log: remus+felix WHO: Remus Lupin + Felix Dawkins WHEN: Backdated to Friday night, after MJ's dance party at the Rose WHERE: A hallway on the way to Remus's room, then Remus's room (with the assumption that Sirius ain't there at the moment) WHAT: Remus and Felix got a little drunk at MJ's dance party, Remus may have given Felix a little lap dance, and after being stupidly romantic and kind of dirty with one another in a hallway, and after sex in Remus's bed (and not the hallway, you're welcome everyone), Remus has a proposal for Felix — because they've shockingly been together for about a year. WARNINGS: There's some sex talk, it's a little blunt but not terribly explicit (except for the brief part where they're definitely having sex, but that's still not that explicit).
_________________
Felix walked home without his shirt on. Or his shoes.
That was just part for the course after a dance night at The Rose. He couldn’t help it; clothes felt like kind of an inconvenience anyway, and drinking just seemed to make them disappear. The end result was being some of the last people to leave the party and letting Remus walk him home — and support some of his weight on the way while he slowly sobered up.
“Hey.” He had his arm around Remus’s waist and slipped his hand underneath the back of his shirt, rubbing Remus’s back. “Guess what?”
Remus was somewhat more conservative. Parties like this were something of a new phenomenon for him, exciting but overwhelming, and Remus always needed to knock a few drinks back in order to loosen up. He didn't have Felix's wild abandon, and he certainly kept his clothes on, but he was responsible for giving Felix what amounted to a lap dance. He'd be thoroughly embarrassed about it later, but Remus got a high off of being free with himself, drinking and letting himself be a little bit wild. His heart was still pounding, and he was still riding on the bliss that came from losing himself to loud music.
"Hullo, hm, what?" He snickered, leaning over to nuzzle Felix affectionately. "I'm too drunk to guess what, just tell me what."
“We’ve been shagging for a year. Or eleven months. A year? I don’t know, this place doesn’t have windows and time is stupid.” Felix caught him in a kiss, remembering that he had his clothes in his free hand just in time to stop himself from smacking Remus in the face with them.
Remus pulled back from the kiss, just enough to grin. "A year? Shagging, a year? Is that the sort of anniversary one keeps?" He couldn't remember when they became boyfriends, particularly considering what an awkward process that had been, with them both so reluctant to admit to any sort of commitment.
But … a year?
Remus remembered that the first time he'd snogged Felix, he'd only been here a few weeks, but it still didn't feel that long ago. He'd never had a relationship that lasted a year. He'd never had a relationship.
“Dunno, I don’t date.” Felix thought about it. “Anyone but you, I guess. We never did decide we were dating, did we? Have I been single the whole time?” He smiled, stopping in the middle of the hallway to lean into another kiss. He’d probably have done that even if he wasn’t drunk. Felix had lost his sense of shame a long time ago.
Remus slipped his arm around Felix's waist, turning him and guiding him to step backward so Remus could effectively pin him up against the wall. He'd had just enough to drink that he didn't really care if someone walked by and saw them, and the feeling of Felix's body against his was a much higher priority than being polite.
"I believe at some point, I called you my boyfriend and you didn't hate it," he murmured against Felix's mouth, taking advantage of the height difference between them and tipping Felix's chin up with his fingertips.
Felix laughed, dropping his clothes so he could drape his arm over Remus’s shoulder. “That sounds like me,” he admitted before pulling Remus back in. As far as they knew, there were no public indecency laws on the books, so they probably wouldn’t get into trouble.
Not that it would have been Felix’s first arrest for it if he did.
“Clearly I’m having some kind of fever dream,” he mumbled between kisses, like he kept getting distracted halfway through but didn’t remember to pull back. “Fucking a wizard rare---rizard were---” He made a frustrated noise, unable to handle the alliteration. “You. What you are.”
"Me, what I am," Remus echoed, his hoarse voice dropped down to a soft, seductive murmur. And what he was wasn't a problem, which was the surprising part. It had been, once, and somehow Felix managed to stay with him despite everything he'd done and been through here. Somehow, Felix hadn't gotten spooked, despite the fact that neither one of them was experienced with committed relationships.
