Alice Munroe (ex_barebones985) wrote in the_colony, @ 2010-10-14 13:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | ^ week 21, alice munroe, jed bailey, | alice and jed |
Week 21: Tuesday
Characters: Alice Munroe and Jed Bailey
Location: The highways of Southern Oregon - aprox. 8 miles away from the Farmstead.
Summary: After their encounter with Leo, Jed has a few concerns about their relationship. Alice doesn't respond very well.
Rating: R for some generous swearing.
The distance from the place Alice had found Leo and Walker hadn’t been very far from the farmstead at all, and she’d been gone maybe an hour at most, but for some reason the drive home felt like it was taking forever. Alice’s eyes flitted over to the speedometer, wondering if it was possible that it had to do with how fast Jed was driving, but he seemed to be following the rules of the old speed limit signs.
There was no denying that the air between them was thick with a hundred unsaid things, and Alice knew he was upset, but what could she say? She was still trying to process it all: Leo being there in Oregon, Walker talking, the meeting and the election that preceded all of it. All she wanted was to hole up and hide away, but she knew without a doubt that Tom would be waiting for her once they parked in the driveway. Alice tugged her gloves off one by one, then ran a hand through her hair to try and calm herself.
It was a good thing they were the only ones driving, because Jed hardly saw the road. Too many things were racing through him, too many feelings. The thought of her running off alone was like acid in his lungs, the fact that she’d dismissed him like a child in front of Leo was lead in his stomach, and the way she’d embraced the other man so wholly set a fire behind his eyes. But through all that was something worse, that made the world feel grey. The question just couldn’t stay down. “What’d you have to say to him that you didn’t want me hearin’?” he said, his voice flat.
“Nothing,” she said, without a hint of guilt in her voice. “I just didn’t want you glaring him down or to make him feel like he was being double-teamed. It was hard enough getting him to tell me what I asked.” She didn’t add that she knew it was due to being watched, but the words hung between them. It wasn’t like her not to say her feelings out loud, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she could feel the tension radiating off of him. She didn’t want to make it worse.
“You didn’t trust me,” he said, his hands tightening on the wheel. “When yer the one who went runnin’ off without even sayin’ somethin’ to me.”
Alice felt her hackles raise a little and clenched her teeth, taking a slow breath threw her nose and letting it out before speaking. “I wanted to talk to him before anybody else did. I think I deserve that right, considerin’ what happened. I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
“You had a right, but that don’t mean I don’t have a right to know what yer doin’,” he snapped, finally looking at her. “You juss ran off. And if somethin’ happened to you, how’d I know? You’d’ve tore my head off if I did that to you.”
Alice closed her eyes, swallowed and lowered her head. You know me too well, she thought in answer, though there was no amusement from it. Making light of the situation wouldn’t make it go away. “I knew you’d try and stop me,” she confessed, hating the sound of her voice just then and knowing that saying it made things worse. “I wouldn’t have done anything with or without you watching, but I just... I needed answers.”
“I get that, and I woulda got it if you’d talked to me. I ain’t a fuckin’ child, yer supposed to be able to talk to me,” he said, realizing with a jerk that he’d been going a little heavy on the accelerator.
At those words, Alice couldn’t help feel a rush of sudden, righteous anger. “You really don’t have room to talk; you didn’t tell me what went on between you and Derek.”
His anger met hers head on, the tumble of emotions beginning to unravel. “Are you shitting me? That wasn’t anythin’ to do with you! I told you all you needed to know, and I didn’t run off without sayin’ anything! If it might’ve ended in me dyin’ or juss disappearin’ for good, then I’d ask yer fuckin’ permission before a fight.”
“Permission?” Alice countered incredulously, her voice starting to rise. “‘All I needed to know’? Are you seriously sayin’ that shit to me right now, after giving me shit about not talking to you? Seriously?!” Her hands clenched on her knees, gripping tight and fighting the urge to tell him to stop the truck. “What the hell is your problem!? Why are you doing this to me now, after everything that’s fuckin’ happened today!?”
“Yeah, I saw what fuckin’ happened today,” he said, hunching away from her, his eyes back on the road. “You want my stuff outta the room tonight or you gonna give me ‘til tomorrow?”
He might as well have punched her straight in the face. For a minute she didn’t say anything, feeling sick all over. “Are you breaking up with me?” she asked him, her voice high and tight with barely-restrained tears.
