WHO: Rogue (616) and Gambit WHEN: let’s go with earlier today WHERE: Remy’s place and then outside WHAT: A conversation that’s been a long time coming. WARNINGS: feeeelings
People messing with her mind always seemed to bring about new revelations -; or at least that was what usually happened to Rogue after she was snapped back into reality, the memories of the ‘not quite right’ world starkly contrasted with what she knew to be true. It’d happened when Legion’s persona had created the world on Utopia for them, giving her a push to take a certain path. But those memories she’d deemed necessary to keep, not wanting to break her promise to the hundreds of mutants she’d had to reap to keep mutantkind alive. Maybe it hadn’t been her who’d made the promise but she had still felt beholden to it.
Storybrooke was different though. That life had been a lie, and aside from a few things with Hope, Rogue had no desire to keep the memories lingering. So she’d locked them away, adding another compartment to her mind. Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but it was one she’d perfected though and Jean had assured her that her newest barrier wasn’t interfering with any of the others.
She’d done her rounds once they were all back - seen Marie, gotten updated on everything from Pixie, talked to Logan and eventually her mother as well. And while she’d helped Remy out with roll call when they had returned she hadn’t actually gotten around to really talking to him and Rogue figured that was just ridiculous considering how much she’d wanted to talk to him about a few things before they had been abducted and their world altered for a few weeks.
The night before the big battle with the White Witch’s army Rogue had realized quite a number of things, most of them pertaining to the man who had always held her heart, even when she had been trying to keep it to herself. She hadn’t allowed herself to speak to him about it back then though and by the time she’d been ready to they hadn’t been themselves. She was tired of letting her fears of losing him again keeping her from reaching out and letting him know how she felt.
She looked down at the Queen of Hearts she had been shifting between her fingers and couldn’t help but smile at all the meanings that were behind that particular card. Maybe she’d actually let him have it tonight, depending on how this conversation went.
Rogue pocketed the card again before knocking on the door to Remy’s rooms. No time like the present to overcome all of those pesky worries.
Remy, for his part, had been keeping mostly to himself since they returned from Storybrooke. He couldn't remember all of it; for instance he didn't know why exactly he felt depressed, or remembered working meaningless jobs. The whole feeling of being the unluckiest man in the world weighed on him and the last time someone had him acting in a way contrary to how he preferred to act, it was Apocalypse. Not exactly a fun memory to get dredged up. So, he'd spent most of his time either fishing or in his rooms - occasionally popping on the network to be supportive of others. It was easier not to think of his own problems if he could focus on someone else's.
He'd also reflected on the nights prior to the unexpected trip, when they were off to take on that wild White Witch. There'd been moments with Rogue, but he'd learned long ago not to push her in any direction. Give her space. Let her decide for herself. It wasn't easy, but when is the right thing ever? "J'ai gros couillon," he muttered, standing up and pacing around. Because he did feel like an idiot. He'd been sitting around feeling sorry for himself, and there was no telling what Rogue had been going through. He picked up his coat and started for the door, when a knock brought him up short. The Shepherd didn't get many visitors (at least not when Remy was around), and neither of them had any roommates, so he suspected whomever it was, was there for him.
With a shrug, Remy swung the door open and peered out with a trademark grin - which widened when he saw who it was. She must've been reading his mind. "Alohrs, I was just comin' to see you."
Rogue quirked a brow at that, lips twisting into an amused smile. It would never cease to surprise her just how much the two of them could think alike at times, a constant pull toward one another. She wasn’t sure it would ever really disappear, hoped that it wouldn’t. “We must be on the same wavelength or somethin’ like that.” She noted that he even already had his coat and stepped aside to let him come out of the room if he wanted. “I was comin’ to see you too. Thought you might be up for a walk and some company?”
She figured it would be nice to head outside again, especially with how much the weather had changed since they had been away. Gone was the frigid cold that the White Witch had forced them all to endure and while Rogue preferred fall to spring, there was something to be said about the beauty of all the plants starting to bloom again. “And I hear that pond that magically appeared is even prettier now than it was with all the snow.”
"Told you, chere," he quipped, still grinning. "Any time you want a walk, you get a walk. And yeh, sometin' like dat." He ran a hand through his hair and stepped out into the hallway. He'd seen the pond, of course. Even tried fishing in it without much luck. Of course, Rogue didn't need to know that. As far as he was concerned, if she wanted to go check it out, he was willing to go with it. Mostly because he hadn't gone to see how nice it looked, so a different perspective would be like a new visit anyway. He slipped into his coat, shrugging quickly to adjust it on his shoulders. It wasn't cold or anything, not really, but that old coat, she was like a second skin after all these years.
