and from the smell, he’d say werewolves. Well, this wasn’t going to be super comfortable. He and the wolves were cool now, for the most part, but he wasn’t familiar with these wolves. He hoped they could all learn to get along. Fast.

He could hear the sound of her footsteps pounding down the hallway, and before she even got to the door, he’d ripped it open. She was always the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

When she launched herself into his arms, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, careful not to squeeze too hard. Not that Clary couldn’t take it but still.

He smiled at her words, pressing his cheek against hers with a quiet chuckle. It still made his heart race when she said things like that. Which was weird since his heart didn’t actually beat anymore.

“Yeah. I’m here.”

Who even knows how long they stood there like that: her arms wound so tightly around his neck that it was a good thing he didn’t actually need to breathe and his arms around her waist almost as tightly. For a second, Clary was pretty sure she was going to break down crying again but there had truly been enough of that. Relief bubbled all the way through her and for the first time in a really long time, she felt like everything was going to be okay.

Finally, she managed to untangle herself from him but she didn’t pull all the way away. Her hands locked onto his forearms as she stared into his face. God, it was really him. She’d been thinking about him for days now and all of a sudden, there he was.

Since when did she have luck?

“You have no idea how good it is to see you,” Clary murmured, shaking her head slightly as her hands reached up to either of his cheeks. She cupped his face, feeling the realness of his flesh and his blood right there underneath her fingertips. She was so happy, she could have kissed him, but her light faded a little as she thought of all the things she had to tell him first. She owed him that much, and even if she didn’t, someone else was bound to tell him.

It sucked because she knew what was coming. The same thing that happened after her and Jace’s kiss at the Seelie Court. A day ago, she would have paid anything and everything just to have someone look at her the way that he was looking at her right now. And she was about to sabotage it all.

Sighing, Clary grabbed one of Simon’s hands and led him into his own apartment, sparing one last sidelong glance over her shoulder at Apartment 7200. Inside his place, no one else seemed to be home which was a good thing considering she and Peter hated each other. And while she liked Jackson just fine, this would be a difficult conversation to have in front of him considering their New Year’s Eve kiss. They were just friends, but still. It would have been pretty awkward.

“Simon, I-” She shook her head, laughing nervously as they sat next to each other on the couch. “I don’t even know what to say or where to begin. I’ve been here since October and I-” Clary stopped, giving a slight shrug of her petite shoulders.

“Became a pretty big trainwreck.” She finally admitted softly, searching his eyes for a pass or just any reason not to have to tell him this. Why they weren’t together when she got here, who she’d gotten her togetherness on with here, what she tried to do…

Simon would forgive her. He always did. But who could possibly love her now?

Simon followed Clary along into his apartment, noting how settled and accustomed to all this she seemed to be. He guessed it made sense. Everyone had told him this wasn’t his first time here, and Clary had said she was not only ahead of him in time but had also been here for a while. Like, months. She was used to this. That was weird.

It also meant she’d been through a lot in her time here. A lot he hadn’t experienced with her or even just heard about. They’d been attached at the hip basically their whole life. It was strange to think she’d been through all kinds of stuff without him there. Especially when he’d just been with her the night before. He’d never realized how weird timeline and alternate universe stuff was until he’d come here and started experiencing it himsel. It seemed much less fun than it was on TV and in sci-fi novels.

“A trainwreck?” he questioned. “What happened?” It wasn’t that he wanted her to tell anything that she was really uncomfortable with, but she was his girlfriend and his best friend and he was concerned. He searched her eyes, reaching out to take her hands in his own. “Are you okay?”

Clary actually laughed out loud when he asked her if she was okay. It wasn’t even that funny, it was just...no. Well, yes. She was okay now. But she hadn’t been for a really, really long time and now she had to tell him all the reasons why.

She wanted to find a way to break it to him gently somehow, to pace herself. But Clary was still Clary so she did what she always did: she went in hot and ripped the band-aid right off.

“When I got here, you and I weren’t together…” She began, frowning. “Right after where you are in time, you, me, and Jace all ended up at the Seelie Court with the Seelie Queen and she made us play this game. Only, it wasn’t really a game, it was this really mean trick where she had you and Jace tied up in these killer vine things that were killing you and I had to kiss the person my heart most desired and that person ended up not being you…” Clary’s face visibly crumbled at the memory and she looked away, shaking her head slightly.

“I was confused. I think that I lacked closure but you were really hurt. So you broke up with me, even though I wanted to stay with you.”