Perhaps if he'd been sober he would have gotten emotional, but the alcohol was still buzzing through his system and made his body feel warm and restless. Instead of solemnly gazing into Felix's eyes and telling him thank you, Remus tipped his head and pressed his lips to his boyfriend's throat. "Expect that fever dream to continue tonight, because that wizard rare — mm — werewolf, he is going to be fucking you."
Felix dragged his fingers through Remus’s shaggy hair and tugged affectionately, letting his weight rest back on the wall. “I think we should do it right here,” he said, only half sarcastic. “We’d have at least three solid days of complaining about that, maybe someone would form a committee over it. So worth it.” Almost like he was serious, he moved his hand down from Remus’s back to his ass and squeezed, pulling him in closer. “What do you think, sweetheart?”
Remus's breath hitched, his mouth open in a half-formed kiss against Felix's throat. He wanted to laugh, because he knew it was funny, but his chuckle was more of an affectionate sigh as he slid his hand down Felix's side to the back of his thigh. He hitched Felix's leg over his hip.
"I am almost, almost drunk enough that you could convince me that's a solid idea," he said, lightly biting Felix's jaw. "I can't possibly get in that much trouble."
“First time you get caught they usually just slut-shame you a bit and send you on your way with a slap on the ass. Or wrist or whatever.” Felix climbed into Remus’s arms, wrapping both legs around his waist and bracing himself with his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders. “It’s not that bad, I’ve got like six citations for indecency. It’s practically a resume.”
Felix was making it very difficult for Remus to behave himself, and he had to push Felix up against the wall to keep him from falling.
"You're a terrible influence on me, do you know that?" Remus sounded as if he didn't mind, not in the least. He was no stranger to causing trouble, being in trouble, and having people drag him reluctantly into mischief. All of his friends were terrible influences on him, and Felix doing the same just made him feel delightfully at home.
"I was so well-behaved before I met you," he lied, pressing his palm flat against Felix's belly and pushing it up over his chest. "Now look what you've done to me."
“Yes, I turned you into trouble.” Felix kissed his mouth before trailing his lips down Remus’s chin, clumsy but impassioned. “I have made your life so much harder.” He punctuated it by rolling his hips and shamelessly pushing into Remus’s lap with as much leverage as he could get. “All my fault. In fact, I think I’ve tarnished your flawless reputation so badly that I deserve to be punished for it, don’t you think?”
Remus let out a soft, desperate moan, the sound that he really shouldn't have made while in a relatively public hallway. He gasped when he realized how loud it was, and he snickered. "Shh — shh, shh, shh," he hissed, covering Felix's mouth even though he himself was the one who was being too loud.
Pulling his fingertips away from Felix's lips, he kissed him lightly. "You want to be punished?" His voice was just barely a whisper. "You know how rough I can get with you."
“Oh, I know.” Felix trailed his hand over the back of Remus’s neck, feeling his way up to his jaw and holding Remus in place. “Why don’t you give me that night-before-the-full-moon feeling and show me just how bad my influence has been?”
* * *
Sometimes it seemed like there were two Remus Lupins. — No, three.
The first was Remus as everyone saw him: shy, sweet, perhaps a bit overly polite and desperate to be liked. He apologized for everything, he tended to back out of having a strong opinion, and he was genuinely kind. He liked books and chess and listening to music, and an ideal day was spent in the library by himself.
The second was Remus as his friends saw him: wry, irreverent, and a little darker than people assumed. His sense of morality usually stretched as far as simply not getting caught, as long as people weren't being hurt. He was kind, but he wasn't always nice. He had a selfish streak that sometimes disguised itself as a martyr complex. He sometimes drank a little too much, he swore far more often than people expected, he really enjoyed a good cigarette, and he secretly wanted to join a punk band.
The third was Remus as Felix saw him.
"Fuck — Felix —"
Felix had Remus bent over his back, scraping his nails down his spine, his teeth against Felix's ear. They'd made it back to Remus's room, but only because Remus had argued that he couldn't properly fuck Felix in the hall.
Fucking in a bed was easier, anyway.
Felix had a white-knuckled grip on the edge of the bed, bracing himself while the springs of the mattress groaned underneath them. This wasn't the entire reason that Felix like Remus, but it was, oh, call it about half of why. Remus was cute, smart, and funny, but that aggressively sexual part of him that only Felix really knew about made his normally shy demeanor hot.
