Family Who: Riley and Lia When: Early evening Where: The ranch
After finishing up her shopping, Lia had left to stop by the elementary school to pick up Sophia. Together the two of them walked home, Sophia skipping a few feet ahead and chattering about her day, and the activities she had participated in. Lia had laughed at Sophia’s enthusiasm, and asked the right questions to keep her daughter occupied during the walk. Once they were inside, Lia gave Sophia a quick snack as she unloaded the groceries and put them away. Then she suggested going to the barn dance for a bit of fun, and Sophia cheered happily, dancing back and forth in her chair at the promise of going out instead of doing her homework.
The two of them changed into comfortable clothes, and Lia braided Sophia’s long blonde hair before tying her own up into a messy ponytail on top of her head. After locking up, they began to walk hand in hand when Lia casually mentioned wanting to invite Riley to join them. Sophia beamed and began to wonder out loud if Mrs. Haggerty would have more cookies, or if she could see Ophelia before they left. Lia knew she should have probably texted Riley first, but she saw nothing wrong with dropping in to ask if he would want to come with them. It was late enough in the day that she doubted he had eaten dinner yet, and Lia was excited by the prospect of having an evening together as a family. And then maybe she could convince him to spend the night with her.
When they got to the ranch, Mrs. Haggerty answered the door and Sophia waved quickly, smiling from ear to ear. “Hi! Do you have cookies?” Lia tried to admonish her, but Mrs. Haggerty whisked Sophia into her arms and started for the kitchen, teasing about a new batch she had just made that afternoon. Lia shut the door quietly behind them and started off to find Riley, hoping he wouldn’t be too busy to sneak away.
Riley was in his bedroom, he'd just gotten home from his botched confrontation with Micah and he was stewing. Still half drunk in spite of the exercise of running all the way home to burn off steam. He'd told Mrs. Haggerty, from a distance so that she couldn't pick up on the fact he was drunk, that he didn't want to see anyone but the good woman probably hadn't thought he'd meant his wife and daughter. He could hear Sophia's giggles immediately and his heart sank. He was going to have to face Lia before he'd completely thought through the implications of what he'd come to believe after his conversation with Micah.
The childish thought that maybe she'd leave him alone if she thought he was asleep passed through his mind. He took off his shirt, his jeans, and slid into the bed in his boxers, flicking out the bedside light. The sun was on the opposite side of the house so the room filled with shadows and he turned onto his stomach and closed his eyes. In fact, that felt so good, he might just go to sleep and put off thinking until later. Slowly the frustration he'd been feeling seeped away from him and he relaxed into a half doze.
Lia came to Riley's bedroom, knocking softly on the door and waiting a few moments to see if he would answer. She knew he was inside. She could hear him moving on his bed, and Lia vaguely noted that she was starting to get used to the heightened senses. After another moment, Lia reached down to open the door herself, peering in and seeing his form. She wondered why he was sleeping so early, and Lia stepped inside, cracking the door shut behind her as she made her way over to the bed to see if she could wake him up. It wasn't until she was rounding the foot of the bed that she could smell the alcohol. Pausing, Lia's brows drew together in confusion before she took those last few steps and reached down to touch his shoulder. "Riley?" She didn't whisper, didn't try to coax gently. It was barely five thirty in the evening and he had already been drinking? Was that why he was in bed already? "Riley."
Riley had been halfway to dreamland, his breathing becoming deep and even. He had a slight smile on his face as his mind recounted sunsets through tree leaves on his ranch. Lia looking even younger than she was now, fresh from a roll in the hayloft and the look of it all over her face. This was what he wanted and could never have again but his mind continued to spin onward toward a darker, deeper sleep thanks to the alcohol in his system. That was until he heard Lia calling his name. He pulled back up through the beautiful memory dream, Lia was closer now and he wanted to kiss her but he was continuing up through twilight sleep into reality by the time she said his name again. He started, a little confused, and rolled over to look up at her. "Am I late for school?"
