log: matt+karen (mw) WHO: Matt Murdock + Karen Page WHEN: Backdated to Karen's arrival, March 30 WHERE: Medical! WHAT: Matt meets Karen in the hospital, and it's exactly as awkward and feelsy as you expect. WARNINGS: N/A?
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Karen really wasn’t the biggest fan of hospitals. Or waking up in strange rooms. Or half-assed explanations. But given she’d already held a can of mace to a doctor and after that had settled down, she was asked to wait. Nicely.
By nice doctors. Who were all weirdly attractive.
But then there was Claire. Nurse Temple - who she knew but it had been a while since she’d seen her and this was the last place Karen expected to run into her. But she’d helped with Elena, and Karen was forever thankful for that.
Then they’d said Matt’s name, and that he was here, and Karen’s head was hurting and she was still trying to wrap her head around everything. She’d seen Matt not five minutes before blacking out and waking up here, and that was another can of worms she wasn’t sure she wanted to open, but was about to burst anyway.
Like pretty much every aspect of her life.
"Karen?"
Maybe she didn't want to see him, but there he was, led by a dark-haired young doctor who hadn't yet introduced himself to Karen. There was Matt, looking the worse for wear: bloodied, bandaged, and bruised, in a sweatshirt and pajama pants rather than the suit that Karen was used to seeing. He seemed a little older, his hair a little redder, and he looked like his heart was pounding right out of his chest.
He leaned in toward the doctor, quietly murmuring. "Leave us, please. Thank you for letting me see her, just … I know you've got lots to do; we'll be fine."
He approached Karen's bed, stopping with his fingertips brushed over the footboard. Maybe he shouldn't have come. Maybe he should have waited. It had been years since he'd heard her heartbeat, and he knew from Claire already that this wasn't "his" Karen, but that heartbeat was hers. It didn't change. Elements of her scent, the sound of her breath, it was just different enough to be jarring, like seeing someone who looked just like someone you once knew, but cognitively knowing it wasn't that person.
"Karen Page." First name and last name, like he had to solidify it, like he had to make sure.
“Holy shit.” Probably not the response he was expecting in turn to her name, but really, what was there left to say? Karen stood there, staring at the man supposed to be Matt Murdock and … shit. Obviously it was him, but the hair, the wrinkles that were missing from her Matt, the bruises-
Oh, who was she kidding, she was completely used to him being bruised up.
“I heard there was a battle or something but-” It seemed nearly impossible to her to be able to put together full sentences right now, and Matt’s appearance wasn’t helping. “You look like shit, Matt.”
That was her voice. Younger, but it was her voice.
Matt let out a huff of breath that was halfway to a chuckle, his hand closing around the footboard in the same way that he'd tighten his hands around his cane if he had it with him. "Rough day," he said quietly. "I, ah. The worst of the fighting out there is over. You're safe here."
He hesitated a moment, and then he made his way to the chair beside the bed, sitting down with just the faintest wince. "What did they tell you? What do you know?"
“Bullshit.” It was a word she was fond of, especially now, in a strange place with a guy that was … Matt Murdock but not? It was probably a good thing he couldn’t see her face, because she wasn’t making any move to mask the confusion and annoyance. “I’m really beginning to think I’m not safe anywhere, or that I can’t just take a goddamn nap without being moved to another universe.”
That rush of words answered some of his question. Claire had told her a little, the doctors had filled her in some. Everyone had been rushing in and out, and Karen was never one that appreciated being treated with kid gloves anyway. She slumped back, crossing her arms over her chest. “They told me some. Unless you’re asking if I know about you.”
"I … was about to, but I'm starting to think I already know the answer," said Matt. She had to know. He must have told her. It must have been recent, because Foggy had told him that she had no idea, that everything was new, and she'd been blissfully unaware of everything he did at night.
He knew better than to think that would last.
He took in a deep breath. "I've been here a year. I've probably got answers for everything, if you want to ask." He was clearly holding back his own feelings, doing his best to keep his distance, to try and sound casual, but it wasn't working.
