You're a better friend that I've ever deserved. But Merlin, Jamie, I'm so sick of never letting myself believe that I deserve compassion or friendship. I'm sick of constantly punishing myself and being punished for something that I know I'll do if I were at home, but I hadn't done yet and couldn't imagine ever doing. I only know why I think I might have gone that way, but I don't know for sure, and nobody knows. And I swear to God I'd rather have a Dementor's Kiss, or disappear before I ever get a memory update to find out why.