There was only a little bit of guilt that she had woken him up. If it had been extremely early, or really late, Lia wouldn't have even bothered. But it was barely supper time. When he spoke, she could smell the beer on his breath and Lia straightened, pulling her hand from his shoulder as she studied him. She wanted to smile at his greeting, but she was too curious, and maybe worried, to find it humorous at the moment. Lia could ask him all of the questions racing through her head, but the only one that seemed to slip out was the one that cut straight to the point. "Are you drunk?" she asked simply as she studied his face.
Riley squinted up at her, taking assessment of his own inner situation as he realized he wasn't 17 anymore. He was 25 and things like zombies and werewolves and gay doctors who wanted to take care of his wife and protect her from him. He felt the last remnants of happiness he'd had with the dream leave him and tension begin to build again in his shoulders. He held up his thumb and forefinger, indicating just a teensy bit but he knew she'd know that wasn't the whole truth. He knew she must obviously be able to smell it. He made sure to keep his mouth closed and sat up to be at more of an eye level with her even though he still had to look up at her.
Lia shot him a disbelieving look when he tried to tell her with his fingers that he was only a little drunk. If he smelled like that, and he was already passed out in bed, it was a hell of a lot more than a little. Exasperated already, but not wanting to show it, Lia crossed her arms against her chest, not stepping back despite the fact that Riley had finally sat up. "Why? What happened?" Maybe something had happened to someone he knew. Maybe he had gotten bad news? She understood having a night out at the pub, or getting together with his mates, but given the time of day, Lia couldn't believe that it had just been for the hell of it.
Riley wasn't sure how to answer that question because really he hadn't started drinking for any other reason than he'd wanted a beer. Then it had become three beers and then he'd lost count. And along the way he'd gotten the brilliant idea to go have a crack at Micah and see what Lia's Almighty Messiah had to say for himself. Had the conversation with Micah not been hanging heavily in his chest he might have been amused by her disbelieving expression. But at this point he realized he'd given her one more reason to keep Sophia from learning he was her father and to go running off to Micah all over again. "Maybe you should ask your family," he grumbled. "I'm surprised he hasn't told you yet. There's no secrets between you two apparently."
Lia's brows drew together in confusion as she stared at Riley, trying to comprehend what he was saying. Her family? Her family was in Australia, and likely dead. Did he mean Sophia? No, because Riley had said he, and there was something about secrets, and Riley's tone wasn't at all happy. She simply couldn't figure out what he meant on her own and finally Lia shook her head, not even bothering to mask her bewilderment. "My family? I think you’re going to have to be more specific, love. Who are you talking about? What's going on?" Because something had happened, and Lia had no idea what.
It was his turn to look at her with incredulity. What was she playing at acting like she had no earthly clue what he was talking about. Just how many people had she told about their situation? He expected she'd told Gin and he didn't care about that because Gin wasn't trying to stand in between Riley and Lia. And then it all started spilling out. And as per usual, the more unhappy he got, the quieter he got so that by the end of it, he was barely whispering. "Yes, your family. The one you're always talking about and running off to. The one who told me to my face that he will defend you against me. What the hell did you tell him about me, Lia? Other than the fact that I haven't been your husband in years. Did you tell him I hurt you?"
None of that really helped her understand what he was getting on about. Lia listened, still perplexed until it started sinking in. The only he Riley could have possibly been talking about was Micah. He was her closest male friend, but it still didn't make much sense to her. Lia hadn't thought she was always talking about Micah. She certainly wasn't running off to him, unless she had questions about her new condition, but that made sense, seeing as how Micah was a werewolf too, and constantly researching what had happened to them both. But that wasn't the part of the explanation that caught her. It was the last of it. The part where Micah apparently told Riley he would defend Lia against him. And Riley questions prompted her to go pale as she unfolded her arms and lowered them to her sides. She needed to tread carefully here, otherwise there was a very real possibility that everything could explode in her face. Lia could feel her heart beginning to beat a little faster, and she struggled to clamp down on the bit of temper that was starting to simmer. "I'm going to assume that you're talking about Micah," Lia began, relieved that her tone was calm. "For one, Riley, I didn't tell him anything about you beyond the fact that you and I were apart for several years. And no, I would never lie and tell anyone that you hurt me. That's ridiculous. Did Micah say that?" She couldn't imagine Micah lying to Riley's face so blatantly, but apparently the two men in her life had had a discussion about her, and this was how she was finding out.
