castiel (withoutgrace) wrote in the100, |
Cas didn't remember the last twelve hours. He remembered spotting the creature and following it, all the while feeling colder, feeling crushed by the weight of guilt, grief, and despair — he'd destroyed Heaven, he'd killed his brothers, he'd damaged everything beyond repair and now he was little more than a shadow of the angel he once was. Who did he think he was, attempting to find peace in mortality, trying to find happiness in a human life? He didn't deserve life. He didn't deserve anything.
He knew it was manipulation, he knew he was being used and his misery was food for a demon — and the moment Cas knew that in his mortal body he was outclassed, he turned to run.
He remembered pain after that, remembered cold, remembered a spike driving through his leg and causing him to crumple to the ground, remembered another one hitting him in the chest just next to his right shoulder. He remembered thinking Hundreds of thousands of years, and this is how I die.
There was no God to resurrect him now.
The rest was a blur — noise, chaos, the pain of being jostled, and then he blacked out.