Swirls of Thoughts
Who: Finn and Audrey Where: their house When: Evening
Finn went for run after work, something long and drawn out to keep his strength up and something that felt like a hold over from a previous life. Running was easier. It let him let down the guards, be more of himself, without feeling the fear. Who could feel fear when they weren’t being chased and everything was just moving forward? He’d put in a few miles before finally stopping at the house, stretching in the backyard to cool down.
Audrey was feeling weirdly optimistic. She was singing softly to herself, a more upbeat song than she'd been indulging in lately, and she gave a little bit of a dance around as she cleaned, dusting the livingroom. "...her eyes are hazel, her name is Mable, I kissed her once and now I'm able, to walk a mile, crack a smile, she makes me want to kiss all the babies, hug the puppy dogs..." Finn was just leaning up from a stretch when he caught her in the window, dancing about. That was...reassuring but at the same time a touch alarming. When was the last time he’d seen her really sing and dance like that? Even if he couldn’t hear her, Finn knew she was singing. And she hadn’t since before the auction at least. Going to the window near her he knocked on it, head tilted to one side as he watched her.
Audrey pulled up short, then smiled out at Finn. Leaning over, she opened the window. "Hey." she greeted. "Come inside." she told him. And that was when her heart decided to sink. Hopefully? She could pull this off, and do it well. Be sane, Audrey. Be strong.
He considered going around the door, but the sheer fun of climbing in the window won out, and he was hefting himself up and over the ledge into the room with almost ease. “Inside,” he said with a grin, still damp with sweat from his run. “Having fun?”
She laughed, grinning at him. "That's one way of doing it." she said, amused. "And yeah, actually. Dusting. Who knew?" she asked rhetorically. "Want something to eat?" she asked. She could whip up something for them, and they could talk.
“Seemed like a good idea.” Finn closed the window behind him, watching her over his shoulder. “Who knew indeed. I could eat.” This was a nice change, especially since her happiness seemed purer than usual.
Audrey headed into the kitchen, to start making sandwiches. "So, there's been some developments." she said first. "First with Eli." she added. "He's fine, so don't worry about that, first. But, there's been a change."
Finn had been about to ask why she was so happy, but then she was jumping into news and he found himself frowning. “Change? What kind of change?” There was a breath as Finn looked back into the house, towards Eli’s room. “He’s leaving.”
"What?" she asked. "No, of course he isn't leaving." Audrey rushed to assure Finn. "It isn't that at all." she shook her head. "Why would he...nevermind. He isn't leaving." she continued. "No, it has to do with what happened to him. And why he healed up so fast."
Leaving was the usual change. Someone had decided they needed to move on from Finn. In this case, Eli had never really liked him in the first place. Looking back at Audrey, he waited, questioning look on his face.
"He's...well. He's a werewolf now, I suppose is the term." Audrey said, recognizing how ridiculous it sounded. "But it means he'll heal faster! And he's okay!" she rushed to add.
It took a moment for Finn to process that. Actually it took a moment for all the different versions of Finn to process that. The scared, broken boy in him wanted to scream, but that was the quietest. Mostly it was the normal teenager, sure that she was full of shit, and the Ranger who was addressing it how a Ranger would, as a change in the game. He tapped his fingers against the table, letting the Ranger take over because that was a hell of a lot easier than the others, not looking at Audrey. “What do we intend to do about this?”
Of course he'd hit up the Ranger. Still, she rolled with it. "We intend to help him on the full moon, to make sure he's safe and so are others, and beyond that? We back him up every step of the way. Because he's a werewolf now. Our werewolf."
Finn still wasn’t looking at her, tapping his fingers along the tabletop in a pattern that didn’t quite make sense. “While having a werewolf in our party is useful, Audrey...what if something goes awry? Are we equipped for helping him?” He hated playing this part, but someone needed to be logical didn’t they? Monsters were hard to control in any game, and they lacked a proper mage.