Riley's fingers fisted in the covers beside him. "No, he didn't. But he had to have some reason to suggest he'd defend you from me. Being apart for years isn't a reason to say you're going to step in between a married couple and keep a husband away from his wife. Or to toss those years apart in my face like I made the choice for that. He’s obviously of the opinion that I’m a shitty husband. And since I haven’t said a word to him before today, where’d he get that opinion?" His voice was still quiet, even. It might have sounded dispassionate but he wasn't. He was fighting against how all the thoughts he had about this made him feel. He wasn't worried about an affair at this point because this felt like it was a lot worse than that.
Lifting both hands up, Lia shoved the loose strands of hair from her ponytail behind her ears. She was still so confused, and there seemed to be pieces missing from this conversation. "I don't know why he would tell you that he would defend me from you, Riley! I don't know why he would say he was going to step in between us. I can't think of any reason he would have for even implying that. We've spoken about you before, but only when he's asking me how things are between us. Do you honestly believe I would sit around with Micah and make you out to be some kind of asshole?" She tried to wrack her brain, to zone in on certain conversations to find something, anything, that might have come across wrong when she and Micah spoke. But no, Lia knew she would never imply that Riley was a shitty husband. There had been confusion, and complications, but she loved Riley, regardless of the problems they were working through. Lia paused and lowered her hands again. "What exactly did you talk to him about today? How did this even come about? Is that why you're drunk?"
"I don't know, Lia. Where did it come from?" Yesterday he would have been very sure Lia didn't sit around talking crap about him. That was before he talked to Micah. "I asked him what was between you two. Because you're always talking about him, always running off to him with everything." Leaving me in the dust to continue to be irrelevant and impotent. "He said he was your Alpha and proceeded to explain that he treated you, making sure he said my 'wife', like family. And that he'd defend you against me. I wanted to leave and so he tossed out that we hadn't been together for years. I was drunk when I got there." The order of events were a little twisted in his mind but that was the gist of it, he thought. He rubbed his eyes and rested his hands on his chest as he leaned back against the headboard. He was regretting that first beer at O'Reillys now. More so than ever. He was sick of only having negative conversations with Lia. He was sure she was too. One of these days she'd have enough and be done with it. Part of him thought that she already was done and this thing with Micah was her way of trying to make him leave.
Things were starting to make more sense now. Lia stared at Riley as his word sunk in. Was this actually happening? This conversation? Had he been hiding these feelings from her this entire time? Or had she just been too oblivious to recognize the signs. Lia felt her jaw clench once and she had to inhale deep through her nose before exhaling slowly through her mouth. "I find it very telling that you would go to Micah to talk to him before talking to me about whatever jealousy you might have been feeling. Because you didn't tell me how you were feeling about my friendship with him." Lia had to breathe again before continuing. "I also want you to tell me, right now, what it was you thought was going on between Micah and I that you felt the need to go get tossed before confronting him about it." Lia had a feeling she already knew the answer but she felt like she needed to hear Riley say it to her face. And yes, she was tired of having these negative conversations with him. But she also recognized that not every discussion between them would be positive. They just needed to work out their problems, however it happened. Only this felt like a much bigger problem, if he confirmed her suspicions.
Oh boy. Was this really where the conversation was going? She was going to get mad at him for feeling unhappy about all the times she went on about Micah? "Very telling? I was drunk," he said with a sigh. He never made good decisions when he was drunk. "And there have been a lot bigger things to talk about than jealousy lately." Which he felt was true but he was sort of murky on the details right then. Other than the werewolf thing which always was the key point at which she mentioned Micah ad nauseum. "I didn't get tossed in order to go confront him. I'm very capable of doing that without being soused. He doesn't intimidate me. The fact that he knows so much about me and how to push my buttons. That's what bothers me."
