You weren't terrible. You didn't really know how to talk to me. Nobody did. But that was because there wasn't anything anyone could have said.
I don't know if I knew. It was all tangled up in just wanting anything other than what was happening to me. All of the things I wanted felt impossible, so I tried not to think about it. But not being able to want things only made me want them more, so... I knew the feeling was there.