She hadn’t reacted to his movement, had barely registered it, but at his agreement to the foolish promise she had asked of him her eyes darted up in sudden awareness. She stared at him through sodden lashes for a moment before her face crumpled, torn between a strange sense of relief and the aching sadness beating in her chest. Laying there she bit down on her tongue, holding in the keening howl that was struggling to escape, even as she failed to hold back the tears still spilling across her cheeks.
Later she would curse herself for this, the weakness, the loss of control, but for now she simply held onto herself as tightly as she could. It was as if she was afraid she would lose another piece of herself if she let go and there was already so little of her left that she didn’t dare. Her whole body shuddered as Pavak’s next words reached her, unable to accept them. He sounded so sure and she wanted to believe him, every fiber of her being wanted to let what he said be true. But she doubted and she feared and she was so sure in her own way that she could never be fixed. So it was that she shunned the comfort of his words and the hope they offered, the hope that seemed more painful than anything else in that moment. Somehow though her worn heart gathered up what the other elf said, tucked those words safely away deep inside of her, even as her mind refused to let herself believe.
Still but for the shuddering breaths that wracked her frame she couldn’t bring herself to look at him, couldn’t bring herself to move at all. Then the world was washed in blue, mixing with the dwindling firelight to create something otherworldly. Blinking she shifted, struggling to raise her leaden head to see what was happening even as the light faded away just as quickly as it had come.
The blinking didn’t stop, and if anything increased, as she heard the low whine from nearby and finally caught sight of what was making the noise. Of what had also most likely caused the light she had only caught a glimpse of. She released her tongue without even noticing it and her mouth dropped open in surprise, in awe. He had mentioned sleeping as a wolf and yet she hadn’t been able to picture it. For all that she had seen and felt the reality of his form as a bear a part of her had still not quite believed he could be anything else but a man. But there he was. The wolf. Pavak. One and the same.
Weary, red-rimmed eyes remain fixated on him, watching him draw closer. There was a distinct lack of fear but then there was a distinct lack of almost any feeling. She felt as if she had been hollowed out. Her tears had drained her, leaving her empty and aching. And tired, so very tired. As Pavak curled up next to her she froze, breath stuck in her throat. One trembling hand made its way forward, hesitating as it hovered over him. Then her hand sank into soft fur, fingers curling gently, and she breathed. He was warm.
She found herself suddenly choking on little more than air her teeth clamped back down on her tongue, trying to fight back sobs and failing. Her shoulders shook and she gasped for breath, hiccupping, but she didn’t release her careful hold on Pavak. Minutes passed until it seemed as if there was no air left in her lungs and she grew still. Rolling closer to him she was finally able to release her hold on his pelt only to hesitantly begin to run her fingers over his fur, tears starting to subside with every careful sweep of her arm.
She stayed like that, curled up next to the wolf who was really a man, until her eyes grew too heavy for her to keep open and sleep came to carry her away. Her breathing gradually evened out and her face relaxed leaving her looking peaceful if not for the tears that had yet to dry.
Her hand remained where it was, buried in Pavak’s fur, safe and warm.