James looked up in disbelief as Sirius started blaming himself. Sirius had been brilliant, it had made so much sense, and it would have been perfect if Peter had been such a miserable, traitorous bastard. He bristled as the name crossed his thoughts, realizing that it was Peter's betrayal that had destroyed so many lives. Sirius' hand on his shoulder felt grounding, what he said about Lily was probably true. He looked up at Sirius again, knowing that he meant it. Few people were ever capable of granting James absolution, but a part of his guilt seemed to diminish. "It was Peter," James decided. "You were brilliant and clever, and it was his treachery that ruined it, that ruined everything - for all of us. It was him."
Perhaps he couldn't believe it to be true, but it gave James focus away for himself. If he couldn't blame Sirius, then Peter was most certainly an ideal candidate. "What I don't understand," he said, able to discuss it for the first time "is how we didn't know. Peter was never clever, or brave. How did he hide it? I saw him two days before it happened. We were chatting about his mother, about how we both regretted not getting to see you and Lil more and how much Harry must have grown." Sirius recalled his face now. Peter had always trailed along after him, had always seem guileless and naive if nothing else. "Why couldn't I see that he was lying? And how could he, how could he do it?"
The topic of Peter had been the only real taboo in their discussions since they'd all come to reside in the house. Maybe that was why it felt so cathartic to talk about it now. Letting his anger thaw just a bit, James sharply shook his head. As Sirius recalled his conversations with Peter he made no effort to hide his disgust. How could a man live with himself, to feign love for so long, to send the people he was supposed to care about to their doom? "I talked to him, really talked to him near the end- I mean, in school he was always just sort of there and game for whatever we had planned, but then when you and Remus were so set against each other I talked to him about it- he said everything was going to be fucking alright," he finished bitterly. "What sort of sick son of a bitch does that- and I couldn't see through it. None of us did. Not even Dumbledore."
"Dumbledore," Sirius repeated musingly, taking his hand from James' shoulder and picking the glass out of his hand. He took a swig and replaced it. He had his doubts over Dumbledore. There was no doubting the man's cleverness, but where had it been when Harry had lost his parents, or when he himself had been carted off to Azkaban. "They believed it readily of me, though," he said aloud, "Dumbledore, he couldn't see Peter for what he was, but he lapped up the story of my guilt. I suppose it was easy really -" Sirius lifted his head to look about the living room "none of us expected it from Peter."