He found himself twirling the fork across his fingers. Whenever he was a bit nervous or put off he found himself reverting to tactics to busy his fingers. For himself, he was quite willing just say no, to be done with the matter and try his best to edit Peter from every pleasant memory he had. But there was more than himself to think about. Sirius, for one. Lily, who'd been right all along not to trust him, for another. All along. But that... that wasn't quite right, either. It made it so much worse, the idea that Peter had loved them and betrayed them anyway. But he must, hadn't he? If nothing else, becoming an animagus for Remus had to prove that, at least a little. Right?
Looking at Harry, he opened his mouth only to close it again. Taking a long drag from the fag nestled comfortably in his fingers, he steeled himself to ask the question whose answer he dreaded. Peter had been the leak, all along, hadn't he? When the Order had started hemorrhaging information, it had been him. The timing of it all, however, had been more difficult to pin down.
"When-" he sighed, looking out across the beach. "Do you know when it happened, when he turned? When he switched sides?"
He looked on as his Dad fidgeted, knowing exactly how uncomfortable this had to be.... after all, he'd felt an extreme amount of discomfort even looking at photos of the awkward boy in the photos, touching his parents as though he had a right to be there. It had struck Harry badly when he found out about the betrayal, knowing that this man had claimed to be their friend, and worse, throwing himself on Harry's mercy.
"He... I don't know, really. I remember the night Sirius and Remus were going to kill him, he babbled something about Voldemort having great tools at his disposal. From what I've been able to figure out, he might have been working for him for more than a year. He never said how long, but I got the impression that ratting you out wasn't the first thing he'd done."
"Shite," he breathed.
Remus, too? Now that... that was a rougher bit to imagine, the way Harry had rolled them together in it. Well, then again, if it were him... yeah, James reckoned it was something he could- his thoughts stalled for a moment. He sighed again, knowing he couldn't. But he sure as hell could have let Sirius do it, and gladly, too. For once. For once, to loosen his grip, to let Sirius loosen his. He swallowed a bit heavily. It wouldn't have been satisfying, not in the long run. And really, there was a bit of satisfaction in the fact that Harry had stopped them. More than a bit, really. Peter.... he wasn't worth it. Not at all. Especially not for Remus. Sirius had a nature that sometimes needed a bit of restraint, not that it was his fault, which he suddenly felt compelled to defend, needing for Harry to understand.
"It's not like Sirius was one for just-" he began, faltering when he realized he didn't know where he was going with it. "His bloody family, they just-" For fuck's sake, it was why he needed the space, wasn't it? To get away from the sway the whole bloody Black brood could inspire. He cleared his throat again to focus his thoughts. "It's not his fault." Setting down his fork he took another drink of his beer. Another plume of smoke to clear the air, so to speak. "Thanks. For stopping them. Peter wasn't worth it, not for what it would have done to them."
He nodded. "Yeah, of course I'd have stopped them... I even told them that my Dad wouldn't have wanted his two best friends to become killers. And... you don't have to defend Sirius." he shrugged. "He's... Sirius. It's fine. It's not like I don't know him... he was just a bit calmer when I knew him. But then, he'd spent 12 years in Azkaban by the time I met him,. Between that and your death, he was pretty unhinged, but that didn't stop me from wanting to go live with him. He invited me, the first night we met. And I'd have done it had he not been running away from dementors. And... I didn't blame them for wanting to kill him. Every time I saw his smug face, I wanted to off him myself!" he said firmly, knowing that he could likely do it. "But I knew especially Remus would regret it, and Peter was the only one who could clear Sirius's name.