can we talk? Who: Noah and Sylvia Where: the hospital When: shortly after midnight
Noah had texted Aidan. After Darcy had let him know that Aidan had found Sylvia. It had been mortifying. He’d done it anyway because he needed to at least know she was okay. That she wasn’t dead. Not that he thought she would be because he had this amazing idea in his head of what vampires could do. Still he worried, wanted to know she was okay. Even if it was the last time they spoke. He just needed to be sure. So he’d gone into the hospital. It was the middle of the night but he was used to that now. He’d been up til all hours looking for Sylvia and then crashing with Darcy.
He’d realized at some point that she wasn’t going to come back. She’d been good to her word and was staying away which had messed with his head. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to her at this point but he knew he had to. So he’d gone looking for her again. This time using more of his brain than before. Though it felt stupid because why would she be on her hospital shift if she was avoiding everyone. Still, he tried. Entering the lab he knew she worked in usually and calling out her name. “Can we talk?”
Sylvia had been watching the clock. She didn't know if Noah would seek her out or not, but she was overly aware of the time either way. She was in the lab alone, as usual for this time of night, working on dried samples of her blood. At the sight of him, her posture relaxed almost imperceptibly. She exhaled a little, and realized she was relieved to see him. When he asked if they could talk, she nodded, setting everything down. "Would you prefer it here, or elsewhere?" she asked. Noah was a little startled to hear Sylvia's voice. He'd spent so long looking for her that unconsciously he'd stop actually expecting to hear her again. He had been sure he'd seen the last of her but he was going to try one last time. His eyes flew to the sound of her voice and some part of him relaxed too. The part that had been expecting the worst. Whatever it was. "Wherever it happens," he said. "So long as it happens."
Sylvia glanced around, then nodded to a small office off the labs, letting them into there. It was a little room, without windows. It was also ever so slightly chilly, not that Sylvia noticed much anymore. Still, she went inside, turned on the lights, and sat down in a chair, indicating the rest of the office for him to choose a seat. The one behind the desk was open, and there was a twin to her chair nearby.
Noah was a little unnerved at what felt like a clinical response to his desire to talk. He followed her into the office and settled himself opposite Sylvia on the edge of a counter. It was surreal and at this late hour, there was nothing better to describe it than that. He looked at her, at a loss for words, but so glad to know she was okay. "So you're back at work. That's probably good, right?" he asked, lamely. "You're okay. That's good to see."
"I am alright," she confirmed for him. "And I am keeping my employment. I like my jobs, and need to pay my bills. Should you see a young lady at my home, I've given her permission to use it. She's quite nice, you should meet her. Her name is Lydia," she explained. For Sylvia, she didn't know what to say either, but really felt that she should. But he had told her they needed to talk, which she assumed meant he needed to talk, and she needed to listen.
Noah had just wanted proof of life. Or more. He wasn't sure. The longer he'd spent away from her the more different about her he'd felt. Until he wasn't sure she was part of his life anymore. And he couldn't tell from this if she wanted to be either. Which wasn't unusual for her. He knew that. "Lydia, okay," he said, filing that away for later. Whoever Lydia was. Sylvia had sublet her house? "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry that I didn't find you before. And that, even after four years of knowing each other, I couldn't have predicted you'd be here tonight. I had to ask someone else."
Blue eyes widening slightly, Sylvia looked confused. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Noah," she told him. "I left because I didn't feel safe, and felt it was best for everyone involved. No one was meant to find me at all. You owe no apology whatsoever that you failed to do so. You weren't meant to be looking in the first place," she insisted first, needing him to not feel guilty about that. At no point would she hold that against him. "...as for not knowing if I would be here, I believe things have very much changed from what may once have been normal. Not predicting my moves now, especially in light of my...condition...is understandable."
Noah looked at her. Her words hitting like darts. Breaking the skin, piercing through until there was pain. "Okay," and he finished like that was all he wanted to say. Wouldn't it be easier to just leave her to her thing with Aidan and go about his life? Maybe. But he'd saved her life. She'd save his. He owed her one more shot at the very, extreme, least. "Sylvia. You're all I knew for years. Whatever you're doing now? It hurts. So just tell me if you're done with me. Just tell me, okay?"