"Lead de way, Rogue," he said, offering a polite bow. Though, honestly, he just enjoyed watching her walk. Who wouldn't?
Rogue shook her head at his bow, unable to keep from smiling as turned to start heading down the hallway. A comfortable silence fell between them as they made their way up the levels toward the doors, even though her mind was a mess of questions and topics, unsure which of them to start with. “I saw Marie,” Rogue started, glancing toward the turn that would have led to the girl’s quarters. “She’s doing...I think it’ll be some time before she’s anywhere near okay. But turnin’ into stone is likely to mess with one’s head. And somethin’ is goin’ on with Jean. I ain’t sure what but when she was checkin’ me out she had this kinda adorable awkwardness that I ain’t seen in her before. I’m gonna get to the bottom of it.”
She doubted that Logan would be able to offer any insight and Pixie hadn’t been any help either, muttering something about movies when she’d tried talking to her. Maybe Daisy would have an idea. Rogue filed that away, intent on asking her friend later on.
Rogue took a breath as they finally exited the base and were outdoors, fully aware that she had been rambling and also knew she wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon. “I saw my Mama. Ain’t talked to Erik or Raven but considerin’ I threw a Sentinel at him when he was bein’ an idiot durin’ the battle that ain’t all that surprisin’.” Even if he had pretty much told her she could do that when she’d calmed him down in the hallway after Marie’s statue had been destroyed. “Hope’s bein’ awful quiet and so is Laura, which ain’t ever good but I’m at a loss on how to help either of them right now, Remy.”
She felt like she was failing the both of them. It had been her job on Utopia to help the kids out and here she didn’t even know what to say to either of them now. “How are you doin’ with everythin’? I don’t think I’ve asked you that yet at all.”
Remy could tell that there was a lot bothering her, that much was for certain. Rogue wasn't generally one to ramble on about different things, and the topics she was bringing up were all things that he could easily see getting to her. Which made him feel a bit worse, or at least guilty, for focusing on his own problems while she was out there absorbing all of this. Idiot. So, he kept quiet, listening to her, nodding at the right parts, putting it all together in his head. If he had to guess, Jean was sweet on someone - probably Logan. Those two were always like red beans and rice. He'd known Laura for some time, girl had too much pain in her past and he knew she just needed space. One more thing messing with her head wasn't like to help things. Logan had stepped up, though, started doing good for her in his way. Remy could appreciate that.
The bit about Hope still had him concerned. Rogue had mentioned her seeing Nate die again, and he didn't remember anything about a Nate from Storybrooke. Wasn't something she needed to go through alone. He could see why Rogue was distressed. He wasn't too concerned with Magneto or Mystique, but he'd put up with them for Rogue's sake. Marie, though, she was like Rogue Junior to him, and something messing with her just felt personal. Except how you help someone who'd been turned to stone, shattered, and somehow put back together? That was gonna take some thinking, for sure.
It didn't surprise him that they were nearly all the way to the outer doors by the time Rogue had gone through everything on her mind, and he almost missed the question with the way he was trying to wrap his own thoughts around all her concerns. "Detective Rogue," he commented, speaking with a tone of admiration. "You got to fix everyone else, ain't spared a t'ought for yourself, none." He smirked, choosing not to answer her question. Yet. The last thing he wanted was to add even more on her mind, because she would, without hesitation, and that's not what she needed. "Seem to me the best solution is give dem sometin' to distract dey minds with. Not a one o' dem like seein' someone else sufferin.' Kinda like you," he added, shaking his head. "Maybe 'stead of you tryin' to help dem, you get dem to help each o'der." He nodded, thinking he'd come up with a good idea. "Group therapy, non?"
“I’m already fixed,” she told him, and that wasn’t exactly a lie. The parts of her that she considered broken, almost irreparable, had been transformed when she finally managed control of her powers. Doing so had brought up more questions for her, had her reassessing who she was and what she wanted out of life, but the weight she had always carried around because of all she couldn’t do had lifted. She was still trying to figure it all out, but coming to Mount Weather had at least helped push her out of the stalling path she’d put herself on back home.