“A year?” That news Karen was having a more difficult time wrapping her head around that than the rest of it, and she wasn’t exactly sure why. Maybe it was just one more thing being stacked on a pile that was already falling over, maybe it was the way he was acting that was- unsure? Afraid? Karen was usually good at reading people - Matt Murdock especially - but she couldn’t pin him right now.
So she settled on terrible humor. “Unless some really crazy shit has been happening in that year, it doesn’t explain the wrinkles. Or the red hair. But I guess that’s-” Karen shook her head at the ceiling, not really sure what exactly to call this “I don’t know what to call it. Because you’re not … mine? God, I hate that word. But you obviously know me.”
"Yeah, I do," Matt breathed, and he had to forcibly hold back the emotion in his voice.
He took a moment to adjust his glasses, fingertips tracing over the rim for a moment. "This is probably going to freak you out, because it freaked out Foggy, and Claire, but … there are universes, parallel to yours. Probably infinite ones. Some of them are different, and some of them are pretty much the same. You and me, we're from different universes, but… pretty much the same."
He tipped his head a little, attempting a smile. "It sounds insane. I know."
“It sounds completely batshit insane.” Karen raked both hands through her hair, huffing out a frustrated breath as Matt explained. Under normal circumstances, at home, she really didn’t think he’d lie about something like this. She didn’t want to think he’d lie about something like this, but given the most recent events, her brain was still scattered in a hundred different ways.
And yet that explanation made half as much sense as Matt Murdock being Daredevil did. Which meant it made all of the sense in the world, somewhere in the back of her mind. “Of course we’re from alternate universes. You know, I’ve been dumped for stranger reasons than this, so I can roll with it.”
"What's important is, it's me," Matt insisted. "I'm still Matt, Karen." Why did he sound like he was pleading with her like he was desperate for recognition?
He shifted a little in his chair, his hands closing around the arm of it like he wanted to reach out and touch Karen instead but he was holding himself back. "Claire's from your world. She came here in a pod, just like you. So did Foggy, the one you know, but he disappeared months ago. Foggy's here now, but he's from my world. But the important details, they're the same. We're still lawyers. You still worked for us. You and me, we…"
He stopped. He didn't know whether Karen had dated him. The last he knew, Foggy had expressed an interest in her — which was no surprise, but it had seemed as if Foggy and Karen had actually had a shot together, maybe, the way Foggy had talked about her.
“Don’t worry, I’m not doubting that. You still look and sound just like Matt.” Minor differences, but Karen had never once found herself questioning Matt being … Matt. He had the mannerisms, the voice, the looks - even with the minor differences. She found herself staring at him now, through her frustration and annoyance and every bit of … weird longing she had.
Not longing for him, not really. She’d come to terms with whatever they were already. For as much as she felt for Matt, it was painfully clear that they weren’t meant to be in any capacity, and that was her choice. She just hadn’t known until recently why things just kept falling apart in both of their lives. Matt couldn’t see her waning smile, but it was there as she shrugged in his direction. “We… failed spectacularly at anything resembling a relationship because you were keeping some pretty big secrets from me?”
Matt smiled faintly, bowing his head. "Yeah. You could say that."
The truth was far more complicated, a thousand times more complicated, but that meant explaining things to Karen. If she was still young, if she still worked at Nelson and Murdock, then there was a possibility that perhaps she'd never meet the terrible future that she'd experienced in Matt's world. It meant explaining years of a tumultuous relationship, their damaged lives. It meant explaining that the last time Matt had held Karen, he'd heard her heart beat for the last time.
"Did I tell you, or did you find out by accident?" he asked, glossing over his side of things.
