"Why not?" Kallian repeated, and ran her fingers through her dark hair.
"I... don't expect a lot of this to make sense to you, Garrett, but let me tell you about how I grew up. Starting with my mother," she said.
She fingered the red dress as she spoke. "My mother isn't Ferelden. She's from Orlais. She was a bard there, as were many of the women in my family before her, and Orlesian bards are more than storytellers and musicians. They also play an important part in the Grand Game played between the nobles. And... there are no winners in the Game. Especially not bards. They are just pieces. And love and marriage are dangerous things in that position. You might be called on to kill someone, and have that someone be the person you love, which is what happened to my grandfather, I'm told, or they might be bait or double-cross you. It rarely ends well. There are no happy endings."
She shook her head. "My mother didn't yet have the skill or reputation to play in the Game yet, so she came to Ferelden, hoping to play for King Maric and gain his favor, but along the way, she met my father. She was fond of him, in her way, but she did not love him. After they spent a night together, she left almost immediately. She didn't know she was pregnant with me until she got to Denerim. As far as I know, my father never knew I existed. While we were in Denerim, my mother always said we'd someday go back to Orlais, once we had the money and I was big enough. She said we'd find service in a noble's house and have a better life than we could ever hope for in the alienages. She never married. She didn't want to be tied down to a Ferelden husband, she said."
Kallian tucked a lock behind her ear. "Courtship doesn't really happen in the alienages either. When an elf reaches marriageable age, their parents and the elders work to arrange a match for them. A lot of the time, the couple doesn't even meet until the day of the wedding. I don't know if my mother would have agreed to a match for me or not--I was much too young when the slavers took her. I doubt it. My mentor turned down matches for me too, but for a different reason."
She looked at Garrett earnestly. "You're a free mage too, Garrett. You know what kind of dangers we face. How, at any moment, a templar could come and rip us away from our homes, or kill us, or make us Tranquil, just because we're alive and have magic. And no one will care enough to stop them. The first rule you learn in the alienage is 'Don't call attention to yourself.' Especially if you're female. It's all too common for humans to come in there and beat someone or take a woman as a plaything and throw her back when she's done. And it's worse if you're a mage because of all the risks we face. You can't trust anyone. Not even a potential spouse."
She sighed. "I just... with all of that... It never seemed possible for me. Much, much too dangerous. And now... Now I don't know what to think. I've been trying to avoid being noticed or gaining someone's interest for so long, every lesson I've ever learned tells me I should keep him at a distance. To tell him 'no', or just... avoid it altogether, just so I can protect myself. Genikon is a good and kind friend to me, and I trust him... I just don't know if I can trust him enough."