"God! — Come on, Remus, I know you want to—"
"Forget what I want." Remus scraped his teeth against Felix's shoulder. He was always careful that he never broke the skin, even if it was hard enough to hurt a little. "This is what you want. This is what you wanted, wasn't it? You wanted it hard, didn't you? Don't act like you're not loving this right now, this is what you wanted ever since you dragged me out—"
Remus always blushed afterward, torn between being mortified and delightfully smug. Now, though, he was threatening to break his own bed.
When he came, he had both arms wrapped around Felix and it snapped him out of all of his aggression. For a few vulnerable seconds he was silent and broken, and then he was pressing quiet, light kisses to the back of Felix's neck.
"... I love you," he whispered. "Even if you're a bastard."
Felix almost laughed, shrugging his shoulders against Remus’s chest. “You’re such a sweet-talker.” With an exhausted sigh, he stretched out his shaking arms and rested on his belly, letting Remus keep his weight against his back. “I love you, too, even if you’re awful.”
Remus chuckled softly, settling his weight on top of Felix and rubbing gentle circles against his side. He let himself fall quiet while he caught his breath, his cheek against Felix's shoulder blade. Like this, he could feel both his heart and Felix's beating wildly — and he knew he wanted this. He really, truly wanted this, and he didn't want to keep some arbitrary distance between them anymore.
"I want to live with you," he blurted out.
Felix raised his head, surprised. “Wait, what?”
Remus sucked in a breath. Shit.
He carefully slid off of Felix to lie beside him, peeking to try and see his face. This was the time to take it back, to pretend he hadn't said it, to make something up &mdash but it had been a year. Remus felt like they were relatively serious, and … why not? He wanted to wake up like this, wanted to fall asleep like this. He wanted Felix in his arms and he didn't want to ask permission for private time.
"I want to live with you," he said quietly.
Felix stretched out before crossing his arms, resting his chin on them so he could actually look over at Remus. “You’re serious…?” Rather than critical, Felix sounded like he was testing it out, being cautious instead of rejecting it.
Remus reached out, lightly brushing his fingertips against Felix's cheek. "I … yeah. Yeah, I'm serious."
“You wanna live with me…?” Felix’s mouth twitched into a smile. “You’d move away from your friends just to live with me?”
Remus bit his lip. "Yes?" he said softly, phrasing it like a question to avoid sounding pushy. He brushed Felix's hair back. "They're going to be here even if I'm not sharing a flat with them. I don't want to negotiate time alone with you."
At first it seemed like he might redirect or politely refuse, but instead, Felix pushed himself up so he could crawl closer, resting his head on Remus’s chest. “We should do it. I’m sick of not being able to be with you in my own place.”
Remus blinked, startled into a grin. "You — you want to? Are you serious? I thought you'd tell me to piss off. Should I ask you when I haven't just fucked you?"
“Are you kidding? Do you know how much I’d love to live with someone who isn’t my fucking sister?” Felix pushed himself up and crawled into Remus’s lap instead. “Doesn’t seem like any of them are going anywhere, does it? They can live without me, and I’d rather be with you.”
Remus pushed himself up to sit, leaning back on his hands. "This would make us serious," he said, making a show of being quite solemn. "This would mean we're committed to one another, and bound for life — or until we get bored with one another and go crawling back to our families, at least. But we could try. It's worth trying."
He leaned up, lightly catching Felix's mouth in a kiss. "I want to try."
“We’re in the goddamn apocalypse, Remus. Either one of us could disappear tomorrow, or die in some awful accident, or be spirited away because someone with magic farted wrong.” Felix rested his hands on Remus’s shoulders and pushed, pinning him down to the bed. “I spend every month worried that you’ll be hurt on the full moon or won’t survive the next few days. We’re already serious.”
Remus fell back hard against his pillow, letting out a breath. They were serious. Felix had stayed with him all throughout the summer, even though Felix had no reason to mix himself up in the mess of Remus's mistakes and even though they claimed they weren't together. And they were still together, a year later.
It was about bloody time they took another step.
"I … good. Good, all right. This is what we'll do, then, yeah?"