He was suddenly quiet. She could practically feel the tension that rose in his body, and she felt a certain amount of guilt for being the one to provoke it. James understood what she was saying now. She knew that beyond any doubt. It was in the set of his shoulders, and the way that the expression on his face was suddenly much more serious than she had ever seen before. She wanted to apologize for having to tell him, but it was something she had decided on long ago. Perhaps it wasn't right, but it was the only thing she could think of. Was it fair for her not to tell him, to just leave and perhaps have this revelation all without him ever knowing?
She let him withdrew, even though it was nearly painful to watch. She didn't try to reach out for him again, but remained pressed up against the counter, her entire body unmoving and quite rigid. Once again, Amarissa couldn't help but wonder if she had made some terrible mistake and ruined everything between them. It seemed to be a constant them, to see how much whatever existed between them could sustain. What could break them? His imprisonment, her being stabbed through with a sword? Perhaps this was it, the breaking point, a potential pregnancy that should have never resulted. Because, hell, Amarissa wasn't stupid. She knew that James' attachment to his wife was, well, unquestioned. She had never try to bring anything up relating to Lily or tried to replace her. Amarissa accepted what they had, and understood that it was perhaps a bit... unconventional. But the possibility of a child messed up all the boundaries they had drawn - or decided not to draw. It undoubtedly reminded James of the fact that his wife was gone, of the fact that he wasn't supposed to have children, but it also reminded Amarissa of her inability to be a proper mother, of her sister's shortcomings, of the fact that this was a potentially painful and highly unprofessional situation.
"I know," Amarissa said, and her voice faltered just ever so slightly. She wasn't able to look him in the eye any longer, and instead settled for looking at the ground, just able to make out his feet. "I'm sorry." she added a moment later, because she wasn't sure what else to say.
She had believed that wholeheartedly. It was what she had been told, and it had been proved beyond almost any doubt. How could she have suspected any differently? She was aware that she should probably be reassuring James that nothing was certain yet. After all, the tests she had taken could be wrong. There could be errors. There was a chance that nothing was happening at all. But she just couldn't bring herself to try and act as if nothing was wrong. There was a distinct possibility that there was. She trusted that he knew that without her having to tell him.