log: donna+martha WHO: Donna Noble + Martha Jones WHEN: Backdated to a few days ago WHERE: Donna's room in the TARDIS WHAT: Martha comes to see Donna to tell her about her decision to move out of the TARDIS for her own good. WARNINGS: N/A
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It wasn’t exactly unusual for Martha to work this hard. She had plenty of excuses for it. There was a lot of work to do, and she did enjoy it. But when the Doctor joined her in medical, she found herself distracted and irritable for no reason and, surprisingly, wanting to leave. And then she had to face the one excuse she hadn’t acknowledged yet for her increasingly long hours on the job: she didn’t want to go back to her room. Specifically, because it was on the TARDIS.
She took the rest of her shift to think that over, and then, for once, left on time. She stopped outside the blue box to look at it, and briefly shake her head at herself, and then stepped inside.
Instead of heading to her own room, she went to Donna’s, and knocked. “It’s Martha,” she said, from the outside. “Do you have a minute?”
--
Donna wasn't the sort to leave her room sparse. She'd decorated it when she'd first moved into the TARDIS and brought most of her belongings with her, and it had all been meticulously saved through some sort of TARDIS data-matrix-memory-something-whatever. Either way, she was home. Perhaps she ought to have felt rather bad that she had her own room and many of her own things when people didn't have theirs, but Donna felt she deserved this, after losing Eddie, and after a hundred copies of her dissolved into piles of red hair, after she saw her own dead body and laid it to rest.
Anything to cope. Besides, it was stress that caused the doubling, so why not put herself in the least stressful environment imaginable?
She was sitting on her bed, in a set of purple flannel pajamas. She had a cup of coffee in her left hand and a nail polish brush in her right. Her feet were resting on a towel and she was meticulously painting her toenails.
"Come in!"
--
Martha opened the door, and smiled to see her friend in bed, doing her nails. She closed the door behind her and moved over to sit on the bed a little ways away. It was tempting to ask to join in and grab a bottle of polish herself, but she was tired and wanted to concentrate on taking care of herself in a different way.
“I was wondering if I could talk to you about something,” she said. “You don’t have to stop what you’re doing. But… I need you to not talk to the Doctor about it - especially ours, but any of him - until I’ve had a chance to do it.”
She took a deep breath, and just put it out there. “I think I need to move back into the bunker.”
--
Donna blinked, glancing up. Why would anyone want to move out? There was more space in the TARDIS than there was in the bunker, they had their own space, it was familiar.
She frowned. "Why?" she asked, taking a slow sip of coffee before setting her mug aside. "Let me guess, you've met someone, and now you're going out to move in with him and live happily flipping ever after. You know you could just move him in here."
--
“No,” Martha said, laughing in spite of herself. “No, it’s not that. Although I did get a very cute proposal.”
That was beside the point. She sobered again, and made a gesture that was meant to encompass the TARDIS around them. “It’s just that I’m doing it again, letting myself get dragged back into this life. All the Doctor’s drama. I thought it would be better to stay close to all of you, since this place is unpredictable, but… I had good reasons to leave. This life isn’t good for me.”
--
Donna flexed her toes, lightly touching the brush to her pinky toenail before closing up the bottle of blue polish.
Martha had left, Donna knew that, and it wasn't the life she wanted. Donna understood it; she'd contemplated leaving a few times before deciding that no, this was where she wanted to be. Sometimes she had to wonder if that made her a bad person, to want to run away with the Doctor forever and travel with him, no matter what.
Then again, Martha was a doctor. An actual one. She had real prospects and a future beyond endless temp jobs. She was brilliantly smart, she was clever, and she was still young. A life outside the TARDIS seemed exciting and interesting. For Donna, a normal life meant being ordinary.
Even so:
"We're not going anywhere, though," she said.
--
“In a way, I think that makes it worse,” Martha said honestly. “I’m living this life, but without the part I liked. All the traveling and new planets and getting into danger.”
She smiled wryly. “I think I’ve made up my mind already. I just wanted to tell you first.”
--
"I… thank you," said Donna. "You haven't told him yet? You're going to tell him soon, yeah? Because if I see him I'll probably blurt it all out, or something."
It wasn't as if they were leaving her behind. They were all in the compound, it wasn't as if Martha was going to be half a universe away. They'd still see one another constantly. It wasn't a matter of distance, it was the principle of the thing, and it came down to this: Martha didn't want to be near the Doctor.