He hadn't yet answered what he'd thought was going on between her and Micah because he was thinking about how to answer that. What had he exactly thought? Nothing. He'd had a momentary panic that maybe there was an affair going on or about to happen. But when it boiled down to the real heart of the matter, he'd just been pissed that she kept leaving him behind and asking him repress himself for her sake while she went off and did all of it together with someone else. Who now apparently thought he was a shitty husband for some unknown reason. Unless it had just been completely based on first impressions, in which case the guy was a complete ass.
"You were drunk and went to Micah instead of coming to me to talk to me about how you were feeling. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm always running to Micah. He's a friend, and he's a werewolf and a doctor. He's been researching all if this so we have answers. I think maybe you're exaggerating my relationship with Micah in your head, because I don't talk about him all the time. I may mention him when it comes to my werewolfism but, really Riley, how much do you know about him because of how often I supposedly talk about him? And I don't know how he knows how to push your buttons or why he would. I swear I've never said bad things about you to him. To be honest, it stings that you would think I would." Lia was suddenly exhausted. How was she supposed to make this work, or fix anything if he didn't communicate with her? She knew she needed to talk to Micah, to find out exactly what had happened between he and Riley. The whole situation frustrated her. It was always something. Couldn't they just have a nice day together? Sophia was still waiting for them downstairs. "You had no right to confront him about anything before talking to me first. You should have been talking to me in the first place. What am I doing wrong, Riley? Is it that I have a male friend? Is it that I have a male friend who is a werewolf? Do you honestly believe that I would tell you I love you and turn around and badmouth you to someone else? What is it? Now is your chance to tell me. Tell me, not Micah."
Riley got out of his bed from the other side, putting some distance between them for a moment. He looked out the window over the stables. She had bombarded him with quite a bit and his mind needed to process a little bit before he could answer her. "I'm not part of this werewolf thing. You've made it pretty clear I'm not allowed to be. So I can neither take care of you nor can I be part of your pack. I'm irrelevant in the largest part of your life right now. Just when trying to work on this marriage had become my focus, this was tossed in and I was tossed out. You have an Alpha now. Someone who will take care of you. And apparently thinks you need to be defended against me. I don't fit into this equation. I have no problem with Micah other than his arrogance in stepping inside my marriage. He was just a face to be angry with other than you or me." That was part of it at least. It was the least offensive portion of his thoughts. He wasn't sure if he could or would ever tell her that he was pretty sure she was going to feel more like being part of the pack, being part of Micah's family, than she was going to want to be part of Riley's. "It's why you aren't interested in moving in or telling Sophia I'm her father, right? Because that's never going to happen."
Her chest hurt, listening to him. Because he was wrong. About all of it. And at some point, she had done, or said something to make him believe what he was saying to her. She had begun to make him feel this way, and he never confronted her with it, beyond the night she told him she was a werewolf. Lia had believed they were doing all right. She was torn between guilt, frustration and hurt and the conflicting emotions made her want to scream. Walking over to him to close the distance he had placed between them, Lia stood off to his side, wanting to touch him, but keeping her hands to herself. "You're wrong," she said firmly. "You're wrong. I never told you that you couldn't be a part of what happened to me. That first full moon? Yes, because I had no idea what was going to happen, and I needed to protect you. I came home the next morning, to you. I asked you to help me, to be there for me when I tried to see if I could change at will. I want you to be a part of this. Micah may be the alpha in my pack, but you're my husband. You're my family. Don't you get it? You're already a part of this because I'm in love with you! Even if you look at me right now and tell me you don't want me anymore, I'm always going to be in love with you. It has nothing to do with pack, or alphas, it has to do with you and me. I haven't moved in because the last thing I remember is the two of us agreeing to talk about it. Everyday I was here with Sophia, I was waiting, hoping, for you to just ask me to stay, and you didn't. I haven't told her that you're her father, because I want you there when I do, and then I was bitten and you and I had to deal with that." Lia had to pause, because she realized she had just rambled on, again, her thoughts and emotions spilling out of her. Lia breathed in and watched his face, hoping he could see things from where she stood. Please don't give up on me.