"Oh, we're going to be." Audrey said, a stern note in her voice. "We're going to pull out every damn stop that happens, Finn, because Eli is one of us, and that's that. Do you hear me?" she asked. "I don't care what we need to do. We'll get it done. If it were me, I know you would all do the same."
Finn looked up at her, surprised at the tone in her voice. "I know he's one of us Audrey, but this will not be some small undertaking. You know full well I'd go to the end of the earth for you. And Liam and Eli." But especially Audrey. The voice in the back of his head threw him for a second, but he had a point to make. "We also need to be prepared for if we can't. I have no intention of not helping, please don't speak to me as if I am saying that. What I'm saying is that I know my limitations and animal wrangling is not in my skill set. This is not an easy task Audrey."
"We won't know if we can't until we try." Audrey said. "And I'm sorry, I wasn't saying that you were saying you weren't going to help, I'm just saying this is happening, and we'd better hop on board. I'm aware it won't be simple. None of us even knows what will happen. I just know we need to work it out."
Finn found himself moving closer, one hand reaching out for Audrey's shoulder to turn her towards him. "I have faith. But I will work on a back up plan. I can't let you get hurt." He touched her cheek, smiling softly. While he'd never say it, he was aware that she was prettier in his mind than Avery and for an instant, despite it being out of place, he was struck by it.
She watched Finn's eyes, and was aware that this seemed like it was different than usual. Like he meant it when he said he couldn't let her get hurt, like it mattered that it was her. Like she might not be just one of the group. Which...was silly, wasn't it? But then again, he had been talking about what...going out with her or something before? She couldn't quite remember. "What kind of back up plan are you thinking about?" she asked, voice slightly softer than before.
He shrugged one shoulder, thumb across her jaw lightly, which really wasn’t at all what they’d been talking about, but seeing her happy had made him happy and now he wasn’t sure what to do with it besides this. “I’m not sure. I will need to think on it and prepare.” Death was viable, but at the same time he didn’t want to hurt Eli.
"What are you thinking at all?" she asked. "Because we can't...this isn't allowed to end in tragedy." she said. "It's just not allowed to."
Finn’s fingers on her still for a moment, then he started again, closer to her hair, fingers catching that as well. “I won’t let anything happen to him. I swear. Maybe a way to detain him. Or restrain him.” It made Finn wish they had a mage more.
It was getting a little distracting, his attention there. Nice, but distracting. And the nice factor was detracted from considering he was still, so far as she could tell from his tone of voice, the way he spoke, in Ranger mode. She nodded, accepting that answer. "You're girlfriend wouldn't like what you're doing right there." she said.
“My...what?” Finn’s hand slowed on her, eyes catching hers. He didn’t take his hand away from her, but he did stop.
"Girlfriend. That's generally what you refer to people you make out with as." she told him. "You're seeing her. You're going on dates. She's your girlfriend."
Finn looked confused for a moment, eyes shifting slightly, taking on almost a different shade of blue. “I don’t think it’s that,” he said, voice different even, but it was slight. “I don’t think she’s very sure that’s what she wants it to be.”
"Okaaay, well you're doing all those things, aren't you?" she posed. "If you are, then you give her the respect she deserves, and call her what she is, okay? That's how you treat girls. Don't just...do that and not have even some form of alignment with her. You're a better guy than that."
Finn pulled his hand away from Audrey, though it was slow, as if he didn’t want to. Because he didn’t. He was enjoying being close to her. “I told you. I’m not sure she likes me. Or...knows me. I think I just confuse her.” He sat on the edge of the table, looking over at Audrey. “I guess were something. I also remember you saying I could take you out too.”
"I said if things didn't work out with Avery, who you were giving another chance to." Audrey said, surprised he remembered that at all. "And you did, and you've been going out. I'm no longer an option, because two timing is awful, and I won't take part in it nor do I want to think you'd do that to someone else."