I love you.
Don't don't do that.
Why
Because you don't mean it the way I mean it. You never have. Since we were kids, I've been in love with you, every minute of every day. You're the first person I thought of when I woke up.
Always have been and if the Seelie Queen had asked me that question? Kiss the one I most desired? No one would even come close. There's something between you and Jace and you can't deny it.
I don't know. Maybe. Maybe deep down there is, but Simon, it's nothing like you and me. It's nothing like it.
But it's enough. Enough for me to know that kissing you trying to be more than friends... It was a mistake.

Gently pulling her hand away from his, she put her face in both of her hands, shaking it a little. A mistake. He had actually used that word.

“But...you said that it was a mistake and then Jace and I got together and you got with Maia…” She removed her face from her hands, looking back at him. “Valentine did what he’d been trying to do. He raised Raziel and asked him to kill the Downworld, but he killed Jace to do it and Raziel refused so I killed him, I-I killed Valentine myself and took the wish to bring Jace back. And then everything was okay. I went to bed and all was right in the world until I...woke up here.”

And then the real fun began.

“Jace, Alec, and Izzy are all from behind me in time. They didn’t even know that Jace and I weren’t brother and sister. And they’d been here for months which is apparently how Jace and Alec fell in love. And me, coming from where I came from, I...reacted poorly. I went out drinking and partying, I had what was supposed to be a one night stand that turned into a really disastrous rebound and ended with him and I trying to kill each other. But now we’re not?” Clary shook her head. How did she really explain her situation with Kai to anyone at all, let alone Simon of all people. The last thing she wanted was Simon provoking him on her behalf in some sort of sweet but misguided chivalry that would only get them all killed.

“And that’s just interpersonal drama. It’s not even counting the time I had to fight to the death and I did die, Simon. Only, they brought me right back. And on Halloween, I turned into a mermaid and almost suffocated until you saved me by putting me in the pool. The Shadowhunter version of you, that is. And then at the beginning of this month? I lost my soul, and tried to activate the Soul-Sword so I could kill all of the Downworlders here.”

Wow. That was...a lot.

Had she really just said all of that? At once?

Of course she had.

“And that’s pretty much how I became Clary Cray.”

Ta-da?

A lot was putting it lightly. All Simon could do was stare at Clary for a few long moments, brow wrinkled, trying to process everything she’d just told him. It was all so much. And it wasn’t just an update on the timeline thing, since apparently he was behind her in time. It was all that had happened here.

He still wasn’t sure he’d call her a trainwreck, exactly, but a lot of stuff had gone down. For sure. Most of it sounded like it wasn’t... great. The part about the Seelie Queen and Clary kissing Jace… Yeah, that especially hurt. Because it wasn’t like he didn’t have insecurities. Sometimes he still found himself wondering how it had actually happened. Why. But he wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and damn it, this was the gift he’d been wishing for nearly as long as he could remember.

Simon nodded slowly. “I really did miss a lot, huh?” He gave her a weak, nervous smile. He wasn’t angry or even upset, not yet. He was just wrapping his mind around everything.

“Okay, so you killed Valentine. I know that must have been hard, but, uh, ultimately good, right?” He wanted to start there because the part he most wanted to focus on… Well, there was a good chance it might get emotional.

Simon didn't exactly freak which was a good thing. A really good thing because she'd been counting on the opposite. That was the thing that really sucked about being ahead of everyone: Clary knew how things were bound to go she hated living with that knowledge. It ruined so many things.

“It wasn't hard,” She finally responded quietly. “I was so…furious, it was like nothing. It came so easily. I just stabbed him over and over.” And over and over and over. He wasn't her father in the sense of actually having raised her but Valentine's blood ran through her veins all the same and it was the first time she'd taken the life of something that wasn't a demon.

“I don't know if it was good or bad so much as it was…necessary. I mean, he killed Jace and he was going to kill you. I had to stop him.” Simon was already a vampire because of her and being involved in her world. There was no way she'd let anything else happen to him. Not when she could stop it.

“Do you hate me?” Clary asked suddenly, meeting his eyes again.

“No!” Simon didn’t hesitate even for a moment, shaking his head emphatically. He could never hate Clary. It was Clary. He couldn’t fathom ever hating her, even with all this new, not-so-great information he’d just had piled onto him.

She said it hadn’t been hard to kill Valentine, but he’d bet good money it had been harder than she’d thought. Not because Valentine was her father but because he was human. Regardless of all his faults and all the shit he’d down to the Shadow World, both ends, he was still that. And Clary had never killed a human before.

“Look, you did the right thing. It had to be done.” He was trying to be comforting and reassuring, smiling at her gently, hoping he was helping. He reached out to take her hands and met her eyes. “And that… other stuff. I don’t remember that, but it sounds… really messed up.” To put it lightly.