Riley felt her warmth as she neared him but he was glad she didn't touch him. Not while he was drunk and irrational. This was all so difficult. It had been so damned hard before she had been bitten and now it felt impossible. He'd let that feeling overwhelm him and he'd blamed it squarely on Micah being such a big part of Lia's life because that was easiest. He listened to her, still looking out over his stables, not able to face her because he knew he'd let his fears and frustrations become the wall between them. His imagination had taken over and he'd internalized it rather than talking to her about it. If that was really what was happening. If she wasn't really just trying to get out of all of this without looking like the bad guy. But that was a hateful thought and he hated himself for thinking it in the first place and then continuing to mull over it. When she finished speaking, he glanced over his shoulder at her, then turned, propping himself against the wall.
What he wanted to say was, All of this. If all of this is true. Why would your alpha feel the need to protect you from me? I'm not saying you gave him the idea on purpose. But Lia, if all of this that you're saying is what he knows too, why does he think I'm a danger to you? But he couldn't. Which was the entire problem here. He couldn't say the things he needed to say. He was too afraid of the answers.
"This has felt like you leaving. You going off to war and I'm the one being left behind," he said quietly. It was the only thing he could get past his lips.
"But I'm not leaving you behind," Lia countered. Hadn't she just said so? Hadn't she just tried to explain? Tried to reassure him that her being a werewolf would never change how she felt? It felt manipulative to tell him about how wolves mated for life. How he would always be the only one for her, no matter what happened. How he was pack already, because he belonged to her and she belonged to him. Lia wanted Riley to see that her feelings for him went beyond what she was. She had never wanted him to feel shut out from certain parts of her life. In her eyes, there had just been lack of communication. Misunderstandings. Things they should have been working on instead of repressing until they found themselves in this situation. A part of Lia realized that maybe Micah had meant he would try to protect her from Riley in a purely emotional sense. Because Riley had the power to break her heart, to cripple her if he ever decided to end things. Riley didn't understand that, but Micah had, hadn't he?
Lia sighed and reached up to brush her hair back behind her ear again. She was tired, feeling almost resigned to the fact that she might not be able to make him understand where she was coming from. "Is that really all you can say, Riley? Did you hear anything I just said?"
He looked back out at the stables. "Ever since this started, it's been too hard. You left me before. And now this pack thing. This guy who's so level headed and capable of actually taking care of you because he's the same. This guy who thinks I'm an asshole he needs to protect you from. It seems like that's probably what's best for you. All I do is fight with you. Doubt you." He stopped and took a breath. "Because I guess I feel like I deserved to have you leave me before. We'd just been married and the call of blood and danger won out over you. We'd just found each other gain and the call of blood and danger began to threaten to do the same all over again. This is who I am. You deserve better and I think that's what you've got now. I'm scared that's what you're going to decide eventually. Or that you already have and don't want to tell me outright." He knew he still wasn't addressing everything she'd said. His mind was running some circles here and he was doing good to get out what he was saying because it had him shaking slightly. A nervous knot forming like a ball of ice in his stomach that she was going to just walk away and say nothing. Or tell him he was right after all. If he hadn't been drinking, he probably never could have said any of this to her. So perhaps that was one score for drinking on some level.
It's been too hard. Lia felt sick to her stomach as Riley began to talk. It's been too hard. Everything he said sounded like excuses, reasons to end it once and for all. Because it's been too hard. Was he telling her things that he feared she would think? Or was he telling her things he knew to be true, and only now had the guts to say because of the beer he had ingested earlier. Lia was terrified to ask for that clarification because the answer scared her. There was pressure behind her eyes from the tears that threatened, but Lia focused on breathing, wishing she could look away from his face to settle herself, but unable to do so. "Do you really believe I could possibly think any of that?" Lia whispered. "I need you to understand something, Riley. I don't need you taking care of me, anymore than I need Micah taking care of me. I can take care of myself, and I think I've proven that over the past six years. What I need is for you to love me. To accept that I love you. Yes, I need for you to look at me, and your daughter, and choose us over the blood and danger. I can't be second to your sense of duty anymore. I couldn't before. Your sense of duty should be directed at me and Sophia first, before anything else. Only you know if you can actually do that. I don't know what else I can tell you other than I love you. More than anything, save our daughter. All I can do is promise to include you in every aspect of my life from now on, because you should be a part of it and I was wrong to exclude you. I’m sorry for that. If you... if you don't want me anymore, I don't want you finding reasons, like Micah, to end it. If you don't want this, just say so." She managed to get the words out without her throat closing up, although just barely. Lia swallowed hard and braced herself for the final blow. Because Riley was who he was. She hadn't been his priority when they had been married, and she wasn't sure she had been smart to think that could have changed after so many years apart.