--
It was easier to tell Donna than it would be to tell the Doctor, and saying it aloud made it feel more real. And yes, it was also because of their friendship; she wanted Donna to understand her reasoning. She’d understood it before, but she also hadn’t understood why Martha had needed to tell her family where she was, so - miscommunications were best avoided.
“I haven’t,’ she said. “I’m going to tell him. Next time I see him.” She gave Donna a small smile. “I’ll make sure I see him before you do.”
--
Donna smiled in the sort of way that wasn't quite a smile, but seemed to stand in for one. She reached out, resting her hand on Martha's.
It took her a moment to speak, because she knew she could just blurt things out and they weren't always smart or right. She just talked, barked at things that made her angry, and the last thing she wanted to do was ask Martha a highly personal question that she didn't necessarily want to answer.
Still.
"Is this because of Clara?" she asked.
--
“Partly, but not for the reasons you might think,” Martha admitted. She looked down at the hand on hers. She didn’t really need or want the comfort, but she left her hand where it was, not wanting to hurt Donna’s feelings by rejecting the sentiment. “It’s everything, really. Just… watching other people get caught up in all of his… this life in the TARDIS with the Doctor, and all the adventure, excitement, all of it… it reminds me of why I left. It’s hard to remember to take care of yourself when you’re caught up in exploring and saving all of time and space. Or maybe it’s just me that hasn’t ever been able to figure that out.”
With her free hand, she brushed a few stray hairs back from her face, and let out a breath. “The only way I know how to do it is to draw the line, and leave. Find my own way to help people. Not that I won’t work with him if he needs me, but… I can’t help him with the TARDIS right now, and he’s got plenty of other help. People who can handle this better.”
She smiled, and patted Donna’s hand with her free one. “Like you.”
--
Donna didn't quite take the statement as a compliment. Maybe she could handle it better, and like it here, but what did that mean? That she was running away from things, or that she was magically immune to being in love with the Doctor? She was, and she was, but it all seemed to add up to the idea that she was caught up in something that wasn't necessarily good, at least from the way Martha talked about it.
And Donna understood that. She wasn't blind.
"Yeah, well." She scrunched her nose. "It's not like you won't see me, right? Not like I'm already in medical, passing out condoms like it's my job. It's not, by the way, that's not actually my job."
--
Martha didn’t intend any criticism towards Donna or any of the Doctor’s other companions. It was the Doctor himself that she took issue with, and his treatment of people. Obviously, it was easier to (intentionally or unintentionally) manipulate and misuse someone who was in love with him, and that had made her situation as his companion different from Donna’s, at least. And Clara (and River) at least seemed to have some of the Doctor’s affection in return, which made their footing a little more even.
She hoped it did, anyway. For their sake. Although she couldn’t help wondering what Rose had thought of them, and where it had left her. She hadn’t gotten the chance to ask.
Still, if there was anything behind her words, it wasn’t an insult. More like a warning. But she’d already warned Donna once, and she was still here; she seemed happy with it. It wasn’t Martha’s place to say whether it was good for her or not. She hoped it was.
“Oh, I’ll definitely see you,” she said. “I’m sure I’ll see all of you around. I might even end up back on here at some point. But I think I’m going to save that for when it’s really necessary.”
--
"He'll respect that, you know," said Donna quietly. She wouldn't say there was bad blood between Martha and the Doctor, but things had happened that hardened her. Donna understood it, to an extent. That didn't mean she wanted them to have a problem with each other, but it seemed they did best with one another in small doses, before old things could get dredged up again. "He does care about you, a great deal."
--
“I know,” Martha said. It was better now, that she was over him - and in spite of how this might seem, she really and truly was so far over him that it didn’t even factor into it. “I think that’s the biggest thing, really. We get along much better when there’s a little space between us.”
She smiled at Donna. “I just needed to say all of this out loud, to get it straight in my head. So thanks for listening.” Tilting her head, she considered the nail polish, and then shook her head. “I’m tempted to stick around and paint my nails, too, but I think I should get some sleep. I’ve been working myself too hard to avoid dealing with this.”
--
"You sure?" Donna wiggled her toes, showing off the drying polish. "You're about to make yourself a stranger, you might as well spend a little time on me first."
--
Martha laughed tiredly, and very nearly gave in, but she shook her head. “I’m exhausted. But I promise, I won’t be a stranger.”