Sylvia didn't understand what was going on. He looked hurt, he sounded hurt, and she'd been trying to be comforting. She'd been trying to make him feel better, not worse. And now he was talking like that, and distress flickered behind her eyes, making it's way to her expression in tiny ways. A pinch between her brows, drawing them together in concern, the corners of her mouth tugging downward. Her hands grasping her lab coat. Subtle signs, but there. "I...I apologize, I do not mean to hurt you. That's never been my intention." She stood, to move closer, but it was slow. She was waiting for him to tense, for him to give silent indication that she should not come any closer.
Noah flailed a little. He didn't know what to make of Sylvia's response for a moment. It wasn't what he wanted, not what he needed from this interaction. But it was at least in keeping with what he knew of her. There wasn't a surprise here even if there was a let down. He spoke softly. "You went away and you said you were never coming back. Do you know that I spent days looking for you?"
"I wrote you the letter," she started, but it was clear that had not had the effect she had intended. "...have I been wrong?" she asked. "Have things not been better for you without my presence?" she asked, inching a little closer still. She felt bad. She truly hadn't meant to make a mess of things, she'd wanted the messes to all quiet down.
"Sylvia!" he protested, louder than he'd meant to. "Why in the world would you just think that? What did I do? What did I say that made you think I'd be so much better without you?" He stopped and pulled his hair back from his face and fastened it into a ponytail. He softened, almost afraid to ask but he did anyway. "Have things been better for you without me?"
She didn't flinch at his volume. They were alone, no one was really around. "Are you not moving on? Have you not entered a relationship with the very girl who assaulted me - right in front of you? I believe that was where you were heading," she explained. She thought about the last question before she answered. "...I feel safer, but that has nothing to do with the lack of your presence," she said. "I found a place. It's...very quiet. No one will be able to hunt me there. I would not agree with the assessment of 'better'."
Was this really how it was? "No, I haven't ‘moved on’," he said, because he hadn't. "Darcy doesn't want to hurt you. She isn't gunning for you." Which was true but how could Sylvia know that? How the hell did he fix this? It wasn't possible, was it? And then she said she'd found somewhere safe that had nothing to do with him. "Good. I'm glad to hear that," he said, his tone deadpan. He didn't know what to do with this. She seemed good. Fine. Without him. Safer. He looked at her. "Who is hunting you? Except me and your boyfriend? Who even knows you exist?"
She looked confused again. "You aren't with Darcy?" she asked, there was nearly a hopeful note in her voice, the tiniest twitch of a ghost of a smile. It was strange for her, though. Her calculations been that off? She'd been certain. "...Darcy hit me. In broad daylight, because I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. I did not bend to her will. So she leveled violence upon me. Why is it you would trust that she wouldn't do worse?" she posed. "And you do not sound joyed to hear I am safe. As for who is hunting me, no one that I currently know of, discounting the idea of Darcy. But Aidan has shared that werewolves will be able to tell what I am. I feel it's only a matter of time, and have never been one who waits for a disaster to react. You know I wish to have things in place, just in case." It had helped them through the horrors outside upon occasion, even if she still credited Noah with the lion' share of responsibility for their lives. "Who else knows - Darcy."
Noah was silent for a long moment, processing and making every attempt not to get loud again. It was strange but the only person who could incite that in him was Sylvia. For the most part he was mindful always of being quiet. Even in sex, much to the amusement or consternation of the very few partners he’d had. “I’m with Darcy,” he affirmed. “That’s why I know she doesn’t want to hurt you. She’s terrified of you now that she knows you’re a vampire. She won’t come anywhere near you. The only thing she wants is for you to leave Aidan alone but he’s not relenting for any reason.” She wanted things in place in case of disaster. Things that didn’t include him even though they’d been nearly inseparable for years. He wanted to ask why she thought werewolves would suddenly decide to hunt her down. That seemed awfully hypocritical and non sequitur. He didn’t address it though. This was about them to Noah. “So it’s you that’s moved on. I’ve been looking for you and you’ve been safe and happy without me.” He was wondering if he should have come here tonight but he was at least glad to know she was okay.