Riley turned his eyes back to her and his expression was pained. "Me? Want to end things with you? No, I don't. But I can't live up to this - the werewolf - and I can't change that my sense of duty to you and Sophia aligns with the need to go out and make sure the monsters are gone once and for all. Whatever they are. It's what I do. It's about all I'm good for anymore, Lia, other than cattle ranching." There was a little more fire in his tone than there had been before but it wasn't anger and it wasn't frustration. It was passion. It was fight. For them. Not against her. This was all his crisis of conscience over leaving her to go to war and the feeling of a slow, agonizing death for his ego because he was nowhere near as strong and capable as he should be for her. She was stronger than he was now and that, along with her inability to let him function as himself, was dealing his pride such a hard blow. But he didn't want to give her up. "Is… did you say that because you're hoping I'll say yes? Because honestly, if you need me to be the bad guy so you can be happy, I will. I love you, Lia. But if I'm making you more unhappy…" He slid down to sit, his back against the wall. Unhappy. Of course he was making her unhappy. This whole thing was making everyone unhappy except Sophia. He didn't want to give up but he didn't know how to go forward. He'd been a fool to think he could just stuff all of the unpleasantness into the past and leave it there. Because it wouldn't stay there. The cyclical nature of every single one of their conversations proved that. And the burden of that fell squarely on him because he couldn't just accept that she loved him. He wanted to more than anything but he couldn't. He was always really just waiting for her to leave again and knowing he couldn't blame her if she did.
"This is where we differ, Riley. You think going out and putting yourself in danger to protect everyone else is how you prove your worth. You think it's the only thing you're good for. I love that you're brave, that you have that kind of courage. But I also know that I'm selfish for wishing I meant more to you. I always believed you could prove your worth by loving me, by being my husband. By being a father. Making a home and building a life and a family together. That's all I want. That's all I ever wanted. Maybe I keep holding on because I'm hoping you'll realize that's what you want too, but I don't know if it is. You want to protect me, but get frustrated when I try to do the same for you. I tell you that I love you, but you convince yourself that I would be better off alone, occasionally spending time with my gay pack member and his boyfriend." Lia rubbed her hands over her face before she walked over to him, kneeling down and taking his face in her hands, hoping he wouldn't pull away. "You're not making me unhappy. Despite how hard this has been, this is the happiest I've been in years. But with that comes the fear that I'm going to lose you again. Because this conversation itself proves to me that I'm not making you happy. If I were, you wouldn't have felt the need to confront Micah. We would be on our way to a silly barn dance with our daughter instead of having this discussion. But I want to make things right, I just don't know how. I don't know what you want from me anymore."
What she said had him at his breaking point. Because she was saying the exact opposite of everything he'd been raised to believe. That proving himself had to be a physical thing. Strength and fearlessness and the ability to take care of his woman. His father had always said he wasn't man enough for Lia and he'd always believed it. That was why he'd gone off to war. That was why he felt so useless when she wouldn't let him slay the dragons for her. Because she was refusing to let him be a man in the only way he knew how. But listening to her talk, he could see her reasoning. "Do you… is that really what you would think was important? That would prove my worth to you? You wouldn't think me weak and irrelevant?" His voice cracked a little as he spoke because he was at rock bottom with this. He was fighting ghosts instead of fighting for his family even though he thought that was exactly what he was doing. He looked at her, feeling so young and stupid and scared. "I… don't know if I've ever been happy, Lia. Except when we were dating and then when we were married. And even then my father was in my ear telling me that I was failing. I believed him. Every single time. I believed him when I should have been believing you."
