WHO: Liv Moore, Major Lilywhite WHEN: Major's first night. June 10. WHERE: Major's housing. WHAT: Liv comes clean? WARNINGS: Talk of murder, zombieism, cannibalism, drugs, torture.
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Major was majorly freaking out.
Maybe he hadn't left the mental hospital after all. Maybe he'd had a psychotic break. Wouldn't psychotic imagery and imaginary people tell him that he wasn't crazy? That Han Solo really existed in this world, and that Major was going to show him how to play poker later? Yeah, okay. He was even imagining Liv here, and telling him that it was all true. Somehow she didn't remember the Candyman or the brains he'd brought her. Did she even know he'd gone missing? Or that her brother had gotten a job at Meat Cute?
He wasn't prone to panic attacks. He'd always prided himself on being cool and calm and collected under pressure. That's what made him such a damn good counsellor. Patience of a very minor, not quite saint. But the longer the cops did nothing, the more kids that went missing, the more Major could not just sit around.
Which was when his life began to unravel. He knew the exact moment: 7:56pm. He and Jerome had gone down to the police station, been rebuffed, and then asked Liv for help. From there, it was just a series of bullshit that led to zombies being real. They'd even killed an astronaut for his brains. What the hell could they want with astronaut brains?
All he could do now was wait for Liv. If this was really Liv and not some crazy hallucination version of her. She'd be straight with him, tell him that everything was going to be okay and that he really wasn't crazy.
This was it, Liv thought as she stood outside of the apartment Major said he was in. Go big or go home - or go find a rock to hide under for the rest of her time there, at least.
If they'd been at home, she might not have considered telling him the truth about who - what - she was. They weren't at home, however. Her secret wasn't a secret anymore, and if she'd told everyone else, she needed to be able to tell Major. He deserved that. He always had. Liv had just thought she could protect him best if they weren't together, that he'd be safe from her if they weren't together.
That turned out to be very, very wrong. Maybe Major would have gotten hurt either way, but him not knowing the truth and not knowing what he was walking into wasn't what she wanted, not when she'd been trying to keep him safe. "Hi, Major. So... I eat brains. But don't worry, I'm not like the walkers on the Walking Dead," Liv murmured to herself. She sighed, shook her head and knocked on the door. No matter which way she spun it, it was going to be bad.
He'd been standing just inside the door, so when there was a knock, he nearly jumped out of his skin. As usual whenever he found himself embarrassed, the corner of his mouth lifted in a sarcastic smile before he shoot his head. He was going to have to get used to that if everything here was as harsh as they're saying.
Major reached for the door and opened it. It was a relief to see Liv there. It had taken time to get used to the new hair color or the weird make-up choices she was going for these days, but he hadn't fallen in love with her looks. Okay, so initially, he'd thought she was smoking hot, but that wasn't what kept him coming back. "It is so good to see you. You cannot even imagine the day I've had."
Liv had told herself that she wouldn’t hug him the second he opened the door. She’d made herself promise that she’d keep her distance, at least until after they’d talked and she knew how he felt. It wasn’t going to help to give into her instincts. They weren’t together anymore, he was moving on, and she couldn’t keep reaching out and trying to hold out. She wasn’t over him, not by a long shot, and she didn’t want to keep torturing herself.
Once he opened the door, however, all her willpower disappeared. She offered a smile and shrugged a little. “Try me.”
Instead of waiting to see if he made the first move, Liv reached out for a hug. As she suspected, a flood of emotions came rushing back to her, and for a moment, she thought she could pretend like everything was okay. When she stepped back, she looked embarrassed at the outburst of affection. Missing him had slowly turned into a dull ache without him around. Now the memories of what they used to have felt like they were stabbing her in the heart all over again, and hugging him hadn’t helped make it easier. “Sorry, I -- it’s been a long two months.”
"That's never not going to be weird. I literally saw you yesterday." Before he'd been caught outside Meat Cute by the Candyman. Julien. What a stupid move. He should have turned his car on and floored it, damn the consequences, when he saw the car pull up behind him. But no, he'd just had to be confrontational. Zombies were stronger than you, you idiot.
