Entry tags:

!plot: the arena, clarke griffin, lexa

Who: Clarke and Lexa
Where: The roof
When: Tuesday night
What: Someone takes a fucking swan dive
Warnings: Character death/suicide

The death match had been looming in the back of Clarke’s mind for nearly a week now, but she had been trying everything she could to keep it at bay. It wasn’t like her to live in denial. She usually liked to face whatever challenges she came up against head on. But this was too much. She had already watched Lexa fade away before her eyes once. She didn’t want to relive that. She didn’t want to have to accept she was gone again. She wanted her to be here, with her. It was like a second chance and she didn’t want that second chance ripped away from her. Again.

Lexa had insisted, on the one occasion Clarke had let her bring it up, that she would be the one to die. Clarke would have to kill her because she refused to kill Clarke. But Clarke couldn’t bring herself to kill Lexa either. They were at a stalemate. And with this new threat of popping them into a field and leaving them there until someone was killed, they had to move. One of them had to die, so Clarke had made her decision. She was going to force Lexa to kill her. She wanted Lexa to have the chance to live, and if that meant sacrificing herself, she would do it. No question.

She’d been leaving the art store when Lexa had called, asking her to meet her on the roof when she got back to their apartment building. It was odd, but Clarke didn’t think too much of it. Lexa liked to be out in the open, and Clarke thought the height made her think of the tower in Polis. So instead of stopping at their apartment right after work, she went straight up to the top.

“Lexa?” she called, opening the roof door. She scanned the rooftop until her eyes landed on the brunette, standing a little too close to edge for comfort. She frowned, hurrying out to the other woman. “What’s going on?”

Lexa had not approved of this match they were forcing them to take part in. The last thing she wanted to do was to kill Clarke. Or to harm her in any way. But they would not allow them to refuse to participate. One of them had to die, there was no other way around it. Lexa had already decided she would be the one to die. She had spent her entire life preparing for her death and she had cheated it by arriving here just before she was meant to die.

Now, she would meet her fate.

She would not accept any arguments either. Clarke needed to live. She had her people here. Their people, thanks to Lexa making Skaikru part of her coalition and to her swearing fealty, promising Clarke to treat her people as her own. But, they were Clarke’s friends. They could take care of each other. They had all moved on, since Lexa’s death. For Clarke, it had been four years. Octavia was now the one leading the clans. She wanted to do this because Clarke was the one who was needed, for their people and for so much more. Lexa loved her. She would not allow her to die.

She also knew that Clarke was not going to accept her decision, so she was going to have to do this herself. Not that Lexa wanted to end her own life, she was a warrior and she should be meeting her death in a much braver way. But this was the only way. The only way she could do this so that Clarke could live.

Lexa had called Clarke, asking her to meet her on the roof. This was the easiest way she could think of to do this. It would take the guilt from Clarke, it would allow her to not force the hand of the woman that she loved and satisfy the demands of the angels.

Standing on the edge of the tall apartment building they all lived in, Lexa looked out at the view. It reminded her of her tower in Polis. It was busy here, though. Loud. In a different way than it had been back home. She missed the forest and the trees. She missed home. Clarke’s arrival pulled her out of her thoughts and Lexa turned to face the other woman.

“I am glad you’re here.” Lexa said, solemnly. “I have made a decision in regards to the situation we have been put in. I know you probably won’t like it, but my decision is final. I need you to respect that, Clarke.” She blinked back the tears that threatened to fill her green eyes and took a breath. She hated to hurt Clarke like this, but better this than any other way.

It didn’t take Clarke long to put the pieces together. Lexa’s expression was solemn, tears were threatening to fill her eyes. But it was what she said that made things click into place. Lexa was going to jump. She was going to fulfill what the angels had asked: she was going to take a life. Her own life. This wasn’t what Clarke wanted.

“No.” Clarke shook her head, reaching out and grabbing Lexa’s arms. Her grip was tight, as if holding onto her would change her mind or force her to be still. “No. You are not doing this. I’m not letting you.” She wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or dishonor Lexa’s wishes. It was sheer desperation. She couldn’t beat the thought of Lexa dying, especially not like this.