“Well, at least some things stay consistent.” Karen deadpanned, but her real reaction was to drop her head into her hands and groan quietly. This was going to be her life for the rest of time, wasn’t it? One rollercoaster after another, with no peace and no-
Ugh, okay, Karen Page. Get your act together. She resolved to stop wallowing and feeling sorry for herself and steeled herself for the rest of the conversation. “Um- I’d. I mean, I’ve guessed once or twice over the last year, but it just never fully clicked. You told me, just a few minutes before I woke up here. It’s been a pretty hectic trip, Matt.”
"Oh. Shit."
Matt slumped in his chair a little, leaning to one side to rest his head against his hand. The position caused his glasses to go crooked, and for comfort's sake he took them off and let them rest in his lap. Compared to the Matt that Karen knew, his sightless gaze was a little more disconcerting, his eyes pale blue. "I…"
He struggled with where to start, rubbing his hand over his face and sighing heavily. How much did he have to apologize for on the other Matt Murdock's behalf? His own memories of Karen finding out were probably different, but he'd made a lot of mistakes in a desperate attempt to keep his secret identity a secret.
"I can't make excuses for him," he said. "I don't know what he did, but it was probably stupid."
“Yeah.” There was no point in lying to make him feel better, not when Matt always seemed to know when she was telling the truth anyway. She was still even connecting the pieces - him asking her questions in his apartment the first night, and then Daredevil showing up when she snuck out. The damage to his apartment. All the wounds she’d seen him suffer over several months. The lame excuses.
Foggy. Foggy telling her that Matt had a drinking problem, or Matt fell down the stairs, or Matt was in an accident. She had known something was up each and every time, but covering for Matt like that? It was the opposite of what she’d hoped to hear.
“I like how quickly you separated yourself from him there,” Karen pointed out, her mood lightening a little with that thought. Was her Matt so far gone that even this one, this slightly older and blue-eyed vigilante, was distancing himself? “But it’s been- It’s been a lot. Just .. lying, secrets, Nelson and Murdock disbanding, him and Foggy constantly at each other’s throats, my being shot at and kidnapped because of a connection to Daredevil, almost dying a dozen times…” Karen trailed off, near laughter just from the sheer large amount of shit that they had compacted into the last year. “It’s been a long year and I need a nap.”
"That… sounds about right," said Matt, smiling lightly. It wasn't something to laugh about, but some things didn't change across universes, including all the fighting with Foggy. "He didn't introduce you to a twin brother, did he?"
Karen couldn’t even muster up a laugh for that one, instead just staring at Matt like he was … joking. Or grew two heads. “Oh my god- Sorry. Just-” Karen glanced away from Matt, covering her mouth slightly. “A twin brother? Please tell me that’s not actually a thing? I’ve heard every excuse in the book from, falling down stairs, to being an alcoholic, to car accidents. But no, I’ve never met a mysterious twin brother.”
Matt at least had the decency to look embarrassed. "When my back's against the wall, I fumble," he admitted. "I lash out and lie, and sometimes it's the first lie. And sometimes it's… Mike."
This really wasn't something he should have whipped out at their reunion. Maybe this would at least reassure her that things could be worse, even if it wouldn't improve her opinion of him. "You and Foggy were getting close to figuring it out. So, uh. Yeah. Mike, my sighted twin brother, he was Daredevil. So if your Matt just up and told you, he's probably a smarter man than I'll ever be."
“Matt is both one of the smartest men I’ve ever met and one of the dumbest.” Karen really didn’t pull shots, even with the identical twin to her ex-... boyfriend? Is that what they’d even been? “It sounds to me like you fit that bill pretty much the same. So.”
Sliding off the bed, she started gathering her things, glancing out to the hallway with each passing doctor and nurse and the commotion drawing her attention. “I think that this is all really, really fucking weird and I think that now would be a good time to make myself useful. In some way.”
Matt sat up, frowning. "Wait, what?"
He reached out a hand. "Karen, you just got here. You don't need to be up and out of bed yet, and you definitely don't need to worry about making yourself useful." He always did think that he could control the people he cared about, that he could shoulder all the responsibility and keep them out of danger or keep them from doing anything difficult. He could never just sit back and accept that other people had agency in their own damn lives.