That little pinch of relief she'd felt evaporated immediately. So she hadn't been wrong. Normally she would have been pleased by that, but that was not the case this time. "I don't want her to be afraid of me. But I'm a vampire, and people are afraid of vampires. It's why I'm worried. And does it not matter what I want? Is it only Darcy and Aidan who get a say?" she posed. "...Noah, I am unclear as to why you are adding 'happy' into this equation, when I have given no indication that that is the case. I said that I did not agree that I was 'better', either. Why are you framing things as such?" she asked, honestly confused by that entirely. "You're angry with me. I understand the part about having departed, but I don't feel like that's all. What else are you angry with me about?"
In Noah’s mind it didn’t connect that she could go away and stay away so long if she wasn’t happy to do it. But then he’d been feeling abandoned and it had made him angry with her. So much so that he was just sure she was off on her honeymoon period with Aidan, pleased to be done with him. He wasn’t sure how it had all gotten turned around into that other than the fact he hadn’t had her to talk to about it. Ask his questions. He needed to rein in the intensity and listen to her. Give her a fair chance. He took a deep breath. “The happy was unfair supposition. Darcy doesn’t know you, Sylvia. She hates her family but she has yet to attempt to kill either werewolf cousin she has. She’s not a threat to you.” He wished she’d believe it but he wasn’t sure that she would or could. He didn’t know what it was like to be in her shoes. “You do have a say, it does matter what you want. If you want Aidan, I’m glad you have him.” He said this in spite of the fact it seemed that she felt he had gotten squeezed out in favor of the guy, a guy he thought was an ass. He didn’t answer her last question, leaving it because he wasn’t sure yet how to voice it all without it just sounding like sour grapes now.
"From what I understand of most people, family is still family. Her lack of homicidal tendencies toward them is hardly an indication of her wishing to take out what she sees as a threat to her family. She can't hate them that much, if she's this upset over my presence in the first place," Sylvia pointed out. "...Noah, do you not see that I'm afraid? Vulnerable? Upset? I beg you - please stop spending every moment trying to convince me that the girl who punched me then shoved me over in public and broad daylight is in the right, or no harm to me, like that never happened. You seem to be willingly discounting it, when it was objectively the most frightening event that occurred to me since we arrived. Your lack of any concern on the matter for me...is painful," she admitted. And he wondered why it was she assumed he was on Darcy's side. He proved it over and over again. She drew in a breath, and let it out slowly. "...if someone else had done that to me, would you have reacted the same? I can't believe you would, Noah. You've always been there. I believe if anyone else had done this, you would have been my champion. Instead, you're with her, and angry at me."
Noah opened his mouth to answer her but stopped, closing it to collect his thoughts more. He was getting frustrated here. He could see her side of things but she seemed to only be able to see her own side. That was all she saw. "Sylvia," he said, working to maintain the patience in his tone. "I have not nor will I ever say that Darcy was right to do what she did. She was scared at the time and reacted. I'm not making excuses for her but obviously you know that fear makes you do drastic things. You cut off our relationship and went into hiding, saying if you could get out of the dome you'd just leave forever. How could I champion you when you precluded that possibility? And there wasn't anything to champion! You're a vampire who could have killed her cousin. I'm not sure you realize how terrifying that is." He paused, assessing her, wondering if he'd always known that she was so self-focused or if that was just how he felt right now. "Yes, I'm with her and and yes, I'm angry with you. The two are not in conjunction with each other. You're the only family I've had for years and you left. For good. I searched for days and couldn't find you. It was a slap in the face that your boyfriend found you and he told me you didn't want to see anyone. He'd pass along a message." The only reason he'd come tonight was to make sure she was indeed okay and then he was going to be done but he wasn't going to say that to her. He was angry but that sometimes changed after talking.
"She didn't know I was a vampire who could have killed her cousin at the time, she only knew I was someone she didn't like," Sylvia said, feeling that point was important. "You cannot assign rationale to events when that was not part of the proceedings! And again, it sounds very much like you are blaming me, the victim, for the assault leveled against me." Hurt did sound in her tone. "I did not stick around for you to be champion when it was already so clear who's side you were taking. Why would I stay to watch my best friend turn directly around and go be with someone who hurt me? I think you fail to see just how hurtful you have been in this matter too, Noah. You feel I abandoned you for Aidan? I feel you abandoned me for Darcy."
