InsaneJournal

backdated to baby week
Who: Kevin and Julian
When: some random day later in robobaby week
Where: somewhere on campus
What: failing to get along



Julian had taken to the robobaby surprisingly well. He'd had some concerns, going into it, that he wouldn't be able to perform to his usual standards. He wanted to have children, but the idea had always been an abstract--a thought for the far future, when he was a better, stronger man. When he was sure he was nothing like his own father.

But after the first day, he'd taken to Penelope like a duck to water. He'd devised a sling so she could be snug against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, as he did his work. Sometimes he found himself thinking of her as if she were a real baby and not a robot. Like now, leaning back against a tree, head tipped back to watch the filtered sunlight, waiting for Kevin. He hummed a lullaby he remembered one of his nannies singing to him long before he'd learned not to get attached to them. He only remembered a few of the words, snatches of Spanish filtering through his memories like water through a sieve, catching the faint threads.

It was a peaceful moment; he felt peaceful. Relaxed into himself.


Kevin hated these meetings, hated the whole project, really. Hated that Julian had fallen so easily into acting like the robot was a real baby, and most of all hated that once or twice he'd found himself falling into the illusion himself...and panicking at the idea that he might touch it, might kill it, when it was just an inorganic robot cleverly designed to realistically simulate something he could never risk having. Not anymore.

Coming on Julian sitting peacefully in the shade, humming some lullaby to it set his hackles up ever worse than they already had been at the prospect of the next two hours. He tossed his backpack on the ground from a few feet away and then followed and dropped down next to it, ignoring Julian and the robot both as he tugged his pants legs down - damned grass - and his gloves up before starting to dig around in his backpack for a book. Anything he had to say at that point probably wasn't going to be particularly civil, so it was best if he just kept his mouth shut until he could get past that.

Julian glanced over as Kevin came like a stormcloud. He didn’t say anything, reaching silently for his own bag, pulling out a blanket (non-organic), and spreading it across the grass. He unclipped Penelope from her harness and carefully laid her down between them, then pulled out his homework.

Kevin glanced up and snorted at the damned blanket. "You realize it's just a damned robot, right?" he asked despite himself. "It's not going to care if you just put it on the ground."

"Yes, I haven't actually gone feeble minded," Julian said evenly, glancing up from his book. "But we're supposed to be treating them as if they were real infants, and since I wouldn't put a real infant on the ground unprotected, I'm not putting her on the ground unprotected."

"You really think something as little as laying it on the grass would screw your grade over?"

"I think that when I do something, I generally don't go about it half-assed."

Kevin snorted, looked back at the robot then glanced up at Julian again. "Have fun playing with your dolly then, I guess."

"Right," Julian said, closing his book. "Here's the thing. I'm not looking to get into a fight with you. It won't help me and it will only hurt Josh. So even though it's not in my nature to just let things slide when I'm being deliberately antagonized, I'm not going to get into a pointless bitchfest with you. I'm also going to start taking your bad behavior as permission to behave badly myself. So far, I've actually cared how you felt. I've cared that you were being hurt. Push me too far, and I may stop caring.” And that, Julian felt, would be the point of no return. “Passive-aggressive swipes aren’t the answer. We can’t be friends, but we don’t have to be at war. If you ignore me, I’ll ignore you, and Josh gets to be happy.”

Kevin just stared at him, jaw working silently. "Why the hell should I give a shit if you care how I feel?" he finally asked. "You fucking win, what does it matter how I feel? Or does it make you feel better about it or something?" Hell, maybe it would be easier if Julian was a dick. If he could just hate him.


“You should care, because so long as I care—and right now, I do care, Kevin—I’ll try to be fair to you. I’ll think about how you feel and I won’t let myself get competitive or underhanded. I get that I’m hurting you just by being around, and being around Josh, and I’m sorry for that. I really am sorry. I never set out to take anything from you. I don’t expect you to believe that, to like me, to forgive me, or even to respect me. What I’m saying is that you need to back off. We’ll never be friends again, but it’s better for all if us if we’re not enemies. I’ve never been accused of playing fair when all bets are off.”

Kevin was silent again for a long moment, expression blank and body tight as a strung bow. "You honestly think it matters if you're competitive or underhanded? You think this...this clusterfuck is going to last?" His voice was low and choked and he dropped his head as his expression broke wide open into misery. "He chose you, Julian. He said to hell with everything we had, and everything we've planned, and he fucking chose you, because you can give him what he wants. It's just a fucking matter of time before this falls to shit and you have everything." And until then he was just clinging to what little time he had left. Better to be miserable and broken in Julian's shadow than not to have Josh at all.

“And you’re pushing him right out the door.”

"Fuck you!" He looked back up, pain competing for rage in his expression. "I'm giving him what he fucking asked for."

There were a lot of things Julian wanted to say to that, but selfishness won out despite his best intentions. “All right,” he said mildly, opening his book again the flipping through the pages until he found the current chapter. It was not, he reminded himself firmly, his place to try to fix Josh and Kevin. No one could blame him for stepping back and letting things fix or break themselves.

Kevin stared for a moment longer, skin itching as he vibrated with rage and the humiliation he hadn't been able to shake even after over a week since their meeting with Josh. Then he shoved his book - unopened - back into his bag, grabbed it without bothering to zip it shut and pushed to his feet, too jerky and angry for any of his usual grace. "Bring it by when you're done with it tonight," he snapped before turning and stalking away. Fuck Keller's grade, he wasn't spending two hours sitting here with him, having his nose rubbed in everything he'd never have.