Ten
That doesn't mean your lost forever, Doctor. I'm sorry. I don't want to pretend that your pain isn't important, I'm so sorry for whatever reason that drove you to do the things you're thinking about. I wont turn my back on you.
I can't say why because I'm not her yet. I don't know what future me was thinking at the time, but I'm making my choice here.
If you and I continue to just be friends, I understand. That's your decision to make too.