She looked away, lines in her posture screaming her upset. "Again, he wasn't invited to find me. And...I never said I did not want to see anyone. I never said I did not want to see you. I was going to contact you, write you a letter to leave at your place, after work tonight. I asked how you were. I didn't up and forget you, or wish to never see you again."
"She knew that you were talking about biting and blood, Sylvia. You're right, though," he agreed with a nod. "Vampire wasn't in there but even without it, that's scary." He sighed, closed his eyes briefly, and pulled at his hair a little to relieve the ever-present headache. "I'm not blaming you. I'm not. I'm not. I am not and I have not and I will not. And I didn't take a side, Sylvia. I stayed behind to make sure she didn't go after you because she was there still and you'd gone away. I thought that was the best course of action and I hardly even knew her at the time. Maybe it was a mistake but I guess mistakes are life events to you. Things that are irreparable and set in stone and the person making them doesn't get a reprieve. As for being with her? Yes, I'm with her because there is more to her than that one moment of fear-fueled violence in the library. Just like there's more to you than that one moment she overheard about biting and blood. She has promised she doesn't want anything to do with you and she was the only person I had left when you went. It is what it is. I get you don't like it but it wasn't a choice I made to hurt you. In spite of your insistence that I chose her over you, I made the decision to be with her after you'd left."
He looked at her, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Yes, you did wish to never see me again. You explicitly said that if you could leave, you'd go forever. That doesn't communicate any desire for seeing me whatsoever. It says that I'm not worth your time anymore."
"And you find no fault in her spying on my private moments either? Would you not feel violated?" she asked. She did, however, through his speech realize that she herself had been assigning rationale when it came past the event. She had sensed his connection with Darcy in his behavior, but that didn't mean everything happened because he was with her. She had trouble separating them, but she made a mental note, so she would keep that in mind.
She needed to stop thinking emotionally. It was getting them nowhere, and he very clearly was too angry to do much but spit venom in her direction. That was especially clear to her with his last words. So she took a long moment, going through everything said, and exercising her own feelings on any matter. In the end, she nodded firmly, and looked back at Noah.
"I feel we are having troubles with one another for the very same reasons," she started. "We are both upset for one reason or another over our respective choices in mate. I do not approve of Darcy, you do not approve of Aidan. We both feel abandoned. We both feel slighted, and as if we do not matter to the other. We are both taking things personally where we should not be, and our judgment is clouded by a mixture of all of these things." She did walk up to him at that point, trying to find his eyes with hers. "I also believe, neither of us would be this irrational and upset if it were true that we did not care, or were intending to abandon each other. I believe the magnitude of this upset in our relationship is directly indicative of how important and encompassing our relationship is at it's core."
"Oh good grief," he said quietly, his shoulders giving out with his frustration. He pulled at his hair again. "Why do you just assume you know what goes on in my head? You don't even know what I'm thinking yet you are sure that your assessment is the truth. I don't even get a chance to speak for myself, you've already made up your mind." That felt like a hopeless wall to be up against. It was as though she scrutinized every single thing he did looking for something to hold against him and never let go. He got that the situation with Darcy was nuts. That it shouldn't have happened and that Darcy was wrong. But he'd become the enemy by trying to protect Sylvia in Sylvia's mind. What did he do with that?
"I don't have a problem with you wanting to be with Aidan. I don't like him but that's your choice, Sylvia. If he makes you happy, then be happy. I don't have to spend time with the guy. But I haven't abandoned you. I never went anywhere. I asked you to stay. How am I supposed to not take it personally that you left and didn't ever want to come back? How am I not to take it personally when you tell me what I'm thinking and then give no room for it to be that maybe you've misunderstood? You are so ready to write me off. How do I not take that personally?"
