Ben Reilly (teamclone) wrote in the100, @ 2016-01-22 22:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread, ben reilly / spider-man (94), loki laufeyson (616) |
WHO: Loki and Ben Reilly
WHEN: January 14, night time
WHERE: Loki's quarters
WHAT: Ben stops by as promised to Loki's after Thor arrives and conversations are had about unexpected brotherly feels.
WARNINGS: none really, aside from a little fade to black at the end, but it's nothing more than you'd see on network TV
STATUS: complete
Ben took his time making his way down to where Loki’s new apartment resided. Sure, the god had said after dinner, but he knew how brothers were. Conversations wandered. Unexpected issues popped up. What you thought would take two hours tops ended up to be an up all night sorting things out situation. It’s how brothers were, even when you didn’t toss in the alternate universe angle as well as… well… The god didn’t talk directly about some things, but Ben had picked up enough from the flippant comments. Add another check mark in the complicated column that both gods and clones had in common.
He half expected a filter or chatty from Loki asking for a raincheck. He half expected that he’d walk right in the apartment and get turned right back out, even if that faint possessive rumble from earlier disapproved of that possibility. Not that the rumble got a vote. Not yet. In a few days it’d be hard to ignore, but right now, nope.
For courtesy's sake, he rapped his knuckles against the door in a loud knock and waited a moment before pushing the door open. He poked his head in for a quick glance around before slipping into the apartment and closing the door behind him. “Hello? How goes the quest?” he called out, leaving it at that. Even if the missing pants joke had been public for all the network to see, he didn’t feel like making that much of a fool of himself right off the bat when he didn’t know who might still be hanging around the god’s place.
Nothing about the conversation with Thor was bad. Not a single swing was swung, and everything was entirely intact. In fact, once the tale of Loki had been woven enough that Thor grasped precisely who was sitting across from him, it was more or less that sorely-missed variety of a talk between siblings. The edges of stories didn’t always line up, but in the moments in which they recounted each memory, it didn’t really matter. Perhaps it was merely because they had found in each other a wish fulfilled; this was the closest to family either had felt in each other’s presence for some time.
But the thought lingered. No, this Thor would never be exactly his Thor. That was going to come to light in turns, Loki knew. A reference made could earn a puzzled look. An inside joke lost on someone who was out. Yes, it was good to have a brother. It absolutely was. It was just impossible to shake that odd emotion of.... guilt? It wasn’t replacement in the cruel sense. No Thor was interchangeable, and should another appear, surely there would be room for both within Loki’s heart, but…
Well, maybe it was only deserved. He himself had foisted such a demand on Thor, had he not? A copy of the original, living within the vessel of yet another. No wonder Thor had rejected him at first. No wonder it felt so important to make amends with any Thor. Knowing there was even one who would stay to talk and to not turn his back -- Loki could insist that such an approval wasn’t needed, but it soothed.
It wasn’t the knock that rustled Loki from such thoughts, but the voice. He looked up, eyes straining slightly to focus on the new presence. “Ben,” he finally replied, missing not a single step as he crept out his own thoughts and into the present. “Wouldn’t you know, they were under the bed.”
Uh oh. Ben knew that look. Granted the look was usually found on his own features, but it was easy enough to recognize even without the Parker charm. Deep thoughts. Wandering mind. Neither really ever took trips into completely happy places. The god’s experiences could very well be different, but judging by that face...
An apologetic smile tilted his lips as he made his way over to where Loki sat on the sofa. “Well, y’know, without a ceiling fan to swing from, they gotta do what they can,” he teased back lightly. Lowering himself beside the god, his eyebrows raised as he rested a hand against Loki’s back. “How you holding up?” A simple question, but one he was used to people skittering away from. Habit had him adding on to lighten the mood. “I mean, I’ve heard stories. Dinner parties with Thor.” He shook his head and blew out a low whistle. “People’ve needed weeks to recover.”
There was a wry grin in response, and Loki looked to his side at the blond-haired man. “You’re thinking of a different type of party, and one that Thor used to reserve for any willing women. Despite what some on the internet may have thought, those were never in my evening plans.” A casual wave was given. “Besides, I don’t have a barrel of mead in here. You would be surprised how tame even Asgardians are when they have to eat without drink. No, we talked, we laughed -- and no more of each than either of us could handle.”
Loki paused, as if considering something for a few seconds. Then, he shrugged. “I recall sitting on my old sofa back home, having a beer with Thor after Hulk had punched me squarely in the face for breaking into the Avengers Tower. Obviously certain details of that are not the same, but I don’t think it felt much different than that. Hard to say. I’ve changed, but Thor’s company rarely feels like an unknown.”
