The Broken Ones Who: Lance and Zania Where: Eatzy's When: 3:30am
Lance could feel it. It starting to push at the edges of his personality, his mood, his cheer. He hated it. It was that damn dark cloud following him around. He’d be under it soon enough. Which would be the definition of rough. In an attempt to combat it, or at least delay it, he’d gone walking. It was late, middle of the night, probably not at all safe, but he had his gun. When he passed the diner and saw the lights on, he figured what the hell, hopping up the stairs and into the place, looking around before finding a seat at the counter and not taking off his leather jacket.
Zania had been in the kitchen, humming softly to herself, though tonight she had the music turned off. She was in a melancholy mood still and not even her happiest music could cheer her up. So tonight she’d gone for silence, her quiet singing the only sound breaking the silence until she heard the diner door open and close via the ringing of a bell. Wiping her hands on her apron, she stepped back out into the diner and froze, stomach knotting up. She’d been hoping she could go a bit longer without seeing Lance, but there he was, sitting at the counter. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself together and walked up to the counter. “Evening,” she said with a small smile. “What can I get for you?”
He’d been sinking into his own thoughts, tracing circles on the countertop, barely there. At the voice he glanced up, surprised to see the girl from the night before there. In fact, he just blinked at her a couple of times, trying to determine if he was dreaming or not. It was late. He might have gone to sleep. “Uhh...dessert?”
“I was just finishing up some peach cobbler if you want a hot dessert and don’t mind waiting a few, otherwise I have apple pie and strawberry shortcake,” Zania said, her smile a bit softer. Dessert was something she could manage and serving him was easier than awkward conversation. “What sounds good to you?”
Lance carded fingers through his hair, curls unruly from him touching it more than usual. “Whatever’s easiest for you?” That was the issue, he had a hard time actually asking for something, even if it was a diner and she was supposed to be served.
“They’re all about the same,” Zania shrugged. “If you want a hot dessert, go for the peach cobbler, otherwise I’d suggest the apple pie. It’s my best.” Her hands slid into the pockets of her apron as she rocked forward on her toes. “What’re you doing up in the middle of the night?”
He floundered over the answer, running his fingers over the back of his neck for a long moment. “Pie. If it’s your best.” He wasn’t quite looking at her, somewhere else. “Me? Couldn’t sleep.” Or more, part of him wanted to sleep, for hours. Days maybe. But he was trying to avoid that feeling.
“Why not?” she asked, falling into her role as diner waitress as she pulled the apple pie out of the display case and began to cut him a piece. She always figured that people who wandered in around this time of night needed someone to talk to. She just hadn’t been expecting Lance to be one of them.
Lance half chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. His humor was gone. “Didn’t want to,” he said, shaking his head. “There are some days that just...aren’t worth it.”
Zania frowned as she cut his piece of pie, wondering how he’d gone from being so jovial to sounding like she did. “What’s on your mind then?” she said, putting the piece down in front of him and pulling up a stool on her side of the counter. “You seem depressed.”
That was one word for it. Though this wasn’t depressed. Depressed came later. This was just mildly down in the dumps. He shook his head, trying to slip his mask on instead of dealing with the pain. He focused instead on the pie, taking a bite. “M’fine,” he said with a full mouth.
“You are?” she asked, raising a brow. “Because if this is fine, you were downright cheery the other night. What changed?” For her, there was usually something that triggered the depression. Like sleeping with Lance. That hadn’t been the best of her decisions.
“I was cheery the other night. Didn’t have a reason not to be.” Sleeping with Zania hadn’t been the trigger. Really there wasn’t a trigger. It was just a feeling, a sense that he’d been high too long and low was waiting. “This is good,” he told her, nodding towards the pie and smiling.
“Thanks,” she smiled. “I couldn’t even cook when I started here, but I think I’ve mastered the pie. My brother still worries about me burning down the place, though.” Which was why she was a waitress, not a cook. They let her in the kitchen only to cook pie. If he wanted something more, she’d have to wake up the cook.
“I’m not what you’d call a good cook, but I manage,” Lance said. He’d been taking care of his father for years. And after that his cousin. He ran his thumb over his lower lip, catching her eyes in a smile before ducking his head again. It was all a game. A facade that covered up the hurt and broken.