The only thing he was really angry with her about was the leaving. Because that had hurt in ways he had never imagined. Sure he'd had the odd thought now and again that he wished he wasn't her only friend and the only one who stood up for her. But he never would have wished Sylvia away. Not in a million years. They'd saved each other's lives and he loved her. He looked hard at her with her last words. "That's a good conclusion," he said evenly because he was pretty sure it was apparent in the fact that he had never told her he was leaving and never coming back, all the times he’d been her only friend, all the times he’d stood up for her, all of that said he cared about her.
"Because it wasn't about you. I didn't leave because of you, I didn't leave because I didn't want to be around, you, you're making it about you," Sylvia tried to explain, but she was rapidly losing hope herself. She felt like anything she said was taking as a personal attack. Even trying to find common ground didn't seem to work. She looked to the floor. There was a desolation to her expression, eyes. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "You seem to be under the impression this was easy for me, or that I didn't care. That I made a decision and thought nothing more. Do you truly believe that of me? That I would feel nothing? That it wasn't devastating to feel I had to leave in the first place? You truly feel that you are the only one in pain?"
“No, it wasn’t about me. It had nothing to do with me.” And that was why it felt like abandonment. She’d refused to believe he could or would protect her from a human girl. He’d saved her from a burning building and numerous zombies, but Darcy O’Reilly? Yeah she needed to hightail it out of dodge and leave him behind. He couldn’t help but feel hurt and angry about that. “I don’t know how you feel, Sylvia. Other than you were scared. Which makes sense. Other than that, I don’t honestly know what you feel. You come across cold even if your words say differently. You didn’t appear to have thought about how your actions would make me feel. I didn’t come into the equation at all. Which really hurt. But that’s my fault for thinking of you as my family. You aren’t obligated to treat me that way.” He stopped looking at her, there wasn’t any fight in him at this point. Resignation that they weren’t going to see eye to eye on this was clear in the way he kicked at something imaginary on the ground. Resignation and a huge gaping well of aloneness.
Sylvia stared at the floor. "I'm a vampire. My entire world turned upside down, and I have been trying to figure out how to exist now, what it means, and how to deal with it all. It's a heavy burden, Noah. Please forgive me for not having all of the answers, and not stepping perfectly at every turn. For being afraid, and trying to do what I felt was the only thing I could do. You wish to know how I feel, that is how I feel. Like no move I make is correct, and nothing I say or do is right in your eyes, now. You are angry, and nothing will ease that. You won't allow it. How you're speaking to me...it feels very much like you don't want to let go of your anger. Perhaps that makes it easier for you. I don't know." She felt herself shutting down. "You have known me for years, and know me better than anyone. You of all people know that I can come across as cold. I've never had to apologize to you before for it. But you also know to listen to what I am saying, not how I am coming across. I do not understand why that has abruptly changed. If I had no regard for your feelings I would not have written you a letter at all, I would have merely left."
She was quiet. "What do you want to hear?" she asked. "What can I say that will turn such angry, acidic statements and feelings in my direction away?"
He listened to her, still not looking at her, and when she was done he simply said, "All of that is how I feel. Like whatever I do has you seeing me in the most negative light possible." The pain in his head was radiating now behind his eyes and so he closed them. This quieted him and allowed him to think, come to conclusions, try to figure out a way to be diplomatic about this because there wasn't acid behind what he felt. Just anger at being left behind. But if she was perceiving him as only being angry with her across the board, he was doing something wrong.
He opened his eyes again but avoided hers, speaking carefully. "I don't want to be angry with you, Sylvia. And I don't want you to say anything just to shut me up or whatever." He said it dismissively, not accusatorially because he didn't know how else to sum up what she'd said. She didn't want to make him feel better, she wanted him to stop telling her he was angry. He could understand that. The ground had already been covered ad infinitum. He didn't feel the anger draining out of him but he did feel like he could give a little for her. At least not leave with her thinking he hated when he didn't.
"Really the only thing I want is for you to talk to me before you decide you know what I'm doing or thinking. Because 10 times out of 10, Sylvia, it's not ever meant to hurt you," he said, lifting his eyes which were now pleading for her to understand he meant that. "Even now, my intention wasn't to hurt you. I'm sorry I did."