“Well, the part of me that needs fixin’ is somethin’ only I can do anyway,” she continued with a shrug and a faint grin as she looked over at him. “I like your idea about gettin’ them to all try helpin’ one another. Ain’t sure precisely how to go about doin’ that right now but I’m sure there’ll be somethin’ that’ll come up to use.” Given enough time in this place the next insanity would be along soon enough. Though the last thing Rogue wanted to do was have the kids sweep everything that was bothering them under the rug. Mess like that always had a way of creeping back in at the worst possible times.
Rogue nudged him with her elbow. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you ain’t answered my question though, Cajun,” she fixed him with a sharp look, though her lips were quirked in an almost smile. “How are you doin’ with everythin’?”
"I'm doin'," was the answer, as helpful as ever. "But simple, Rogue. All of us got dis way o' doin' whatever it take to help a frien' in need. Sometin' click, it end up helpin' you, too." He smiled, shrugged, and nodded to the guards at the door on the way out. "Ain't got to be some complex matter, no how. We all been t'rough enough we got to bounce back quick-like. All got deep scars, it ain't fair but it is what it is. Like armor. Just got to remember it there, 'cause sometime it easy to forget you got it."
He'd decided to ignore the bit about her saying she what she needed fixing was something only she could do. Because it was a bit ironic when said right along with her wanting to fix everyone else, whether or not it was something only they could do. That's precisely what he meant about her putting everyone before herself, anyway. Pushing it would only turn the conversation sour. Besides, he was already telling himself that he'd take care of himself and not put that on her, too, anyway. If anything, Remy tried very hard not to be a hypocrite.
"On de good side o' tings," he added, looking up and enjoying a bit of the sunlight on his face. "We not stuck someplace else, forgettin' who we are. There always that."
She knew that he was right, that things had a way of working themselves out and there was no need to go looking for something that would help bond them all again and start the healing process. But waiting took time and patience, two things that Rogue wasn’t all that fond of waiting for, even if she knew trying to push things along usually lead to more trouble than good. She’d wait a week or so and see how things progressed for everyone and if they were still in the same states they were now then she’d try and do something. That felt like a pretty good compromise.
“I don’t really remember what all happened over there,” she told him, wanting to be honest. Rogue had kept pieces of it, mostly the bits with Hope, but the rest was locked away and she would rather it stayed that way. “Got it all bolted tightly away up here.” She tapped her forehead with her finger before glancing over at him, grinning at the way the sunlight seemed to hit him for a moment.
Her fingers ghosted along her pocket, itching to take out the card she had inside of it, but she stopped herself, reaching over to touch his arm instead. “You need to talk about it or anythin’? Ya know I’ll listen.”
"Just sortin' it all out, chere. Ain't all too sure what happened over there, memories are a bit scattered. If it gets to be a problem, you the first person I come to. Promise." He nodded and put his hand over hers, not quite pinning it to his arm but to show he appreciated the contact. And that, at least, was the truth. If he did feel the need to talk to anyone about it, Rogue would be the obvious answer. The good thing was, despite the weirdness of the event, he didn't really have any regrets. Just inconsistencies.
"You lock too much up, you gonna end up lettin' some out when you least expect it," he chided, softly. No one could bottle up everything, forever. That's why they called it bottling up. All bottles had a maximum capacity. "E'rybody got to let some out e'ry now and den. Good for de soul." He smiled, then, genuine and not even remotely a smirk. "I be here to lean on, if you need me."
She stared at their hands for a long moment as she listened to him speak. Rogue knew he was right, that she was going to need to stop doing what came so naturally to her. Blocking everyone off in sections inside of her mind had helped stifle the growth of her power, kept her with an inability to touch others because of how her mind had worked to protect her from going crazy at such a young age. There was no reason for it to keep doing so though and while she might have worked out how to take as little or as much memories as she wanted from others, filtering out memories from an alternate life she’d led was a bit trickier. She would deal with them eventually, but not quite yet. Not with how fresh they were and the pain she could see Hope carrying around because of them.
“I know ya are, Remy, and I’m forever grateful for that,” Rogue assured him, giving his arm a gentle squeeze before coming to a stop.
They weren’t quite at the pond yet, but she wanted to get the next part out before she let her fears overcome her again. “I didn’t actually come to find you to talk about the others or our memories of that place. It was just kinda easier to go on about that while I tried figurin’ out how to get out what I really been wantin’ to say to ya.” She pulled her hand away from him, needing it to finally pull out the card that she’d kept tucked away.
