Grant Ward is not a true believer (notanazi) wrote in the100,
You have a morality I can't even fathom Rogers. Lines you don't cross. I never had that. And I don't mean it as an excuse, I'm just saying. I've never had limits in how far I'll go for something. First it was following Garretts orders. Then trying to repay Skye, then everything with Kara. I don't think I have that voice in my head that says stop.
Maybe that's the problem.
...Look. What I want, you can't get me. No one can. Because I want a life like everyone else. I want a childhood that doesn't wind up a cautionary tale. I want parents that loved me, brothers where one wasn't a sadistic bastard and one wasn't terrified of me. I wanted Coulson to be the one to find me in Juvie and not Garrett. I want not to have my life, but at the same time, its still me.
Coulson offered to wipe my memories apparently. Like Fury did to him. Me and Kara we'd walked away, we were building a life, but Coulson needed a way into Hydra so, he used her to get to me and said if I helped him, he'd wipe my mind and give me a clean slate.
I refused it. I said I liked myself.
Who the hell would believe that?
What I want here? I want to be part of something. I don't want to lose my memories, I guess, they're part of me now, but I want to feel normal and god, I want to trust that its not all gonna get ripped away if I ever do.