If they both felt that way, then neither of them was doing a good job of understanding. They were having a very hard breakdown of communication. "I wasn't--I did not want to 'shut you up'," she insisted. "I am obviously saying the wrong things, I want to know what the right things are. I am lost." She looked at him shutting his eyes, looking away. "I never intended to hurt you either. Can we agree nothing that has transpired has been to that end?" She didn't think she believed yet that Noah would ever give on that point. He'd screamed it loud and clear that he thought that.
Noah didn't believe anything Sylvia had done was to purposely hurt him. But she didn't go out of her way not to hurt him either. That's what sucked. That she assumed the worst of him without giving him a chance to explain before she believed her own ideas. That he never factored in. He had known she was scared but she'd been scared before and never left. Never threatened to leave and never come back. He didn't understand what made the confrontation with Darcy so different but then he wasn't a vampire and he didn't know what that felt like. He didn't know how to not be angry with her decisions. Because they'd hit so hard on the head of the nail that hurt the most. His importance. He didn't want to hold onto that anger but it felt safer to hold it up as a shield than letting it go for her to just run off and leave him again. Which he supposed she might do anyway if he didn't get himself under better control.
"I don't know how to move forward through this but that doesn't mean I don't want to, okay?" he said gently. "I know I'm angry and I'm hurt and I'm not doing this very well. You've never wanted to hurt me before so I don't think you'd start now. But-" and he paused, choosing his words "- all of this hurts anyway."
"And you are not alone in being in pain over this. Can you agree that you aren't the only one hurting? I...I feel as if you aren't understanding that I'm hurt as well. You're concentrated on your pain, and can't see mine. From what I am understanding, between us both we're feeling the same way, save perhaps for the anger. I am not angry with you," she said. "But everything you say you are feeling, I am feeling as well, and I accept that you are feeling it too. And I feel neither of us intended for this outcome. I believe the only way to move forward it is to truly accept all of that, and that neither of us is perfect, and if we ever truly were friends, we need to be alright with the idea of imperfection and all that entails." She was quiet again, before she added one more thing. “I believe, upon reflection, that it was quite easy for us not to run into circumstances like these previously, because no one else was involved. Now that others are, it is altering dynamics, and we are not dealing with that well.”
It took more patience but he said, "I'm sorry. I thought I was acknowledging that when I said I wasn't doing this well but I could have been more concrete about it. I do know you're not happy right now. That you're hurt." He was working so hard to not sound frustrated or upset. He'd seen her start to shut down before and as much as he'd thought he was going to be in and out, just check on her and then be done, he knew that wasn't what he really wanted. He needed to show her some sensitivity but he was failing so far. He knew her. He knew from the years they'd spent that when she spoke academically like that it wasn't her attempt to make him feel stupid. Even though he'd gotten his nose out of joint a few times so far in this conversation over it. He needed to remember her. There was a reason he'd stuck by her and a reason he loved her and thought of her as family. He could do this. And then he'd find a way to relieve the anger at another time. Direct it at something other than her. He pulled at his hair without thinking about it. "You're right. That's the way to get through this. And I'll be honest with you that it's going to take me a little time but I'm not going leave here and not work on it. I promise you that." He paused when she said the last bit and he nodded but he needed to say something more. "You're right about that too but, Sylvia, believe me when I say to you that I would not be involved with a girl I thought would hurt you again and if she ever even seems as though she might, I will end everything with her. Cut all ties." And he meant it, his eyes conveying his honesty.
She nodded, but remained looking at the floor. "I understand," she told him, when he said he would need time. She didn't really know what that meant, and feared the worst, but she could say nothing more about it. She needed to agree. So she agreed. At the last part, she looked his way again, and nodded once more. "I accept that."
Noah frowned slightly, her answer so succinct. He knew there was a minefield here and he didn't want to land on one more than he already had. Now he felt his anger begin to drain out of him. She was so direct that if her eyes were on the floor she was so unhappy that a pang of regret struck him. He kind of wanted to just hug it out a little but he didn't think she'd welcome the physicality of that. So he chose the more direct route. "What I want is for you to be safe. That's always my first thought. And I'd like for you to be happy. I also, I guess selfishly, want to know that I'm important enough to stick around for. I know you don't have to treat me like family, but that's how I feel about you." And family got angry and frustrated and upset and hurt and then they worked it out somehow, right? They didn't let forever and a day go by without making things okay again eventually. He couldn't not touch her though and so his hand went to her upper arm. "I love you, Sylvia. I'm sorry this all exploded on us."