“As long as you’re not starving, you’re doing good,” she smiled, then wasn’t sure what else to say. She sat there for a moment, watching him eat as her smile faded. She wasn’t good at keeping up the facade. She wore her emotions all over her face most of the time.
He took another bite of his pie and shrugged. She didn’t know, but there had been times when he wasn’t sure if they wouldn’t starve, but that was also why he and Kenzie had started stealing things. To have the things that they hadn’t had. He was focused on the pie then looked up at her, seeing that smile go away. “Now you’re the one that looks depressed.”
She gave a little shrug. “It happens,” she said. “I feel like the harder I try to be happy, the worse my life gets. I think I need to just relax and let it go, but that’s easier said than done.” As much as she wanted to stop trying, Zania liked having control of her life. Waiting around for something to happen didn’t come easy for her.
God did he know what she meant. That was his life to the tee. “It does happen.” He took another bite of pie, thinking over his hands. “It’s not a matter of trying or being happy over being sad. It’s surviving the lows.” It was more than he would tell anyone, but he knew it first hand.
“How do you survive the lows?” Zania asked, propping her head up on her hand. “Because I just want to crawl into bed and never come out.” When things were bad, she felt useless, even if she knew that logically that wasn’t the case. She could still work, get by day to day, but it didn’t feel worth the effort.
Lance took another bite, trying not to laugh. “That. Drink. Get stoned.” He shrugged one shoulder. “You get by.”
“I’m not big on drugs and drinking sometimes makes it worse,” she said with a little laugh. If there was something she knew that could make her feel better, she’d be all over it. Zania took a sip of lemonade, watching him, then took a deep breath. “Do you know my name?”
“Didn’t say it was going to make it better. Just helps you get through.” Lance pushed his pie around the plate a little. At her question he winced a little. “Something with a Z…” Nope, that was still a touch fuzzy.
Zania gave a little nod, but tried not to let on how much that stung. This was why she didn’t do one night stands. They didn’t work for her. They left her feeling empty and alone. It just wasn’t worth it. “Zania,” she said softly. “Like the flower, but with an A.”
Lance winced again. “I was close. And I liked that better than what I was making up in my head.” He smiled at her, leaning more across the counter. “I won’t forget again.”
“What were you making up?” she asked, curious to what other names might start with a Z other than Zoe. She liked Zoe or Zoey. They were almost normal. “It’s okay. I kind of doubted you did, but…” She shrugged, not sure what to say there.
“Zephyr,” Lance said. “Bizarre. Zania is way better. Zephyr sounds like a dude dog. Which you are...definitely not.” The smile felt fake, but it looked genuine. He was good at faking it. “Well you did get me drunk.”
“Thanks,” she said with a little laugh, glad that he didn’t equate her with a male dog. That would have been upsetting. But when he accused her of getting him drunk, her smile fell a little. “I’m sorry about that. Hope the hangover wasn’t too bad.”
“I wasn’t complaining. Just justifying it. The hangover was a bitch. I slept on my porch and was woken up by a good samaritan.” Lance shook his head then finished off his pie.
Zania wished she could have slept on her porch. Unfortunately, that was out of the question. “Well, you took the rest of my moonshine, so you had to have been pretty toasted by the time you got home,” she said, pouring him a small glass of milk as he finished his pie.
Lance looked impressed. “Saw that did you? I’m a shit thief when I’m drunk.” Or he was at anything but picking pockets. “I didn’t finish it. But Kenzie had picked up some weed from her boyfriend and that plus the moonshine led to a lovely feeling.”
“I didn’t know you were trying to be sneaky,” she said with a hint of amusement. In her opinion, she’d let him have it. If she wanted to run after him, she’d have caught up in a second. “Are you always a thief? Or do you have a legit job now that you’re stuck in here?”
“I was,” Lance said, quirking a smile, even if inside he just wanted to go to bed. “I was a trader thank you very much,” he told her. Though yes, a thief. “I haven’t found something yet. I did put in an application to be company for someone, but I’ve got to pass the interview.” The one he wasn’t sure he’d be up for doing if he didn’t get his shit together by the evening.