She smoothed her thumbs along his jaw, pained for him. For growing up in a home where nothing was ever good enough. Her own parents had been strict, but they had been fair. And loving. They had never made Lia feel like she was a failure if she chose her own path, rather than the one they created for her. They had supported her when her path had led to Riley. Lia knew she had broken their hearts when she ran away, and that was something she would regret for the rest of her life. Leaving Riley had been a regret as well, but somehow she had gotten the chance to fix it. By some miracle, he was there with her, against all odds. Maybe they didn't realize just how lucky they were. "Riley," Lia murmured. "You need to let him go. You were never weak, or irrelevant. Not to me. You're one of the strongest men I know. You're responsible, you run this place, you contribute in ways most of us never could. And you're so good with Sophia. Within five minutes of watching you two interact, you had proven my belief that you were going to be an amazing father. Worth has nothing to do with running off with a gun in your hand. It's building a life that makes you happy. You, not your father. And if I'm being honest with you, you never had to prove anything to me. I already knew the kind of man you were. That's why I fell in love with you. That's why I love you now. I know it sounds mushy, and maybe it is, but it's the God's honest truth. All I've ever wanted was you."
Riley felt it as a tear escaped his eye. So stupid, he knew, but her total belief in him struck him so hard. Why hadn't he listened to her before? He knew why. He hadn't had enough years away from his father and the man's obsession with proving manhood with physicality or his need to belittle his own son. If he'd had that he never would have left her. They would have raised Sophia together and gone through the zombie uprising as a pair of dynamos. He knew she had that in her even before she was a werewolf. "I'm sorry," he said. Sorry he'd ever believed the propaganda to the point he'd left his wife, his brand new wife who made him so happy he could take on the world, and go fight war somewhere for so long. "Lia, Lia, what do I do? I love you but I'm always just waiting. I'm waiting for you to go and trying to prepare myself for it."
Sighing softly, Lia brushed her thumb over his cheek, wiping away the dampness left behind. It was moments like these that she truly despised Riley's father. Not only for telling Riley that she had died, but for filling his son's head with this ridiculous notion that being a man meant risking one's life and sacrificing real happiness. "I need you to have some faith in me," she murmured. "I know it's probably hard, because I left before. But I was young, and stupid. I made a rash decision guided by emotions I wasn't able to fully understand. We've been given a second chance here, Riley. It's not easy, obviously. We're struggling with it, but we're still pushing through, aren't we? What do I need to do to reassure you that I'm not going anywhere?"
Riley heard her and she was saying so many things that he’d already said himself or they’d decided together. But for some reason now is when they were actually hitting home. He felt like something inside him was breaking. In a good way. The resolute soldier who could do nothing but stand sentry duty might just have a chance. He didn’t think he’d be able to give up the need to run out and fight right away but he could at least work on untraining his mind that it was the only thing he was good for. For her, for Sophia, he’d do it. It was a shame though that it took him getting tossed for any of this to happen but maybe it was the only way all the walls and stupid rules could be pared away. He hoped it wouldn’t take this again. He’d been afraid to touch her before but now he tentatively put his fingers to her cheek. “You’re so right. About all of it. When did you get so smart about life?” He thought a moment about her question. “I don’t know. I don’t. But I’m not giving up. Not by a long shot. That’s the only good thing my father ever taught me. I love you and I believe you love me too. Maybe that’s all the reassurance I need if I just hold on to that.”
Lia smiled softly, thankful when he finally touched her. She brought one hand to cover his over her cheek. "I don't know that I'm that smart, Riley. But when you make as many stupid mistakes as I did, you eventually begin to learn from them. I'm not perfect, but I don't want to give up just because things get difficult. I did that once already, and I learned from it." Lia reached up to brush her fingers through his hair. She wanted to tell him about the whole werewolves mating for life bit, but it didn't feel like the right time. She just wanted him to recognize and accept that she loved him, werewolf or not. "Sophia's waiting for me downstairs. We came by to invite you to the barn dance with us, but... maybe you need some sleep."