She looked at him when he touched her arm, and did feel a bit better then. "I have come to understand love for you as well. And that I feel for you how most would feel about family. I...never had experiences with my own that would be positive enough to wish to emmulate that." Her parents more or less ditched her in a library her entire life. 'Family' meant different things to her than it did to others. "You are important to me. I had been under the impression I should leave, I can see that it did not have the result I imagined it to have. I apologize for being too presumptuous." She hesitated, then hugged him. "I also believe that it is quite clear now, there is no vampiric influence to speak of." Since that had heavily played into her decision making as well.
Noah listened, thinking how painfully close to a robot she sounded and he wondered for probably the millionth time since he'd met her what the hell her parents had been thinking. He really did just want her safe and happy. Bottom line. It was why he stuck by her. And he loved her, in part, because sometimes, for wonderful if brief moments, she surprised him. Part of Noah felt such relief when she hugged him. Like that gaping well of aloneness had been closed. He held her close for as long as she'd let him. "No, there's no influence. Aidan adores you. I don't know what you see in him but he's very taken with you." There was a hint of a smile in his tone. There'd never be any love lost between him and Aidan after how he'd made Darcy feel and the things Aidan had said about him but if Aidan made Sylvia happy, Noah could be glad for that. She deserved it. He'd never thought she'd find that and it made him happy for her to know she had that in her.
She didn't let go any time soon, feeling like she needed the reassurance that not everything was broken, even if he needed more time. "I'm uncertain what he sees in me, honestly. But I do feel that it's real," she agreed. She was accepting that bit by bit. It was easy to when he was right there, smiling at her.
"I want you to be happy and safe as well. I am. I...feel there should be easier lines of communication between us," she said, knowing she lacked a phone. Who would she ever call?
Noah found himself rolling his eyes almost affectionately, falling back into the guy who stood up for her but in a different way. A new way that felt actually kind of good because he had the ability to build her up. He kept himself from kissing her cheek though, still not sure what her level of acceptance was there. "There's a lot to be seen in you, Sylvia. Smart men see this." That was generous since he didn't like Aidan but he wasn't going to completely disparage the guy to her.
"No, you're right. It would be easier if we had a different way to communicate but I get you don't want an electronic thing. If you need to go back to wherever you were, if that's where you're staying now, let me know now? I won't go looking if you don't want me to. Just… just promise me you won't go away forever again?"
"I feel I may require one, whether I wish to have one or not," Sylvia admitted. "I am no longer just down the street. Or, I plan not to be much of the time," she said. "I will get one, so we can keep in touch better." Even if she hated it, it was a sacrifice she was willing to make. "I...want to tell you where I am, but it needs to never be spoken of. Ever. To anyone, even by vague description," she said, looking worried.
Noah was kind of pleased she was considering an electronic means of communication and a bit proud of her too. It would work in both their favors because there had been ten thousand instances when he wished he could have just texted her to be sure she was okay instead of worrying, taking off from school, and getting angry. Which he realized now was his own choice. Being angry. "Do whatever you feel comfortable with, so long as you just please… don't cut me off." He might have been begging but that was all he really needed from her. He shook his head. "Don't tell me if you think I'll tell someone else. I wouldn't even hint at it but don't tell me if you're not sure, okay? Just don't go forever."
Sylvia nodded. "I will get one, and I will not go away forever, or cut you off," she promised. "I will be in contact, regardless of where I happen to be staying. I will be sure to get together with you as well. Since things have changed, we should assign times to spend time together either way. Make sure we don't get caught up too much in other events, neglecting each other."
Noah watched her. Her pretty face seemingly so serious as she spoke. She hadn't shared her current place of residence with him but somehow that didn't bother him. She was promising not to go away forever and even suggesting time to get together. Let her have her secret. Let her feel safe, he thought. That was best for her. And if she was going to keep in touch, he didn't need to know. "Really? You want to set up a time to see me on a regular basis?"