He hugged Liv the way he hugged pretty much everyone, with all he had and warmly. Major wasn't the kind of guy to withhold affection, and it was damned good to see her. It even hurt a little less each time he saw her. After all, he'd only wanted her happy, and if that wasn't with him, then so be it. "Or I thought it was yesterday. I don't know how long I was out between the last thing I remember and waking up here." He gave her a crooked smile. "Tell me the truth, do I look older?"
"Let me see…" Liv reached up and grabbed his chin in her hand, gently turning his face first to one side and then the other as she playfully hemmed and hawed over it. This -- being stupidly playful and silly - came easily. Liv didn't understand how something could be both wonderful and terrible at the same time, but this definitely was.
He didn't really look older as much as he looked like he'd been through the ringer and spit back out. He looked he'd lived a couple lifetimes in the span of a few weeks. After a moment of inspecting his face, she let go. "You look as handsome as ever." The words tumbled out before she could help herself. Well, she thought, it was true. She didn't let herself focus on that too much. She pressed forward; they had things to talk about, after all, and Liv wasn't interested in drawing it out any longer than she had already. "So… can I come in?"
Major didn't understand. He was sure they still clicked. He knew how he felt, but clearly Liv didn't feel the same way or else she wouldn't have called the wedding off. And then there were these little moments that just threw a wrench into whatever platonic feelings he was trying to hold onto. He'd rather have Liv in his life, in some capacity, than not at all, and that meant not pushing her away. He wanted to be there for her, but goddamnit, sometimes it was just so hard to not ask her what he'd done.
He held the door open and away, allowing her to step into the room. He assumed he had roommates, because of course he would. There was a second bed in his room, and another bedroom across the way. That one actually had stuff in it. Not a lot, but enough to let him know that he wasn't alone. They weren't in at the moment.
"So… 'we need to talk?'" His eyebrow rose, and the smile slipped from his face as he closed the door behind her. "Were you trying to give me a heart attack?"
Liv stepped into the room and away from Major, putting some space between them so she could sort out what to say without being distracted by his goofy little smile or the way his hair stuck up. She just had to rip the bandaid off. She took a deep breath and turned around.
"Not… on purpose?" Liv wrinkled her nose a little, knowing that she probably could have phrased it better, or at least in a more gentle way, but she knew she'd needed to get it out before someone else did that for her.
She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt. "There's no good way of saying this, so I'm just gonna…" Her stomach churned. Facing strangers' reactions was easier. She wouldn't have cared that much if they hated her. Major, on the other hand… "The night of the boat party… the reason I called off our wedding is because I got hurt that night and I didn't know how to deal with it, or with you, or… you were so sweet, and I didn't want to hurt you, and I knew the life we'd always wanted was gone. So it seemed… better, in the long run, if I made you leave." Liv's eyes were watery, but she held her chin up, trying to brace herself. "You're not crazy. Zombies are real. I'm one. That's why I've been so weird. That's why I pushed you away."
Okay. Not at all what he was expecting, and that was one way to go about it. Major's expression changed from casual to caught off-guard to shocked and finally to some combination of all of the above with a little bit of anger mixed in. He reached for the back of his neck, stunned into silence. It was easy to believe that zombies were real. He'd found proof. He'd been stuck in a goddamn zombie's walk-in freezer. Looking at Liv now, he didn't know why he hadn't put two and two together. Scott E talking about zombies at the boat party, Liv's hair was identical to Blaine's. Her abrupt change in life direction hadn't just been PTSD, it was this. This life change. Unlife change?
"What did you think? That I would just turn my back on you?" He couldn't make his mouth form the words, I loved you, but they both knew they were there. His face screwed up in frustration, in guilt, in anger. "You -- you let me believe you didn't love me anymore. You broke my heart."
Liv pursed her lips together. It broke her heart a little bit more every day knowing that she'd hurt him so much, and seeing all of the emotions on his face made it that much more real. She hadn't wanted to break his heart, but she hadn't known how to tell him the truth, either. She had barely known how to handle it herself, let alone tell another person.
"I thought…" Her voice cracked and she shrugged. "Who would want to be with a zombie? What kind of life would we have had, Major? I couldn't… I thought that if you stayed, I was dooming you to a life you wouldn't have wanted. We'd never have kids, and you always wanted kids. It was bad enough that my own life was ruined. I couldn't ruin yours too. You deserved more than that. You deserved more than a dead girl who eats brains. I thought if I broke your heart, maybe… maybe you'd find someone else. Maybe you'd get to be happy."