“When you said it it didn’t sound so much like no as it does now,” Finn told her with a frown. He looked over at her, features softer, less of the Ranger. The Ranger was still there, but it wasn’t everything. “I wish you would have let me.” Though, it rose in the back of his mind that the push towards someone else was probably a sign.
"I still want to get to know who you are underneath everything else." she said with a soft smile, not directly calling out the Ranger versus Finn thing, but close enough. She didn't want to talk about that tonight, they had other concerns, but it was still there. Plus, she was still nursing a ton of sore spots in her psyche.
Finn made a face. “That’s what Avery says. Which if you’re saying the same thing doesn’t make her any more my girlfriend than you are.” He paused for a beat, looking at the ground. “I’m remembering.” His voice was soft, barely there, as if he wasn’t sure the words were the right words, but there was a moment of clarity there, where he understood what she meant and he knew there was something hiding beneath the surface.
Audrey gave him a Look. "Oh come on, that's complete crap." she said. "It is not the same, because you're going out with Avery! How would that possibly be the same thing?" she posed. "And if you think it is? Then you really don't know much about girls." she crossed her arms. "And good, that you're remembering. I'm glad to hear that. But still." He wasn't painting himself in a good light, and that bothered her. She really kinda didn't want to find out that he was really a jerk somewhere deep down.
Finn shook his head. “No, it’s not that. I know it’s different. I do,” he heard his own voice rising and fought to control it. “It’s just she says over and over again that she doesn’t know me. That we barely know each other. It makes everything else seem...less important. Like it doesn’t matter because we’re not aware of everything about a person. I don’t remember that being necessary to justify something starting. And if it was...I would be with you. Because I know you. And despite what you say, you know me.” Finn sighed and looked away from her. “I just feel strange. Sometimes I feel things with you that I feel with her but they’re bigger. Louder.”
"I don't know that anyone ever knows everything about someone else." Audrey said first. Because she did believe that. She didn't quite know what to say about the other stuff. "I'm the easy out, Finn. You've known me for years, you don't have to work to get to know me. But getting to know someone else, that's worth it. I promise." she told him.
Finn’s eyes narrowed, head tilting as he looked at her. “Why do you do that?”
She paused, looking confused. "...do what?" she asked.
“You discount yourself and what you might actually mean to me.” Finn felt weird saying it, or at least the part that had been with her all those years did, but this wasn’t the Ranger talking. Audrey meant something to the Ranger on a surface level, but to the real Finn, it was more than that. He wasn’t even fully aware of it, but since that part of him had been tapped, he was getting more from it.
She opened her mouth, then shut it again. "I don't mean to." she said. "I just...it's true. I'm the easy one here. It makes sense that you would look at me like that, maybe, because I've been kinda it-ish since we all started traveling together."
Finn shook his head. “We’ve been here long enough. You’re still it.” He reached out for her arm, dragging his thumb across her wrist for a moment before letting go. “You’re not just the easy answer. Don’t think that. Ever.”
She was back to not knowing how to react. God, she needed to get out of her own head, she thought. She needed...she didn't know. Would being a werewolf help with this? Would it mean her emotional fucked up weirdness would go away and she could stop feeling abandoned and crushingly lonely? Because right now, it almost sounded like a good idea to her to step closer to him. To see what would happen. But the mere thought turned her stomach, considering Avery was in the picture. And she didn't like being told she was a priority. That it was her, not the girlfriend. It made her feel bad for Avery, even if she still had jealousy issues there too. And there were her feelings for Liam, and...it was messy. "I think I'm going to go to bed. Long day tomorrow, right?"
Finn’s hand went out a second time, this time keeping her there. “You do that too. End the conversation.” She’d done it last time they’d talked. “What are you thinking?”
"Not anything I want to talk about." Audrey said. "I'm tired, and there's all this werewolf stuff to deal with right now." she said to him, not pulling away, but not getting closer either. Not turning back toward him like she was staying. "I'm thinking I want some rest."