Karen’s back straightened as she tilted her head towards Matt, eyes narrowing at the same time. “And what? I just got here, I’m not injured, Nurse Temple was already busy when I got here, she looked like she could use help. And, I mean. Look at you.” She’d long since gotten over the embarrassment of making a look comment to a blind man, but she made a gesture down his body that he couldn’t see anyway.
“If you can’t tell, you look like shit. Way worse than me.”
"No, I'm sure I do," Matt said, pushing himself up to stand and doing his best to hide a wince. He could feel Felicia's stitches pulling a little around the gash on his back whenever he moved. "I…"
What was he going to do? Keep her in bed? Insist she rest despite the fact that she was fine? The only way to cope with this kind of thing mentally was to jump into this life and live it, and they needed all hands on deck. If Karen knew Claire, and Claire needed help, then who was he to tell her no?
He just didn't want her to leave. "You're right. You should be helping, I'm sorry." He cleared his throat, uncomfortably folding his arms. "It's just been a while since I've seen you. Or, since I've seen my Karen."
Karen stopped moving and dropped her head down, letting out a trembling breath. It had been a long week. Month. God, year. She was still mad at her Matt and this Matt even had the same voice. It was-
Unnerving. Heartbreaking. Something in his tone stopped her for longer than a second and she glanced at him over her shoulder. “Did she leave you because of the twin thing? Because that’d definitely be a deal breaker for me.”
Matt bowed his head, his fingertips worrying over a loose thread in the cuff of his sweatshirt. It was a weak spot that he had to cut — one hard tug and he'd start unraveling the whole damn thing. "We left each other for a lot of reasons," he said quietly. "On and off, over and over. It's … complicated. It was always me."
He cleared his throat. Too much emotion had crept into his voice, and he was trying to rein it all in. If Matt had been anyone else, he'd have looked at his history with Karen Page and admitted that he wasn't the only one at fault -- but he'd never blame Karen for anything. He never blamed the people he loved.
Almost immediately, Karen felt guilty for pushing it on him, opening wounds, touching sore spots. Sucking in a breath, she turned back to face him, close enough to reach a hand to wrap around his arm. She knew that catch in his throat, her Matt had the same thing and it was heart-wrenching enough to give her pause.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Knowing her own low tolerance for bullshit and Matt’s tendency to lie, Karen knew now that any feelings they had for each other was most likely not going to work out. But that didn’t erase feelings. Not by a long shot. “I’m sorry.”
"No, I am," Matt insisted. His hand closed over hers and held on too tight. "I haven't seen you. Her. I haven't seen her in years, not for … not for a long time, and I have missed her. And I know that's not on you, that's not your responsibility, and you don't owe me a damn thing. But whatever your Matt, whatever he did to you, I can tell you that he never meant to hurt you. He never wanted to hurt you. If he's anything like me, and I know he is, he only wanted you to be safe."
“Matt wanted a lot of things, and unfortunately he’s just terrible at juggling them.” Karen squeezed his hand back, and the shrug Matt missed was more for her own effect than it was his.
She gave him another squeeze before backing away, towards the door. “Look, I can appreciate all of that. But just- Give me some time? Okay? I’m still sorting through… everything. Helping out here will get me through that a lot quicker, trust me.”
Matt let out a breath. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. You tell me if you need anything, Karen, all right?"
He could let her go. It wasn't as if he'd never see her again if he let her go now. She wasn't going to die if he let her leave this room. She was a lot more likely to get hurt staying around him.
Karen had to laugh at that question, it was a breathy laugh, that was somewhat incredulous and all kinds of alright sure. But second thought had her nodding slowly, because she really didn’t have a lot of people here to fall back on - not that she had anyone back home to fall back on - but maybe it’d be different here. Maybe things wouldn’t be so hectic and crazy. So after a moments pause, she nodded again. “Yeah, I’ll do that, Matt. See you around.”