“Nothing wrong with being a trader, up until the doors shut. I figured you’d eventually run out of things to trade. What do you mean by being company for someone?” Zania asked, confused about what he meant by that. She was thinking about offering him a job at her club, but if he already had one, then maybe not.
“That’s what she said. I could take the job keeping her company,” Lance said, thinking of how much Lily looked like her brother. The thought that he’d rather keep Jack company flitted into his mind, but Lance squashed it. None of that.
“Oh,” Zania said, eyes dropping from him to the countertop. “So people usually pay to keep you as company?” Now she got it and…. ugh, it was so much worse. At least he hadn’t made her pay for it. Then she might’ve really crawled into a hole and died.
That had Lance chuckling as he shook his head. “No. That would be Kenzie. I didn’t sign up for that. This was more Lily’s idea of how to use my free time. By keeping her company, though I already told her I don’t do boyfriend.” He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m still free.”
“Lily?” Zania asked, then slumped forward, holding her face in her hands. God, it hurt so bad. She’d seen Lily and Mickey earlier, as they were changing shifts, and tried to think nothing of it. Now Lance was keeping her friend company, and Zania was sure things were faring better there than here. If Lance also mentioned having a crush on December, she might just stab him with the nearest fork. “Good for you,” she said softly.
That was not the reaction he’d been expecting. “What happened?”
“Nothing. Everything. She’s just a friend. She works the day shift and is going to be a bartender at my club,” Zania explained. “But today I saw her with Mickey and now you’re keeping her company and it’s just… I’m just having a pity party, that’s all.”
“Mickey’s the guy,” Lance ventured, remembering that story, but not the name. “Well she was also the bitch that woke me up and accused me of loitering,” he pointed out. “What’s there to be all pitying about?”
“She’s not a bitch,” Zania said, quick to jump to her friend’s defense even if Lily could be one from time to time. “And yeah, Mickey’s the guy. And I’m just… I feel like I’m second best to everyone lately. Like I’m not quite good enough. And it makes me jealous of everyone.”
“She woke me up. She was. If you were feeling how I felt, you would call her that too,” Lance insisted. “Well, I thought you were pretty first rate,” he added, smiling some.
“Thanks. I’m glad you thought I was a good lay,” Zania said, clearly feeling the opposite. She knew it was a compliment, but it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. It wasn’t what she wanted at all.
“You are. But that’s because you stopped thinking. What you’re doing right now? Thinking too much.” Lance felt pretty certain about that much.
"I can't help it! That's not something I would normally have done and now I just... I feel hollow. I don't even know you and you have no desire to know me, and my mind just keeps spinning and wishing and wanting and I know that that's not what makes me happy," she said, tugging at one of her dreadlocks. "Not for more than a passing moment."
He shook his head. “You don’t know that. I know that I want to see you again,” Lance said, because he did. “But you should not think as much as you are. I know how that is. I think too much all the time.”
"You told me to come around again if I want to fuck," Zania said, arms hugging across her stomach. It bothered her that he'd seen her at her most vulnerable. Why had she slept with him and not Mickey? It didn't even make sense in her head. Maybe because he'd seemed interested, or hadn't talked about other girls. "I can't just stop thinking. How do you handle it?"
“Not sure what other use I’d be for you,” he told her. He didn’t think he had much to offer. “I stop worrying. I had a good time. You had a good time. We both needed a break from this.” He waved around them. “It’s not a bad thing. There’s no reason to make it as much.”
Zania rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I had a good time, and then you left, and I was alone. There's no one in my bed, keeping me warm. No one to smile at when I wake up, or laugh over the day's events. Or take dancing. Or to a movie." Even if she didn't like the movie, it would be a treat to see one. With a boy. Not by herself.
“So you want a boyfriend. Or a roommate. Though if we’d been in a bed, I might have stayed.” He tended to get lazy from time to time and sometimes there was a second round if he stuck around.
"Yeah," she sighed. She did want a boyfriend. She wanted someone to know her and love her, that she could know and love in return. It seemed to be out of fashion these days. "I have a roommate. Her boyfriend hit on me. It sucked ass."