Lexa knew she should have just done it quickly, rather than to have given Clarke the chance to try and stop her. Her grip was strong, but Lexa could easily get out of it. She would have to, so she could do this. To save Clarke’s life.

“Clarke.” Lexa said, her voice calm and even as she gazed into Clarke’s concerned blue eyes. “I am not asking your permission. I only asked you here so that I could tell you of my decision and so I could say goodbye.” Tears filled her eyes, despite her efforts to keep them at bay. “Our people need you. I have cheated my death once. I can’t do it again.”

“Yes, you can,” Clarke snapped, tears falling down her cheeks. “You can, Lexa. Don’t do this. Please.” It wasn’t a request; Clarke wanted it to sound like a demand. But it really just came out as a desperate plea, her voice cracking on the last word. Maybe it made her look pathetic, but she didn’t care. She only cared that the woman she loved was going to die right in front of her. Again.

“Just kill me. Octavia’s dead. Bellamy’s probably dead.” Clarke hadn’t actually heard from Bellamy since she’d last spoken to him, but she didn’t expect he would make it. Octavia was gone. Bellamy wouldn’t care what happened to him if his sister was gone. “You don’t have the excuse of my people anymore. They’re gone, Lexa.”

Lexa’s heart clenched in her chest. Seeing Clarke so upset, crying like that, it made her heart ache. But she could not allow her emotions to get in the way of what she had to do. At this point, doing this, giving Clarke this victory, it was her duty.

“I will not kill you. You know that.” Lexa explained. She pulled Clarke close and leaned her forehead against the other girl’s, her eyes falling closed. “It’s okay, Clarke.” She whispered, blinking her eyes back open to meet Clarke’s. “You can do this. You are strong.”

Clarke had dissolved into sobs now. It was too much for her. She had handled so much worse, but this, watching the woman she loved, the woman she’d just gotten back, poised to commit suicide? It was too much. Her heart was breaking and every emotion possible was swirling through her. Most prominent of all, though, was anger. She couldn’t believe Lexa was doing this. She was leaving her again and she hadn’t even asked for her input. She’d just sprung this on her.

“Why did you bring me here?” she asked fiercely, pulling back but still holding tight to Lexa’s arms. She wasn’t stupid; she wasn’t going to get angry and let Lexa go so she could just do it. “Why did you call me up here if you’ve already made up your mind? You won’t let me stop you, so what was the point?”

Lexa had expected Clarke’s anger and her emotions. It wasn’t that Lexa was a robot herself, but she had been trained since she was a small child to disconnect. To keep her feelings and her emotions buried. Or at least to keep them separate from her duty. Which she had always been able to do. Her love for Costia she had always kept separate from her duty as Heda. Even though Azgeda had viewed it as a weakness. After they had taken Costia from her, Lexa had convinced herself that love was nothing but a weakness. She had completely buried her feelings from that moment on.

Until she’d met Clarke Griffin.

She had still managed to keep things separate, but there had come a point when she could no longer keep herself from feeling the way she did about this girl who’d literally fallen from the sky. It had taken time for them to get to the point where they had finally allowed themselves to give in to the feelings they’d both denied and fought for so long. For Lexa that had only been a matter of weeks, if that, ago. For Clarke, it had been years.

“I wanted to say goodbye, Clarke.” Lexa said, setting her jaw as her face took on a harder look. She was trying to fight all the emotions that were waging a war inside her. She wanted to stay, to have some kind of life with this woman. But that wasn’t going to happen. Once again, their fate was determined by others. They had a duty and again, that line had been drawn. “Maybe, someday…” She paused, pressing her lips together. “But that time is not now. They have decided our fate and I hope that one day, you will forgive me.”

Tears filled Lexa’s eyes again and she pressed a soft kiss to Clarke’s lips. Even though she was angry with her, Lexa knew that she had to do this and do it now before it was too late. “Moba.” She whispered her apology before she pushed Clarke hard, with all her might, backwards, forcing her to let go of her arm. “I will always be with you, Klark.” She said, sadly. “Ai gonplei ste odon.” Lexa said before she turned and fell forward, both arms held out to her sides, off the roof, plummeting to her death on the ground below.