“No wonder I never got invited.” The quip was out of his mouth before it even registered in his brain. Habit. Even so, his expression softened, just a bit of worry creeping in. Sure, the two of them usually hung out in a certain mood of a situation, but it’d been months. Even if it hadn’t been that long, well… somethings just clicked. Most probably wouldn’t expect it by just taking them at face value, but there was plenty in common. Copies trying to make their own way. Rebranding. Brothers. And considering the few comments he saw…
“It’s funny how stuff like that doesn’t really change. How easy you can just fall back into step, even if the music’s got a different tempo and a few new moves.” A pause as he went over his words. “Not much different is still different though, yeah? Was it what you hoped for?”
“Ah, right.” Loki notched his head on his hand, the elbow of which was propped up on his knee. He gazed slightly upwards into Ben’s face for yet another pensive moment. “I forget that you and your own brother don’t come from the same world. Granted, he doesn’t usually join us to issue small reminders that during his May seventeenth from three years ago, Galactus came for a visit when you’re fairly certain it was… what’s that one with the leopard print and awful facial hair? Thick accent?”
Ben made a face and groaned. “If you’re talking lion skin vest, that’d be Kraven.” His nose crinkled. “Or one of his family, depending. They all kinda like the same theme, although I think he’s the only one that went full-” He waved a hand around his mouth. “-hair mess.”
Leaning back into the sofa, he blew out a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. “And, honestly, from what it sounds, you’d be backing Pete up if all of us ever got in a ‘what really happened’ debate.” He smirked as he nudged his knee lightly against Loki’s. “If we got that far and just didn’t backpedal and joke avoid our way out of those small reminders.” He blew out another breath. “It’s tough. The reminders. Especially if you get in a good groove. The good groove can actually make it worse. Less like catching yourself on an unexpected corner and more like crashing full on into a wall you didn’t realize was there.”
“Kraven, yes. He never really rated any attention in Asgard, but he did make enough headlines to at least make a memory. Since, as you know, Asgard is full of conservative dressers. A lion pelt? Unheard of.” Loki pressed back up to sitting upright. In a rare moment, he even reached up to lift the broken helm from his brow, and then set it on the coffee table in front of them. A hand ran back through his incredibly mussed black hair. Appearances really didn’t matter behind a closed door or in the current company. Perhaps that was comfort for you.
“Do you ever feel guilty for it? You have a brother back home, yes? Alive and well?”
Ben couldn’t help the warm chuckle. “Guilt is kind of our thing, Loki. I’d think you’d have a harder time finding something I don’t ever feel guilty for.”
He reached out to rest his hand on Loki’s shoulder, squeezing a moment in reassurance before rubbing soothingly over the god’s back and neck. It gave him something to do as he thought over Loki’s questions, rolling it around in his head a moment for the real answer instead of just the knee jerk first reaction. “Yeah… I’ve got a brother back home. Two actually. Pete’s different though. He lost his powers years ago. Settled down. Started a family. He’s alive and well and happy. And Kaine…” He closed his eyes as he shook his head and his voice lowered. “I don’t know… It’s been awhile since I’ve seen him and I left in such a hurry… It wasn’t until we were grabbing Kaine from another universe that I realized I didn’t know if mine was safe. If he had escaped or not…” A short snort of wry amusement. He opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at Loki. “So, yeah, there’s that piece of guilt. But there’s plenty of flavors to go around with this situation.”
Loki’s eyes narrowed, but not with any sort of skepticism. It was more that he hadn’t been looking at anything in particular as he listened to Ben, instead merely letting the other man speak. Besides that, the soothing touch at his back was actually working. That was one discovery about Ben Reilly: whatever else he might be, he rarely wasn’t genuine in intention. He rarely wasn’t selfless, as well. It drew forth at least a desire to attempt being that in return, even if it didn’t come as naturally.
Loki offered a small grin in return, hoisting himself up enough to half-swivel on the sofa. By the time she had settled, she crooked an arm to lean against, longer hair now touching the grey tips of her collar. The change was so fluid that it could have been missed in one short blink.
“Maybe that isn’t the question I want to ask. What if… you weren’t here just yet. What if there had been another Ben Reilly, and it had been your Peter whose path he wandered into. Then, one day, you drop down on Mount Weather. It is a hazy definition, isn’t it? Yours. Mine. It wouldn’t matter until that one day when someone comes along to contest what you’ve made claims to.” A short sigh escaped through her lips, her eyes tracking upwards to the ceiling for a second. “I wouldn’t usually care, but…” She waved a hand loosely. “It seems I do have a conscience.”
Ben turned towards Loki as she shifted on the sofa. His fingers trailed up over the fur collar to brush through her hair. A warm smile answered her, relieved to see a bit of the ol’ Loki spark back, even as he gave the proposed situation serious thought.
“Here? At Mount Weather? With the situation known by everyone?” He blew out a long sigh as he focused on a point just over Loki’s head. “I’d understand. Yeah, it’d hurt, but I’d understand. After everything we’ve been through… I’d be more upset if he didn’t take another Ben Reilly in, even if… I wouldn’t be happy with sharing… but…” He pressed his lips together. “I’ve lived that, Loki. I woke up, ran home, and someone else was in my life.” He made a face. “His life, really, but back then, that’s all it felt like. Someone had replaced me in the eyes of everyone I knew.”