She nodded. "Since I am not returning to school, we will not see each other there. I work late at night at either job. I feel like if we do not make a concerted effort, we will see little of each other, and I don't believe that's acceptable to either of us."
He thought about that. About her not returning to school. He didn't like that he wouldn't see her there but it wasn't a deal breaker. It was just Sylvia needing to be herself. He'd hope she'd feel the same way about him if he decided to do his own thing outside of societal norms. She was and outlier. He admired that about her. He was actually amazed at the power behind her promise not to leave. It affected him so fully. He felt important and secure. "You might be right about that. I'm glad you say 'us' though." He pulled at his hair again, the pain that seemed ever present flaring with his relief for whatever perverse reason. "I want it to be us. Like it used to be."
She nodded. "I do as well," she assured him. "So, let us make that pact. You and I, are going to make things between us like it used to be, spend time together, and keep in contact frequently. We will find a new rhythm together."
Noah nodded. "I can agree to that. I'd like a new rhythm. I've missed you." He wasn't sure how this would work but he would do it. He'd make it work because being out of sync with Sylvia had been the worst time of his life. He didn't want to go through that again. Or her.
"I missed you too," Sylvia shared sincerely. She didn't want to go through anything like this again either. She gave him a smile, something that was more than a ghost of one. It was small, but warm, for Sylvia.
Noah felt more regret but he ignored it. For the time being anyway. He’d get rid of it his own way. He was just glad that he had found some common ground with Sylvia. And that she wasn’t planning on going away for the long haul. “Let me know what I can do, okay? If anything.”
She nodded. "I will," she promised. "Same to you. I...you said you still needed time. Should I wait for you to contact me? I can contact you to get you my number, then leave you be until you feel ready for things," she offered. She wanted to respect his needs.
He looked at her, seeing her so clearly. “I do need time with my feelings but you’re welcome always.” Just like always. He didn’t know what else to say because he didn’t want to over-include her or disinclude her in his life. Not when he’d been feeling like she wanted nothing to do with it. He believed that wasn’t the case but she’d promised not to go forever. He could work through it without needing to be left completely alone.
"Alright," she said, clearly feeling better about that, too. "I will contact you, then. I will get a phone tomorrow, before I go home. I will...need your number," she said, recalling that she didn't have it. She'd never needed it before.
Noah took out a scrap of paper and a pen he always had with him. He wrote his number down and then held it out to her. “If you want help working the new device, let me know. I’m not amazing with them, but I’m willing to help.”
"Help would be nice," she said with a smile. She knew she was going to be lost on it. She took the number, and put it in her lab coat after looking over the numbers, committing them to memory either way. She gave him another brief, abrupt hug, then stood back. "I imagine you need sleep."
It wasn’t his fault. Noah felt a surge of happiness or gratefulness or something whenever she hugged him. He lingered in them but he let go whenever she’d had enough. “Sleep, sure. But thank you, Sylvia. For seeing me. For working through some of this. Most of it.” He ventured forth and kissed her cheek. “I want to see you,” he said, reiterating, not mandating. “I’ll miss you if I don’t.”
She smiled at that, and the affection of the kiss. "Thank you for coming to see me," she said. She was grateful. Just like she'd been grateful to see Aidan. "I want to see you too, and have been missing you already, I don't wish to further that. So, soon. I promise." She didn't make promises she couldn't keep, it wasn't her style.
"I should let you get back to work, huh?" he asked, looking around. "You don't need to get fired because of me." Something about this felt whimsical and dreamlike. It was surreal to Noah that after all this time he'd come face to face with Sylvia and, in spite of his anger, he could walk away without feeling uncomfortable. He didn't know what he'd expected but it wasn't this yet he was pleased. Things felt like they could be right again. He looked forward to that. "Soon," he echoed with hope. Hope he was afraid to have but he was trusting her. "Good night, Sylvia."
"Goodnight, Noah," she said, affection in her tone. She felt better. She'd thought for a while there that all was lost, but clearly it wasn't. She could be happy about that.