He didn’t let go of her, not right away. “Why won’t you tell me?”
So much flooded her mind then. There were a million reasons, really. Not the smallest of which was her not really knowing how much of the Ranger was still there. Though if she had to guess, she would say probably not nearly as much as she was wondering about. It didn't feel like the Ranger. Maybe she was using that as an excuse in her head. "Because it'll all be okay." she said, giving him a smile.
Finn didn’t look convinced. “That’s not a good reason. Especially since it sounds like things aren’t okay.” He pulled at her arm gently, trying to get her closer. “Tell me what’s going on.”
She took a step closer to her, more to keep her balance than deliberately. "I just have a lot on my mind that's all. Remember when I was on the merry go round? Sort of like that, only I'm not being stupid about things. I don't want to talk about it, because for me, sometimes when I get going, I make things worse for myself."
“You were being stupid about things then?” Finn asked, not having gotten that from her at all. “That’s what I’m here for. To keep you from making it worse and keep you from keeping it inside.”
"I'm often stupid about things, Finn." Audrey said, giving a little half smile. "I just tend not to talk about it til I'm done being stupid." she added. "Keeping it inside is how I deal with things. It'll be fine, I'm always fine, remember? And sometimes I just need to be dumb in my head for a little bit then I'm good." And usually, that did work for her. Just not lately.
Finn thought about that then frowned. “You don’t always have to be fine. That’s why I’m here. To help. Let me help. You seem upset or distracted or something. I want to be there for you.”
No, you're allowed to think you have everything under control, hon, because you cast yourself as 'leader' in your own little internal play. Went through her mind. It made her sad. because she knew he believed that, and she didn't want to shatter that illusion. That one he could figure out slowly and it wouldn't be that hard to swallow. Well, that and his leadership had gotten them through a lot. Just not as much as he thought it did. "I know you do, hon. You can be by letting me deal with my stuff on my own." She took his hand and gave it a squeeze.
That didn’t feel like the right thing to do in Finn’s mind. “That sounds like the opposite of helping,” he told her honestly, leaning in closer. He wanted to just hold her, make her feel better, take away whatever bad thoughts were plaguing her and it felt more like she was shutting him down.
"I know. But for someone like me, it's how to do it best." she said. Audrey had learned to repress. Repress intensely. It had been how she got through everything, holding the boys together while she was at it. So she hadn't really learned how to let it all out. She was still so strongly in the mindset that she couldn't, that she didn't even really entertain the idea of letting go.
Finn watched her, as if he might get more from her words by studying her. “Do you want to stay in my room tonight? So you won’t be alone?” He reached to pull her into a hug, feeling like that was all he could do.
She hugged him back, feeling warm and fuzzy that he would offer, and that he was trying so hard to really do the right thing and be there. It felt nice. Like he felt warm. She knew it would be a bad idea, though, to go to his room with him. So, she shook her head, though lingered a moment longer in the hug. "I'll just kick a lot, or something. We both need sound sleep."
“You know I really don’t care if you kick me,” Finn told her, resting his cheek on her head as she lingered in the hug. “Promise. I don’t want you to be alone.”
"I know you don't. It's appreciated. But I'm good in my own bed." she said, finally pulling away. She gave him a smile, and drew in a deep breath to let it out quickly. "I'm going to head there now. Goodnight, Finn. And you're a good friend." she told him sincerely.
Finn hesitated for just a moment before leaning in again, pressing a small kiss against her cheek. “Goodnight Audrey,” he told her, still close to her skin. When he pulled away he waited, not leaving where he was, giving her a chance to go first.
Her eyes closed for a heartbeat, then she quickly opened them again. Yep. She needed to go to bed. Alone. "Goodnight." she said. Realizing only belatedly that she was repeating herself. Then she turned, to head upstairs, taking them two at a time. She'd very obviously never had a real boyfriend. Jesus.