The guilt tore through his anger like water through tissue. “Jesus, no, I juss--” It was hard to formulate into words what was going on in his stomach. “Look, you still...care ‘bout him, don’t you?”
Alice started to cry, so shaken up by the possibility of him leaving her that she felt like she was having a panic attack. She curled over her legs and pushed her head between her knees, mouth open and forcing herself to breathe.
“It-- doesn’t matter-- be-because-- he-- left me--” she said between the sharp, jerky breaths.
And then he came back, Jed thought as he eased the truck to a stop. He leaned over her, his hand rubbing her back as he spoke quietly in her ear. “Allie, don’t. I wasn’t meanin’ it that way, I ain’t leavin’ you. I juss-- If you got feelin’s for him, if him comin’ back changes things, I wanna know. I don’t wanna go through the bullshit of wonderin’.”
“I’m not-- just-- gonna--” she started, her words seizing up in her throat before she tried again, “I want you! I love you! I’m not-- taking that back just-- just-- because he’s back.”
Jed leaned closer, pressing a kiss to her temple. “S’alright. I’m sorry. You runnin’ off, and tellin’ me to leave, I juss...” There weren’t words for how it had felt, but the hurt was easing away.
Alice pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes until it went white behind her eyelids, quiet save for her unsteady breathing. She sat up slowly to prevent from getting a head rush when she’d finally calmed down, but once she was fully upright she turned and hugged him as hard as the awkward angle allowed. Jed wrapped his arms tight around her in return, burying his nose in her hair. He breathed deep, just concentrating on her warmth and the soft hum of the engine. Why’d Leo have to come back just when things were evening out?
“I’m sorry,” she said into his shoulder, her voice muffled. “I felt so-- everything was happening so fast and I just wanted to have control over something. By myself. And after the stupid meeting...” Alice gave a shaky sigh, burrowing her face into his shoulder. She just wanted to be alone just then, with a bottle of whiskey and enough silence that she could fall asleep, but she knew that it wasn’t going to work out that way; Tom would be waiting for her when they got back, probably reassured in the choice of their group that he was a better leader than she was due to her recklessness. The thought alone burned in her blood. I just wanna run away from all this... or for things to be like they were before, she thought miserably.
He cupped the back of her head, his fingers rubbing lightly against her hair. “Hey, it ain’t all bad. I thought the meetin’ went pretty good, considerin’.”
Alice gave a humorless laugh, but didn’t try arguing with him. In her eyes, the meeting had brought nothing but panic and disorder, with the only “good” moment being the election, and even that had left a sour taste in her mouth. Without even being told she knew that Jed had found some way for her not being their primary leader to have a silver lining, but all it made her feel was bitter and unappreciated.
After a while, Jed said, without pulling away, “We done my piece. You got somethin’ needs talkin’ over?”
“I’m just... I want it to all go away for a little while,” she confessed, once more hating the sound of her own voice. She felt like a whiny child.
Jed frowned. Granted the circumstances weren’t the same, but those were the same words she’d said in Vegas, back when she’d broken down. “You an’ me could go away for a bit,” he suggested. “Weekend vacation or somethin’. You ain’t the leader, you got freedom.”
His answer surprised her. A vacation? “Where are we gonna go, Disneyland?” she asked him, only a little bemused. There wasn’t really a whole lot of options for seclusion now, or fun, but maybe he had a few tricks up his sleeve that she wasn’t aware of. All she knew was that she missed the desert so much it hurt.
He gave a snort, pulling back enough to look at her. “Ain’t talkin’ a full-on roadtrip. Juss goin’ someplace else, away from ev’rybody. House is feelin’ crowded to me, too. Couple days away wouldn’t be bad.”
Immediately Alice couldn’t help but feel guilty that she wanted to go. They had a scouting trip that needed to be done this week, and it was coming on Christmas even if she felt indifferent about it. Alice chewed her lower lip in thought, but nodded. “I’ll check the maps and see if there’s somewhere not too far. I know there’s a few houses down by the river, but the wind coming up off the water might be cold.”
“Then we can go to the woods instead. Probably lots of places,” he said pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth.
The woods sounded even colder than right by the river, but even so Alice felt some of the misery stave off from his optimism. She leaned in for a second kiss, this time claiming his lips and holding it. We’ll be okay, she reassured herself, one hand drifting up to thread in his hair. One way or the other. At least, she hoped so.