All of this had Major staggering backward and away from Liv. It sunk in that Liv, the future version of her that he knew, had lied to him. She'd let him go to the mental hospital, when he'd brought his fears to her. He'd needed her to back him up, and she'd lied. Anger overwhelmed him, and it showed. What was he supposed to do with all of this now?
"In sickness and in health, Liv." When he was angry, Major often used his hands more. His hand was flying around. "We should have made that decision together, and you -- the you I saw the day before? She -- you -- let me go to a mental hospital and doubt my sanity when I came to you with all this."
Liv winced. She’d known that was coming, and she’d been dreading it, but a part of her had hoped that Major would understand what she’d done and why. A part of her had hoped that he would look at her and agree with her: that he’d say he couldn’t be certain he would have stayed through all of that. Liv wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d chosen to leave, even though it would have broken her heart. She didn’t even want to be around herself for the first few months; how could she expect anyone else to?
But of course Major -- kind, sweet, loyal Major -- had to insist that the vows they’d never made still would have applied. Of course he did. He probably thought he could have made it work. He probably thought he wouldn’t have winced every time he had to hold her while she cried and mourned the life she’d lost. Maybe he would have gone to get her brains so she could stay herself -- or at least as much of herself as she could be. And he’d probably insist he’d be fine with a lifetime without sex. As long as he had her. It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so tragic. Why would anyone want that life?
“I don’t know why I did that, and I’m sorry I did, I really am. But you have to -- you have to understand. I died that day, Major, and I woke up in a body bag and I ate someone.” As she raised her voice, it still wavered with emotion. “I wasn’t the girl you fell in love with anymore. You… you loved a pretty sorority girl turned doctor with brown hair. You asked her to marry you. You asked a girl who graduated with honors and had her entire life mapped out and knew exactly who she wanted to be. You didn’t ask a dead girl who eats brains. That was never part of the equation. Can you really say you would have stayed? That you wouldn’t have thought I was crazy? I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, how was I supposed to explain any of this to you?”
He couldn't say what he would have done, because he'd never been given the chance. He could see that Liv thought she'd done what was best, and that's what made this so freaking hard to handle. Liv wasn't the type of person to just throw people away, not without a very good reason, and he'd watched her descent like a hawk for months. He'd tried to be there for her, even when she didn't want him to be. He hadn't wanted to give up. Could he say that everything would have been fine if she'd just told him then? No, absolutely not. No one could. The circumstances were so farfetched that until you were faced with it head on, you couldn't say definitively what you would do.
But Major knew himself well enough that he would have tried. If the situation had been reversed, he would have trusted Liv with that secret. If only so that she'd have a say in what happened in her life. He would never want to damn her to a life with no hope of a future, so he could understand it, yes.
Right now, though, he was too angry and riding the high that came with murdering all those zombies at Meat Cute. He walked to the door and opened it up. He couldn't really look at her without thinking about Eddie and Jerome being used for their brains. He remembered the utter anger he felt when Tommy'd been brought into the freezer, the back of his skull ripped open like a pinata. Major thought he was going to be sick all over again.
"I can't -- I need time. And I need you to not be around during it. I need you to leave, but… I gotta know one thing before you go." He turned to look at her. "You kill people for their brains?"
Of all the questions she imagined he would ask, that wasn’t one of them. In an instant, all of the grief and desolation disappeared. Instead, she felt angry and betrayed. She knew he was hurt, but that was a low blow.
Liv lifted her chin in defiance. “If that’s the kind of monster you think I am, then you just proved I was right to not tell you,” she spat out. “No, I don’t kill people for their brains, and I never have. I got that job at the morgue for a reason, and it wasn’t because I had a sudden fascination in dead bodies.” She brushed past him and through the doorway. She didn’t look at him. It would only hurt more if she did and saw revulsion on his face instead of sympathy. “Let me know when you’re done thinking I’m a monster.”
It only took a second before Major felt like a complete tool for what he'd said, but he didn't have the stomach to take it back. Not just yet. He let her go, scrubbing a hand over his face and through his hair. He just hoped she would forgive him for it later.