So here goes nothing. My name's Major Lilywhite. Go ahead, get it out of your system. I'll wait.
But only because -- and let me make sure I've got this right. I've been drugged and kidnapped and sent to another dimension. It's a post-apocalyptic world where we pretty much slaughtered each other. We're living in Mount Weather, and the radiation isn't going to kill us. That we know of. Last thing I remember is going all Butch Coolidge on a whole mess of zombies. Turned around to see the head zombie about to gut me. Then I wake up here, and I don't have a scratch on me.
Okay, now someone tell me what's really going on here.