Rogue flipped it over in her hands. “Things were a right mess for us. With my Mama bein’ an annoyance and then everythin’ with the Horsemen. I lost you…” She took a deep breath, needing to keep her emotions under control as she thought back to that time. She had been so lost when he’d become one of Apocalypse’s horsemen. “Then I got my powers back and needin’ time to think about it all, to figure out who I am when I ain’t Miss Untouchable. World fallin’ apart around us kinda made that easy and hard to do all at the same time. I pushed you away, kept that distance goin’ between us. We were friends and I really wanted that to be enough. Because if we’re friends then you’re still in my life. That’d be enough, right? It was supposed to be enough.”
It wasn’t though. She didn’t think it ever really would be enough for her to only be friends with him. “I miss you. I miss us. When everythin’ happened with the White Witch...all I wanted was you before we had to head off into the unknown.” And for Marie to have been okay, even if that had seemed impossible at the time. “I’ve been so terrified of losin’ you that I ain’t takin’ the chance to actually bein’ with you again. But I’m so tired of lettin’ my fears control me, Remy.”
When Rogue got to talking this much, Remy knew it was good to listen and interrupt as little as possible. She was an action-oriented gal and spending a lot of time talking about her feelings couldn't be something she did with ease. After all, he could easily empathize with that since he was the same way. So he let her talk, no interruptions, though he was sure his face portrayed enough to keep her going. He wanted to, though. Tell her she never really lost him, even when they ended up going separate ways. Even when Apocalypse was all in his head, there was still part of him there holding on, remembering what he cared about.
And he understood. There seemed to be people on the network almost daily talking about how someone they cared about was suddenly gone. They far outnumbered the entries talking about how someone's shown up - or at least it felt that way. So, a fear of losing someone? Completely valid. Now, while he wasn't expecting this conversation or for her to pull out that card (and he knew she'd produce it sooner or later), but there was no way he'd back out of any of it. There wasn't a person in this world or the next - this dimension or the next - that meant more to him than Rogue and that wasn't something like to change.
"Folk let fear take de wheel alla de time, chere," he responded, taking a soft step closer to her. "Just mean you human, and it's good to remember that now and again, neh?" He smiled, because that was more or less his default response to most things involving Rogue, up to and including the reassuring statements. Yet, he didn't want her to think he was just going to stand there, trying to be supportive without really contributing. "I miss us, too. Always have. Universe can t'row whatever at us, ain't gonna ever change how I feel, Rogue."
Rogue tilted her head, studying him for a long moment before she reached over to take his hand. She had known that how he felt hadn’t changed, but that hadn’t stopped her from letting fear win out after everything they had been through. She wasn’t proud of letting it but everyone was bound to falter and fall now again. What mattered was that she was picking herself up and not letting it lead her around any longer.
“I know,” she told him as she ran her thumb along the card before holding it up between them. “I just thought it was high time I let you know that my feelings for you ain’t gonna change either. That they never have, no matter what or who might have come between us. I don’t want anythin’ comin’ between us again.” She held it out for him to take. “And I think this might belong to you.”
Remy held her hand tightly, looking bemused at the card for a moment. He briefly entertained the idea of telling her to keep it close, so he'd always know she had a part of him. But that didn't seem right, since the deck had started with her. If anything, him having the deck was having a part of her. Therefore, after the scant few seconds it took to run all of that through his mind, he smirked and accepted the card. With a brief twist of the wrist, he looked at the back, to see if there might be some hidden message, then looked at the face again.
"Queen o' Hearts. Gift like dis, a Cajun might tink you just offered him your heart." Before she could answer, he tucked into the inner check pocket of his coat - right above his heart - and tapped it once. "And here I din't bring you anytin'. You already got mine, so whatchu get de girl what already have e'ryting?" He tapped his chin, mocking deep thought for just a second, then raised a finger like he had a bright idea. As their hands were already intertwined, he just slightly tightened his grip and pulled the two of them closer together before slipping his other hand on the back of her waist. "Got jus' de ting," he whispered, leaning in to kiss the woman he'd loved for what felt like multiple lifetimes - and in some regards, it had been.
She laughed for a moment, unable to help herself with how amused she was by the way he was acting. His ability to bring out a smile in her was one of the things she loved most about him. It died a second later when he leaned in and she twisted her free hand in his coat as she moved to kiss him back. It felt like coming home, as though a part of her that had been missing was finally back where it belonged. Which it had; he’d always had a piece of her heart, but now he had it all again, just like he was meant to.
“What am I gonna do with you, Remy LeBeau?” Rogue murmured against his lips before taking a step back, one hand still entwined with his. She gave his hand a squeeze before nodding to the path ahead of them. “We still need to go see the pond.”