network post: ned
I killed a man. His name was Marty.
No, let's back up. I mean, I didn't kill him. But I did make him alive again and then make him dead again, because he was dead when he fell on me and then he was alive and now he's not.
Because that's what I do. I touch dead things and they come back to life. I don't know why, I don't know how, I don't know why me, but that's how it is.
And that's why the pie's so good. I used rotting fruit and brought it back to life, and alive-again fruit tastes better. That's what I've heard. I can't eat it, because if I do it goes back to rotting in my mouth, which is why I say I'm allergic to Chuck.