“It was,” Clary said, her eyes starting to burn with unshed tears, which, how was that even possible? She nodded her head because it was the truth. Messed up, that was the perfect description for a lot of the things she’d done. “It was…so messed up.” She agreed. And none of it was even what she’d ever wanted. It’s just what had happened.

“And I know it’s a lot but people talk and there’s just nothing that I felt shouldn’t come from me instead of anyone else.” She squeezed his hands before bringing one of them up so she could rest her cheek against the top of it as she looked at him.

“I can’t take any of it back but I hope that some way, you can forgive me because you have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Simon. And even though you don’t remember me saying it, I really did mean it when I said there’s nothing like you and me. Losing the capacity to feel anything has put everything into perspective and it’s you, Simon. For me, it’s you. All this time I’ve been here thinking, you’re the only one who could make it right.”

And that was way more than she deserved. Clary knew it. Still, it couldn’t just all be a coincidence that she had had the epiphany she’d had and then within days, this version of him was here.

This wasn’t really how things usually went with them. Simon knew Clary loved him, in a way, and he thought she loved him in a different way since they’d been together. But it was still usually him with the professing of feelings. Hearing her say these things, about how it was him. He was the one for her, the one she wanted. Not Jace.

Even if he wanted to, it wasn’t like he could ignore that. And if he had in the future she’d told him about, then something must have been wrong with him.

“Clary, I-I love you. I’ve been in love with you since we were, like, eight. I don’t know what went down in the future, but I know I love you here. I love you now. And I don’t think that’s gonna change. It took me forever to even tell you. I don’t wanna give this up.”

He smiled a little when he saw the tears in her eyes. He grabbed her around the waist and tugged her in close, his smile widening.

“Don’t cry. I love you,” he repeated insistently, leaning in to seal his lips against hers.

But I know I love you here. I love you now.

And she was officially crying.

She couldn’t help it. Clary had been so unbelievably lost since the day she’d woken up in this version of Los Angeles and now, all of a sudden, it was like she was completely found. She had been reaching out, seeking exactly this, wanting this. To be loved like this, never knowing she’d already had it but she had taken it for granted.

That wasn’t a mistake she planned on making again.

“I love you too,” She whispered, tears still lightly shedding as she returned Simon’s kiss. Clary could even taste the salt of them on her own lips as the kiss went from reassuring to one of desperate validation, deepening as her hands left his and reached up to wind into his hair as she pulled him closer.

When Clary’s hands wound into his hair, Simon lifted her into his lap. He could taste her tears and tell as soon as the kiss changed, deepened, became more desperate and needy. He hated that she had felt so badly, but if this was helping, he was all for it. He hated to see her falling apart.

He put every bit of love he felt for her in this kiss, every bit of reassurance he could muster up. He really wasn’t going anywhere. He was determined to make this work. He just couldn’t understand a time where he’d willingly part with her. And even with all the stuff she’d told him about the future, he believed her now when she said all she’d been looking for was closure. Now it could really be just their time.

He lifted one hand to rub gently up and down her back, tilting his head up to slide his tongue into her mouth. He could keep going forever, especially when it was this emotionally-charged, but he’d give it another minute before she had to breathe.

And when that minute was up, he kissed the side of her jaw before looking into her eyes. They were still wet with tears, as were her cheeks, but she was smiling.

“You gonna be okay?” he asked, his voice full of concern again.

A few days ago, Clary wouldn’t have had an answer to that question. Not a good one, anyway. She was slowly picking the pieces back up but overall, she was still pretty haunted by the version of herself that Isabelle had talked down from the ledge--literally--just a few weeks ago. The things she’d wanted to do others, to herself…

But none of that mattered now.

Simon was here now and yes, everything was going to be okay.

She was going to be okay.

“I am,” Clary said, reaching up to brush the remainder of her tears away with the side of her hand. “But I think I’d be even better if you found a way to show me just how much you forgive me.” She added suggestively, raising her eyebrow at him. She doubted any of this could have been much of a turn on but she couldn’t help that she ran hot and as a consequence, this was one of her main love languages. ‘Cause a girl could definitely have more than one.

Simon’s smile could have burst off his face it was so wide. While none of this had been very sexual, that look was already starting to point in that direction and he was all for it. Vampire or not, he was still a horny college student. That hadn’t faded at all after he’d died and come back to life. Which was strange to him but hey, he was going with it.

“I can definitely, definitely do that!”

In the blink of eye he was on his feet, scooping Clary up bridal style and speeding back into the bedroom he’d woken up in. As screwed up as this night had started out, it was looking better and better by the moment.