That made Lance laugh a little, shaking his head. “See? That’s just a damn sign. You are irresistable. Even now, I’m thinking about it.”
"What? Here?" Zania said with a little laugh. "Skylar just... wasn't thinking. And you're thinking with your dick. I don't want to be irresistible if this is what it gets me."
“Why not here? There’s no one here.” And it might help shake the shitty dark cloud that was following him around. “Why is that bad? You’re adorable. And you’re good. Which is a compliment despite what you think.”
"No," she laughed. "This is my brother's diner and as much fun as that might be, I don't think I could handle the low that would follow." She knew now how things would go. She'd be an absolute mess. "I think that'd make me happier if you wanted more with me. Is it really that hard to understand?"
Lance nodded, shrugging his shoulder. “I understand.” He wasn’t going to hold that against her. He knew lows. He lived in lows. “It’s not hard to understand. I know you don’t want more with me because I am not a good choice.”
"No, I don't want more with you because I don't know you," Zania clarified, getting up to pull the peach cobbler out of the oven. She called back to Lance from the kitchen, then returned with the hot cobbler. "And you don't know me. And I like there to be more than compatibles bodies. I don't know you well enough to know if you're a good choice or not."
“I can tell you I’m not,” Lance said shaking his head. “I’m no good. But I get it you, you want something good. Can’t blame you. Lot of people out there looking for that.” It just didn’t fit for Lance. He was too broken inside.
"Why are you no good?" Zania asked, always curious about what made people tick. "You seem like a nice guy. A thief, maybe, but if you need a job..." Then she remembered he might be company for Lily and she sighed. "I don't know. You may find me irresistible, but do I only attract the guys who want a good time? Ugh. You're right. I wish I could stop thinking."
“Just am, princess,” Lance said, shaking his head. “Not one for sticking around.” He sat back in his stool, smiling at her. “I’m not sure I’m ready for a job. I will soon, but Kenzie does pretty good.” And kept them from being broke. “I think something about you attracts guys like that, but I think you’ll find someone else. Just stop thinking.”
"Maybe cause I'm a mess," she sighed. "Honestly, I think it's me. I fuck things up with those I might have a chance with. And I attract those whose lives are just as screwy as my own. I was going to ask if you wanted to work at my club, but I don't know that I want a thief handling money." Hopefully Lily could hold her own at the bar. If not, then she'd start asking around. She knew Nic could do it, but she didn't think he needed to be that close to a bottle on his time off.
“Maybe we aren’t all that bad then,” Lance pointed out before laughing. “I can handle working at your club without stealing from you. I only take what I need.” And he never really had taken money.
"I'll keep you in mind," Zania said. His laugh was contagious enough that it earned a smile from her, despite her mood. "You saw the space. It's not ready. But I plan to work on it this week, so hopefully I'll get it done soon." She'd just need to shut herself in during the day. "I hope that if I put my focus elsewhere, I won't have time to dwell on things."
Lance nodded. “Sounds like a good plan, focusing elsewhere. That does work.” Not for him, but considering Zania was probably better off than Lance was. He would just be buried in his room alone for as long as it lasted.
"I hope so," she sighed, then stuck a fork in the peach cobbler and nabbed a bite for herself. "I hope you weren't looking for some peace and quiet, considering I've talked your ear off. Want some cobbler to go with your pie?"
“I was just looking not to go home,” Lance told her. “But I should.” He reached into his pocket finding some crumbled bills to leave on the counter. “Not that you’re not lovely, but if I stay longer, I’ll fall asleep on the counter.”
She knew how that went, not wanting to go home. Sometimes she just wanted to wander. “You wouldn’t be the first,” Zania smiled, taking the money to deposit in the register. “Though if you’re gonna sleep here, I recommend the booths. They’re way more comfortable.”
Lance chuckled and fixed his jacket. "Yes, I can see that being the case. I'm gonna hit the road though." The darkness was tugging again and he'd rather be locked in his room to deal with it. "Good to see you again," he told her honestly before heading for the door.
“Bye, Lance,” she said with a little wave. While that had been awkward at first, it hadn’t been too bad overall. Maybe they could eventually be friends, even. Friends would be nice, she thought. Then they could try to pull each other up when they hit their lows.