jer's girl. (![]() ![]() @ 2008-01-25 18:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | dari davison, jeremy pitt, player: crystal, player: lena |
Who: Dari Davison and Jeremy Pitt
What: comfort/her finally talking
Where: Dari's Apartment/Room
When: backdated to Sunday Jan 13
Rating: PG? Unless you consider abortion talk bad.
Status: Complete Log
Sunday picnics were one of Dari's favorite thing to do with Jeremy and it made no difference at all that this one had been conducted in her apartment. It was too cold outside for a proper picnic, even for a couple who had grown up in weather much colder, but Dari didn't mind, because it was nice, being cuddled up to Jeremy like this after a simple, but satisfying meal of sandwiches and sweets.
She was curled up with him on her bed, now, one foot absently rubbing against his leg while he idly rubbed at her back, both of them seemingly content. Dari was quieter than usual, though, save for the occasional sigh, and it was pretty obvious she had something on her mind.
Jeremy wasn't being pushy when he inquired, not really, and Dari didn't blame him at all. It was natural for him to want to know what was wrong when she acted so obviously distracted or upset and now was no different. She'd known it was coming, the soft "you okay?" that followed one of her sighs and she nodded, trying to play it off with a soft "yeah..." but her brain wouldn't stop working, making her think and before she knew it, she was babbling on..
"It's just Dhani.. she.. it was so hard and I'm not supposed to say anything, but I've just been carrying this around and I can't believe she... she got pregnant and then she got rid of it and.. but she didn't tell him, she got pissed and told him she still was and then it all came out and.. I adore her and I had to be there, but I don't.. I don't know.." She just went on in a continuous run on, getting out the gist of what she'd gone to New York for before she trailed off, as if realized that ninety percent of that probably hadn't even made sense.
Jeremy couldn't really understand much of what she was telling him. She was very obviously upset and his brow furrowed with worry. Even if it didn't seem to be about her or them, he hated seeing his girlfriend so upset. His hand brushed lovingly at her hair and he tried to calm her a little.
"Baby, slow down and tell me what happened again..." he prodded gently. He wanted to help, but that was going to be hard if he couldn't understand what was wrong.
Dari nodded and forced herself to take a few deep breaths, trying to calm down a little as he'd asked. She shouldn't be talking to him about this, but it was too late now - the words were coming out whether she wanted them to or not - she needed him, she needed to talk to him and let him reassure her.. of what, she wasn't quite sure.
"She.." Dari had to pause to take another breath. "She.. Dhani.. she.. she was pregnant." Another pause. "And she's.. not.. now.." Dari was especially unsure of saying this next bit out loud, but she had to.. she had to get it all out or this was all pointless. "She didn't tell him at first and then when she did, finally, he got so mad.. and she called me.. she was so scared." Dari's voice caught there and she had to fight to stay calm. "I've never seen her so scared. It was just... I don't know how to fix this one.."
In the end, that was it. Dhani had a penchant for getting into trouble and Dari always felt the need to look after her, but this one? This was a mess Dari couldn't help her out of and even though she'd gone there, to New York, and hugged her and listened, she didn't know if it had been enough, Even worse than that, she didn't know if being there for Dhani made her a crappy friend to Zeph in turn. Being caught in the middle sucked like that.
Jeremy didn't know how to react at first. If Dari was saying what it sounded like - well, he couldn't find it in him to really sympathize for her friend and a part of him had trouble understanding any of this at all. "She... she got rid of the baby? But she told him that she was pregnant anyway?" he asked, trying to confirm what it sounded like she was saying. Dari was close to crying, it seemed like, as she nodded her head, but Jeremy was focused on what they were talking about now. This whole thing just hit a little too close to home for him not to be a little upset at all. "How could... why would... who could do that?" he asked her, a little in shock at the whole thing.
Dari's brow furrowed as he asked the question that had run through her own mind so many times, the question she felt guilty for even thinking. Friendship was meant to not be conditional and a part of Dari hated herself for not being able to support her friend in this with her whole heart.
"I.. I don't know," she admitted, for once not trying to hide an ounce of the emotion or confusion she was feeling. Jeremy was her rock. He was her very best friend, her confidante - the one person she could count on to love her no matter what and if she was going to do this - tell him about New York, about what she'd been dwelling on, she was going to be wholly honest. "I told her.. I said she had to tell him.. I don't even know how she.. *shakes head* And she made me promise.. promise I wouldn't say anything, but I.. I can't.. it's too much.. I can't not talk about it.."
She was back to not making sense again, but after holding onto this since it'd happened, her emotions were so jumbled and raw that she didn't know how to just talk about it without letting those emotions bubble through.
Jeremy wanted to be there for her. He could tell how hard this seemed to be on her, but he was stuck on the way the other girl had behaved, how wrong it was, how pissed he would have been if a girl had done that to him.
"That's... Dari... that's awful." Honestly, Jeremy wasn't trying to make her feel worse, but he could seem to control his own emotions on the subject, especially not so soon after almost being in a similar situation, knowing how he would have felt if Piper had done this to him. "I know she's your friend but... regardless of what this guy did, that's completely and utterly awful."
