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tensor_mods (tensor_mods) wrote in tensor_ooc,

There are a few issues with Vanessa's bio that we need you to address before we'll be able to accept her.

The first one is simply the use of 'mutant' throughout the bio. That's a slur in the game world, powered human is the accepted term.

Moving on to the history itself, we're assuming that Vanessa's mother's reaction to her manifestation is b/c she's a member of some fringe anti-powered human religious movement, but you need to either make that clear or change the reaction. Powers are not just fairly common (powered humans are heading rapidly towards becoming a majority of the population) but they are actively admired, respected and, generally, hoped for by parents. Her mother should have recognized her manifestation for what it was and have been pleased, or at least not terrified, unless she had some kind of very unusual prejudice.

Also, given the physical manifestation of her powers, it's very likely that S.H.I.E.L.D. would have become aware of her - and her unregistered status - at some point sooner than two years after manifestation, as everyone's required to report to the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. office when they manifest powers to be evaluated, reclassified as a powered human, and issued a new ID. More to the point, when she transformed after touching the prostitute she'd have probably been more likely to be angry at a shape shifter moving into her territory than shocked or frightened. Shape shifters have been around for a long time and most of the public is familiar with them and really wouldn't find that power particularly upsetting to see in action.

Lastly, you have her being sent to the Academy as almost a reform school situation, and it really isn't. Most powered humans don't go to one of the Academies, they're for the best, brightest and most powerful. And while her power might qualify her for admission, it's just not the kind of place you're sent to in an effort to straighten out your criminal tendencies.

Finally, sections of her personality are contradictory. In one section you say she's quiet and shy but in another she's bubbbly, friendly, and almost always giggling and smiling. Plus the format it's broken down into is rather confusing. Could you please go through that entire section for clarity and to eliminate the inconsistencies?