He frowned. “Which was probably oversharing with that question…” He quirked an eyebrow. “Which part do you care about? Your Thor showing up… or his Loki?”
Loki reached out a hand, her fingers sliding idly from a shock of blond hair at his forehead, then down the slope of his nose. There wasn’t any real reason for it. She could, and so she did. Her finger trailed down, next, landing right atop the bow of his lip as he frowned, then slide to the right to tug one corner upward a small amount.
“I lived something like that, as well,” she finally answered, skipping backwards in the conversation first. “I was turning it around, you know. I had been so intent on getting everything the old Loki had done stricken from the records when I find out that my own foster mother had aligned with another Loki. I remember how well I took it, Ben.” Loki pulled her finger away, hand falling to her lap. “I think you recall how well you took it in your case. So, to your question… which part do I care about? I care about the scenario where I get left out. Selfishly, I care about that.”
“I’m sorry.” Overused words, but it was genuine. The situation might not have been exactly the same, but Ben knew what it was like trying to escape from out of the past’s shadow and having to pay for other’s actions. Not to mention tons of him coming out of the woodwork, but usually for more evil doing in general, not nearly as personal. It’s something he didn’t want anyone having to go through. Especially when they were trying to do the right thing.
He brushed his knuckles against Loki’s cheek. He nodded slowly as his eyes glanced up at the ceiling a moment. “Oh yeah. I remember. It was a work in progress that took place over many years.” A wry smirk quirked his lips. “Although probably not as impressive as I only had boring ol’ me to rely on and the spider theme only goes so far.” A thumb replaced his knuckles, swiping lightly along her cheekbone as his head ducked sheepishly. “Selfish, yeah, maybe, but understandable. You lose enough, you get shafted enough, of course you’d worry about the situation where you get ousted. Which I guess could really be either… couldn’t it?”
“Don’t,” Loki returned to the apology. “Guilt or not, you have no claims to any blame here. Unless you have some sort of confession about your reality-shifting abilities that tear holes in worlds, I highly doubt you’re anything but an equal victim in this whole mess.” She tilted her head, clearly having reconsidered the phrasing and wondering if there was time to retract it. “Victim, participant -- I suppose they’re one and the same depending on what kind of mood you’re in.”
Her brow creased faintly, then. “Brothers,” she added. “Despite all the fighting, that love runs too deep to pretend it isn’t there.”
“Not guilt this time. Just sympathy,” Ben supplied, even as his brow furrowed and his lips pursed in absent thought. “Although… with all the hopping between dimensions we were doing, I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re responsible for a hole or two or one thousand…”
He waved a hand dismissively. A fond smile quirked his lips. “Brothers,” he echoed. “You could try of course, but it’s not worth all that pain. Better to just go with it. Enjoy the new opportunities you have now. Yeah, he’s not yours. There’ll be awkward moments. There’ll be good times that’ll have that unexpected undercut of sadness or wistful or whatever wants to hit you at the time. But you have your brother too. That’s something.”
“That’s something,” Loki echoed, her eyes flitting momentarily to something to the side of Ben’s right ear. She was quiet for a few sparse seconds, but then snapped right back to attention.
And seemingly with something else in mind, as her fingers raked back through the hair at Ben’s temple. She leaned in, nuzzling her nose against his neck, a smile pressing against his skin. “I also have this.”
Ben watched her, quiet for once, waiting to see where her train of thought went. How far into introspection and that previous mood it’d drop or if the inspirational speech would actually do the trick.
Luckily it looked like they were leaning towards option 2. Burying his face in her dark hair, he breathed in deeply, the exhale coming out in a low possessive rumble that he still wasn’t entirely used to. Sure, they could get territorial and snippy over what was theirs, but relationships (or whatever this was), well, those ebbed and flowed so much that getting possessive wasn’t smart with the way his life ran. But right here, right now? Yeah, he could get 100% behind that growl.
He grinned as he nudged a lock of hair back away from Loki’s forehead and his arms wrapped around the goddess. “You got this. This isn’t going anywhere,” he murmured before brushing his lips against her temple. “Better?” Just an open ended question, one last moment to check on the previous conversation, if Loki wanted to take it that way. After all, better could refer to many different things…
“Of course this isn’t going anywhere. I have this’s pants, and if this wants them back, this is going to have to make a full case for them,” Loki countered, tugging back enough to level Ben with a look of pure, sparking mischief. Her grin widened dangerously, mind clearly focused on a more superficial desire now that the earlier conversation had run its course.
It was an easy move to swing a leg over Ben’s lap next, Loki levelling herself atop crooked knees on either side of his legs. One hand pressed into the back cushion as she once again leaned down and in. “Ask me about better later tonight. I’m busy right now.”