"I know." Dari sighed. "I know it is. I know what she did is... God, I'd be so pissed if someone pulled that on you and.. Zeph, he had every right to be furious with her, but... she's my friend, Jer.. I couldn't just.. even if I hate what she did.. I couldn't just not try to be there.. I just,,, it was so hard and I can't stop thinking about it.. I'm.. I'm sorry.. I shouldn't be talking about.. I promised.. but I couldn't.. I couldn't just keep.. it hurts to think about and I had to.. I had to tell you." Dari paused there, forcing herself to breathe, even if it came out more like a sob. "I thought I could just come home and let you hold me and I could just.. not think about it anymore, but.. it's not working.. " There were tears shining in her eyes as Dari pressed her face into Jeremy's shoulder.
Jeremy hugged her a little tighter. No matter his feelings on things, no matter what he was saying, his Dari was upset and it was natural to do what he could to comfort her, no matter how harsh his words might be (not that they were direct at her, anyway). "I can't... I can't even fathom that, Dari. I can't... I know that she's your friend but... I couldn't support a girl if that's what she was doing. Just... if Piper had done that to me I would have killed her. A child... you don't... you don't abort children and they certainly aren't bargining chips..." He wasn't trying to yell at her or make her feel worse, but he felt so strongly about this.. he couldn't just keep silent.
Dari sniffled softly as she tried to control her emotions. He knew he wasn't angry with her and she even agreed with what he was saying, but she still felt like.. she needed to explain better. At least to show it wasn't all Dhani here. "He.. he wanted her to," she began softly, chewing her lip as she looked at him again. "He.. I asked him if there was anything I could d-do and he.. he told me to convince her to get an abortion.. he.. I don't even know how he could ask me that. I.. they.. I feel like I'm caught in the middle and.. I wish I just didn't even know.. about any of it.."
That was the hardest part of this, there. Being asked to support something she hated, being caught in the middle of two people she cared about, being unsure of how she was supposed to handle it all.
Jeremy frowned as he looked at her again, shaking his head. This was so unfair to her, what her so-called friends were putting her through. He hated seeing her so upset and it just wasn't right. "You shouldn't be put in the middle," he insisted, "If they want to go around... murdering their offspring, fine, but you should not be brought into it. If he was man enough to fu... screw her, he should be man enough to take care of any consequences. Hell, baby, I didn't even put you into the middle of it with me and Piper."
Dari just leaned quietly on him for a little bit, letting his words sink in, trying to let them comfort her at least a little. It really was time to stop dwelling on this. If only it was easy as deciding to stop. "I guess it's over now.." she said, nodding her head, trying to convince herself of that more than she was him/ "I mean it's done and he knows and.. I just can't stop thinking about it. I keep trying and I.. I can't." All her rationalizing wasn't helping and she trailed off again, biting her lip and pressing her face back into his shoulder.
Jeremy pulled her closer, holding her tighter and stroking his fingers through her hair. "Shhhh," he comforted, "Just don't think about it, baby. There's nothing you can do. Just... forget about it." He nudged her chin gently with his hand, forcing her to look at him again, brushing gentle lips over hers in what was intended as a comforting sort of kiss.
Dari was crying, even as she returned the kiss. Not sobbing, but the tears were definitely falling as she tried to explain her emotions. "I'm trying.. I really am.. I just don't know how.. how am I supposed to forget about it?" She looked a little bit lost as she met his eyes again, looking very much like he was supposed to tell her how to forget, how to make this all better. Jeremy could make anything better, right? Even this.
Jeremy sympathized with her. He knew her better than anyone and even if he wanted her not to think about it, he knew it often wasn't that easy for her to shut off those thoughts. He couldn't stop encouraging her to, though, not when he knew how much those thoughts were still upsetting her. "I know, baby. I know... but you can't do anything. You can't... it's over now. Just know that we'd never make such a mistake... years from now we'll have a house full of children and they'll all be loved and wanted..."
Dari smiled weakly at him, loving him so much for trying, for saying the right things or what should be the right things, for just being here, trying to make things better. "I know.. I could never, especially not yours.." she began automatically. She paused when she realized what he was saying at the end there, though, staring at him for a second as the words sunk in. Suddenly she wasn't thinking about Dhani or Zeph at all. She was stuck on what Jeremy seemed to be suggesting. "You said.. you.. you want that? With.. with me?" Dari knew she wanted that kind of future with him. She'd know it for a long time and maybe she should have expected him to want the same, but just being together was so new and she couldn't help the surprised, yet hopeful look on her face.
Even knowing how insecure she could be, Jeremy couldn't help stop laughing at her question and teasing her a bit. "No. I want that with my other girlfriend," he informed her with a smirk, shaking his head and letting out another soft laugh. His tone softened as he looked serious again for a moment. "If I'm going to purposefully have children, it's going to be with you, baby. No one else."
Dari realized how ridiculous she'd sounded when he started laughing and after a brief pause, she started laughing along with him. "Good," she grinned, feeling silly for doubting it and feeling better just having gotten everything out now. It had felt weird, keeping things from him and it had helped, at least a little, to just talk about everything. She sighed a little more happily and snuggled into him a bit more, shifting into a more comfortable, reclined position. "I really love you, you know," she mumbled sleepily, feeling her eyes start to close. All the talking and getting everything out had taken a lot of her energy and she suddenly found herself thinking a nap with him right here sounded just about perfect.
They'd been doing this for far too long for Jeremy not to recognize the signs of a sleepy Dari. He smiled at her words, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as he returned them. "Love you, baby." His own eyes slipped closed as he lay there holding her until they both drifted off to sleep.