She could, after all, recall the Christmas after her father had passed away. She had just come home from the beginning of her first year at school, and all her professors had been trying to talk with her mother, to understand exactly with was wrong with the sullen eleven year old. She had clearly had talent, but her temper got her into fight after fight, until she was skirting the edge of suspension. And she had to come with all those reports behind her, to Gabriel's questioning looks and her mother's sharp disapproval. After all, she had no idea how to raise a proper witch. The loss of her father had been so sharp through that holiday. They had all been quiet, aware that each moment was driving them further and further away from him. It was impossible not to think of him, and yet it hurt and stung.
The holidays after Gabriel and Sofia's demise had been the same. It was made both easier and harder to handle by the fact that Brandon had been living with them. Amarissa was still in the habit of waiting up in the middle of the night and watching over the newborn that inhabited their house. The one that her sister's eyes, and was usually quiet and slept through the night, and clung to her hair with fat fingers. The one that wasn't ever going to know his mother, and Amarissa was the poor substitute that was stepping into that.
But to feel the loss of nearly everyone you knew in a single Christmas? Amarissa couldn't envision that. She couldn't imagine the pain of it. The oddity of James' situation was something that was difficult to imagine, after all. And so, she didn't blame him in the slightest for wandering over here completely drunk late at night. Well, she wouldn't really be surprised if he had done that on a regular night.
Her gaze dipped a bit lower and she wondered how many were stuck in his position right now, lost and wandering in this new world, not exactly a part of it, but at the same time, forced to be once again. She shut her eyes a bit, letting her fingertips press into her temple as the dilemma that had arisen as she began to know James better floated to the top of her mind. Just how human were the individuals that were returning? When she had been introduced to this whole concept, she had been certain that the answer was simple : they weren't human. She had felt strongly that it was some sort of improved Inferi spell. Maybe something mixed with Imperius? But now, she was starting to fear that she had been terribly, terribly wrong about that. And if that was true, it meant that she was shipping mostly innocent people off to Spain to be studied and tested. It meant that she was imprisoning those who had done nothing to deserve it. It was a heavy burden, and one Amarissa hadn't yet found the balance to. Dark magic could still contaminate all of these people, but Amarissa no longer knew what should be done with them.