He closed his eyes at her touch and because he needed a moment to think some more. His mind was still so muddled and he wasn’t entirely sure that everything was going to be okay when she eventually talked to Micah about the confrontation. But he had hope that at least she wouldn’t leave. He opened his eyes and smiled a bit wobbly at her. “I guess then that it’s time I learn from mine, yeah? Instead of continually beating myself up for them. This is second chance. One thing Micah said that didn’t piss me off at the time was that people don’t come back from the dead. But in a way you did. You did.” He would have kissed her but he knew his breath was sour with beer and he thought he ought to spare her at least that. “Oh, Sophia.” He felt disappointment. “Yeah, I don’t think it’s good she see me like this. Maybe tomorrow afternoon you could come back over?”
Lia definitely needed to talk to Micah. And it was probably best that she and Riley had worked through at least some of these issues now, before she had. Because she knew Micah well enough to know that he probably wasn't as aggressive as Riley had made him out to be. Alcohol tended to muddy the details a bit. But now that she knew how Riley had really been feeling, Lia had a feeling she wouldn't come out of it as angry as she might have before. "We'll come over after Sophia gets out of school," Lia said, thinking it might be nice to spend the evening with Riley. And maybe they would stay the night, if he wanted them to. Lia leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, not caring about the scent of beer. Then she lifted her mouth to kiss his forehead. "Get back into bed and get some sleep."
Riley smiled when she kissed him, his fingers sliding into her hair briefly then away again. He got to his feet and took her hand to bring her with him. He was incredibly blessed and he knew it. This woman was indeed better than he deserved, mistakes notwithstanding. He’d made so many of his own and they were both bound to continue making them. But he knew the one mistake he wasn’t making again any time soon was going into O’Reilly’s in the middle of the day and sitting at the counter. “I’d really like it if you did.” He sort of felt like he missed her, as though they’d been apart for days. He would have asked her to come back after the dance but he was sure he’d be dead to the world and he was going to wake up miserable. “Yes, ma’am,” he said and saluted her clumsily, looking past her to his bed. Right then it looked like heaven. It would be so good to close his eyes and shut off all of this for a little while. Changes definitely needed to be made but he wasn’t thinking about them tonight. Not a chance.
Lia knew Sophia would be disappointed that Riley wasn't going to come with them. But promising to come back tomorrow, maybe with more time for her to visit the horses, would help keep the six year old pouts at bay, she was sure. Lia might have simply stayed with Riley, crawled into bed with him until he fell asleep. But she had already promised Sophia a night at the barn dance, and she wanted to spend time with her daughter. Emotionally exhausted, Lia gave Riley a small smile before releasing his hand so he could get back into bed. "I'll have Mrs. Haggerty bring you a glass of water. I think you might need it. I'll tell you right now, the only thing worse than a hangover is a hangover with a chatty, energetic six year old bouncing around."
Riley could feel her exhaustion along with his own and he hoped that the future brought less emotional turmoil for them. He was going to make a concentrated effort to talk to her. He put his arms around her, holding her for a moment before letting her go and sitting down on the edge of his bed. He chuckled wryly at the idea of Sophia’s chatter on top of how he was feeling right now, let alone how he would feel tomorrow. Yes, Mr. Pollard, you’re doing the sober thing from now on. Daddy doesn’t need to avoid his child because of his own stupid choices. “I’ll be sure to be all rested by the time you come over.” He felt like a child himself as he slid under the covers and put his head on the pillow, looking up at her. “I love you. And thank you.”
"I love you too," Lia said, reaching down to brush some of his hair away from his forehead. Then she gave him a small smile. "We'll see you tomorrow." Sophia was going to be getting impatient by now, even with the cookies Mrs. Haggerty had no doubt given her. Lia pulled away and started for the door, emotionally spent, but feeling a bit more hopeful that maybe this wouldn't happen again. With any luck they could just move on and try to be a family again without the past, or these insignificant threats, looming over them anymore.